What do you think about internet dating?

[wendy1974]

I know, I must be crazy to even consider this The thing is I have tried it the "old fashioned" way and that doesn't seem to work. All of the men that I know are either married or not someone I would consider dating. I am having a hard time meeting new people so I thought maybe going through a service like eharmony-I could meet someone new and see what develops. I am kind of paranoid though because any guy that I have ever dated in the past I either knew him for a while or had a good friend that had known them for a long time. The concept of dating a virtual stranger with whom I have no idea what his past has been like is kind of scary. I am in no way looking to throw myself into a serious relationship. I would just like to meet somone new who shares some common interests and take it slow. I would appreciate everyones advice on this *especially* if you have done the internet dating thing

 

[wendy1974]

Bump

 

[hiwaygal]

Hi...

I met my DH2B online and I have to say that if I hadn't tried it, I'd probably still be not dating, and I never would have met him even though he lived less than 30 miles away.

Personally, I think e-harmony is a rip off, but I'm sure others have had great success with them. I used to "test" the waters of different sites by using the free trial registrations. But I'm not sure how many of them still offer that or allow you to do too much with the trial memberships. Look around, there are so many sites find one that works for you!!

Almost all sites will offer advice and ideas on how to protect yourself from creeps. And I'm sure others will post info on that...just make sure the first time you meet someone, meet in a public place.

As for how long to talk via email or chat boards then phone to dating...well that's a matter of personal preference. Some folks don't think you should go too long between initial contact and meeting, but others say take your time. What worked for me is emails and chat for a week or so, then phone for maybe two weeks, then meet for drinks or coffee...something quick just to see how things went and then go from there.

If there is anything I can help you with, feel free to get in touch with me!

Good luck!!! It's very exciting!

 

[Tjaleks]

I have not done internet dating, but I would just like to say be careful if you do decide to do it. Other than that have fun reading their bios and enjoy yourself.

 

[Cinderellafifi]

I know a couple of people who have had success. My brother, for one, just moved in with his girlfriend. They met online and dated for a while. They are both divorced and in their mid-30's. Good luck and have fun!

 

[bumcat]

If you think about it, most of us met and dated or married that total stranger. I met my husband at camp when I was 13, we have now been married 29 years.
I don't think it's any different than dating a total stranger.
As long as you start out meeting in safe places, I don't see anything wrong with it. How is it any different than meeting a total stranger at a park, store, game etc?
Just play it safe and really get to know them. That is what most of us did when we met and fell in love with a total stranger.

 

[llij]

My DSis met her current husband through internet dating. I will say that she had to "kiss quite a few toads" before she got to her DH though. Good luck to you!

 

[LadyyRedd]

I say go for it!
I've done it and it's not a big deal. I'm not really a drinker, so I don't frequent bars or clubs. I really wouldn't want to meet someone there anyway. I have a few friends who have met their boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses online.

A couple of sites to try are:

www.craigslist.com (make sure you click on your city first, the page defaults to san diego) - This one is 100% free
www.match.com - You can do a free trial membership here (have to put a cc) - but you can email back if someone with a membership emails you
Yahoo Personals - can do a free trial also
www.myspace.com - 100% free
www.matchmaker.com - another where you can do a free trial
www.lavalife.com (never tried it)
www.webdate.com (never tried - but was told it's free)
www.perfectmatch.com (never tried)

I tried eharmony and didn't like it.

Have fun!

Kimya

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I met my ex-husband online. It was a chatroom, so not exactly a match site. But it sort of soured my view on internet dating.

My brother met his wife on match.com or something. They just got married a week ago. I love her to death and think of her as a sister.

My sister met her husband in a chatroom. He's very abusive and a complete jerk.

So I guess as long as you don't meet in a chatroom, you'll be okay.

I've been talking to someone I met on a match site since March. Unfortunately, we haven't met in person yet because he lives in another part of the country. We're just penpals more than anything right now, because my SIL's brother has just stolen my heart.

 

[saucymb]

DH and I met on match.com! I was new to the area, and after a few months, created an account there. He and I connected, had our first date, were engaged three months later and married three months after that. We've been married for two years now, and I know that this was the right thing for us! And our first baby is due April 4, 2006! It doesn't work for everyone, I had friends who did it and hated it and friends who did it and liked it.

Just be careful when giving out personal info and meeting. I had one friend to whom I gave my date's name (full), address, phone number, work location, car info, as well as my brother's (a State Trooper) phone numbers. She knew that if she did not hear from me by a certain time to call my brother and pass all the info on to him. Always meet in a public place, don't drink more than one or two alcoholic drinks. Call your contact person at the designated time. Take your own car if you are going to drive between places.
Speak with your date on the phone at least a couple of times and get to know them a bit that way.

Hope this helps!

 

[ilovedale3]

I met my DH online through the Yahoo Personals back in 2001. I placed an ad and DH's was one of many responses. There was something about his that seemed better than the rest so I replied and we began emailing for several weeks. This led to phone calls and then finally a first date on April 13, 2001. We were inseperable after that point! We were engaged in April of 2002 and married in October of 2002. We will be celebrating our third anniversary in a couple of months!!!

While DH is an absolute prince, I did go out with a couple of real toads because of an ad I had placed several years earlier. I didn't let that get me down though. It's just a matter of timing!

DH and I are soooo happy together, but we don't tell anyone how we met!!! (note my tag!!!)

 

[Marseeya]

I have a friend who is going through internet dating right now and she really didn't like eharmony at all.

I met my DH in a chat room. I dated a few other very nice men I'd met in chatrooms as well. You just need to find a place where you'll meet someone with a common interest (in my case way back then it was tarot cards or writing). You take your chances just like any other area.

It's not internet dating, but a friend and I once did dating services at one point. It was interesting to say the least. My friend met her DH through there and I met a bunch of jerks, For me, doing it that way just didn't seem as natural as meeting in a chatroom or something similar.

 

[sunkissed212]

I met my boyfriend on the internet. It's a funny story actually - I didn't intend to even get on a dating site but I had clicked on a banner ad out of curiosity one day while I was on the internet. I had gotten on this site to see if any one that I knew had a profile on the site (dumb, I know but whatever!). I ended up creating a profile and getting a one month membership just because I was curious to check things out. About a week into it I got an IM from someone and we hit it off really well. We talked online for about 2 weeks before we spoke on the phone for the first time. The second time that we spoke on the phone, we talked for 8 hours!!! It's been amazing.

He lives in Canada and I'm in Michigan but we're only about 35 miles away. It's a bit rough at times with crossing the border and such but we're making it work. We really love each other and it's amazing that I found someone so special in such an uncommon way - although it's not that uncommon anymore. I know quite a few people that swear by online dating.

My personal opinion now is that it's a great way to "screen" for people that really do share your common interests, beliefs, etc. I think that it's important to be VERY careful when participating in online dating but there's so many success stories out there that some people must be doing something right!!

 

[ilovepcot]

Like to tell what I know 'bout those chat rooms. My stepson (I'm not old enough to be *really* be his mom ) called one summer and said he would be coming for a visit and bringing a friend. He was stationed in Hawaii with the navy and had brought lots of friends home over the years...always very nice guys. Well, this time he wasn't flying in as usual, but "driving" to our house. He was in a hurry and said he'd explain everything when he arrived. Few days later a rental car pulls into the driveway and he gets out and the "friend" turns out to be female. DH and I "assumed" she was a navy buddy. Nope! She was a Russian student he met in a chat room 2 months earlier who was in school in the northeast. They had NEVER met until the day before when he flew into her city to pick her up. They'd only emailed and talked via phone up until then. This darling little girl GOT IN THE CAR WITH OUR SON and rode all the way to FL!!!! None of her friends in the dorm really knew where she was headed if she hadn't returned to school. Truth is, SHE didn't REALLY know for certain where she was going!

Well, things turned out better than great and he repeated flying from Hawaii to her city and driving with her to FL all over again 6 months later. We had a Christmas wedding here in our town and her family flew over from Russia (they ALLLLLL stayed in our house 10 days) to be a part of it. That was 8 years ago and they are both very happy and well suited. *DH and I asked her later WHY she would get in the car with a "stranger" and risk getting to and from FL alive. She said she just "knew" in her heart our son was "the one" and never doubted her safety for a moment.*

 

[Disney Doll]

My neighbor has met a few men on match.com, but not "the one". However, she has had fun and gone on some nice dates.

 

[snappy]

My sister met her husband in 1998, married him in 1999.

Not sure what service she used.

They are a great match.

We thought it was great.

One of her friends actually drove to the restaurant where they first met to keep "an eye on him". They actually doubled dated with this friend and her boyfriend for their first real date. My sister's date ( now husband) is kind of quiet. When the conversation died down in the car, my sister's friend turned around and said to him, "Now tell us all about yourself."


My sister could have killed her. It all worked out though, that friend was her maid of honor.

And they all lived happily ever after. . . .

 

[TigerBear]

I think internet dating can be fun! I met my DBF on match over two years ago. I actually think it is a very common way to date these days, especially once people are out of school.

I personally didn't like eharmony either. I actually felt like I knew more about the men I met on match (assuming their profiles were honest) than about the eharmony guys. They match you on personality characteristics but don't offer a lot of demographic info (children, level of education, religion, etc.). I don't really think their "must haves" and "can't stands" are informative either. In my limited experience, I do think that the people who use eharmony are as a whole much more serious about finding a lasting relationship. Of course, there are people on match looking for the real deal too - you just have to screen a little bit more if that is what you are looking for.

As you can see by the responses here there is actually nothing "crazy" about doing internet dating. If you decide to give it a try I hope you have fun!

 

[Valentine]

I have been on Match for quite some time now.. I have met a few interesting people.. but noone that would be the real deal.. Until last week... I finally met someone who could be potentially a mate! Who knew?? LOL!! but I find Match to be the best site... lots of people use it.. many more options... and it is really safe.. as long as you use common sense.. just like anything else... I mean.. really.. how do you know that the person you meet in a bar is not a complete lunatic?? Just because you "see" them when you first meet them? Match gives you the opportunity to learn more about the person.. and weed out the ones who don't have some important characteristics.. like... something so simple.. I have cats.. and i need to date someone who likes cats... soooooo I am not going to date someone who puts.. "Hate Cats" in their profile! LOL!! In a bigger spectrum.. if you want children.. or not.. you want to know going in if someone wants the same things as you... Just go for it.. doesnt' hurt to try.. you don't have to take it any further than you want to...

Good Luck!

Kathy

 

[wendy1974]

Wow, thanks for all of the honest responses! I didn't realize there where so many people on the DIS who had this much experience with internet dating. I have looked on Match.com before-I see that many of you suggested it. The only reason that I have not seriously considered it is that my best friend's ex-husband and my ex-brother-in-law (one in the same) frequents that site. Not that I am embarrassed to try internet dating but I just would rather him not know about it and spread it around to mutual friends. I live in a small city directly outside of Baton Rouge (where he lives) and I am just a little uncomfortable that I would end up running in the same circles as him.
What I want to know is why The DIS does not have a dating site. That would just be perfect for me if I could find a single guy who loved Disney as much as I do

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

With proper common sense precautions it can be a wonderful thing. As someone said--we are all strangers when we meet for the first time.

Hubby and I met via computer at school. Our first date was "supervised" in my apartment--little money to go out with and he lived in the dorms--I made sure my roommates stayed home.

BIL met his new wife on line---but beyond that, I don't know the exact details of how long they IM'd before meeting and all that stuff.