What age to leave kids home alone?

[disneysteve]

I'm sure this has come up before but I haven't seen it lately.

My DD will be 9 in a few weeks and is pretty mature for her age. She is a bright kid and knows all about safety issues, not opening the door, answering the phone, etc. She knows the alarm code if needed. She's capable of calling 911 or our cell phones if there is a problem. We're close with our next door neighbor who could come over if needed.

I certainly wouldn't want to leave her for any extended period, but what about something quick like running over to the ATM or picking up a gallon of milk - that sort of thing. At what age is it generally acceptable to start short home alone times? How about slightly longer times like DW and I grabbing dinner alone?

Those of you with older kids, what did you do? Those with young kids, when do you plan to cut the cord?

 

[Miss Cleo]

30

 

[HollyJoy]

I think the age is 10 here in Maryland

 

[Trish Bessette]

I think it is 12 in Vermont.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

How do you find out the age in your state? I was just thinking about this and DS. He will be 10 soon, and I think he might be ready. Tough and scary decision!

 

[beattyfamily]

Well, these are two different things...5 minutes for a quick errand and then dinner alone for a couple of hours.

I'd say 9 or 10 isn't bad for a very quick trip and if you are certain they know the rules and will remember them and follow them when you are not around...no answering the phone or the door etc...

For a couple of hours for dinner, not sure yet but I'm thinking right now more like at least 13 or 14 years old.

I think that we need to test our kids with the rules like not answering the phone or answering the door because even if you drill it into them, they do forget. I've even seen stories on Oprah with hidden cameras and parents were SHOCKED when their child, whom they drilled the rules into, answered the door and actually let the stranger in to use the phone because his car broke down.

 

[Scullyrules1013]

When I was about ten (I'm 18 now) my mom started substitute teaching again (she had stopped when I was born) and so I would be home alone for a few hours after school, watching my little brother. We were fully informed about not answering the door for strangers, we had a close family friend to call if anything happened, etc. so I never felt scared and I don't remember having any problems with being adultless for a while. I think a nine-year-old could handle a quick trip to the gas station but I don't think any extended situations would be acceptable at her age (as you already said), especially if she's the only child; it's definitely a bigger issue to be alone when you're truly alone. However at the same time it shouldn't be a traumatic incident if it's 3:00 in the afternoon and you go to pick up the dry cleaning while she continues some homework or watches a movie or plays with neighbor friends or whatever.

As I'm not a parent I wouldn't know exactly what to say about what age is "right" for allowing your child to stay home for hours at a time especially at night (like going out to dinner) but I will say that I know I felt comfortable without my parents at ten/eleven and I wasn't a particularly independent child. The neighborhood does matter some too; we lived in a suburb, a decent sized town where you lock your car and everything, but I never felt like it was a "bad neighborhood". Anyway good luck, talk to your daughter about her comfort zone, and before you know it she'll be in college and typing pseudoadvice to DISers with children...hahaha


Scully

 

[snoopy]

I was 10 when I started not only staying home alone, but watching my younger brothers and sister. Wouldn't happen in today's world though.

My oldest son is 9. I would consider leaving him alone at 10 if I had to run errands, he is also a very mature child. The younger one I might leave home when he is 35.

 

[Az Pirates]

I'm just curious - are those ages mandated by law or are they suggested ages?

I know here in Arizona Child Protective Services has suggested age guidlines - but I didn't think a certain age could be legislated?
I'm not up on state laws everywhere though so could definitely be wrong about that.

Here they will investigate if a child under 6 is left alone for any length of time and from ages 6-9 if they are left for 3 hours or more.

I do occasionally leave my son home (he will be 9 this month)
I'm usually just picking up or dropping off one of the other kids and am always within 10 minutes or so of home when I leave him though. I always have my cell phone with me so he can call if he needs to.

Such a fine line between fostering independance and protecting and keeping them safe isn't it? Now where DID I put that parenting manual?!

 

[disykat]

I just started leaving them for short periods (maybe 1 hr) in the daytime when my oldest turned 11 (my youngest is 9). I'll extend the time when ds turns 12, but don't plan on leaving them in the evening until they are 13 and 11.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I started leaving both my kids alone at age 9 or 10 for quick trips up to the grocery store or whatever. I always thought my kids knew all the rules about phones and strangers, but when put to the test --- not so much. My oldest made TONS of mistakes.....answering the phone, opening the door and telling neighbors he was home alone, etc etc etc Every time he did we would pull the right to stay home and then start again after a month or so.

My middle son has been much more reliable. I think he had the benefit of watching his brother make all the mistakes and get in trouble.

 

[DisneyTeacher]

I was just researching laws in my state dealing with children left home alone. In Illinois the age is 14. There were some factors that play into that law--like length of time and information provided to the children. I think 14 seems a little old for staying home alone for the first time.

I have a family next door who leaves the kids home alone for 2-3 hours after school. The parents work out of town, one parent is an hour away and the other is about 40 minutes from town. The kids are 5th grade, 4th grade and 2nd grade. They are wild, there are at least 5-6 other kids there and they are in and out of the house. The other day the youngest was junning all over the yard screaming/crying while the older one chased her to grab the phone from her. I was ready to call the police but I didn't want to start major trouble with these people. I hate for past problems to cloud my judgement, but I think this situation is wrong.

 

[caitycaity]

i started staying home alone after school for a few hours and watching my younger sister when i was 10.

 

[missypie]

When our oldest two kids were 10 and 8, DH and I decided to leave the two of them alone FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME for one hour while we went to the neighborhood pool, which is 5 blocks from our house. After about 20 minutes, the youngest appeared at the pool...she had run from our house to the pool to tell us that the bathroom was flooding. One of them had flushed the toilet upstairs and there was a little problem, so they lifted the lid to the tank and made it WAY worse (they didn't know about turning the water off at the base) and there was so much water that it made a hole in the family room ceiling below. They were freaked out.

SO, all I can say is that 10 and 8 is too young!!!

 

[Lynn CC]

For a quick errand like a few groceries or going to the bank I started to leave DS home around 12 1/2...
Going out to dinner during evening hours once in a while 16.
That's what we felt comfortable with.

 

[Scullyrules1013]

Originally posted by DisneyTeacher
I was just researching laws in my state dealing with children left home alone. In Illinois the age is 14.

Hey, cool, my parents were breaking the law!

I turned out okay...right?

 

[Az Pirates]

Originally posted by DisneyTeacher
I was just researching laws in my state dealing with children left home alone. In Illinois the age is 14. There were some factors that play into that law--like length of time and information provided to the children. I think 14 seems a little old for staying home alone for the first time.

Wow, that does seem pretty old. A lot of girls around here are doing some limited babysitting by age 12.

While I think the guidlines for our state are VERY lax (I can't imagine leaving a 6 yr. old home for 3 hrs. alone)
I would think most kids are ready to stay alone - at least for mom or dad to run a quick errand or two close-by - before they turn 14!

 

[Lachesis00]

I think Joey was 7 or 8 (my sister was just up the street) when it was quick trips to the store (like 15-30 minutes). When he was 9 we'd extend it to an hour or so (go to dinner). We moved next door to my sister when he was 10... He is 13 now and for over a year I've felt OK about leaving him home alone.


I really think it depends on the child.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I believe most of the laws in Illinois were changed after an incident several years ago. I don't know if you remember -- but there was an Illinois couple who went on a vacation in Mexico and left their two very young girls alone for about a week. I think they were about 6 and 8. It was a huge national news story.

Anyway - the law doesn't say you can't leave children under 14 alone. It just says that leaving children under the age of 14 in an unreasonable environment or for an unreasonable amount of time is neglect. If you read the website there are different factors that are considered including how many children there are, their ages, whether or not they are locked in, whether or not they are left with emergency phone numbers (and a phone), whether or not there are neighbors nearby who could help if needed -- that kind of thing.

http://www.state.il.us/dcfs/docs/whenbroc.pdf

 

[Tigger&Belle]

In Maryland I think the legal age is 8yo to be home alone and 13yo yo babysit someone younger than 8yo.

As far as when you should do it, it really depends on the child and the situation. I started leaving my DD for short periods of time when she was about your daughters age. When she was 13 I felt comfortable leaving her with her younger brothers-- the youngest was 1yo at the time. She was very trustworthy and mature for her age. Now there was the time that my little guy got the phone and called 911 and the police ended up at the door...

I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving my almost 14yo son when he was 9, though. His phone skills were still bad and he just didn't (doesn't?) have the common sense that is needed to be home alone.

My 10yo is fine home alone, but he rarely stays home without siblings.

T&B