What do you guys think? Opinions?

[Fishbone†]

This is my brother’s wedding, and it’s his choice….. I’m just curious what other people think (or have experienced).

I live in a small town, and I know that makes a difference…………
My brother’s getting married in April, and he’s having a public dance. The dance can be either private or public, but if it’s private, the wedding couple are responsible to hire the fireman and police officers as well as being liable for all “issues”. To avoid all of this, and also to open the dance up to friends he may not formally invite (high school classmates, etc….) he’s having a public dance. The way it works with a public dance, is you have a cover charge, which all goes to the couple at the end of the night, and the cost can be set by the couple. Originally he was going to charge $2.00 a head (not much) for “the public”, and include tickets in the invites for anyone formally invited. Sounded good.

I guess, though, he’s talked to some of his “friends”, and “EVERYONE” (you know, the proverbial “everyone”, don’t you?) is used to paying to go to a wedding dance now-a-days. So, he’s charging $2.00 for everyone…….. even the invitees. He’s telling me this because I’m making (with Tamie’s help) the invitations, and he needed me to know. He was defending his decision even though I didn’t say anything, but when he did finally ask what I thought, I just said “I wouldn’t do it that way, but it’s your wedding”.

I’m just wondering how many have encountered this…………. How common it really is………… and how you would feel if you came to a wedding and were asked to pay a couple of dollars (that’s going to the couple) to get in the dance?

 

[luv2nascar]

I have never heard of such a thing
we have dollar dances with bride and groom where you pay to dance with them at the reception
I thought that was tacky and didn't even do that

 

[phorsenuf]

Is this the same thing as a "Jack and Jill"? If it is (a dance that has a cover charge and the money goes to the couple) then I have always seen that everyone gets charged, and $2.00 per person is pretty darn cheap! LOL
Is there going to be any food and drink? If so, is it a cash bar? What about the food? Is it going to be just finger foods? I guess if it's just a BYOB dance, than $2.00pp is OK I guess.

OK, I just read the post again just to check a few things. This is a dance prior to the wedding right, not a reception dance. If it's prior then charging everyone is acceptable, if it's a reception dance after the vows than I would have to say no, I don't think anybody should be charged since it was their choice to make it a public dance. My way of thinking is if it is a public dance after a wedding then you are essentially "inviting" everyone. You shouldn't have to pay if you were invited.

Am I making any sense??? LOL

 

[Fishbone†]

It's a dance following the wedding / reception, but they don't have a choice but to charge those who weren't invited.... it can be $1.00, but they have to charge the public.......I'm not sure why..... maybe liability issues. There will be food, and a cash bar for alcohol. Pop is free, I believe. It's public, but you wouldn't want just anyone there.....

 

[Mishetta]

I find this to be a very strange custom...never heard of such a thing. I think I would be shocked if my invitation noted that there would be a cover charge (or whatever you call it.) Hmmmmm.....

 

[tkyes]

So originally the guests invited to the wedding were going to be paid for by the bride and groom and anyone else who wanted to just show up (kind of a weird thought) would pay the $2.00 cover charge right?

Now, you brother wants to give no one free admission, even the invited guests, and make them all pay the $2.00 to get in to the wedding reception?

Nope - I say the invited guests should not have to pay. I realize it's only $2 but I think that's pretty tacky to ask your guests to pay money to get into the reception.

tamie

 

[CamColt]

I have heard of after wedding reception parties, but I have never heard of charging anyone to attend. If they absolutely have to, I would not charge the invited guests. How many people would actually show up who werent invited?

 

[FreshTressa]

I would go, pay the $2.00, but forever think the couple was tacky for making you pay.

At a wedding, you are a GUEST, this means the wedding couple pays. If they can't afford to pay for people, they need to have a smaller wedding or a backyard bbq. You don't expect your wedding guests to supplement so that you can have a party beyond what you can afford. Tacky.

 

[Kimberle]

Originally posted by Fishbone†
This is my brother’s wedding, and it’s his choice….. I’m just curious what other people think (or have experienced).

I live in a small town, and I know that makes a difference…………
My brother’s getting married in April, and he’s having a public dance. The dance can be either private or public, but if it’s private, the wedding couple are responsible to hire the fireman and police officers as well as being liable for all “issues”. To avoid all of this, and also to open the dance up to friends he may not formally invite (high school classmates, etc….) he’s having a public dance. The way it works with a public dance, is you have a cover charge, which all goes to the couple at the end of the night, and the cost can be set by the couple. Originally he was going to charge $2.00 a head (not much) for “the public”, and include tickets in the invites for anyone formally invited. Sounded good.

I guess, though, he’s talked to some of his “friends”, and “EVERYONE” (you know, the proverbial “everyone”, don’t you?) is used to paying to go to a wedding dance now-a-days. So, he’s charging $2.00 for everyone…….. even the invitees. He’s telling me this because I’m making (with Tamie’s help) the invitations, and he needed me to know. He was defending his decision even though I didn’t say anything, but when he did finally ask what I thought, I just said “I wouldn’t do it that way, but it’s your wedding”.

I’m just wondering how many have encountered this…………. How common it really is………… and how you would feel if you came to a wedding and were asked to pay a couple of dollars (that’s going to the couple) to get in the dance?

I know exactly what you are talking about! I grew up in So. Mn!

Not to offend anyone, but this area has some really "tacky/weird" customs. (I now live in the NYC area.) Well, I don't want to offend anyone, so I'll not say anything more....

If "I" were invited, and the dance was where I grew up, I'd "roll my eyes & shake my head", but would understand the "custome".......

I don't think anyone who is not from the "area" would "understand".......

 

[Minnesota!]

I personally think it is EXTREMELY tacky to charge ANYONE ANYTHING to attend your wedding. I have been to many weddings, including a few in southern MN (am in one in May, BTW, in Sleepy Eye), and I have NEVER heard of this. I would be offended. I think the dollar dance is tacky, though, too...

 

[momof2inPA]

If you are charging people to get in and selling alcohol to strangers, do you have to have a licensed bartender? This whole set up seems to be a big liability/ legal issue for the wedding couple. I wouldn't do it?

What if ex-girlfriends or boyfriends show up? Are they hiring bouncers? Sorry the whole thing is unbelievably strange.

 

[honeywolf7]

I think it's a little odd, but then again a lot of customs are a little odd. If it's the custom, I wouldn't find it tacky.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have never heard of this. I understand the reasoning but if it were my wedding or my daughters I would have hired the law enforcement and kept it private.
But since it is his wedding I would just go and pay and have a blast!

 

[Fishbone†]

If you are charging people to get in and selling alcohol to strangers, do you have to have a licensed bartender? This whole set up seems to be a big liability/ legal issue for the wedding couple. I wouldn't do it?

Yes, that's the purpose of a public dance..... at a public dance, the fireman serve the alcohol (understanding of course that this is small town........... maybe Kimberle is right, it's hard to understand small town Minnesota), and all liability falls to the venue and the city, just as a public dance would.

Anyway, liability and such was not the question..... the question was how you would feel, and if you'd encountered this before.

Oh, and Fresh Tressa......... they're not putting a party on too big for their pocketbooks.......... fact is, they aren't paying for very much at all...... the burden of cost has fallen to her parent's and mine. I'm not sure the reasoning for charging........ I think just because his "friends" told him to..... or something....... I'm not sure.

At any rate, my parents are going to pay for a bunch of tickets to send to their friends and relatives so they won't have to pay. We leaving her family to make their choice (which.... who knows how much influence they've had on this decision..... )

Mystery Machine: A private dance might have been easier, but I do know that some (if not most) venues around here require you to have a public dance. This one didn't (I don't think), but a lot of them do for some reason. Again, maybe small town, but often you open your dance up to the public so all your friends that weren't invited to wedding proper can come by....... keep in mind, there's not a lot to do in around here, and public dances (wedding or not) is entertainment.

 

[kasar]

Are the paying guests expected to bring a gift? How about the people invited to the actual ceremony?

Are all weddings open to everyone in the town? Would it be strange to just invite close friends and family to a small reception at a restaurant or someplace and feel like you're excluding the whole town? Just curious - I've never heard of charging wedding guests - but to each his own, I guess.

 

[skuttle]

I have never heard of a "cover charge" to attend a wedding reception! That's the strangest thing I've every heard...even stranger than there being a cash bar at a wedding reception.

I guess if that's the way it's done, then it's not odd to y'all. I know down here we have "money dances" at receptions and some people find that odd and tacky.

I would pay to keep it private.

 

[sunni]

I think I understand the local custom you have there, as strange as it seems to most of us...

Personally, I would pay for a private dance if it was possible.

If that wasn't a possibility I would make sure everyone receiving a formal invitation had tickets, no way would I make them pay! They are GUESTS. That is rude no matter what the custom, IMO. Now, for those that aren't formally invited, I guess I don't see anything wrong with "Hey, our wedding reception will be a public dance so if you're not doing anything that night feel free to drop in" and would assume they are ok with the cover charge since they are already aware of the custom.

If I lived there and received an invitation to the wedding I'd expect the ticket too. If I was only a casual acquaintance or co-worker NOT invited to the wedding, I'd be ok with paying a cover charge to come to a dance. Living where I do and such things are unheard of, I wouldn't go to a reception (here) if I had to pay, I'd only go to the wedding.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I've never heard of this before.

I can't imagine why someone would go to a reception they weren't invited to.

I guess it's just a matter of what you're used to.

 

[phorsenuf]

Just out of curiosity, how many people live in this town? I lived in several "small" towns but I'm not familiar with this type of thing. But then again...you know us Yankees! LOL

 

[Fishbone†]

I can't imagine why someone would go to a reception they weren't invited to.

Keep in mind, it's not the reception they're paying to go to, it's the dance. Some people will attend the dance who weren't invited to the wedding. It's a way of inviting everyone to celebrate without needing three or four churches to hold everyone. (slight exaggeration). And no, those who come just to the dance most likely won't bring a gift - they're just coming to celebrate and party with the couple.

And by the way, I'm in agreement with you guys, and I thought this might be what you would say, I just wanted to clarify so this didn't sound WAY weirder that it probably already does.