Well. We could have handled that better.

[schmeve]

I think you handled it correctly!

 

[leahlefler]

Trust me on this one - do NOT let her run your family life. You have every right to take your own vacation and you have to set the boundaries NOW. I have similar MIL issues. She STILL tries to do this to us all. the. time. Some people have boundary issues - or are simply controlling. Enjoy your vacation and do not feel guilty about it. If you decide to do a larger, extended family vacation in the future, then you can include her at that time. Make it your decision, however, not hers.

 

[lisahoo]

You did exactly the right thing. This is your vacation and your first trip together -- having more people there would complicate things unnecessarily. Plus, inviting oneself on someone else's vacation is incredibly presumptuous. Good for you on drawing boundaries!

Once we got to WDW, I was so relieved we didn't have anyone else to coordinate with or wait for! We had to be flexible with our plans (cancelling CP breakfast when we were too tired, cancelling FP's for roller coasters when we realized DD wasn't ready for them), if we had more people in our party it never would have worked.

 

[glaserjm]

I know it's so hard with this type of conflict, but you made the right decision! Right now, I am in the middle of what you would be experiencing if you hadn't stuck to your guns...and it is NOT pleasant. What was supposed to be a trip with me, DH, DSIL, DBIL and their two children has now spiraled out and we have six others joining us. We had so been looking forward to spending time with a smaller group and introducing our niece and nephew to the Disney we love, but now I'm in the midst of having to plan the most minute details for the rest of the group, because "I'm the expert."

This has gone as far as being expected to book our hotels for the drive down, find car rental rates for my other SIL, make everybody's FP+ reservations, book our resort and deal with all DVC rental, etc. While I love to plan, I do not love to try and juggle 12 peoples' likes and dislikes. It's taking the fun out of planning!

Next time we won't be letting people tack on unless they're fine with having trips that coincide but are not planned together.

 

[Jing]

I know it's so hard with this type of conflict, but you made the right decision! Right now, I am in the middle of what you would be experiencing if you hadn't stuck to your guns...and it is NOT pleasant. What was supposed to be a trip with me, DH, DSIL, DBIL and their two children has now spiraled out and we have six others joining us. We had so been looking forward to spending time with a smaller group and introducing our niece and nephew to the Disney we love, but now I'm in the midst of having to plan the most minute details for the rest of the group, because "I'm the expert."

This has gone as far as being expected to book our hotels for the drive down, find car rental rates for my other SIL, make everybody's FP+ reservations, book our resort and deal with all DVC rental, etc. While I love to plan, I do not love to try and juggle 12 peoples' likes and dislikes. It's taking the fun out of planning!

Next time we won't be letting people tack on unless they're fine with having trips that coincide but are not planned together.

Just in case you need someone, even an Internet stranger, to tell you this - "no" is a complete sentence. Someone else's inability to plan their own vacation that happens to intersect with yours should have no bearing on your plans unless you want them to.

 

[Meghoya]

You handled this well!! You need your own time. She should understand that, and if she doesn't it's not your fault. I can't believe she'd expect you to change your dates and reservations for a trip she wasn't even invited on! Hopefully, she'll see the error of her ways. I think it was very generous of you to say they could come at the same time!

 

[usnuzuloose]

It is okay to say no to family members. There are boundaries. She will get past this , but if she doesn't that is her problem not yours. You need to come together as a new family.

 

[tcherjen]

Think you handled it well. Enjoy your vacation.

 

[Disneyluv111]

I agree with everyone here. We were a very young family and hubby's mom always wanted a say, then his sister, etc. It was finally in the last few years we had to put our feet down and say no to a lot of things. Did that make them mad? Yes! But we have our own family and life and we want to live accordingly.

You did awesome! Don't feel bad. Feel bad for a moment but don't let it eat at you.

 

[crisi]

Now you know something about your mother in law....and in the future, don't tell her about things you don't want her to try and control until its too late. "Oh, I think we forgot to mention, we are out of town next week." "Don't you love the color of the kitchen, it really needed the new paint." And don't feel bad, feeling bad is one of the ways these people manipulate you. Trust me, she wouldn't feel bad about ruining your vacation.

Its also really important to get your fiancee on board. My mother lived with this for forty years, the reaction when my grandmother died was good riddance because she was so tired of it. It came close to ruining their marriage several times over the years.

 

[glaserjm]

Just in case you need someone, even an Internet stranger, to tell you this - "no" is a complete sentence. Someone else's inability to plan their own vacation that happens to intersect with yours should have no bearing on your plans unless you want them to.

Oh yes Jing, I'm aware that I let myself get taken this time. Believe me, it won't happen again.

 

[aaarcher86]

So just last night my fiance told his mother about our plans for Disney, and she uh...kinda sorta tried to invite herself and his siblings along.

Now, I wouldn't care but, we're getting married this year and this is our first trip (Him, me, and my daughter) together as a family. This is the first time I've ever had the time or money to even take my DD on a real vacation and I'm so excited. And...just wanted it to be the three of us.

As soon as she found out and wanted to hop on board, she started trying to talk us into cancelling our hotel reservations, changing our dates to June or July, staying some place offsite, etc. And after he and I talked about it, we agreed that she has a bit of a knack for...taking control of things. And if this wasn't our first vacation together, I would probably just suck it up and deal, but it is and we broke that to her, and she's upset of course. We suggested that we didn't mind them coming down when we were going, but we really didn't want to start changing our plans around. Didn't get much of a response.

I feel awful. But I just had no idea how to handle that.

Good for you honestly. You really don't have anything to feel bad about if you told her nicely. SHES the rude one. Nothing wrong with wanting time with just your family unit.

Our family does it all the time with stuff. We just end up saying 'I think this is going to be something just for us.'

At least you nipped it early! We didn't, so it's even harder breaking the habit of them inviting themselves!

 

[kboo]

^^^ all of these!! Enjoy your trip and make some new family memories!