What do you do in this situation..........help!! Update page 4 :)

[Pumbaa_]

sorry our plans don't mesh. Have a good fourth!

good luck with that one

 

[JessicaR]

UGH! Terrible situation to be in. I feel so bad that it makes you not want to go at all now. I totally know where you are coming from though! My husband likes alone family time and sometimes people impose on that but only when I let them. It happens.

I hope there is a happy ending for all!

 

[wed100105]

Gee-this whole situation stinks. I hate it when I'm looking forward to something fun and then something like this happens and just makes me want to forget the whole thing.

I'd just send her an email back and say, "Sorry, we had this night planned as some quality family time. Let's arrange another time for the kids to get together."

Better yet, be honest with her and say, "I'm sorry. It really caught me off guard that you asked to come along on the fourth. I should have checked it over with DH first and asked what you had in mind before I committed. Let's plan to get together sometime that night or take a rain check for another time."

 

[vgrandy]

answer with something like "Oh, that's too bad. Ok then. Have a great holiday."

Yes! This is exactly what I would do. Best of Luck.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

You've got some good advice on this thread. Although it will be hard at first, stand up for what YOU and YOUR family want to do. You'll feel so much better for it, and will better enjoy your weekend.

Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree with this. She's really saying "My way or the highway" so let it be the highway She invited herself andf is now trying to run the show. Don't give in. Just don't. If she pulls that again about now the kids don't even want to go, answer with something like "Oh, that's too bad.Ok then. Have a great holiday."

Or that does not work out for my family plans, sorry.

 

[disykat]

answer with something like "Oh, that's too bad.Ok then. Have a great holiday."

I also agree!

Here's how I see it. She is afraid to go places and make decisions. While sometimes she's able to steer her way around the event by following the impulses of her son, he probably can't tell her where to park, what time to go, etc. so she's trying to use you for that stuff.

If she pushes it and you absolutely have to you get into it (which I'd try to avoid at all costs!) then say something like "We are such good friends and I really enjoy that we can spend time together but our family prefers to wing it and meet up with people in a relaxed fashion at these kinds of things. Since we have such different styles we'll just have to agree to wait and spend time with each other when we can all enjoy ourselves. Our friendship is to important to me to stress it over this kind of thing."

Seriously, almost every friend and family member I have there are some things I don't mesh with them style wise over. We just do different stuff together and are smart enough not to push those things. Why on earth is she pushing this? (my guess is still fear)

 

[Terry36]

I too would tell her sorry no can do..My husband and families happiness and fun comes first. You have to be assertive!

I also have a friend that feels like she has to do everything with me and my daughter...I quickly pulled back and have purposely stopped notifying her of our plans.

 

[Magic Mom]

any further advice as to what to do now. I dont want to give in to her again.
but I also dont' want to be at odds with her either.
honestly now I dont' even want to go.

Say, "Well, I understand, but if you change you mind text me at the event, and we can try to meet up and sit together to watch the fireworks."

You don't have to give in to her or be at odds with her.

 

[cm8]

I....ummm...well...it's a nice offer...and..umm.....but I'm not really sure if it's contagious or not...and....ah...well...I would be horrified if I made anyone else ill!

Yeah - that's it!

, NON COMMITTAL!!!!! Ummm......me thinks........she wants to be alone........

 

[Robindianne]

I think this is your best choice. So sorry you're in this position.

My friend invited herself here for an overnight visit over the 4th, which was fine, I will love to see her. But after we'd talked about it a time or two, she says, "Oh, I forgot to ask.... Can I bring my dog"? OMG, I did not see that one coming. The dog is almost 100 pounds and sheds like crazy. No way it's staying in my house with my 7 pound yorkie. And I don't have a fenced yard, except my fenced horse pastures on three sides of my yard. I don't have a clue what I am going to do with her dog overnight!

"I'm sorry, I'm really not set up for a dog overnight visit"

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

My best friend is like this all the time. Except for I learned to say no!
I don't know I'd seriously just say listen Dh and I want family time as its the beginning of his vacation so we want some family only time , I didn't realize this til DH and I discussed it after our beach date.
I would love to get together with you and your family for the fireworks. Now I know that leaves your son upset, but it is really important to DH that we have some family only time. We still want to spend time with you, we just want some alone time first. I don't want to offend you or hurt you in anyway but I think you and your family will have a great time til we meet up and then we can have an even better time for the fireworks.
I apologize for any inconvenience this causes your family.
Sincerely... blah blah
I don't know I tried to think of something but I don't know your relationship perfectly

 

[Wishing on a star]

Or that does not work out for my family plans, sorry.

MM, you always have great input!!!

However, it is very clear that this 'friend' could not care any less what works out for the OP's 'family plans'.

Gonna take a LOT more than that to weed thru this.

OP, learn to be more proactive about establishing and protecting personal boundaries, future problems solved!!!

If this friend thinks that your friendship is disposable unless she can control your family... Then, buh-bye.....

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Update???

 

[hentob]

we both happened to be travelling last year to PA at the same time and I mentioned we would be going to hersheypark while there, she did the same thing and said oh maybe we will go too.
so the day before we touched base, and I said ok, we will hookup at the park bring your phone.
she says no i want to meet before and go together or we are not going.

To which you should have said: “Oh dear. I certainly am not a fan of ultimatums. Sorry we won’t be able to meet you at Hershey Park.”

Period. Nothing more.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Update???

Yeah, I was wondering how that all turned out, too.

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

OP your have your captive audience waiting to here how it went!

 

[npmommie]

update!!! sorry it took so long!

so she kept trying to pin me down on a time and place to meet up.....she gave up on getting us to meet for dinner.....to which I just stood my ground and told her I would text her and we could meet up then at the event.
so that is what I did, we arrived and did some things on our own, then I connected with her and we went and got our spot for the fireworks together and hung out for the rest of the evening.

something you all might find interesting, she confided in me earlier that she and her hubby are in counseling due to her controlling issues, he told her something had to change.

 

[npmommie]

I also wanted to thank everyone for the advice, I have lots of good responses for the next time this happens.