Weird question

[Liberty Belle]

I could go on without my DH; but not if one of my kids passed away, especially if it was my favorite child-yes, I admitted I have a favorite.

Now, that makes me wonder. Do people usually have a favorite child? I can't say I do. They're both different and I feel like I love them the same.

 

[BuffettFan]

Now, that makes me wonder. Do people usually have a favorite child? I can't say I do. They're both different and I feel like I love them the same.

I have two, and I love them both equally....differently.
Yes, they each have days where I get along with each better than the other...but I love them both the same. And they'll each tell you that the other is my favorite !!

 

[Christine]

Now, that makes me wonder. Do people usually have a favorite child? I can't say I do. They're both different and I feel like I love them the same.

I have two but I can't say that one is my favorite. I like them for different reasons, and yes, one is more like me and in tune with me, but I don't love that one more--we just get along better.

 

[cruellababy]

I never said that I loved anyone more than the other-just maybe a different way, but I have a favorite. Maybe because he was the one I longed for. IDK, I was just being honest.

 

[disykat]

I think it's hard to compare the two.

I would be devasted if I lost a child. It would be hard to breathe. I would mourn their death daily for the rest of my life. However, I would still continue on with my "life plans" in terms of the rest of the family, career, where we'd live, etc.

If I lost my husband, my world would turn upside down. It would be hard to continue my life as it exists. I could see moving, changing careers, etc. I think I would be more devastated initially specifically because, as someone else stated, the place where I get my comfort would be gone. However, I would probably recover sooner in terms of being able to look back at our relationship and even move into another spousal relationship.

To me, it's the difference between being "my other half" and "a piece of me." Having my "other half" gone would be harder initially, but I could learn to be alone again. However, "a piece of me" would always be missing. Either way, the loss would be catastrophic.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I have tears in my eyes just thinking about losing one of my precious children. I, I don't know what I would do, and I feel so horrible for those who have gone through it. I would be devistated if my husband passed away, but, I would have the strength of my children to keep me going.
I saw that Oprah show that the OP is speaking of, and I remember feeling bad for the woman and her children - she didn't seem like much of a mother for them. It will be really nice for them to see a re-run of the show, and their mom saying that she would get over one of them dying. Nice.

 

[CharityLynn]

I'm pretty sure I've heard Dr. Phile state the spouse before children thing too that some of you have mentioned. I love my children but I would be a mess if I lost my husband he is the one I will grow old with.

I absolutely love my children and I agree with what everyone is saying but I think for me losing my husband would be harder.

Yes, I have a favorite kid too. I love them both and differently but I do have my favorite.

 

[Irish9697]

I have not lost a spouse, but I endured my spouse leaving me and initiating a divorce that I didn't want. My life was turned absolutely upside down overnight just like it would've if he'd died (except I was also dealing with a hurt and bitterness that wouldn't come with sudden death). I was in a complete panic with no idea how I could do it alone, how I would survive. And, yet, here I am to live and tell about it 3 years later. Why? Because regardless of the fact that my marriage was gone, my then 5 & 6 year olds needed breakfast each day and help with homework and help detangling hair and making their bed, etc. My children got me through it.

6 months before the death of my marriage, a good friend of mine lost her husband suddenly to a middle of the night heart attack at the age of 33. She had a 5 year old and a 13 year old. I won't say it was easy for her because it wasn't at all. But, just like me, she's here today living a full life. She's also a newlywed.

I think life can and does go on with the death of a spouse.

I can't even fathom how it can possibly go on if I were to lose one of my children. They are, by far, the most precious things I have in my life. They are my purpose and losing them would make my existence almost meaningless. I can't even imagine.

 

[Avalon_toon]

I lost my first husband to cancer many years ago. It was hard, hard - it took a very long time to recover. When I finally remarried 10 years later and had my first child, I realized pretty quickly that if I lost him, I would not be able to recover. This was one of the big reasons that I decided to have a second child - I know there are no guarantees in life, but I thought if I had another child that needed me, I would be able to bear the unbearable and keep going if the worst happened. I hope and pray that I never lose my new husband or my children, but the loss of a child would be much, much harder to bear, and the loss of a husband was already almost too much.

 

[ZPT1022]

I guess I'm the odd one out. I would be devastated if anything happened to my kids or my husband.

However, if it were one of the kids, my husband would be there to pull me out of it and make me keep going. He knows me better than anyone else and would probably be the only one who could get through to me. If something happened to him, how would I get through? My kids don't offer me the same support and strength that my husband does.

 

[Jeafl]

I can't even fathom losing either so I am just not going there.

However, I will say that I love my DD so, so much. Beyonds words, I cannot describe a mother's love for her child. And yet, the love I have for my husband is also beyond my belief. It is different, those 2 loves. My "job" is to prepare my daughter for life. Someday she'll go to college and then she'll go out into the world making a life for herself.

It is because of that that I want and need to keep my relationship with my DH a good one. I don't want to be 'strangers" when she's gone. I wan to be prepared for several more years of the two of facing what comes our way both good and bad. I'm hoping for more good than bad.

So, my answer is that it is just a different kind of love. That is the wonderful thing about love---there are different kinds and enough of it to go around for everyone.

I agree 100%. I have to honestly say that I have never put my children above my husband. Sure at times they needed my attention more than my husband and they got it, but I never neglected my relationship with my husband because someday the kids will be off on their own. On the other hand, I have given my children all the love and care in the world as well so they have never suffered in any way.

 

[mamacatnv]

My take on the subject is that a marriage needs attention and if at all possible needs to be well maintained in order to keep things running smoothly. Thus the "marriage comes first" idea. I agree with this although I know I myself don't always practice it. It's not a "who" comes first type of scenario to me.

This question to me is different from who I "love" more. I gave birth to those kids, they are a part of me and always will be and I would be devistated without them. Yes I chose DH but he is not a part of me persay, he is important to me but he is not "mine" like my kids are "mine.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I could go on without my DH; but not if one of my kids passed away, especially if it was my favorite child-yes, I admitted I have a favorite.

I am sorry but I just can't get past this. Really?

 

[dislal]

My 26 year old nephew got killed in a motorcycle accident over 2 years ago, and he was my SIL only child, I see her pain everytime I am with her even after 2 years. I wouldn't want to lose my DH, but I don't think anything would compare to the pain of losing a child.


For the people who talk about having a favorite child, I don't have a favorite, but I do love them differently. They each have such different personalities.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I could go on if I lost my DH or my children.

My dd was born prematurely and they prepared us for losing her. She had developed necrotizing enterocolitis 3 days after her birth.
She was on max life support and had a 50/50 chance.

She made it through and that is when they diagnosed her heart defect. It was severe. So for 3 months I lived with my parents and it was a day to day struggle with her to live. I was out of my mind. Many times we were in the ER with her in distress.

She had surgery at 4 months old, a complete repair.

She is now almost 18. I choose to live with the perspective that we were given a gift and to enjoy what is, not what we can lose.

I don't think I could survive thinking the other way after what I went through. I would be devastated if something happen to either of my girls however I would go on and try to honor their memory to the best of my ability.

 

[ksumn1]

I don't want to imagine losing my DH or my DD's. I think that I would be devastated if I lost my DH but totally inconsolable if I lost a child. A mother's love is a love so strong and amazing that it's unexolainable. Can't explain why you love your child so much you just do because they ARE. Part of you, your parents, their father, a mix of you and yet uniquely themselves. For me, I love DH and he is important to me but my kids are paramount. God entrusted them to ME (and DH) to love and protect...and if one should pass before I do, I would feel that the universe was skewed. It just seems sooo terribly wrong to have a child pass away before you do. I guess it's more understandable or explainable in the cosmic order of things. IMHO.