Weight-loss etiquette question....

[florida-again]

I am meeting a friend tomorrow who was my closest friend from the age of six through to our teens. We told each other everything, but we never once talked about her weight. She was dangerously over-weight but it just wasn't something that was ever mentioned. She even used to lie to me when she was going to dieting classes or the doctor.
We haven't seen each other for a while, but I happen to know she has lost an astonishing 5 STONE! Apparently she looks fantastic. I feel a bit awkward about what to say about it. The subject of her weight was taboo for so many years, that although I would like to compliment her when I see her, I'm not sure what to say. With anyone else I would feel comfortable complimenting them on their weight loss, but it feels strange because we basically 'ignored' the fact she was overweight for years.
Anyone have any ideas on the best thing to say in this situation?

 

[KathyTX]

Try a simple and very sincere, "You look fantastic!"

Then just stop, and let her determine whether she wants to get into the details.

(What else would you do? Get into, "I never really wanted to say it before, but you were really, really disgustingly fat. I'm so glad you finally realized it and did something about it. I was afraid you'd always be a lazy slob." )

 

[kldmom2000]

Definitely compliment her-when I lost over 100 lbs, I went from a size 22 to a size 6 and I LOVED the compliments-it was such a hard 10 months to get the weight off (and I've kept it off!) and she definitely deserves to have it acknowledged! Good for her!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just say hi, you look great. It was obvious she was overweight, there is no need to go into it. Weight is a personal issues and really to make comments does no good.

 

[froglady]

I agree that the "You look great/fantastic/wonderful" is the only way to go. Any further elaboration could take you down the wrong path. (This from someone who lost 40 pounds, and unfortunately, gained 20 back. I am well aware of my weight.)

 

[GoofieRuthie]

I agree. Say you look fabulous, etc. Wait for her reaction. She may go into it herself. I lost 165 pounds and love hearing that I look great now. I do hate when people keep going on and on and on though. It gets embarrassing and makes me feel really bad about how I used to look. Definately acknowledge that she looks great though.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Wow you look fantastic.

 

[Kaycee]

I agree with everyone else - just a sincere "You look fantastic!" (because I'm sure that she will!) is all that is needed. Then just follow her lead. If she wants to elaborate on her weight loss, she will.

 

[Keggy]

I agree with everyone else. A simple you look fantastic will suffice. She will take the lead at that point.

Kelly

 

[stinkerbelle]

i'm an idiot - but how much is 5 stone?

she might look very different to you now. *SOME* women get that "bobble head" look when they've lost alot of weight (ie - Star Jones). So just be ready for that.

but a "Girl - you look FABULOUS" is all that is needed.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

she might look very different to you now. *SOME* women get that "bobble head" look when they've lost alot of weight (ie - Star Jones). So just be ready for that.

LOL! I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one that thinks Star doesn't look quite right now. I thought she was a beautiful woman, but now that she has lost weight she looks funny. Bobble head fits perfectly!!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Please, mention it. If there is one thing that bothers me, is that I have lost almost 40 pounds, and I have had ONE person mention that they have noticed. It gets a little discouraging. Especially since my family has always felt the need to remind me that I need to lose weight, when I am losing, they clam up. It really stinks.

People who have lost a huge amount of weight WANT to know that you see the difference. She may not have wanted to talk about being heavy, but I am sure she won't stop you from telling her how good she looks. Don't worry about offending her, she knows she was heavy before, you won't be telling her anything she wasn't already aware of.

 

[Bob Slydell]

i'm an idiot - but how much is 5 stone?

1 stone = 14 pounds

 

[stinkerbelle]

1 stone = 14 pounds

Thanks!

This woman lost 70lbs! WOW...GOOD good for her! that's awesome!

you have to acknowlege that...that does take work and determination!

 

[diznygirl]

She probably appreciated the fact that you alone did not bother her about her weight while she was growing up. I had a friend who has been dieting since she was in third grade! I watched her mom yell at her about what she was eating. I never said anything - she was getting enough grief.

Just tell her she looks great.

 

[Stitchfans]

As hard as it is to lose the weight it would wrong not to compliment her. Yes, tell her how great she looks and leave it at that.

 

[dg39]

Weight loss is one of the hardest things to achieve, imho. Whenever I see someone who has lost even the smallest amount of lbs. I always comment. It takes alot of determination, will-power and strength. All these things that I wish I had more of. I would congratulate her and tell her how great she looks. I'd also mention what great will-power she has. I do know that when I lost 20lbs. and someone commented on it, I was happy and glad to talk about it. It made me want to reach my goal quicker and stick to my diet..

 

[Beth76]

she might look very different to you now. *SOME* women get that "bobble head" look when they've lost alot of weight (ie - Star Jones).

OMG! I think she looks so weird now too! And the one nurse from ER--she also looks weird.

OP, just tell your friend that she looks great! Maybe followed by "how are you feeling?"

 

[Disney1fan2002]

OMG! I think she looks so weird now too! And the one nurse from ER--she also looks weird.

OP, just tell your friend that she looks great! Maybe followed by "how are you feeling?"

The nurse from ER is gaining all her weight back. She is almost as big as she was a few years ago. She lost all her weight on a weird liquid diet, I knew it wouldn't stay off. She lost way to much weight in much too short a time. IMO.