Were you attracted to your significant other right away?

[donaldsgal]

How many of you were immediately (or within a few dates) attracted to the person you are with now (or had a meaningful relationship with in the past)? Do you think attraction can be built over time and be strong? I'd appreciate your thoughts on this.

 

[AustinTink]

I honestly think physical attraction is just as important as all the other components of a relationship. And, in my opinion, it's either there or it isn't. You can't will yourself into finding someone attractive.

 

[MouseEarsJenny]

DH and I just discussed this. Neither of us precisely remembers our initial reaction to each other - we became friends long before we fell in love. We weren't instantly repulsed or anything, but we were introduced by a mutual friend who happened to have a crush on DH at the time, invoking the "no poaching" rule.

Later, obviously, we developed a deep mutual attraction, which has lasted 15 years so far.

 

[disykat]

No. I thought he was attractive, but no "zings." Those came later as I started to fall for him. I actually had decided after several dates not to date him again, but he had tickets to a concert I wanted to go to. I also know I wasn't his "ideal" at first.

It was at that concert that I started to feel attracted and things grew from there. We started to honestly like each other and then the attraction grew. We're about to have our 20th anniversary.

Honestly, I've been more instantly attracted to other people. But I wouldn't trade the marriage and family we've built together for anything - and those attracted feelings are definitely there now.

While I do think there's a point you have to let it go if the attraction isn't there, I do strongly believe that instant attraction has very little to do with whether you can have a successful relationship.

 

[paintnolish]

Well, dh and I met on match.com. He had a pic on there, but it wasn't a very good one. We had chatted a few times before we met but only online. When I spied him (before he could see me), I thought, "Thank God he's cute." There were definitely sparks. I do think, however, that sparks can develop over time. Someone can "grow on you" or you can suddenly see someone in a different light. One is no better than the other.

 

[cassiez76]

i met my hubby online (none of the dating sites, good ole fashion people search on yahoo msgr.) he was pretty quick witted and seriously funny and didn't want any "adult" talk like all the others.

when i met him in person...

i don't know when i knew, it was sort of i knew all along thing.

together 7 years total, 3 years of marriage on 7/7 and one 18 month old (today)

 

[Saphire]

No, I was not attracted to my husband (of 31 years) right away. For me, it did build over time, after we had established a friendship. Then he became completely irresistable.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I didn't like my husband at all. He was hired in for the job I wanted. The company decided to bring him in because he was more experienced; I had NO background in that position.

We've been together 15 years and married 10 as of this year.

 

[Singleminnie]

I met my current BF about 8 months ago, what caught me was his smile and how it seemed we had so much in common. My attraction to him both physically and emotionally has grown so much! After we had dated a couple of times he asked me if the day I met him (our daughters are good friends) if he stumbled his words, I said no, why? He told me that I was so beautiful, I took his breathe away! Like they said, he pretty much had me at hello...

 

[autumnpalm]

I definitely was. When I first met him he was in a serious long distance relationship and I remember thinking he was super cute but way out of my league. We started off as friends for a long time but things eventually progressed and when he asked me out on a date I was like "no way is this actually happening!"

I think attraction is an important part of compatibility and honestly I don't know if I couldn't be with someone I wasn't attracted to at all. Of course, that doesn't mean I expect my SO to look look Brad Pitt, I think attraction is based on many different things and is different for everyone.

 

[Magic Mom]

I wasn't attracted to DH at first. He was on leave visiting mutual friends and I wasn't impressed at all (apparently he was). A year later he moved to town and we became friends sort of, our best friends were married to each other. We hung out with them a lot, and he asked me out but I said no, and then fianally I gave in and we started dating. That was 23 years ago.

 

[Sparx]

I definitely was. We met through a mutal friend and I had a crush on him and would see him around town for a few months before we ever went on a date. The more I know him, the more attracted I am, but I was definitely attracted when I met him.

 

[liamsaunt]

Me! My husband and I both remember the first time we actually saw each other. He sold me tickets to a concert when he was 18 and I was 15. We started dating five years later, when we ran back into each other through mutual friends. We decided to get married after our second date. We've been together for 18 years, married for 13.

 

[java]

I was interested- but then he wore green sneakers into work and I was hot for him.

We always joke about the green sneakers and our 20th anniversary is this year- I am on the hunt for green sneakers! Along with a "It started with a pair of sneakers" kind of note.

 

[paintnolish]

Oh, btw...I hated XH when I first met him. He was my friend's boss and I thought he was a know-it-all jerk. I should have stuck with that first impression, right?!?

 

[mumom95]

I remember the first time I ever saw my dh (I can even tell you what he was wearing). We were at a party in college and he was leaning up against the wall and I made the comment "he's really hot" and the person standing behind me said "yes he is". Next thing I did was go up and introduce myself (I had a few drinks in me so I was a lot braver than I normally am )

That was the end of January 1993 and we married 3 1/2 years later and will be 14 years this coming August. So, yes, I would definitely say the attraction was there for us from the very beginning.

I do think an attraction can grow on you though. I think a lot of people are attracted to love and once you start to fall in love with someone, the attraction for them grows. But I think if you are unattracted to them, meaning there is something about them that turns you off, that's a little harder to overcome.

 

[Squirlz]

It actually took a few years while we were both otherwise attached. Once we weren't and started really talking the attraction began.

 

[MomofKatie]

Not at all. We met and were very casual acquaintences for about 6 months before we started dating. We were introduced by a mutual friend, and he worked at the same mall I did. We would pass by each others' stores and wave. He wasn't my "type" at all- I was always attracted to dark haired, dark eyed guys, and DH was fair with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was attractive, just not what I normally found irresistable.

One evening, he called up to my store and asked if I wanted to go get a drink after work. I was frankly shocked he was interested- thought he liked our mutual friend! We went out that night, the next night, the night afer that, and within 3 months, I knew he was "the one". He became very attractive to me once I discovered what a great person he was. 21 years later, and I still think he's pretty hot!!

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

I was not attracted to DH at all when we met. I like blonde, blue eyed guys who are tall and have a lot of "meat on their bones". DH is very tall but slender built, and has long, dark hair and brown eyes. He drove a Harley and wore biker boots and one of those biker wallets with a chain, and had four tattoos, which I don't like at all. He was such a nice guy though, and I could tell right away he was a diamond in the rough. I soon started picking out clothes I liked on him, got him out of the biker boots and into cowboy boots. We've been together 13 years now and I am EXTREMELY attracted to him now. He's gained about 50 pounds and really looks great in his tight fittin' jeans. He's still got the tattoos and I still don't like them, but other than that, I think he's perfect!

 

[bethy]

No. My love and attraction grew over time. We have been together for 20 and married for 14. We live a charmed life and he is the love of my life.