what are some reason why u don't have kids

[Kelly'sLove]

I used to be the type of person that always thought i would want kids but lately i've been thinking that i might not want any children. I like being able to go on romantic getaways on the spur of the moment with my boyfriend. I love spending my time with my boyfriend. Maybe in the far future i might change my mind but i don't know if i will. What are some reasons why you decided you did not want to have any children.

 

[Aurora63]

First, I have not decided to NEVER have children, I think I will want one or two sometime in the future, maybe in two or three years. But at the moment, we are just not financially ready. We're doing okay for just the two of us, but I'd like to be able to afford my own home by the time I have kids, and maybe be a stay at home mom for a few years.

I feel this way cause my parents were "paycheck to paycheck" people when they had me and my sister, no savings, and later, things got bad financially. Let me tell you, it is hell on a child to have to worry about whether you family might be evicted, will you be homeless, what will you eat that day, etc.

So that is why I have no kids right now!

 

[Disney Doll]

I have no kids because we were unable to have children. That was hard for a while, but as I get older, I realize that maybe it isn't so bad after all. Don't get me wrong, I love children and would love to have had them, but if it was not "meant to be" by some Divine plan, there are some perks to being "child-free".

1. Can vacation whenever we want...don't have to wait for school vacations or make the decision about tkaing kids out of school.
2. Our time is our own, to spend as we wish, without having to worry about children.
3. Less financial headaches
4. Less overall headaches
5. What I think would have been my parenting style wouldn't have worked in society today. All the other mothers would have thought I was too strict, too straight-laced, too everything!!!! I am not a coddler.

The one thing I do find important is to be important in the life of the children I know and love. Kids cannot have too many people that they know love them, care about them, and that they feel comfortable turning if they need help. DH and I make sure that, to our nieces and nephews and our friends' children, we are that "extra" set of parents.

But, if God had seen fit to give me a child, it would have made me very happy.

 

[FreshTressa]

Sorry, I do have kids, but I had to reply.

There is nothing wrong with being childless. In our culture, sometimes we feel pressured to fit in that mold, but it is not for everyone.

I have several child free couples in my family and they are extremely happy with their choice. You do not need to ever justify your choice to anyone.

I don't know how to say this without sounding like I don't want my kids, cuz I do, but sometimes I feel like I want my life back. I no longer have any privacy, I am always busy, I am always being pulled on and tugged on to give give give.

I am sometimes very envious of child free couples and their social and financial freedom.

And, one good thing about it is you can always change your mind later and choose to have one, but once you have one, you can never go back to being just yourself ever again!

 

[SeaSpray]

I've been on both sides of this subject;

When I was 20 yrs old and first married, I didn't want any children at all. I'm admittedly a person without a lot of patience (although over the years, I've developed a LOT of patience. lol), I never liked kids AT ALL when I was growing up, I was never one of those teenagers who babysat, I really couldn't stand little kids or babies!! LOL

Within a few years I changed my mind, though. We owned a home, had no monthly bills except mortgage and household expenses, and we could live on just my husband's salary. Well.... we decided to have a baby.... and that lead to 4 years of infertility treaments, tests, pills, temperature-taking, surgeries, etc. I finally got pregnant after a few years, but then had a miscarriage. I decided to stop trying to get pregnant altogether. Within 6 months I was pregnant again (this time without "trying"...no pills, no keeping track of ovulation....NOTHING). 9 months later I had DS15. Three years later I had DS12.

If I hadn't gotten pregnant afterall, we would've adjusted to life without children. When we realized that there was a very real possibility that we'd never have any children, we sat down and re-examined our plans for ourselves and our future; we made plans to take our money and invest it in real estate properties and then just enjoy life to the fullest as best we could. (and maybe even look into adoption somewhere down the line).

Anyway... I just want to say that just because you don't want any kids NOW (which is a good thing, by the way!!), it doesn't necessarily mean you will always feel that way. I never thought I'd *want* kids of my own, but I love my 2 DSs and am very grateful to have them.

 

[snoopy]

We were married almost 9 years before we decided to have kids. Its not a decision that should be arrived at lightly. I know we made the right decision, I knew that when I decided we would have them.

I admire couples who decide its not for them. I can imagine they have to endure a lot of stupid inquiries as to why they don't have any, but better have to fend these off then bring kids into this world because society dictates you should when you really don't want them.

 

[Kell-Bell]

Mines simple. I'm too young! I'm only 21 (22 next month) I would like to have them in the future but at the moment, I'm not married, (I just personally want to be married before I have any children.) I don't actually live with my boyfriend so there's the whole 'don't have any where to live' problem. And I personally don't feel ready. I have a 3 year old nephew who I love to bits so I get to nearly be a parent for a few hours a week and thats enough for me!! Although I do go through phases where I swear I'll never have a child!! Usually when I see others misbehaving! But I think alot of that is down to the parent not 'controlling' the said child. (Sorry I didn't mean to rant!) And then I swing to the other end and say that I can't wait to have a baby, usually when my nephew does something really sweet!



Just thought you'd to know my reason!

 

[helenabear]

Currently we do not have kids. I am not sure if we will ever have them or not. FreshTressa said it well... having kids is not for everyone, and it really stinks that sometimes there is pressure there to have kids when some really shouldn't. One of the main reasons why we do not have kids is that we feel like we aren't financially ready to do so. The other main reason is that right now, we feel very comfortable in our lives. The desire to bring someone else into the world just isn't there at this time. It's a very personal choice no matter what though.

 

[believe]

I just wanted to say that those who really think through having children and look at all the sides are very wonderful people. Having children is something that must be done unselfishly and because you want to. My best friend as well as another couple DH and I are friends with have decided to be 'child-free' and I applaud them for examining their life and making sure that they make the right decision for themselves. They all love children, but have decided the day to day child thing is not for them...too much stress and they like their freedom. It is good for me because when they are around they really love on my girls and give them a lot of extra attention.

 

[Pooh67_68]

Disney Doll wrote excatly what I would have written.
I believe everything happens for a reason, and since I could not have children I make it a point to be a good and loving influence on the children of other family members.

 

[caitycaity]

though i really want kids some day i know now is not the time.

dh and i are still paying off debt.
i want to have a house first.
i'm getting my master's right now and working and no way could i add a baby to that mix and keep my sanity.
i still have a lot of travelling i want to do.

i know there is no perfect time to have a baby, but this would definately not be a good time for us.

 

[Disney Doll]

I also think that children are a HUGE responsibility and sacrifice, and if it's one that you are not TOTALLY ready to make, then oyu shouldn't do it.

I have a DSIL who had children later in life and she and her husband are SO not into doing what is best for the kids. They do what is easiest for them. They are also very jealous of the fact that DH and I(child-free) and my other DSIL and DBIL(whose kids are all in college) are able to have more freedom now. The DSIL with the little ones always wants to be able to go to the same adult-oriented restaurants with the kids, travel during the school year like we can etc, and it just doesn't work when you have a 5 and a 6 year old. When they were here for a visit(they live about 1500 miles away, which is a good thing! )we went to a local aquarium, which is located near a dining/shopping type of an area. there were several more family-oriented restaurants in the vicintiy, but DSIL had to go to the brewery-style restaurant for lunch, because she "wanted to have a nice lunch and not always have to do things for the kids". Well, hello...a 5 and a 6 year old do not belong in a brewey type restaurant at lunch time with all the business people. And then she got angry because the restaurant didn't have milkshakes!!!!! The server looked at her and said "Well, I'll see what I can do but it's not McDonald's". And actually, they were very nice because the bartender did make up a vanilla shakes for my nephew. And of course, DSIL had to make a nasty comment to the girl when shebrought the shake back, instead of just saying "thank you". Then they insisted on paying and left a lousy tip, so I pretended that I forgot my gloves at the table, and went back and threw down more money because the girl had done several nice things in addition to the milkshakes and put up with the "Spawn of Satan" for lunch!!!!!

 

[Eeyore1954]

I am childless by choice. Many years ago I realized that I liked children -- as long as they were someone else's! Not having had a good role model growing up, I decided it'd be best for me to opt out of parenthood. I know I don't have the mental or emotional make-up or wiring to handle the task and any child I brought into the world would be miserable or worse. I just consider this my personal contribution of some "chlorine" to the societal gene pool.

 

[Kimberle]

Having child(ren) is a very big decision. You also have to be prepared to take the bad with the good.

Not all pregnancies fit into the "happier ever after" category. I delievered my dd at 29 weeks, 11 weeks early. She was 1 pound 15.5 ounces, 13.5 inches at birth. She spend 8.5 weeks in NICU.

Our "outcome" was favorable. Our dd, now at 4.5 has no long term problems resulting from her prematurity. However, there were other babies in the NICU that came home with CP, blindness, etc. Some did not come home at all.

I don't want to scare you. Most pregnancies do result in a full term delivery with a healthy baby. There are some that do not.

Raising children is wonderful. But as others have said, it's not for everybody. Only you and your partner can make the decision as to what is right for you. Don't let anyone "pressure" you. When and if the time is right, you will know.

 

[smileybrat]

Let's see, why don't I have kids? For one thing, I'm only 19. Another reason, I don't think I would have the patiance to deal with kids all day. My sister is a nanny and I don't know how she does it. Kidsuntil they are about 5 or out of their bratty stage, drive me crazy. Also, I like being able to do what I want, when I want, not having to worry about getting a sitter, etc. I personally don't think I'll ever want to have kids. I'll be perfectly happy playing with my sis's kids (when/if she has some) and then getting to send them back home.

 

[Sandy V.]

CaityCaity, you are definitely right when you say "there is no perfect time to have a baby". How true!

I was married almost 5 years before we had our first child. We were only out of law school for 2 years, were financially strapped, working long hours, extremely stressful job situations, etc. We kept saying, "We'll start a family NEXT year". Well, guess what? I found out that I was 4 months pregnant, so "next year" became NOW.

I went kicking and screaming into motherhood at 28, all the time thinking "I can't be a mother - this means I have to grow up!"

Two kids later, it was all worth it for me. But I admire those who know themselves well enough to make the decision not to have children, or who wait until they feel prepared, either financially or emotionally. But you're never totally prepared for kids!

 

[TarraLee]

DH and I are both still in law school, so no kids for us now! We're hoping for children eventually, but at least 5 years from now. We love to travel, and are hoping to get out of school, and do a blow-out Disney trip (platinum plan, GF concierge, etc) and a tour of Eurpoe trip before we have little ones. For now, we're happy borrowing our neices and nephews!

 

[CJK]

Well, this is certainly a topic dear to my heart. I've been struggling for 5yrs on this issue. I've been married 5yrs and I'm 30yrs old (bday was yesterday!). My biological clock is ticking VERY loudly. I am just terrified of becoming a mother. The responsibility seems overwhelming to me. How could I be responsible for a little being?? This person would rely on ME and I can hardly grasp that concept! I love our freedom with respect to time and finances. I worry about lack of sleep. I worry about mental illness. Dh has mental illness in his family and it scares me to have a baby who develops similar problems. I know how difficult it is for people to deal with......

Conversely, we both like children. 80% of our friends have children and the other 20% are thinking of getting pregnant very soon. Our social life is drastically changing now that our friends are having children. That said, I know I shouldn't have children just because our friends are!!

Oh how I wish we could just make a decision and stick with it. I'm tired of this pendulum we're riding. I'm really enjoying reading peoples' responses. Thanks to OP for asking this question.

 

[eeyore74]

DH and I don't want kids. We like our freedom. We don't really have any specific reason for not wanting kids, I just knew a long time ago that I didn't want any. One thing to be prepared for, if you marry, is the oh so annoying question - "Why did you get married if you're not having children?" Arrghh!!!

But like another poster said, you don't have to justify your reasons to anyone. It's your choice.

 

[hipporina]

I too have kids, but just had to post on this one! For those of you out there that desperately want children and can't have them for some reason, there is always adoption. DH and I have been going through infertility for 3.5 years and just adopted two boys (almost 8 and 3.5). We could not afford traditional or international adoption, but there are lots of children in the system that have been removed from their biological homes and need a family. Our boys were two of them. Plus, many times when you go this route, there is financial assistance available. We got all of our legal expenses reimbursed, plus we get a monthly allowance to help with the costs of raising the boys.

I know many people do not desire children, but if you do, and can't have your own, there are still options.