What do I say????

[tacomaranch]

I was telling a man about my son today and he said "I'm sorry". I know it is being polite but still it got me thinking. I am not sorry about my son, I love him. I do feel sorry for my self sometimes, but only when I get super tired and stress. It isn't sorry but more like....why God!

So what is a nice reply to people who are just being polite but offend me? Also, does this all make sense?

Thanks, April

 

[KirstenB]

This is hard, because the friends and family we've told about our youngest, who has high functioning autism usually do say they're sorry. And they really mean it. I think it's important to recognize the motive of the person, which is usually empathy and kindness.

You could just say thanks and smile. Or you could say something like, "thanks, but my son/daughter has taught us a lot, and I couldn't imagine life any other way".

 

[LindsayDunn228]

A simple, "Don't be," has always worked for me.

 

[BillSears]

Concerning myself I usually say:

"Thanks but I'm doing fine."

 

[Val]

I don't have an answer for you, but I can share my experience. Remember the poem/story about going to Holland rather than Italy? Before my DD9 was diagnosed with significant hearing loss, I planned on "going to Italy" with her. I felt bad for all those who went to Holland instead, because Italy was so nice. Well, at least I thought it was, after all I had been there with my 3 older children, so to speak. But then I went to Holland (my DD was diagnosed)....and you know what? It's okay!

I guess my tendency before she was diagnosed would have been to say sorry, too, as if you should be/are disappointed. But, I am not disappointed. Disappointed is the wrong word. I guess I grieve for Italy, but Holland is okay, too! Maybe it takes a trip to Holland to understand that it is different than Italy, but it is still a great place! My DD has hearing loss- but it is just one part of her. She is so much more.... I no longer say I am sorry when a parent shares their child's disABILITY with me, I just smile. Maybe because it's because some us know the secret about Holland! And aren't the flowers especially beautiful!

 

[Ms_Butterfly]

Tell them of the blessings your child brings to your life and that you like to think about those things. The other stuff may be hard and/or disappointing, but worth it for your child being who he/she is and in your life.

 

[cancer_survivor_06]

I have had to deal w/ this alot w/ my dd3 and myself. At one point I can remeber when people kept telling me "I am so sorry" and me replying "I'm Not". I think my brain had heard it so much that it couldn't process a different reply. Then one day I decided I couldn't keep telling people that, I truthfully still have not come up w/ a suitable reply and sometimes I am not expecting that comment and then I reply, "Thank You" or "Thank you for your sympathy". The only bad thing about that is that I don't want sympathy and I am not sorry, I am truly grateful.

 

[alizesmom]

I have more trouble with the people who say "You're so wonderful for taking care of him" My son is adopted but he's my son and I'm not wonderful! I'm a mother. Karen

 

[freckles and boo]

I usually say something stupid like "nobody's perfect" or "we all have our challenges" but I wish I had something better to fall back on. How much I talk depends on whether I am with someone who is genuinely interested in my child, someone I am interested in educating, or someone I just want to go away.

 

[MandM-Mom]

People don't realize its not the right thing to say, I don't think I realized how bad it sounded until I had my daughter last July....we got so many I am sorry that I just started saying, "Oh don't be sorry every child is a blessing!" I probable said sorry to others before and didn't realize how it sounded till a year ago, and then I got so sick of it fast!! I know they just are at a loss for words and trying to make me feel better but don't know what to say.

 

[darlak]

I always just smiled and said "We are so thankful that God blessed us with her." I just didn't even mention their "I'm sorry".