What happened to the thread about...

[mom42860]

"concerned about DD's friend"? SeaOtter was asking for help and I had been following before the weekend, but can't find it now? Any updates? Hope all the children are ok.

 

[SillyOldBear66]

Glad you asked!
I was wondering the very same thing.

Hope things are OK.

 

[KimRaye]

I think she asked that it be deleted.

 

[Planogirl]

A few people didn't seem to care for the thread.

I believe that seaotter may post at some point to let us know what's going on.

 

[seaotter]

I did ask for it to be deleted. I was at breaking point with frustration and just couldn't take the the additional heat that was generating on that thread. I have gotten a flood of concerned people PMing me, and I can't tell you what that means to me. I need to learn to focus on the positive and ignore the negative. In this situation, there have been so many well-wishers and I appreicate that more than you can know.

Ok...Update. I did call CPS again and found out the reason that had not responded before is because I hadn't left my name and number. They feel they need that information because they may need the person who reports the incident to testify. Obviously, I can't do that without putting my own family at risk.

I made the second call to CPS after Kristen and her brother had come over to get away from their mom. She made a brief appearance. The kids clearly didn't want to be around her...but they also started telling me more stuff. They talked about their Aunt and Uncle and how they beat them with a "fish board" whatever that is. I never heard of such a thing. Apparantly, the mother had taken off to California for a year and left the children with her brother....a known abuser. I also watched the boy stand on my porch playing with a lighter and a pocket knife. I asked him not to and he obeyed respectfully. But the sister described an incident in which he tried to light a can with lighter fluid and nearly caught the trailer on fire. I called CPS again. I made another report. I wanted them to know about the Aunt and Uncle and about the boy playing with fire. The next day it became evident that nothing happened because the mom was gone but the kids were there....and they didn't go to school. Now I'm an eduation freak and that really bothered me. I called CPS AGAIN. Call number three. I wanted to know why nobody had went out there.

It turned out that the police did a well child check and determined that there was no urgency! Get ready to get pissed...and if you are in Washingtong State, please write a letter to a representitive and express your anger at our STUPID *** laws.

1) In Washington State it is NOT against the law to leave your children alone. There are NO laws regarding what age it is ok to allow kids to be alone. As far as Washington is concerned, the 13 year old boy is old enough to take care of the younger two...even for days and nights on end. When they went out there the mother was there...I should have waited for her to leave as she was gone the next morning. She had apparantly cleaned up a bit.

2) In Washington, you don't have to send your kids to school! I did NOT know that. I thought it was against the law to keep children out of school.

3) They informed me of something called a "minimum care" law. That's all the parents have to give. As long as there is shelter, food, and water then they have minimum care. The mom can be away for days at a time. As long as the cop sees no major danger, then nothing can be done right away.

I wanted them in school. I didn't give a **** what the state said...if a child wants to go to school, then they damned well should be able to go to school. So I tell Kristen that if she can get a note from her mother giving me permission, I'd register them....and if the mom wouldn't take care of the baby, I would. It took a while for her to track her mom down. She must have gotten at least a little nervous about the police, because she did register her daughter the next day...today. She did NOT, however, register the boy. He had to babysit. I gather she knows the law because she must have realized the girl was too young (at eleven) to legally babysit the infant.

I gave Kristen some of my daughters extra school supplies. Thank God I had stocked up at all the beginning of the school year sales because I had almost everything she needed. My daughter also gave her some of her clothes. To my absolute joy, Kristen was placed in my daughter's class. And let me tell you, they have the best teacher I have EVER known. Something's going right here.

I had asked days ago to have a conference with the teacher the first week...see, my daughter is learning disabled and I wanted to discuss MY child. But we got into a discussion about Kristen right away. The school had paid attention to what I had told them previously...but get this...somebody else had called them and told them what was happening too! This teacher knew that the kids were alone. But she didn't know all the other details. We've worked out a plan. I'm too keep an eye out. When the mom has been gone long enough for the place to get really trashed again, I'm to call the teacher who will then go to their house for a well child check (I didn't know they could do that but she said she CAN do it). Because she is a teacher, she has a lot more authority with CPS. And because she doesn't have to worry about confidentiality issues, she can be of more help with CPS. They'll take her more seriously.

I had Kristen over here along with another of their friends who are in the same class so they could do their homework together. Kristen was frustrated because she had to bring the baby wtih her...apparantly her brother decided he wanted to ride his bike...so he locked the baby in the trailer and left. The baby had no clothes on...no diaper and he was filthy dirty. Now it's obvious to me that it's Kristen who takes care of him...not the brother. I later made another call to CPS because for God's sake, the baby was alone. They finally realize that I'm not just some pissed off neighbor trying to make trouble because this time I'm crying...I'm so frustrated because I just can't seem to help these kids that I just don't know what to do anymore. The guy gave me the name and number of the local CPS case worker assigned to the children's case. As it turns out there is a case worker...somebody is going to help...they just didn't see the situation as "urgent" meaning they aren't going to just up and take them. Whatever. I guess "urgent" is for the sexually abused kids, the physically abused kids, and the kids that are neglected without food, water and shelter or who are in serious danger. Now I consider that they are in serious danger but I'm not CPS and I don't make the rules. Anyway, since it was after hours, I'll have to wait to contact their case worker tomorrow. Wish me luck!

They informed me that keeping them here without the mom's permission is technically illegal. But they (and they kids' teacher) suggested that I flat out ask the mother if I can keep Kristen and suggest that she put the other two up for foster care. If I can ever find her, I may suggest that...depending of course on what she is like.

That's pretty much the update. I do see hope. The teacher is really concerned and willing to help. Oh yeah, there's another woman who wants to help. She runs a day care a few homes away. She loaned us some diapers for the baby. Since she's a day care worker, she HAS to report abuse to CPS...so she wants to head over to see the boy (while Kristen is in school) for a casual "we were in the neighborhood" visit. When SHE see's the situation, she can add her voice to the list of complaints to CPS. And since she's a registered daycare provider, she may have more weight than I do.

I wasn't prepared for this. I live a quiet life in a rural area with my quiet family. I was blindsided by this. If it seems that I didn't act quick enough...blame it on shock and naivity. I honestly wanted to believe that the first snapshots of this that I got were somehow misrepresenting the mother and the situation. I have never seen such a thing. I have never witnessed such poverty. It has really blown me away and totally uprooted my quiet little existance. I've grown so fond of Kristen. It's all I can think about....to a point where I'm starting to frustrate my family because I talk of nothing else anymore. I just don't know how to start living like I did before. I dont' think I CAN live like I did before until this resolves itself and those kids are ok and loved by an adult who shares a home with them. I'm not sure I'll ever see the world the way I saw it a month ago.

Thanks again for all the warm wishes. I really needed each and every one of those kind messages. A special to those who knew a bit about the CPS system and were able to help me understand why it's taking so long and why the laws are so screwy. This board is a great place and I've come to realize over the last few days that I need to hold on to the positive and let go of the negative. I will keep you updated. Please continue to keep these children in your prayers.

I'm tired (it's midnight) and I'm going to take a sleeping pill and get some overdue sleep. I'm not going to go back over this long post and double check grammer and spelling...so please forigive me this time! Goodnight...and thanks again for all the support.

 

[wdwnutze]

Seaotter,
Those children are very lucky to have a neighbor like you that won't just let it go. You have gone the extra mile for them and you should feel good about that. Sounds like an awful situation and I hope things work out for those poor children. PLEASE, keep us posted on what happens. I know the system seems slow at times but stick with it. Take care of yourself and your family.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Sounds like Washington needs some new laws!

 

[dtuleya]

Seaotter - Thank goodness these kids have someone looking out for them like you. Obviously their mother is unable/unwilling to be a parent to them. I'll keep these little angels in my prayers.

 

[Lanshark]

I, too, was looking for the thread. Thanks for the update.
Keep us informed but keep in mind if you are trying to build a case against this mother you need to be careful what you say and who you say it to.

It is a very difficult road you are walking right now.

 

[4greatboys]

I think you are doing the right thing. Those kids definately are neglected. There are cases where people just mind their own business and something terrible ends up happening to the kid.
Unforunately children are not a top priority to everyone like they should be
Hang in there---send lots of hugs and prayers your way.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I hope things work out for all involved.

I'm shocked that the teacher is talking so much to one family about another. If I was the teacher, I'd do what I could to help the family, but there's no way I'd share any
information with another family.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Wow, I don't know what to say. I remember your original post, and I am surprised to hear that you got negative comments from people.

I applaud you for trying to help these kids. Too many people would look the other way and "hope" that it gets better. You are to be congratulated for not sitting back, but actively trying to help them. Hopefully now some help can come to these poor kids.

 

[SillyOldBear66]

Seaotter....HURRAH FOR YOU!!
Those children are so very lucky to have you to help them.

And don't get too caught up in any negativity.
There are a more ways to solve a problem than there are ways to eat a Reese's peanutbutter cup .......and you're doing a great job!!!

Thanks for the update.

Take care,
Tabitha.

 

[Lorix2]

seaotter - I commend you too, it can't be easy. But...how will you tell Kristen you want to keep her and not her siblings? Wouldn't you want them placed together? wherever that may be? I can only imagine that would also cause a great deal of grief and more feelings of abandonment.

 

[Claudia1]

Oh my.... I hope it doesn't take too long for someone to have en excuse to "visit". It scares me to think that the boy is the one wtaching the baby when he is the one playing with fire and locked the little one in the trailer.

Keep up the fight and please keep us posted. We really do care!

 

[MerryPoppins]

Good for you! Those kids need someone to go to bat for them!

It worries me that the boy is watching after the baby. It doesn't sound like he is doing a very good job and so many things could go wrong. Playing with fire? That is scary!

The truth is that it would be difficult to place all three in the same household permanantly, from all that I have heard. Most people don't want to adopt older children. Infants are in demand, but older kids come with baggage that most people don't want to face.

Don't pay attention to negative comments. I'm glad to hear an update. I'd been wondering too.

 

[cabmom]

Good Work Seaotter, and please keep those children save for as long as you can. It makes me cry to think of children being neglected.
God Bless you! Marilynn

 

[wovenwonder]

Unbelievable!
I am so sorry that you are going thru this right now. Prayers going out for those three children! PLEASE keep us updated.

 

[Deb in IA]

Recent fiscal shortfalls have caused many states to cut back services and personnel in human service areas, including Child Protective Services, and the workers who are left are often overworked and underqualified.

Having Kristin in school is the best thing that could have happened. Kristin's teachers are MANDATORY reporters of child abuse/neglect; they are required BY LAW to report such things, whereas you, a neighbor, are a PERMISSIVE reporter -- you are allowed to report abuse, but are not REQUIRED to by law.

Likewise, just being a daycare provider will not give any more weight to her reporting, UNLESS the baby is actually enrolled in her daycare, thus providing a direct relationship with this family.

Continue to work with the school, the kids, the CPS and the police. Where do the kids go for health care? Physicians and nurses and also mandatory providers, and it just may take continued, multiple reports to get something done . . .

Best wishes, SeaOtter . . . (and ignore all the negative stuff. Some people have such low self-esteem that they can only feel good about themselves when the tear down and hurt someone else )

 

[stego]

stepping in when others just turn their heads away. Out of sight, out of mind, right?
It is discouraging to recognize our society as one that is growing towards LESS involvement with our neighbors. I only see it becoming more widespread.
It is all too evident that there are women who can physically have children and will not bear the responsibility of raising those children. And absolutely the biological father has as much responsibility, as well. However, I have seen that no matter how many people gossip, or if it is court enforced, or whatever-as long as those parents place their needs first-then the children get left behind, as it appears in this case. There are many biological parents who spend all their energy spurning their responsibilities.
They could care less what people think of them. The courts and police can not stand in their homes 24 hours a day enforcing it.
They will think of a way to get out of it.
To be a child in the middle of this-can we imagine what is going through these children's heads right now? To be, literally, in their shoes, with their emotions and their lives being pulled apart?
As we sit here, enjoying the comforts of our homes, or work, on the DIS-and the reality of those children. That baby-locked up, dirty and forgotten. That child's parents aren't ashamed.

But we should be, as well as our leaders.

My hat is off to you sea otter, and you and those children will remain, in my thoughts and prayers. You continue to demonstrate the courage that so many of us can only "gossip" about.