What do we do with Auntie at WDW????

[airhead]

There will be 4 kids(17,15,13 and 10yrs old),and 5 adults. One of the adults is a 76 yr old Aunt,who really has no energy(or enthusiasm) for this trip. She really will be spending a lot of time by herself on this vacation. She's been told we will be up early(she refuses to get up before 10am!)to tour the parks. She hates the heat(won't wear shorts)and we're going the end of June for 10 days. I have been very upfront about our schedule;a lot of walking every day(she has bad knees and cannot walk fast or far). There are some days we will not be at the resort ALL day! We have reservations on the 4th of July at Discovery Cove and then Dinner at Ohana's. We weren't planning to come back to the hotel,but now we'll have to.We will be at the water parks and on some morning golfing.She enjoys being waited on(usually by the kids,who do not want her to come with us).I have tried to tell her that maybe this isn't a good trip for her,but she won't listen. She says she'll find things to do if we "leave her all alone". Any suggestions??

 

[mom2alix]

What resort? We might be able to make better suggestions if we knew that. For instance, at WL they have a lodge tour and activities like that which she might enjoy. i'm sure other resorts have similar activities we might be able to come up with. Will your aunt use Disney transportation by herself? She might enjoy touring other resorts, too.

When we took MIL (also doesn't do walking well), I insisted that she get an ECV when we went to Epcot. She didn't like the idea, but it REALLY helped. That was the park she enjoyed the most.

 

[airhead]

What resort? We might be able to make better suggestions if we knew that. For instance, at WL they have a lodge tour and activities like that which she might enjoy. i'm sure other resorts have similar activities we might be able to come up with. Will your aunt use Disney transportation by herself? She might enjoy touring other resorts, too.

When we took MIL (also doesn't do walking well), I insisted that she get an ECV when we went to Epcot. She didn't like the idea, but it REALLY helped. That was the park she enjoyed the most.

We will be at the Dolphin. She won't use a scooter or a wheelchair because she's "not a cripple"(her words not ours...)
She's just difficult. I also think that she knows we really don't want her to come on this vacation,which is why she will!
I have NO problem leaving her alone all day. She will cause so much hassle...

 

[irene_dsc]

Sounds like your best plan is to let her do her own thing during the day, and maybe meet up for dinner? I suspect that is the *only* strategy that won't involve everyone way over-stressing - and she is probably more interested in slower paced stuff than a bunch of teenagers. And if she takes it at her own pace, she may be ok without an ECV - she just may not see nearly as much. But, that is her issue, not yours.

And if she isn't willing to take Disney transportation, maybe a cab? Don't run yourself ragged to work around her - if she is insisting on coming along, she needs to work with you on this.

 

[pweyl36]

Why was she invited if she doesnt like heat getting up early? Why is going?

 

[MSSANDRA]

Why was she invited if she doesnt like heat getting up early? Why is going?

That is what i wondered. Prayers that you do not go CRAZY.

 

[airhead]

Why was she invited if she doesnt like heat getting up early? Why is going?

She really wasn't invited. This is what happened; My family went out for Thanksgiving dinner and during dinner the youngest member of the family said to me,"Auntie,guess what? We're going to Disney World! Wanna come with us?" The Aunt in question,was sitting near enough to hear and think it was her that was being invited. That's how the invite happened! Now we're trying to get her to understand without hurting her feelings that its not a vacation for her.

 

[mom2alix]

You poor thing. One thing MIL decided to do on our next trip is to take some side trips of her own. There are bus tours through Gator Tours that will pick up at your hotel and take you all kinds of places. MIL is going to take one to NASA one day and another to the Everglades and Miami. She's also planning on coming with us for breakfast some days and a few attractions, then heading back to the villa to read and relax.

I believe there's also a nice spa and the Swan/Dolphin that Auntie might enjoy, maybe she could go get a manicure? Would she go over to the Boardwalk and look around? I was thinking if she's do Disney transportation by herself she could also head over to Downtown Disney and shop or go see a movie.

Have you considered looking into one of the DVC properties? The villa layout would provide more living space if Auntie is going to be spending a lot of time in the room. MIL actually kind of enjoys relaxing in the villa in the afternoons.

I've learned with extended family trips that I outline OUR itinerary (my immediate family's) and let them have a copy. They're free to join us or not, but no one is going to make me feel guilty for enjoying my vacation. My motto is: Pout away, I'm perfectly capable of ignoring you!

Tell her flat out that she may be alone much of the time and if that isn't going to make her happy, then it would be better if she went with you on a different vacation. (Sounds like a cruise might suit her more.)

Good luck with this, been there done that with the older family member that gets cranky when they can't/don't want to keep up with the pace!

 

[Nancyg56]

My motto is: Pout away, I'm perfectly capable of ignoring you!

Tell her flat out that she may be alone much of the time and if that isn't going to make her happy, then it would be better if she went with you on a different vacation. (Sounds like a cruise might suit her more.)

I bet she just wants to join you on a vacation and this is the one she knows about. Perhaps if you outline your itinerary with her, point out how large Disney is and offer to have her join you on a trip that is not so difficult she would understand what she is getting herself into. IF she is capable of enjoying the resort by herself and taking some side trips alone this may work out. If she is not and her expectations are not what your family's are she may need to reconsider.

 

[hematite153]

If it ends up that she is determined to come, I'd recommend a very clear plan that she has in advance and that allows several points in every day when she could join you.

I.e. if you have a plan that says:

Day 3: DHS at rope drop
11:30 Indiana Jones show
1:00 lunch ADR at 50's PTC
4:30 show of Beauty and the Beast
6:00 diner ADR at Spoodles

Then, she can choose to come join you whenever she feels like it, or spend the day alone.

Plus, there's plenty of time in between the pre-planned events to do some spontaneous stuff.

I guess what I'm saying is, I wouldn't change my plans because she wants to come but isn't willing to do what you had already planned.

On the wc/ecv issue.... My grandmother was very determined not to use such things either. She'd use a walker in her home (for basic things like getting the remote on the other side of the living room), but, only wanted to take a cane when she went out for a walk on the ice because she didn't want people to think of her as a 'cripple'. My father ended up telling her that she was only invited to (insert vacation, etc. here) if she was willing to use a wheelchair. As a general rule, I don't think this is the best approach and I would much rather that a person makes their own decisions about what they need. But, for my grandmother, I think it was face-saving to be able to say, "I'm only doing this because my son insisted."

If you do decide to force this issue, I'd recommend renting and ecv for the length of stay. (I might use Randy's since she'd get a lesson, or BVS since you'll be in the Boardwalk area.) That way she'd have it for herself during the day if she decides to head over to epcot to join you, or just tour the boardwalk.

 

[airhead]

You all had some wonderful ideas on how to deal with "Auntie".
Unfortunately,she is one that would most definitely expect that we would wait for her to "catch up". This happens all too frequently to the kids when they get tricked into going shopping with her. The kids know to be respectful,but Auntie really pushes the limits. We're hoping that when it comes down to the wire,she'll back out.(...please!!!)

thanks to all,
Airhead(CJ)

 

[Nancyg56]

You all had some wonderful ideas on how to deal with "Auntie".
Unfortunately,she is one that would most definitely expect that we would wait for her to "catch up". This happens all too frequently to the kids when they get tricked into going shopping with her. The kids know to be respectful,but Auntie really pushes the limits. We're hoping that when it comes down to the wire,she'll back out.(...please!!!)

thanks to all,
Airhead(CJ)

I commend your children for showing respect for their Aunt. Shopping, dinner and simple day trips are areas in which an elderly person can be accommodated. If you had extended her a blanket invitation to join you understanding her limitations I would say that accommodating her is appropriate here. You did not. She has asked to join your family and you have explained that this may not be the trip for her unless she is willing to make some changes in her "touring" style.While it is going to be uncomfortable, I believe it is necessary to sit down with her and a bunch of Disney maps to show her why she needs to compromise if she wants to join you.

I would be frank with her. This is an expensive vacation and if you are all forced to conform to her pace you are going to have a mutiny on your hands. Tell her that you would love for her to join you under certain conditions. She will use and ECV when she is in the parks ( she will beg for one after an afternoon in EPCOT) or you will help her to find alternate activities while your family is in the parks. You will find these activities prior to making her reservation and she must participate in the planning. If she will not agree tell her that you love her and would like her to join you on a less arduous vacation. I would bet you a buck she really has no idea what a Disney vacation with young people entails becasue she would not even want to go without making arrangements for her comfort.

 

[airhead]

I just got my credit card bill with the one night charge for each room. We're hoping this will end her vacation plans!

 

[airhead]

UPDATE on the Auntie situation! Well,I took a little bit of all the advice you all gave me, talked with Auntie about the trip to WDW,and SHE decided "it just wasn't her cup of tea". THANKYOU!!!

Everybody is very happy !!

 

[hematite153]

SHE decided "it just wasn't her cup of tea". THANKYOU!!!

Glad to hear it!

I think the suggestion to consider another trip that works well for her is a good one. You could go somewhere near home for a weekend that is more her cup of tea.

Then, she'll feel like you really do want her around, and, realize that your concerns about wdw were really about the type of vacation.

Enjoy the planning for your trip!

 

[Nancyg56]

I'm glad that it all worked out for you. From the tone of your posts it was clear that you did not want to hurt your Aunt and that you care about her and her feelings.

My Mom and I went on a bus trip many years ago. She had always wanted to go back to Canada to visit some of the churches she had visited with my Dad, this was not a trip my family would have enjoyed. It was a bit of traveling and a busy several days but the two of us had such a great time. Maybe you could plan a little get-a-way for just the two of you. Without kids or a husband to consider the two of you could plan to suit her pace. I got to see a side of my Mom I had never seen before and I will treasure that trip for ever. 20 years after that trip she was still talking about it.

Have fun on your vacation!