What do you think of people financing.....

[DVC Sadie]

My son and DIL had to finance for their wedding two weeks before it happened.
Her mother and father said they would pay for the wedding. They picked the hall, the food, everything. They had planned on 200 people. My son wanted to use my backyard, the bride wanted to go to WDW and get married there.
I had no say in it at all.
I gave my family list and kept it down to 50 people. My list got cut by her mother down to my 4 brothers and two wives, the other two are single and could not bring a date. My sister who lives in FL was not invited because per the mother, "It's too far for her to come". I was seated at the table with my brothers because "that way you have someone you know next to you to talk to"
Her mother invited 120 people, relatives, friends, neighbors from their first house, etc....
The bride and groom could not have any friends because per the mom, "the wedding party was enough of their friends, you don't need to invite people just because you know them".
Two weeks before the wedding the parents of the bride told my son and DIL that they had overspent for their vacation and didn't have enough money to pay for the wedding.
So my son is now paying for the next 5 years to HFC for a wedding he didn't even want.

OMG! What a horrible experience for all of you involved but especially your son and daughter in law.

Theres a special place for people like that and thats all I'm going to say about that........

Edited for spelling .......again.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I think it's quite silly. It's like seeing people pay you know who are in HUGE financial trouble pay for their McDonald's with a credit card. "Yeah, I'm paying interest on my big mac." If you can't afford it, don't do it.

ETA: It is no one business, I think we can all agree on that. Can we all just post our opinions on what we think about it??

 

[inaminute]

Personally, I don't care what people do with their money. It's their's. If their dream is a big fancy wedding, then they should go for it. As long as I'm not being asked to foot the bill, it's none of my business.

 

[joksten2000]

I sold software to the Catering Companies on the East Coast and I can tell you people spent biggggg bucks on Weddings. When my daughter got Married I gave her 20K. She had a beach wedding in Mexican Riviera paid for 8 people in a very nice all inclusive and the tab was just under 10K, that was dress, flights for all of us. Beautiful wedding and they had 10K to put down on a house. This was July 2004 I thought it was a great deal. The greatest things though was that 26 extended family members came, made it really special. Her & husband stayed 10 days and the rest of us 7 days, really great bargain and we stayed in a 6 star resort.

 

[mrsltg]

Frankly, I owned a home before getting married. Sometimes I look at these breathless couples and think, "neither one of you have bought your own place yet? And you want to get married now? okey dokey...." I kind of see this the other way around. If you don't have your own "stuff" how are you so sure you're ready to share it with someone else? BUT - clearly that's not the way a lot of people feel! Good for them!

In answering the OP's question - why not? If people want to do it and can afford it - go for it! Why not do a home equity loan where the interst is tax deductible? Why not do a low-interest signature loan and plan to pay it off quickly? Whatever you are comfortable with.

 

[Nancy]

I think it's quite silly. It's like seeing people pay you know who are in HUGE financial trouble pay for their McDonald's with a credit card. "Yeah, I'm paying interest on my big mac." If you can't afford it, don't do it.

ETA: It is no one business, I think we can all agree on that. Can we all just post our opinions on what we think about it??

I am the person you see paying for McDonalds with my credit card, but it is my bank card being put through as credit. I get points everytime I use it as a CC, so I use it instead of cash every chance I get.

Back to the OP. My In laws took out a home equity loan for my SIL's wedding. My SIL went overboard with her planning because "they have been saving for MY wedding since the day I was born" ...wrong they did not. BUT my FIL did not want to dissappoint his little princess/spoiled daughter so he let her do whatever she wanted and footed the bill. So when FIL died the following year that left a huge debt for my MIL to try to pay off. SIL just found out about it last year (19 years later).

 

[chris1gill]

Her mother invited 120 people, relatives, friends, neighbors from their first house, etc....
The bride and groom could not have any friends because per the mom, "the wedding party was enough of their friends, you don't need to invite people just because you know them".
Two weeks before the wedding the parents of the bride told my son and DIL that they had overspent for their vacation and didn't have enough money to pay for the wedding.
So my son is now paying for the next 5 years to HFC for a wedding he didn't even want.

All I can say is OMG... I don't think I could ever speak to those parents!! Or perhaps I would have called 3/4's of the people they invited & uninvite them, that is just so unacceptable

I'm so sorry your son is now in debt over this!

 

[mickeyfan2]

Many want to put on a show and not think about the future. My dad gave me the option of the wedding or the money. I said the money but sadly my mother talked dad out of it. To this day I would have prefered the money. The wedding was not the "big day" everyday I wake up next to my DH with our health, a roof over our heads and food on the table is the big day.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I think if that's what the parties invovled want to do then who cares really? It's their debt, they are paying on, why everyone else is so concerned about other people's debt is beyond me

We are talking in general not about a specific person. Much can be gained from general discussion of finanace. One can learn why others do stuff different and then they might alter what they were doing too.

 

[barbeml]

Considering the high divorce rate and the fact that money troubles can really erode a marriage, many couples would do better to focus more on how they will finance their lives and less on financing a big wedding.

Discussion is good. Many people think they have to overspend on a wedding to meet others' expectations. It may take the pressure off to see that not everyone feels that way.

 

[va32h]

Of course it isn't any of our business how people spend their money, but if we only stuck to topics that were our business, the DIS would be a ghost town!

There is another thread about how much one should spend on a wedding gift...I think these two topics are closely related.

Couples shell out the big bucks for a wedding, and start to feel indignant when they don't recoup that expense in gifts. Guests see the scope of the wedding, and feel guilty if the gift they can afford doesn't match the grandeur of the event.

 

[smilie]

We didn't want to start our marriage off in debt. Dh and I paid for most of our wedding. My dad paid for the cake and his parents paid for the honeymoon. Everything else we did ourselves. Granted, it wasn't a big wedding, but we didn't want one. We just wanted a day to share with our closest family and friends. To this day I don't regret the decision we made. I think it was special. To each their own I guess.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I personally wouldn't do it, but like others have said, everyone's situation is unique and it's up to each couple as to what they want to do. We were fortunate that DW's parents paid for most of our wedding and as far as I know, they didn't go into debt for it.

 

[maleficent1959]

I didn't spend nearly that much on my wedding and, truthfully, I don't see the point. For me the focus was the marriage itself not the ceremony. It's a big hullabaloo over one day when, pessimistically speaking, half of all marriages end in divorce anyway. I'd hate to end up divorced and still paying off the bills.

But when my friend cheerfully volunteers that her wedding cost over $45,000 I think I can have the opinion that she is a loon. She probably thinks I'm a cheapskate because mine didn't. I don't fret about her finances, I'm sure she doesn't fret about mine but I can still have an opinion can't I? Or do I have to internally rubberstamp everything?

 

[helenabear]

Of course it isn't any of our business how people spend their money, but if we only stuck to topics that were our business, the DIS would be a ghost town!

Great point

Fortunately no loans had to be taken out for our wedding. I think it was less than $5000 (5.5 years ago) for everything for us. And I was lucky my dad paid for it. We could have ourselves, but then we wouldn't ahve had the awesome honeymoon we did

I have had friends who spent $40-50K on a wedding. Personally I think that is a total waste. Soon it stops being about the actual marriage and more about throwing a party. I'm not so keen on that.

FWIW, only 25% of first marriages end in divorce. 50% of 2nd marriages (when the first ended in divorce) and about 80% of 3rd and beyond. So it can be misleading to hear the 50% rule especially when it is the first marriage for both.

 

[ead79]

I think that it’s none of my business what other people do with their money. Almost any expenditure can be seen as frivolous or dumb by other people. For example, many people think it’s silly to spend so much money on Disney vacations every year. I disagree, and saving for our Disney vacations is a financial priority for us. One man’s dumb purchase is another man’s idea of money well spent.

That being said, we did not finance our wedding. My parents paid for a very generous amount (2/3) and I saved most of my paycheck for 18 months to pay for our portion (1/3). To me, my wedding was more than “just one day”—it was a celebration of beginning our life together. I could’ve had a less expensive wedding and used some of the money for part of a down payment on a house, but that’s not what I chose to do with my money. Are there people who think I’m dumb for doing that? I’m sure there are. I just don’t worry about what other people think. I might think some things they spend money on are just as frivolous. Since other people’s financial problems won’t affect me, I say they are more than welcome to spend their money however they choose.

I do think it’s important for brides and grooms to consider their complete financial situation when it comes to how much they can afford to spend on their wedding. I am extremely grateful that we did not finance our wedding, as I ended up getting downsized 2 months after our wedding, and that debt would’ve been overwhelming during that financially difficult time. Sometimes it’s hard to stick to your wedding budget and not add-on everything you see that you like, but it’s really necessary IMO.

 

[maleficent1959]

Great point


FWIW, only 25% of first marriages end in divorce. 50% of 2nd marriages (when the first ended in divorce) and about 80% of 3rd and beyond. So it can be misleading to hear the 50% rule especially when it is the first marriage for both.

That's true, there are lots of differing factors that make up the 50% average. But I'm not seeing that this kind of expenditure is limited to first weddings, at least from what I saw as a wedding DJ for a few years in Arizona, and what I've seen among my own extended family members. Maybe it's not as big a trend with subsequent marriages as I thought.

 

[RUDisney]

I do think it’s important for brides and grooms to consider their complete financial situation when it comes to how much they can afford to spend on their wedding.

This is so true. Everyone seems to be thinking that the B&G can't afford to go into debt at the start of their marriage. That just isn't true.

Not only did we afford our wedding by taking out a loan, we also were able to buy a house that year. We were under contract for one before we got married, but the owner was a crook and we backed out of it after our honeymoon. The house we bought, as our starter home, has 5 BR and is over 3,300 sq. ft.

We used to joke about our wedding loan. "Can't think of getting divorced until after the loan is paid." When it was, we stay married because we choose to, not because we have that loan anymore.

While we had this debt going into the marriage, it was very affordable debt. It provided us with the wedding that we wanted and it gave us the house that we wanted.

Not a bad way to start a marriage, IMHO.

 

[Bob Slydell]

ETA: It is no one business, I think we can all agree on that. Can we all just post our opinions on what we think about it??

Saying it's the couple's business IS an opinion.

 

[Chattyaholic]

You think it's "just plain DUMB" for people to finance their wedding?

Well, maybe some people think it's "just plain DUMB" to spend $$$ on a Disney wedding too!!

How people pay for their wedding is their own business, no one else's.

Having said that, DH and I took out a loan to pay for most of our DD's wedding. We didn't have the money at the time and hadn't been able to "save up for it" over the years so the loan was our only way to do it and WE felt it was important for us to give our daughter a nice wedding. Nothing HUGE or overboard, but nice. Her future in-laws helped pay for the reception too. I paid for her dress on my own, it was something I wanted to do.
How we paid for our daughter's wedding was our own business, no concern of anyone else's.