What do you do as a SAHM? NOT a bashing thread!

[ldymcbth]

I am a SAHM - my kids are 1 and almost 3. Here's what we have done together so far this week:

Nature Walk/Hike
Playground 2x
Playgroup
Pool 3x
Played in backyard/worked in garden
Gone to grocery store
Gone to library
Made father's day presents
Went to the dentist
Went to the pediatrician
Read lots of books
Painted some pictures
Played playdoh
Met daddy for lunch one day

Here's what I have done, in addition:

laundry
cleaning
meal planning/cooking
paying bills
research on carpet replacement
re-organized junk drawers
began planning bday party for august
planning for beach vacation in august
watched a dvd with my husband

I stay very busy. My day starts at 6:30 when my kids get up, and doesn't end until 11 when I go to bed. During afternoon naps, I do my chores. What I don't get done then gets done after the kids are in bed.

I have very little trouble filling our days now that nice weather is here and the pool is open! It's a bit more of a struggle when the weather is crummy and when it gets colder, but then we do more museums/playgroups/storytimes.

I worked an IT job for 10 years prior to leaving after my son was born, and it was a huge adjustment at first. It's hard not to have grown-ups to talk to. It's hard not to have a moment to yourself, really. It's hard not to have the external validation that work can provide - the atta girls and the completed projects, etc. But you get used to it!

I love being a SAHM and am so thankful that I am able to do so. I also have to credit a local mommies group with helping me keep my sanity. If you experience a mommies group that doesn't work for you - try another! I promise there are tons of fun moms out here!

 

[daleswife]

For me, being a SAHM was always more about what I DIDN'T do, not what I did. We all do all the mom stuff, all the house stuff, etc. whether we work or not. What I didn't have to do was do everything all at once. It was about keeping a whole different speed on life.

Yes, there are some things that are boring at times about being a SAHM. Sometimes I had to come up with a plan to keep us occupied and productive. (Start a garden, a home improvement project, join an activity, whatever...) However, to me, that was so much better than being constantly on the go.

My kids are in school and I still work part time. I probably always will, unless financial reasons come up. DH's career takes lots of time and we simply aren't interested in juggling two full careers and family.

Ive been a SAHM since my DD was born 6 years ago. Its what my husband wanted and I didnt complain one bit. ITs very hard work though. I get up at 6am and pack lunch for my DH, then I go back to bed. During the school year, I get back up at 8 and get my DD ready and take her to school. Then the fun starts. DS2 and I come home, have breakfast, then do our daily chores. I clean the house. then do laundry, then I play with ds for a while. He dont nap anymore so Its hard to keep up with him, but I do. On payday, we go to the grocery store, which is a chore in itself cause our nearest walmart or good grocery store is an hour away, so it takes all day to do that. Then I cook dinner for the family and I bath the kids and put them to bed then I have some alone time with DH.

What I love about it is I get to see my kids grow up and not have to worry about day care or nanny's or anything like that. No worries about if my children are getting good care cause I am taking care of them. I know they are getting fed and are happy. Its wonderful to have my ds and dd wake up in the am and say good morning mommy, what are we doing today?

what I hate about it is that I am at home most of the time with the kids and have no adult interaction until my DH gets home. I have found myself many times following him around the house just to be able to talk to an adult instead of talking to kids all day.

You'll love it once you do it. I had to get use to it too. I worked for I think a month after DD was born. Its a great feeling knowing that you get to take care of your family instead of worrying what they are doing and rushing home to get dinner and stuff like that. I wouldnt change it for nothing....

 

[QVCshopper]

is that I can mostly do what I want when I want. Except for my DD's school, I have my own schedule. I get my chores down and we have fun, too.

For example, washing a dirty sandbox this morning turned into a water party in my front lawn, with a very wet little boy and girl running around in their pjs. Later, they said it was the most fun ever. I'm pretty flexible, so I take each day as it goes--and it doesn't take much to keep little kids happy.

I do suggest joining a few zoos, museums, etc. b/c they help keep the costs down for being a SAHM. And I do have one SAHM mom friend who I see 1x/week.

I also worked since I was 14. I went back full-time after my DD was born in 2004, but it was a lot of stress on me. I quit after my DS was born 16 months later, and then immediately got a part-time job. I currently work 20 hours/week at night and stay home during the day. My husband is great with the kids and me working--like someone else said, it's my "Me" or "thinking" time.

Good luck--you'll find the best situation for you. If something doesn't work, you can always try something else...

 

[connorlevismom]

I just wanted to take some time out and thank everyone for responding to my question. It really helped me look at what is in front of me, decision wise.

I think for now, I will wait until after the baby is born to make any decisions. I don't want to make a decision now and then after the baby is born decide it was the wrong one and I made it because I was emotional at the time. And I am pretty emotional right now.

I think something that might work for me is going down to 3 days a week. My boss is pretty flexible so I don't think that he will see this as a problem at all. I think I would still put the baby in daycare those two days because where we would sent her does not do part-time care. That way, I have two days to help at my sons school or get things done around the house.

As for the "who is raising my child" comment. Well, I guess it does not really bother me because I don't feel that way. I don't feel like if my child goes to daycare he is being RAISED by someone else. I am raising him. He is 5 and has been in daycare all his life. I know for a fact that he knows things and learns things there that I would never in my life think to teach him. I am not a teacher, they are. I send my child to a highly sought after daycare where all the teachers have 4 year education degrees. So to me, I don't feel like they are raising me child, rather they are educating him. For us, it works out great. But I do understand how people get offended by that comment. Being a mom is hard no matter how you look at it. There is no reason to make yourself feel better by trying to bring down someone else's decision on how they run their house.

Kristine

 

[blessedby3]

My job title became SAHM 19 1/2 years ago after having my first daughter. There is no way I could have ever left her and DH and I decided I would stay home. I kept kids for the first 6 years to help with the income and then we decided to homeschool dd so I gave that up too. By then I had my second child and was homeschooling and very busy. I have had 2 more babies since then (youngest is 20 mos) and I feel busier than ever. Im not homeschooling anymore and have one in college, 2 in school and 1 in diapers. I just dont know how working moms do everything. My hat is off to them. I dont know how working moms get their kids to different activities, appts., etc. I run all the time and at all times of the day.
I really enjoy being with my kids, but I dont put down anyone who chooses to work. My choice cant be everyone elses choice to

 

[LWatson]

This is me too except I have 2 boys. I worked for one year after my hubby decided to get out of the AF b4 going Army, and what I made went to paying for daycare w/ a little "take home". When DH joined the military again I became a SAHM again. I love it, but go crazy at times too. I use hourly daycare for when I need it. Dh is gone for a little bit longer, so I have to get a break somehow.

I have been a SAHM since my first daughter was born in 2004. I now have two little girls and my third due any day now.

It is hard. Somedays I feel like I just want to go out and get a job and be "someone" again. There are definitely times where I don't know who I am, or what I am supposed to be. I think all SAHMs feel like that at one point or another.

But then when I really think about going back to work, I start to cry. I would miss my kids too much. Deep down I love staying home, and being here for them. I don't want someone else raising my kids, even if I am not the perfect mother that they deserve. I love them, care for them, and I hope this time in their lives is reflected as they grow. That they will remember me being home when they get home from school.

Not everyday is filled with fun activities. I don't have a schedule, and I probably should. I am sure there are SAHMs that have activities planned and lots of fun going on. But I still have cleaning to do, and laundry, and meals to get on the table. We play, and I love to do crafts with them, but it doesn't happen every day. Those are special things. Now that the weather is warm, I would like to take them on little day trips, but again it doesn't happen every day.

I try to play with them as much as I can while doing my chores as well. Sometimes they even help. My house is never spotless, and sometimes we have take-out. Sometimes I even wonder if my husband is asking himself "what does she do all day", kids are time consuming. I run errands with them, which is not easy. Taking them out the carseats and into a store where they always want something. But we get through it.

Sometimes I just have a bad day, where I don't want to do anything. Those are the days where they might be in their PJs until 1:00, and the TV is their only friend. Of course I am there if they need me, and I feed them, but it is normal to have a bad day. Doesn't mean I don't love them. Mommy's need a break too. Once in a blue moon I will call my husband and tell him that when he comes home, I need a break. And he gets it. But once he gets home, I have no where to go. So I end up staying home anyway.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, I love being home with my kids. Even though not everyday is perfect. Yes, the moments come where I think I could have done something with my degree, and where I would die for adult conversation. I don't have other SAHM friends, so it gets lonely. But the good days far out weigh the bad ones.

It is a hard decision, and one that you can only make for yourself. Good luck with the baby. If you want to ask me anything else please do. I would be happy to help.

 

[J3nn78]

I would give anything to be a SAHM. I work full time as a teacher and own my own cloth diaper business. I guess I am lucky enough that I get 2 months every summer to be a SAHM. I just dream of what it would be like all the time.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have been a sahm for 16 years now. i know nothing else. i was in to free play and just making it through the day having had 4 kids 5 and under. i have never been domestic or a chef, so our house wa never immaculate or homecooked healthy nutritious meals on the table by 6 pm. i did alot of driving tp preschool which was important to me, no mommys groups, i odn't have much in common with people that want to scrapbook as a moms night out thing vs go to happy hour. happy hour wins everytime with me. i also got mortied by the ladies that weren't allowed to go places and their dhs couldn't watch the kids on their own, that was just too much for me, i was home alone 60 hours a week with kids plus doing the night wakeu shift so when you are off i need my sanity time too weather or not that means going to dinner with dh or just a long nap or out by myself or a weekend away. i had a housekeeper for much of it til my kids could start really really helping out. my kids know simple little meals to make. i don't feel the need to do it all i just feel a need to be jere and be close to my kids, not probe to society that i am the worlds best mother. i am far from perfect but i adore my kids and have a good relationship with them Now that there is alot of downtime with them being in school and sports all day i admit it gets bored but i think they need me more now to sound things off of and keep up with who is who in their lives etc.

Just so you know, not all mommy groups are into scrapbooking - LOL! I usually had 2 at a time, formed by women who had the same interests. These moms were also the ones I went to happy hour with. You couldn't pay me to scrapbook, but as a SAHM, with lots of children, I needed adult interaction. Now that my youngest are in kindergarten, I'm really missing my playgroups, an excuse to sit around, and just chat, and know my children are having a great time playing with friends.

 

[laceemouse]

Just so you know, not all mommy groups are into scrapbooking - LOL! I usually had 2 at a time, formed by women who had the same interests. These moms were also the ones I went to happy hour with. You couldn't pay me to scrapbook, but as a SAHM, with lots of children, I needed adult interaction. Now that my youngest are in kindergarten, I'm really missing my playgroups, an excuse to sit around, and just chat, and know my children are having a great time playing with friends.

Agree, I hate scrapbooking!
I have been a SAHM mom for 18 years and truly love it. I can't imagine the rat race that comes with working full time, picking the kids up at day care, coming home to fix dinner, helping them with homework, getting them to bed, passing out exhausted and getting up before dawn to do it all over again, YUK!

I have to say I am very lucky in that we have always lived in higher income areas where lots of moms stay home. I love my mom friends, and now we homeschool so we do a lot with other homeschool families.
I can't imagine feeling like I have lost my identity staying home, my kids are the most important thing in the world to me. And once they all move out I will be able to be selfish again!
My teens talk to me about everything, and I know all of their friends and their friends' families. No way would I have time to do that if I was working all day.
And call me crazy but I did work for several years pre-kids and there was plenty of gossip and backstabbing and all of that garbage in the workplace. You people must work in nirvana

 

[DISNEYFOS]

Agree, I hate scrapbooking!
I have been a SAHM mom for 18 years and truly love it. I can't imagine the rat race that comes with working full time, picking the kids up at day care, coming home to fix dinner, helping them with homework, getting them to bed, passing out exhausted and getting up before dawn to do it all over again, YUK!

I have to say I am very lucky in that we have always lived in higher income areas where lots of moms stay home. I love my mom friends, and now we homeschool so we do a lot with other homeschool families.
I can't imagine feeling like I have lost my identity staying home, my kids are the most important thing in the world to me. And once they all move out I will be able to be selfish again!
My teens talk to me about everything, and I know all of their friends and their friends' families. No way would I have time to do that if I was working all day.
And call me crazy but I did work for several years pre-kids and there was plenty of gossip and backstabbing and all of that garbage in the workplace. You people must work in nirvana

What a pretentious, mean-spirited post. are you serious? I hope you've made yourself feel better.

 

[LWatson]

Agree, I hate scrapbooking!
And call me crazy but I did work for several years pre-kids and there was plenty of gossip and backstabbing and all of that garbage in the workplace. You people must work in nirvana

Oh man yeah backstabbing is an understatement where I worked back in 06-07. DH was in a head on car crash and I took the day off to care for him (doc appointments...etc), and deal w/ the insurance company and get a rental car. I took a personal day to do this (not a sick day). Well, someone was trying to get their friend into my job (admin assistant) and told HR that I was off applying for other jobs and lied about DH's accident. I was fired the next day. Thats after coming in and doing paperwork on my personal day because my boss needed it that day. Stupid right to work state law didnt let me fight it. Sorry needed to vent.

 

[bunny]

Agree, I hate scrapbooking!
And call me crazy but I did work for several years pre-kids and there was plenty of gossip and backstabbing and all of that garbage in the workplace. You people must work in nirvana

Actually it is no worse than the high school theatrics of the PTL.

 

[MonkersMama]

I'm a part time SAHM.

I work evenings three nights a week (6-11p) once DH gets home - this way we keep the kids out of daycare/before-after school care. I am in graduate school on the weekends.

I have a pretty regular routine, certain days I do groceries, errands, laundry, little home reno projects, my homework (when DD is napping). And honestly...sometimes I nap when she does...I don't get home until midnight on the nights I work - and that's when I start my school homework, so up until 2am some nights and up at 6am. Wears me down, so I have a catch-up nap occasionally.

I'm not into the playgroups etc. DD has a couple toddler friends and we do activities with them a couple times a month, like library story time. I know I need to work on socializing her more, but right now, my plate is full full full.

 

[Elmo888]

I think that one thing that people don't factor in is the social aspect. In order to be happy as a SAHM, you have to make time for social activities. It isn't just fluff - it is your mental health. When you work, you see people all day (usually, depends on what you do). When you stay at home, it is helpful to spend time in simple social activities that are usually for both you and your kids (change of scenery, different people for interaction, etc.)

The other part is that when you stay at home, dive in like it is the last thing that you will do. I meet women who stay home for maternity leave, but since they aren't going long term, they don't create a daily life for themselves. They just think that they would go crazy staying at home. If you act like it is short term (even if it is), it won't work. Or it will just be frustrating.

There is plenty to do, too. As your kids get in school, there are a lot of volunteer opportunities!

ETA: I wanted to clarify that I don't just mean social relationships just for the sake of being social, but also support that one gets from social relationships. Having support allows you to vent, seek advice, etc. which can really help your general well-being as a SAHM.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

[MoniqueU]

Just so you know, not all mommy groups are into scrapbooking - LOL! I usually had 2 at a time, formed by women who had the same interests. These moms were also the ones I went to happy hour with. You couldn't pay me to scrapbook, but as a SAHM, with lots of children, I needed adult interaction. Now that my youngest are in kindergarten, I'm really missing my playgroups, an excuse to sit around, and just chat, and know my children are having a great time playing with friends.

Good to know, a little late for me. The one I went to was a bit too stepford wife for me. I had my kids young so was always on the younger age range, don't think of a good time a s a movie and a board game and scrapbooking and cooking and cleaning conversations just set me on edge. Today I got my girls out the door, had some coffee, talked to my son that had his last day yesterday and packed him a little bit for washington DC where he goes on Saturday. I didn't cook anything harder then eggo pop up waffes, I didn't clean anything and I did take a bath and a hap. Not your conventional stay at home mom. I am going out for mid day martinis with my friend next weds and we will be talking about how evil men are and nothing domestic. I just fit a different mold of SAHM I think.

 

[mom2princessj]

When dd was on her way dh and I had differing opinions on SAHM...I didn't want to be one and was looking into daycare and he was raised by sahm so he wanted me to be one as well...thought it was best for dd. Well it ended up working out that I was sahm...my company was bought out and my job was eliminated so I felt like I'd give it a try. Almost 6 years later I haven't looked back. DD had colic for 10 weeks so i can't imagine having to work when I wasn't sleeping and then I got pregnant again when dd was 6 mos old (not planned) and so life was chaotic at best. I did go through a time of depression about being lonely with two toddlers at home. But that all changed when dd started preschool 2 years ago.

fast forward to today...I'm so busy with activities, playdates, school, etc I wish I had time to stay at home. I don't know how we'd do the sports and such if we both worked...I'm exhausted now I can't imagine how I'd feel after working all day.

I've met several good friends from preschool. I have some friends I've met through dd's gymnastics, her dance, and swimming. DS does pre hockey so we've met some great people from there as well. I'm not lonely anymore...sometimes I actually wish we did less but my kids really enjoy being social and truth be told its as much for me as it is for them. I also go to the gym with friends and workout 3 times per week and the kids go to the gym playroom which they love and look forward to. I also have a book club I belong to so I go out once per month with my friends and have a night out without kids. I look forward to it and need the time...its nice to get away now and then

It's a personal choice...its definitely NOT for everyone. I don't know how I'll ever go back to work and be on someone else's schedule. That's going to be tough. I'm planning to go back to school for nursing...I have a degree in accounting and only need a couple of classes to apply for the program so as soon as the kids are in school full time I plan to do that. My long term plan would be to work nights a few nights per week so I can be home for the kids...its kind of like the best of both worlds really. Good luck with your choice...whatever you decide I'm sure it will work best for you and your family

 

[A&E'sMom]

I found this newspaper clipping online a few months ago, and sent it out to all my SAHM friends and family: http://momsnetwork.com/workathomeblog/2009/02/13/for-moms-at-home/#comment-15

 

[chrisw127]

We're just like you: We work hard all day long. The only difference is that our "boss" sometimes cries when we go to the bathroom (and always walks in on us) and will occasionally throw up/pee on us.

Oh, and we have this conversation, or a variation thereof, several times a day:

Kid: Mom, does Yoda have a butt?

Mom: Yes, how would he sit down.

Kid: Mom, does Yoda wear underwear?

And so on.

Sometimes we wonder, as I'm sure you do, if we made the right decision for us and our family.

 

[zookooz]

I havn't read all the previous posts, so sorry if this has been said;
I became a SAHM 5 years ago, and having one adult being in charge of the house, errands, kids schooling (drop off/pick up), dr appointments, etc has relieved my family of a lot of stress. We also devote our weekends to family since errands and appoitments were taken care of during the week. I also have had free time to be involved at my church and recently I was elected to the school board. I could have never worked, had young kids, and been involved in my community to this extent.

Good luck making your decision,
Z

 

[katherine52478]

I think you can always find a way to compromise if you wanted to. I am the office manager at my son's daycare (he is 2 1/2). It works out perfectly me for me since I get to work full-time with benefits while being in the same building as my son. I know all of his teachers and I get to see him throughout the day if I need a hug or if he is having a rough day. My boss is totally understanding if he is sick and I need to be out and I am always around for mommy events that occur at school. The only thing I am nervous about is when he goes to Kindergarten since I want to be there to drop him off and pick him up, but I have 2 more years to worry about that. Maybe you can see if there is a part-time job you can get while he is in daycare part-time or maybe they are hiring there? That way you can talk to adults but still feel involved in their daily activities?

Edited to Add: I forgot to mention the discount... if you work at your child's daycare, you'll probably get a discount... that is key to my having him come with me to work!