What a child wants vs. what they get from you (gift-giving question)...

[starrzone]

With the holiday season coming up, I thought this was a good time to ask this question!

What do you do once you've asked a child or his/her parents what he/she wants for Christmas and you really don't want to buy it? Do you say something along the lines of "Oh, I think Johnny will just toss that aside after a day and never use it again. Is there something else you can suggest?". The toy I'm thinking of is really "cool" (I've tried using one a couple of times and the concept is neat!) and I can see how it would be a novelty at first, but it's very much a fad toy (Pogs, anyone??? ).

Let me say that I certainly don't blame kids for wanting (often poorly-made, flimsy) "fad" toys. Heck, I asked for plenty in my childhood, and if that's what the child wants...well, so be it. However, I'm on a limited budget and would prefer that my gift really meant something and wouldn't just be lost in the shuffle. I tend to give books as presents, based on the reader's interests, because I myself adore reading.

p.s.- I suppose you could argue "Why ask what they want if you don't really mean it/ aren't going to buy what they want anyway". I ask because I like to get a general idea of the person's interests, so I can buy them a gift based on that, even if it's not exactly what they asked for.

 

[3boymthr]

I used to do the same thing and the child's mother would always ask me to get them the toy that was that year's hard to find item or something that was completely not in stores or something like you described - a total waste of money. So now, what I do is instead of asking what they want I ask what they DON'T want, eg, is there anything they hate getting or anything they have too much of or anything that santa is bringing that you don't want me to bring too? For example, middle DS and his friend play Legos all the time and I was thinking of getting him some of those, but his DM said that they have 20 sets of legos that are still unbuilt and her DH always gets him a set for Christmas that they can build together so please don't get him those. This question also gets me a feel for what the person doesn't ever use. The beauty of asking this way is I'm not tied to anyone's idea of what my budget should be. I can get something that's really neat but that doesn't break the bank.

 

[Bluestars]

I like getting a list of things so that one certain item is not expected. That way I can find out the things that the kids are interested in, but don't feel obligated to buy one certain item.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Welllll.... what is the gift? You know we're all going to be curious


I love gift-giving, so I'd rather give something that is going to make the person happy when they open it. Even if it breaks two days later.

My only real rules: I wouldn't buy something the parents adamantly didn't want their child to have.. and I would never buy a sports jersey for the other team

 

[luvmy3]

If I already have something in mind then I ask the parent if the child would like and use it. If they say no, then its back to the drawing board. I guess I would just ask the child what is on their Christmas list so it gives me an idea of what they like so I can come up with another gift for them, either from the list or not.

ETA I don't see giving something to child that they specifically asked for as a waste of money. I think going off on my own and getting something I want them to have just because I want them to have it runs a greater risk of being a waste of money.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Don't ask what they want. Ask what they are interested in. Eg: Barbie, Star Wars etc. then buy something with that theme of your choice.

 

[C.Ann]

If it's within my budget, I prefer to buy the gift that the child wants..

 

[golfgal]

How do you know they won't play with it for years to come. I would get the child what they asked for. If they only play with it for 2 weeks, it gave them 2 weeks of fun, so what. Our kids had a Nerf basketball hoop (2 of them actually) that they played with for years. They are pretty flimsy and cost all of $5 but they had a blast with it. The really, really nice air hockey table gets played with about once/year, maybe.

 

[C.Ann]

How do you know they won't play with it for years to come. I would get the child what they asked for. If they only play with it for 2 weeks, it gave them 2 weeks of fun, so what..

That's how I feel - even as an adult.. Although all gifts are appreciated, if I ask for a book on the Amish, don't buy me a book on dinosaurs because you think it would be a better choice or I would get more "use" out of it..

 

[Kirby]

Don't ask what they want. Ask what they are interested in. Eg: Barbie, Star Wars etc. then buy something with that theme of your choice.

That's what I do. I also find out if they are more prone to play outside or inside, do they like to read, do they like to play games, etc.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

My daughter-in-law usually gives us a list of things - both general things (e.g. "Sebastian is really into Lego right now, he already has X and Y kits") and more specific things ("Callista really wants the new Tinkerbell movie"). Then I let her know what I have bought from the list so we don't duplicate.

But - I don't think you should feel obligated to buy a gift you don't want to buy. If you don't think the gift is going to be good value, hey, it's your money! Yes, you want something the person will like or enjoy, but it also has to be something you feel good about giving.

Teresa

 

[starrzone]

So now, what I do is instead of asking what they want I ask what they DON'T want, eg, is there anything they hate getting or anything they have too much of or anything that santa is bringing that you don't want me to bring too?

I like getting a list of things so that one certain item is not expected. That way I can find out the things that the kids are interested in, but don't feel obligated to buy one certain item.

Don't ask what they want. Ask what they are interested in. Eg: Barbie, Star Wars etc. then buy something with that theme of your choice.

Thank you!!! I really like these ideas and will definitely keep them in mind when I'm shopping this year .

Welllll.... what is the gift? You know we're all going to be curious

How do you know they won't play with it for years to come. I would get the child what they asked for. If they only play with it for 2 weeks, it gave them 2 weeks of fun, so what. Our kids had a Nerf basketball hoop (2 of them actually) that they played with for years. They are pretty flimsy and cost all of $5 but they had a blast with it. The really, really nice air hockey table gets played with about once/year, maybe.

Ok, I'll tell you...it's those blasted Bakugan things. I've seen how they work and I'll admit, they are pretty cool! However, because they are an "it" toy, they seem to be given for every gift-giving occasion, and a fair collection has been built up. I understand WHY they are asked for by the child, but I really, REALLY don't want to buy them. If the child is interested in the principle of magnetism, I'd rather buy him or her a science kit!

I'm fairly confident that Bakugans aren't going to be played with for years to come as I have 2 younger brothers and have seen them get TONS of stuff just like this. They're played with sporadically for a year or so and then get put in a shelf, then under a bed, then in a box...I suppose it's a fine line, though. If they were cheaper and a better value for what you're actually getting, I probably wouldn 't hesitate. I do balk at paying money for what is essentially a piece of decorative plastic with a magnet inside.

 

[NMAmy]

They're played with sporadically for a year or so and then get put in a shelf, then under a bed, then in a box...I suppose it's a fine line, though.

Actually, I think a toy holding a kid's interest for a year is pretty good. If you don't want to get it, then I'd skip it but let the parent know so that someone else could get it, if they'd like to.

I like my niece to give me specific items for her kids because I don't know what they already have. She's fantastic about giving me something in my price range, that's easy to find, that the kid loves, and I'm the only one she tells about that particular item. All her kids also get at least one book from me, as well as a few little items.

 

[minkydog]

I don't ask my nieces and nephews what they want. I ask their parents what they are interested in. Then i take it from there. In our family we just don't give expensive things. My limit is $15 per kid, up to 18yrs old.

Two of them are high functioning autistic/Aspergers. They have very specific interests. One of them speaks only Pokemon and I simply refuse to buy her ANYTHING pokemon(i find pokemon to be the most annoying thing in the world, especially when I have to listen to long passages of it). SHe likes to read, but does not like to do crafts. So I buy her books, board games, a cool flashlight. The other one reads well, but doesn't really like to sit down with a book. He likes cars and camping. So I get him things like a bug catcher, the same cool flashlight, a small book about animal tracks, Hot Wheels cars.

 

[Bluestars]

I had to google Bakugans because I have never heard of them. They seem similar to the Pokemon stuff that one of my sons was interested in years ago. He had Pokemon everything. It was the rage at that time and he played with them endlessly with his friends.

I don't know if Bakugans will be as popular though. They just look so similar.

 

[maelstrom]

That's how I feel - even as an adult.. Although all gifts are appreciated, if I ask for a book on the Amish, don't buy me a book on dinosaurs because you think it would be a better choice or I would get more "use" out of it..

When I was a little girl, I asked for the set of Samantha books from the American Girl collection. My grandma got me the set of Kirsten books because she thought I looked like Kirsten.

ETA: I did eventually get the Samantha books, as well as the Molly books.

 

[KirstenB]

My advice, just get the child what they asked for. They'll get plenty of tube socks from Aunt Edna, etc. Cut the kid a break!!!

 

[merryweather20]

Dear God, if they didn't ask for a Science kit don't get them that.

I googled Bakugan ad they look like transformers to me. This sounds like a great toy! This means they have a couple to play with by themselves, plus they can play with their friends

My brother got a few science kits as a kid, and they were fine I guess... for a couple of days, the pieces got lost or the magnets wore out. Once that happened there were no replacement parts and the kit wasn't serviceable, even then we had already done the three experiments that we had supplies for. We didn't need to fix anything because the play value was so limited. Unless the kid asked for one, or you've discussed it beforehand I'd bet that it won't be appreciated.

The cheap plastic toys like the transformers, didn't really break all that often. When they did we could send away for replacement parts or Dad could screw or Super Glue them back together. The toy was pressed right back into service!

 

[Becky2005]

Ok, I'll tell you...it's those blasted Bakugan things.

Interesting...Bakugan is already fading around here, that was last year's big thing. Although, my youngest confiscated the ones we have, which basically are really my 9 year old's. I have no idea what is replacing Bakugan. It went in order of Pokemon, Yu-gi-oh, Bakugan around here. However, my 12 year old will NOT give up his Pokemon or Yu-gi-oh cards. He has tons of them, doesn't really play with them but you best not touch his cards. It ticks him off royally when his baby brother gets into his cards.

Therefore, when my 9 year old was into Pokemon for a while (he still is somewhat), he had to get his own cards because his brother wasn't going to give them up. They never really played the game, they just like collecting the cards.

I like the idea of just asking what their interests are. I usually give generic stuff for ideas (although when asked, the interest turn out to be a lot of fads! Twilight, Star Wars, Pokemon, Webkinz, etc...).

 

[golfgal]

Interesting...Bakugan is already fading around here, that was last year's big thing. Although, my youngest confiscated the ones we have, which basically are really my 9 year old's. I have no idea what is replacing Bakugan. It went in order of Pokemon, Yu-gi-oh, Bakugan around here. However, my 12 year old will NOT give up his Pokemon or Yu-gi-oh cards. He has tons of them, doesn't really play with them but you best not touch his cards. It ticks him off royally when his baby brother gets into his cards.

Therefore, when my 9 year old was into Pokemon for a while (he still is somewhat), he had to get his own cards because his brother wasn't going to give them up. They never really played the game, they just like collecting the cards.

I like the idea of just asking what their interests are. I usually give generic stuff for ideas (although when asked, the interest turn out to be a lot of fads! Twilight, Star Wars, Pokemon, Webkinz, etc...).

When our boys were into Pokemon and YuGhiHo (however you spell the dumb things) cards that is all they wanted. Grandma and Grandpa kept asking if they wanted something else-mainly because they were buying DD American Girl doll stuff at the time and let's see $100 doll, $10 cards . They got a box full of cards and they were in heaven. Grandma always felt bad because she was spending more on DD but I kept pointing out that she was getting the kids what they wanted and they were thrilled.