What if you kinda, sorta, don't...

[Keli]

really want your teenager to be dating their bf/gf? Do you tell them or just keep it to yourself? I'm not talking about not wanting them to be dating for some serious, valid reason but really just because you don't feel like the person they are dating is a good 'fit' and/or doesn't really value your teen? My friends and I don't all agree on this one and I was wondering what you guys thought.

 

[Rutt and Tuke]

I think you have to let them figure that out for themselves.

 

[caitycaity]

unless you have a serious concern, i would keep it to yourself.

 

[RUDisney]

I always dated preppy type guys. One day, I brought home this long-haired, rock'n roll type guy. My Mom knew that it wouldn't last... I did, too. She kept her mouth shut and within a couple of months it was over. It was my trip to the "other" side. I had a lot of fun with him, but when I finally married, it was to a preppy type guy.

Everything works out in the end. And, if your child is a teen, then chances are there will be plenty of dates and romances before they pick "the one."

Don't worry so much.

Besides, they are the one who will have to live with the person whom they choose... not you.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I would keep my mouth shut. She needs to figure it out on her own. I think voicing my dislike of the person might make the teenager feel like they have to defend the person/their choice.

I also think it is part of discovering who you are and what you want from a partner.

 

[ladytemptra3]

Since it's not serious, I'd keep it to myself. Your teenager will probably see that you don't like the person, but if you directly say so, she will just want him more.

 

[Beauty]

She has to figure this out by herself. Unless you know something about him that gives you concerns then I wouldn't say anything.......usually at that age if you do say something they want to date them even worse.

 

[LScot]

I agree with Beauty.

 

[dumboiu]

I am in a minority here. I think you should *gently* mention something...............not so much that you aren't too keen on this person, but more as a lesson as to what type of person to look for in a long-term relationship in the future (ie someone who respects and values them, etc). Most children deep down really do value what their parents think of their choices since they know their parents do (should) want the best for them.

 

[Lewski709]

I would say nothing, unless she/he is getting married. It's not serious and you may push it to get more serious than it is. You didn't mention the age, but I think that is important to consider.

 

[Shelle&Dave]

My Mom has always kept her mouth shut about my relationships. Even when I was a teen dating the totally wrong guys she never said a word until after we broke up. Then she would say something like, "I never liked him anyway."

I know if it was over something serious she would have stepped in to keep me from getting into major trouble, but other than that she let me make my own mistakes. I think if she had come to me and said, "Ya know, there's something about him I just don't like" I would have liked that guy all the more. lol. I've always had a good relationship with her, but I don't like being told what to do. That makes me want to do the exact opposite.

I respect and appreciate my Mom all the more because she let me make my own decisions. I've dated some pretty worthless guys, but now I have a great one.

 

[Belle0101]

Based on my experiences I'd not say anything.

My first b/f my mom did not like at all. What she did I still feel was so wrong. One evening she took me to his house, made me stay in the front yard, went in the backyard with him, they talked, then she came around front to get me, told me we were done and we left. Turns out she broke up with him for me. Had planned on doing so all evening but never let me know. Seriously, I don't know what she had against him. His father was a minister and he was going into the Navy. It took me along time to get over that.

A later b/f I broke up with and she made me call him and say I'd "go with him". I don't know what it's called these days but back then (late 80's) that was the equivalent of going steady. I really didn't care for him as a b/f but she thought differently. I ended up miserable.

I'm sure these are extreme, my mom was very controlling.

Bottom line - to an extent, I think you have to let your children make their own choices, even if it means a few tears. They need to find their own way in life. It's better to make your mistakes while you're young rather than later in life.

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by Belle0101
Based on my experiences I'd not say anything.

My first b/f my mom did not like at all. What she did I still feel was so wrong. One evening she took me to his house, made me stay in the front yard, went in the backyard with him, they talked, then she came around front to get me, told me we were done and we left. Turns out she broke up with him for me. Had planned on doing so all evening but never let me know. Seriously, I don't know what she had against him. His father was a minister and he was going into the Navy. It took me along time to get over that.

A later b/f I broke up with and she made me call him and say I'd "go with him". I don't know what it's called these days but back then (late 80's) that was the equivalent of going steady. I really didn't care for him as a b/f but she thought differently. I ended up miserable.

I'm sure these are extreme, my mom was very controlling.

Whoa.......wow, I never would have stood for my mom doing that!! She did expressthat she did not like one of my boyfriends and it only made me go out with him longer than I would have if she had kept her mouth shut. Never let you kid know that you don't like their bf/gf....will just make them date them more LOL!!

 

[Serena]

Based on the stupid things I did, trying to prove my parents wrong, I'd say not to say anything.

I tried to be very cautious with my oldest, but she kept asking me what I thought. So I very carefully told her. She eventually broke up with him on her own, but it took way too long for my comfort.

 

[browneyes]

I'd like to think I'd tell my kids when they start dating what I thought about their dates. I tell them now what I think about their crushes.