what do you think of this.....

[KathyFP]

Child Abuse

 

[ChrisnSteph]

(I'm sure I'm about to get flamed.)

I'm not agreeing with how this was handled, but honestly, when we were kids, my parents required us to eat what we were given. There was plenty of stuff that we didn't like, but we were told to eat what was put in front of us because we certainly didn't live in a restaurant and my mother wasn't going to cook 5 different dishes for people. It certainly wasn't child abuse but we were supposed to eat what we were given. No questions asked. As we got older, if we really didn't like something, we didn't have to eat it, but it was then up to us to make something else instead.

I'm not any worse for having been "forced" to eat things I didn't like and I also learned to try all kinds of new things. In fact, I am more likely to try something I've never had and I think it's because of the way I was brought up. I just find it surprising that so many parents now are saying they won't "force" or even try to get their kids to try something new. It just seems that kids are now running the show.

No flames from me. You're absolutely right. When I was younger, I had to eat all my dinner or I got it for breakfast. That is if I was just being stubborn or being ridiculously picky. My parents wouldn't force me to eat things that were awful, and if I really, really hated it they let me slide. I'm not a short order cook - I make the same thing for everyone. I used to try and cater to each individual kid, and I refuse to do it anymore. I make my kids try something at least once - if they refuse, they get the choice of trying it or going to bed without dinner. Am I a "mean" mom? Perhaps, but not everyone's parenting styles are the same. I'm not traumatized by what my parents did, and so far my kids aren't either. As for the little boy in the OP post, that seems a little harsh. I agree that we don't know the entire story. In the dad's defense, it's not like he stuck him out there without a jacket, boots, ect., so I wouldn't call it abuse. But definitely not something I would have done.

ETA: And yes, I'm the proper weight and didn't have eating disorders because my parents forced me to eat what was put in front of me, and so are all my brothers and sisters.

 

[KathyFP]

Child Abuse

 

[Maleficent13]

(I'm sure I'm about to get flamed.)

I'm not agreeing with how this was handled, but honestly, when we were kids, my parents required us to eat what we were given. There was plenty of stuff that we didn't like, but we were told to eat what was put in front of us because we certainly didn't live in a restaurant and my mother wasn't going to cook 5 different dishes for people. It certainly wasn't child abuse but we were supposed to eat what we were given. No questions asked. As we got older, if we really didn't like something, we didn't have to eat it, but it was then up to us to make something else instead.

I'm not any worse for having been "forced" to eat things I didn't like and I also learned to try all kinds of new things. In fact, I am more likely to try something I've never had and I think it's because of the way I was brought up.

I just find it surprising that so many parents now are saying they won't "force" or even try to get their kids to try something new. It just seems that kids are now running the show.

I agree with this. I was brought up this way too, and yes, I am a normal weight, neither over nor under. No, I never had any eating disorders. I love food. I love to try new things and I have very few food dislikes.

I have a kid in my extended family who eats only chicken nuggets. He is seven and grossly underweight. "He doesn't like anything else!!" the parents wail. How is this healthy?

To the OP, however, that was extreme and not really helpful, I wouldn't think.

 

[clarabelle]

One time I tried to really force my DD to eat something - it wasn't wierd or gross -it was homemade soup. "You have to at least taste it "
She threw it up. I think it is hard to make a kid -a really determined kid to eat something they don't want and it is not worth the stress.
I am not saying you should cook something different I just don't think that everyones kids are as easy about food as others.

 

[Tiggernut_jadie]

I agree it is not that hard, my son doesn't refuse to try things either, he just knows it is the rule to try and he does it. And lately, he has aquired tastes for quite a variety of foods that he would not have if we did not ask him to try things.

Yep - this is the rule in our house too! Our DD (5) cannot say she doesn't like something until she's tried it! I don't consider this in any way 'forcing' my child to eat but rather persuading my child to try new things. As Aidensmom says, my DD will now eat all sorts of things she wouldn't have done had this rule not been in place. Many many children go through the 'don't like it' stage and if allowed to get away with this they turn into picky eaters IMHO! One of my DD's friends came to dinner one night and would only eat white bread and butter and sausage. At the same meal my DD ate sausage, mashed potatoes, carrots, peas and gravy. For dessert the friend had Jello (two small spoonfuls only) wheras my DD had jello, peaches and pears plus a small amount of lemon sorbet. For drinks the friend would only have coke - my DD had orange juice.

When the friends mother came to collect her I apologised that her DD hadn't eaten much (and probably didn't like my cooking) - she said it was more than her DD normally eats and then turned to the child and said ' don't worry sweetie we'll buy some chocolate on the way home!'.............

 

[Mimi Q]

I absolutely don't make food an issue. The children can eat it or not eat it. I never FORCE them to try new foods or finish their meal.

 

[disneymom3]

I agree it is not that hard, my son doesn't refuse to try things either, he just knows it is the rule to try and he does it. And lately, he has aquired tastes for quite a variety of foods that he would not have if we did not ask him to try things.

Exactly, DS4 would NOT be eating salad if we hadn't made him try a bite first and now he is a salad freak! We went out to dinner the other night and the choices for the kids meal sides were salad, applesauce and one other thing and he chose salad. The waitress could not believe it. And this child is picky picky picky! But he tries a bite--sometimes washed down with milk, but he does try it.

As for the OP, how awful for that poor kid. I always make sure there is something on the table everyone likes. That is not hard for my older two as middle DS will eat anything served and like it. DD will eat most everything and not complain, but sometimes that 4 yo does fill up on bread at dinner. There are just not enough things in the world that he likes to feed the rest of us varied meals. If you want to be in control that much, I guess you can figure the consequence of not eating your dinner is being hungry. That was always the rule at my house growing up.

What the heck connection does standing out in the cold have to whether or not you eat your dinner???

 

[imsorry]

What upset me so much is that he DID try it, and didn't like it. It's fine not to expect his mom to cook him a different dinner - let him go to bed a little hungry or let him have cereal.

My mother once made my sister sit at the table for an ENTIRE day, until bedtime because she wouldn't eat the white part of an egg at breakfast. She stared at that egg all day, and went to bed with it still on her plate. To this day, my sister is a VERY picky eater, still won't touch an egg white, and is very overweight. And the part about putting him outside was just off the charts, in my opinion. I just wanted to know how everyone else felt about the situation - I'm still trying to decide if I should stick my nose in their business.

 

[disneymom3]

That is sad. Why did the dad decide to tell everyone? Did he feel like a big man for doing that to his little son? If it was a one time reaction as someone else suggested I don't think he would have told the family. Sounds like a major jerk to me. Hope the poor little boy doesn't grow up with issues because of him.

You know, that is totally true and makes this situation even sadder. Was the little boy there during the retelling? How awful. This dad is a creep. And especially if the kid tried it! Good grief. What a huge jerk. I seriously would be surprised if the poor little boy doesn't grow up with some issues.

 

[Sandcass]

Your child is "required to try" everything? What does that mean? What happens if he refuses to try even one bite? What do you do? You said you don't force the child so I'm curious how you do this. My DD is 6 and also very picky. I don't even make her try a bite if she doesn't want. No sense in it.

Usually I if I make something new, that he hasn't tried before I serve him a little bit. He will even just lick some off his fork, or there's even been dinners that he just smelled and knew he wouldn't like it. He knows I'm not going to force anything into him, so he is willing to "try" and then announce that it's "totally gross". Then he proudly marches to the pantry to get himself some cereal. There have been a few rare occasions when he's actually said "This is great, I'm glad you made me try it." Since I'm not a very adventurous cook, I tend to make the same dishes every week, I already know what he likes & doesn't like. Like tonight we're having Spicey Stirfry and I'll make him some nuggets instead. My DD11 on the other hand likes ALMOST everything and loves trying new foods. She LOVED the Food & Wine festival at Epcot. She wanted to try every country.

 

[skiwee1]

I still wouldn't force DD, 6, to eat even a lick if she didn't want to. Her reasoning could be that it just doesn't look good and it wouldn't matter to me. We all have different tastes and in our house we all respect that even if it means you just don't like the look of something. Dealing with food this way has brought me a 23 y/o that eats a healthy salad at least once a day and enjoys trying all new things. I never made her eat one morsel of anything. Over the years she learned to love food on her own terms. I don't think not forcing a child makes them picky eaters. I think it promotes a healthy attitude towards eating.

 

[madgomez]

To the OP, this does not sound like it's about food - I wonder how the father disciplines about other issues? I would be concerned, but since mom and grandmom condoned his behavior by allowing it, I'm not sure how much you can do.

As to the various posts about making kids try things, it really just depends on the kid and the innate personality he or she is born with. We took the exact same approach with both our sons - "I'd really like you to try it, and if you don't like it you can spit it out." My older son, now seven, LOVES a healthy and varied diet, requests salad, eats his veggies, and happily (if sometimes cautiously) tries new things. My four year old, however, refuses to try most everything - he has a short list of things he will eat regularly, and a few things he will ASK for about once a month, but refuse the rest of the time. Some days I can coax him into eating something new, some days not. I never try too hard to coax.
My approach - I always put a little bit of everything on his plate, even if he doesn't touch it. Every once in awhile he surprises us by eating something he normally doesn't.
The weird thing - the younger one seems a little more hale and hardy than the older, never seems to get tired, and gets sick less often. Go figure!

 

[U2_rocks]

Yikes, that dad in the OP sounds very controlling to me!

I agree that eating boils down a lot to personality. 2 of our kids can be persuaded to try new things, but the middle child - no way! She will will pout and eventually cry, and will refuse to eat even the things she likes if you push her too hard to try something she doesn't. She hates it if you even put something she doesn't want on her plate. She'd rather go to bed and cry herself to sleep than to try new things (she's 4). I don't see the sense in pushing her too hard. She just has definite ideas about food, and truth be told, so do I. There are things I've never tried and never will, and if you made me I'd surely throw up! We do make slow progress though - every now and then she will get the courage to try something new, and finally we got her to eat chicken several months ago (it's the only meat she will eat).

Some people are just naturally picky with food from childhood, and there aren't a lot of things a parent can do to change that.

 

[Pig Pen]

The other end of the spectrum....my two nephews, age 6 and 4, will eat NOTHING other than grilled cheese, peanut butter sandwiches, and hot dogs (of course they will eat any kind of candy, cookie, or other sweet). Then the grilled cheese has to be american on white. The hot dogs have to be a certain brand with a particular type of ketchup. One of the boys will eat mac and cheese, but only that nasty orange kind that you nuke in a cup.

Their parents INSIST on bringing them to every restaurant outing and family dinner function along with their own private stash of food in case the restaurant food is refused. Plus they allow the kids to place a food order...taking forever to let each boy make a decision on what they want.

It is simply ridiculous because they never eat anything they order.

However, I don't think sticking them outside in the yard is the way to go. I blame the parents for allowing this to happen. If my kids didn't want what was served, they didn't eat. Missing one meal was not going to kill them and I can assure you they ate plenty at the next meal!

 

[Glynis]

And you have no issues with food today...you are a proper weight? I think parents from years ago would have the routine of "you're not getting up from the table until you polish your plate" that caused too many adults to have major issues with food. Excusing children from the table w/o eating is not letting kids run the show. Catering to them and preparing different food for them is.

What the parent did in the original post was bad parenting, IMHO!

Interestingly, this is exactly what my surgeon told me when I was having gastric bypass recently. He said that "most" overweight adults were forced to clean their plates as children. He said that's the worst thing a parent can do to a child. I think it's most likely because the older generation went through the Great Depression and from listening to my parents, they went hungry many nights. It's this mentality that makes our parents, grandparents, etc. tell us not to waste food. To eat everything on our plates.

Still, I think what this man did is child abuse. We ask our kids to try a couple of bites of food, and if they don't like it they are welcome to have cold cereal or a PBJ. If they don't try the bites of food, we don't make a federal case of it, but they aren't allowed any dessert either. Dessert is a treat given to those who ate a decent dinner.

 

[Glynis]

One of my daughter's favorite books is "Bread and Jam for Frances". She went through a time when that was all she wanted to eat as well. Eventually, just like Frances, she got tired of the same thing over and over and asked to eat just like the rest of us.

I agree that there are battles more important than food to fight with our kids. As long as the rules you set in your house are working for you, then you have a winning situation.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

My SO does not force his girls to eat everything on their plates but he does try to persuade them to take a bite of everything just to try it. Sometimes it takes a lot of persuading and it drives me crazy but they do try it and most of the time enjoys it. If they do not like it they have a choice of pb&j, cereal, carrots, or mac and cheese.

Another thing that drives me crazy with the girls is that I think they like to play a little game with dad and eat it one time and have seconds and then another time they won't even touch it and say they are full but then 20 minutes later they are hungry again.

I don't know what to do with them. We will eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and about 45 minutes afterwards they are always hungry again.....how do we stop that and have them eat more at meal times?

 

[disneymom3]

The other end of the spectrum....my two nephews, age 6 and 4, will eat NOTHING other than grilled cheese, peanut butter sandwiches, and hot dogs (of course they will eat any kind of candy, cookie, or other sweet). Then the grilled cheese has to be american on white. The hot dogs have to be a certain brand with a particular type of ketchup. One of the boys will eat mac and cheese, but only that nasty orange kind that you nuke in a cup.

IMO this is also not an issue of not liking the food, this is about being in control. Those kids may not have limits in their lives and have to create them themselves so they come up with elaborate routines and severe food issues to make themselves feel safe. Sounds nutty, but it is often the case. And if these parents allow their kids to order food they know they won't eat and bring food from home to restaurants "just in case" then they likely don't let the kids feel like they(the parents) are in charge.

BTW those poor kids would starve at my house. We used to do white bread til I started seeing a Dr whose big phrase was "the whiter the bread, the quicker you're dead." There hasn't been a loaf of white bread in our house in years.

 

[disneymom3]

I don't know what to do with them. We will eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and about 45 minutes afterwards they are always hungry again.....how do we stop that and have them eat more at meal times?

Well, maybe I am a mean mommy, but my response to this is "you must not have had enough at breakfast. Next time you will need to remember that." I use this response when they truly did not eat a decent amount. Otherwise, I offer them vegetables, fruit or yogurt. I find that when kids are looking for a snack when they technically shouldn't be hungry, they usually want something like chips or crackers.