Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony

[tarheelmjfan]

I have to agree, but that is just me. To me, renewing your vows screams that you weren't sure the first time and now need a redo. We have been married over 30 years and have been through some great times and some pretty rough times. To still be together after 30+ years means to me that we took our vows seriously, no matter how young and stupid we were when we said them, and to redo them would be a disservice to all the work we have done over the years.

But again, that is me. I understand that vow renewals have different meanings for different people. If it is important to the OP's husband, then that is all that matters. I hope they have the time of their life

As long as people are doing it for the right reasons and not just for a party and gift grab, I think they should follow their hearts.

Thanks

I doubt there are many people, who are married 25+ years that didn't take their marriage vows seriously. I see a vow renewal as being similar to a 25th anniversary party. It's a celebration of the life we've built together & a way of saying we made the right choice & would do it all over again.

A gift and grab? I dont know how that would work, by the time you pay for the reception you could have bought the gifts yourself. I think that people's reasons are personal and no matter how anyone else feels about the decision to renew wedding vows, there is no wrong reason.

Gifts?!? People should have brought us gifts? Aww shucks, we didn't get any gifts. Gotta say I did really enjoy the party though! Maybe we should do it again at our 25th, if only for the gifts...

No kidding! We don't expect or even want gifts. We've accumulated enough stuff already. We'll add a note in the invitation that their presence is the only gift we wish to receive.

 

[YachtClubWoman]

Ours was at our 10-year anniversary. We only had a very select few people in attendance (5 couples) who at the time were very instrumental in our lives. We did a video tribute and short ceremony that focused on God's providence through the severe ups-and-downs we'd encountered, led by a pastor who is a dear friend of ours. We didn't retake vows per se. We had a framed certificate called "Our Marriage Covenant" that we'd gotten a year or so earlier while attending a marriage retreat. The pastor read it aloud and then we signed it and had all the guess sign it as well, as witnesses and as a keepsake.

Afterwards we had a fancy dinner, tons of champagne, lots of laughs and of course, a wedding cake! We did the event in the clubhouse of the golf course where DH was a member. Our wedding had been in a similar venue at a different country club so I guess it was sort of fitting.


I get where you're coming from, but for us, it was honestly really touch-and-go for the early years of our marriage. Not proud of it, but the fact was that we made our original vows with a starry-eyed idealism that lacked any real understanding of what we were actually promising to do. Our renewal was very significant to us; it came at a time when we truly knew we were going to "make it", and we have - going on 22 years now and unstoppable. "For better or for worse" were really just words the first time around.

Our situation was similar - we had gone through so much with debt and repayment of the entire amount, infertility,me finishing graduate school, our niece and nephew living with us and his mother living with us before my niece and nephew- the final event was my husband coming back to church- it was the perfect time for us to reaffirm our marriage with each other and God

 

[lsyorke]

Tarheel...you do whatever you and your husband feel you want to do. I wish now that DH and I had done a vow renewal as a celebration of our life together. Sadly, he passed before that dream became a reality. Go for it and enjoy and celebrate every moment.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I don't understand why people renew their wedding vows. I thought the vows were meant to last a lifetime.

I agree
DH and I had our 25 th 2 years ago
We did our usual yearly Negril Jamaica vacation
People kept asking us if we were going to renew our vows
I said nope once was more than enough .

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Tarheel...you do whatever you and your husband feel you want to do. I wish now that DH and I had done a vow renewal as a celebration of our life together. Sadly, he passed before that dream became a reality. Go for it and enjoy and celebrate every moment.

I'm sorry your fairy tale was cut short. My heart breaks for you. Thanks for the kind words. We all really should cherish every minute we have with our loved ones.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I'm curious.... Do those of you who are against vow renewals think 25th anniversary parties are okay?

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I'm curious.... Do those of you who are against vow renewals think 25th anniversary parties are okay?

Nope

 

[gwynne]

I'm curious.... Do those of you who are against vow renewals think 25th anniversary parties are okay?

Nope

Certainly you can celebrate as much or as little as you'd like. The good thing is, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate a special anniversary.


@tarheelmjfan Do what makes you both happy. That's what matters. Congrats on 25 years!

 

[Klayfish]

I couldn't disagree more with the notion that doing a wedding vow renewal meant that you didn't take it seriously the first time. I took our vows very seriously the first time around, we're now married 17+ years. I did a surprise renewal for our 10th anniversary. Why? Because I wanted to and it was fun. Nothing more, nothing less. Had nothing to do with taking it seriously, or any other deep meaning. I just thought it'd be fun...and I was right.

I did ours on "the cheap", as far as the renewal goes. We did it at our home, and like I mentioned, it was a surprise to my wife. No DJ, no fancy catering. We lived in a small rural town of roughly 1000 people, so it was easy to get the mayor to show up and preside over the ceremony. We let him have free reign over what the vows themselves were. I got a cake, and the rest of the food, from the local grocery store. For a joke, I made a fake "cake" out of a few jars of peanut butter and oats (we were into nutrition and exercise even back then and those were staple foods for my wife, so she thought it was funny that I formed a cake out of peanut butter and used oats as icing). For rings, I went to the mall and bought silver rings for $25 each...which my wife actually liked as she doesn't like gold. My wife was surprised as could be, had a great time, it was fun.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I agree
DH and I had our 25 th 2 years ago
We did our usual yearly Negril Jamaica vacation
People kept asking us if we were going to renew our vows
I said nope once was more than enough .

If I felt that way about my wedding, I'd probably be totally against vow renewals & anniversary parties too.

Certainly you can celebrate as much or as little as you'd like. The good thing is, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate a special anniversary.


@tarheelmjfan Do what makes you both happy. That's what matters. Congrats on 25 years!

Thanks Gwynne. Luckily the people we will invite all think a special anniversary is something to be celebrated.

I really don't understand why people care what someone else does, if it doesn't affect them, but such is the DIS. Everyone has to share their negative opinions whether you ask for them or not.

I couldn't disagree more with the notion that doing a wedding vow renewal meant that you didn't take it seriously the first time. I took our vows very seriously the first time around, we're now married 17+ years. I did a surprise renewal for our 10th anniversary. Why? Because I wanted to and it was fun. Nothing more, nothing less. Had nothing to do with taking it seriously, or any other deep meaning. I just thought it'd be fun...and I was right.

I did ours on "the cheap", as far as the renewal goes. We did it at our home, and like I mentioned, it was a surprise to my wife. No DJ, no fancy catering. We lived in a small rural town of roughly 1000 people, so it was easy to get the mayor to show up and preside over the ceremony. We let him have free reign over what the vows themselves were. I got a cake, and the rest of the food, from the local grocery store. For a joke, I made a fake "cake" out of a few jars of peanut butter and oats (we were into nutrition and exercise even back then and those were staple foods for my wife, so she thought it was funny that I formed a cake out of peanut butter and used oats as icing). For rings, I went to the mall and bought silver rings for $25 each...which my wife actually liked as she doesn't like gold. My wife was surprised as could be, had a great time, it was fun.

That's so sweet. Thanks for sharing. Your wife is a lucky woman. I hope you have many more years together to celebrate your love.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

If I felt that way about my wedding, I'd probably be totally against vow renewals & anniversary parties too.

Wow! I was being sarcastic and kidding hence the roll eyes emoji . U ask I tell u and then I get your sarcastic response . I loved my wedding Thx! We don't need to redo it because it literally was perfect.
Perfect weather, perfect ceremony , perfect venue ..all without a hitch.
Only regret was the honeymoon. Horrible place. But we made the best of it and have traveled to some beautiful places since that honeymoon

Been married almost 27 years DH and I don't need a vow renewal to confirm what we did 27 years ago. We know we still love each other and don't need to scream it to everyone.......again!


People want to do it . Fine. I don't care
I just don't agree with it
Some on here said they never had a "real" wedding and now would like to reconfirm and have the ceremony and party they never had.
To me that's different.

Gees!

To add: I see you are the OP
If u want to do it , do it. Just don't put people down because they don't agree with you.
DH and I have attended plenty during our island vacations over the years
We meet at the pool bar , hey come to our vow renewal tomorrow on the beach. Ok! Lol
I've been to a couple 25th anniversary parties. A lot of 40 and a couple 50.
DH and I plus maybe 2-3 other couples are the only people we know who are even close to 25 , meaning not divorced.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Wow! Rude much? I was being sarcastic and kidding hence the roll eyes emoji . U ask I tell u and then I get your sarcastic response . I loved my wedding Thx! We don't need to redo it because it literally was perfect.
Perfect weather, perfect ceremony , perfect venue ..all without a hitch.
Only regret was the honeymoon. Horrible place. But we made the best of it and have traveled to some beautiful places since that honeymoon

Been married almost 27 years DH and I don't need a vow renewal to confirm what we did 27 years ago. We know we still love each other and don't need to scream it to everyone.......again!


People want to do it . Fine. I don't care
I just don't agree with it
Some on here said they never had a "real" wedding and now would like to reconfirm and have the ceremony and party they never had.
To me that's different.

Gees!

I was being rude? I was making a statement. I can see how someone who felt like once was enough wouldn't want a big anniversary celebration. Actually, it's pretty hilarious that you call me rude, when you come to a thread that asked for vow renewal stories & repeatedly share your negative opinion of people having one. To me, giving an opinion that wasn't asked for is extremely rude. We obviously have a different definition of rude or you should have been the last person to call someone on this thread rude.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I was being rude? I was making a statement. I can see how someone who felt like once was enough wouldn't want a big anniversary celebration. Actually, it's pretty hilarious that you call me rude, when you come to a thread that asked for vow renewal stories & repeatedly share your negative opinion of people having one. To me, giving an opinion that wasn't asked for is extremely rude. We obviously have a different definition of rude or you should have been the last person to call someone on this thread rude.

I guess we do since I'm not even close to the only person who said they didn't agree with the vow renewal
Some even went as far as to call it a gift grab
Yet I'm singled out
But hey it's the Dis

Have a nice day
Happy Anniversary

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Wow! I was being sarcastic and kidding hence the roll eyes emoji . U ask I tell u and then I get your sarcastic response . I loved my wedding Thx! We don't need to redo it because it literally was perfect.
Perfect weather, perfect ceremony , perfect venue ..all without a hitch.
Only regret was the honeymoon. Horrible place. But we made the best of it and have traveled to some beautiful places since that honeymoon

Been married almost 27 years DH and I don't need a vow renewal to confirm what we did 27 years ago. We know we still love each other and don't need to scream it to everyone.......again!


People want to do it . Fine. I don't care
I just don't agree with it
Some on here said they never had a "real" wedding and now would like to reconfirm and have the ceremony and party they never had.
To me that's different.

Gees!

To add: I see you are the OP
If u want to do it , do it. Just don't put people down because they don't agree with you.
DH and I have attended plenty during our island vacations over the years
We meet at the pool bar , hey come to our vow renewal tomorrow on the beach. Ok! Lol
I've been to a couple 25th anniversary parties. A lot of 40 and a couple 50.
DH and I plus maybe 2-3 other couples are the only people we know who are even close to 25 , meaning not divorced.

I just saw your edit. Nowhere have I put people down for not wanting to have a big celebration. I really couldn't care less what others do. All negative posts on this thread have come from those who took it upon themselves to offer a negative opinion on renewing vows that was never asked for in the first place.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I guess we do since I'm not even close to the only person who said they didn't agree with the vow renewal
Some even went as far as to call it a gift grab
Yet I'm singled out
But hey it's the Dis

Have a nice day
Happy Anniversary

I agree you weren't the only one who posted a negative opinion. FTR, I wasn't "calling you out" at all. I was merely stating that I could see why someone who thought once was enough wouldn't want a special, anniversary celebration.

Naturally, I wish people wouldn't have derailed the thread by offering unsolicited, negative opinions. I tried to ignore those, because I want this thread to be pro-renewal & have people share their experiences. That's the only reason one of your posts was responded to & the other negative posts weren't.

 

[sk!mom]

I often think about doing this for our 25th. We've been married for 17 years, so I have some time yet. My thoughts are to have close family there ( maybe even a destination renewal). I view it as a redo in a way that's relaxing and fun. Our original wedding was large, busy, and mostly what our parents wanted. Looking back I can't believe the things that I thought were sooo important, haha!

This was my experience, as well. We married at 18 so our wedding was my mom's affair. Had we waited until we were older, we likely would have headed to Vegas or a beach alone or with a small group of those close to us. I hate being the center of attention so my big church wedding was very uncomfortable for me.

As to our reason for doing a renewal:
In 2012 my DH battled cancer. In 2013, he was well so we planned a celebration trip to Hawaii. It was just us, our DD17, and our DS28. We had no thought of a renewal until I read that Sunrise vow renewals was one of the free activities at our hotel. It sounded fun and lowkey so we reserved it. It was a beautiful, peaceful Hawaiian ceremony. We had a nice sit down breakfast after and then went to hike Diamond Head.

It often seems like just an excuse to have another party and get more gifts. If that's the only reason you're doing it, it's selfish and indulgent. If you're doing it because it's actually meaningful to you and you don't care about the party/gifts, there's nothing wrong with that.

Nope

Why would you begrudge anyone a party? I LOVE parties and am always happy to attend. One of the bummers for me in January is the lack of parties and celebrating now that the holidays are over. If you don't enjoy celebrating family and friends- decline. I don't think gifts are much of a thing in these situations but (even if they are) if you don't go then no reason to give a gift.

DH and I plan to eventually do a renewal in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator. Just cause we think it would also be fun.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Why would you begrudge anyone a party? I LOVE parties and am always happy to attend. One of the bummers for me in January is the lack of parties and celebrating now that the holidays are over. If you don't enjoy celebrating family and friends- decline. I don't think gifts are much of a thing in these situations but (even if they are) if you don't go then no reason to give a gift.

DH and I plan to eventually do a renewal in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator. Just cause we think it would also be fun.

Whatever gave u the idea I would begrudge anyone a party?
I was asked do u believe in parties for 25th anniversaries
I said no
I just don't

40, yes
50, definitely

I even stated I've been to some
If it's family or close friends I'll go and have fun and even bring a gift

I would never have one
My mom wanted to give DH and I a party for our 25th
I told her no just like for my 50th birthday

We went out to a nice place with the family for dinner and DH and I went on vacation for both occasions
There are ways to celebrate without having a party

 

[sk!mom]

Whatever gave u the idea I would begrudge anyone a party?
I was asked do u believe in parties for 25th anniversaries
I said no
I just don't

40, yes
50, definitely

I even stated I've been to some
If it's family or close friends I'll go and have fun and even bring a gift

I would never have one
My mom wanted to give DH and I a party for our 25th
I told her no just like for my 50th birthday

We went out to a nice place with the family for dinner and DH and I went on vacation for both occasions
There are ways to celebrate without having a party

As I said in my post, I don't like being the center of attention, so I do not throw parties to celebrate my birthday or anniversary (milestone or not) but I enjoy other's parties.

I'm sorry if I'm misinterpreting but I read,
"I was asked do u believe in parties for 25th anniversaries
I said no" as a judgement against parties and celebrating these occasions in general not as just you prefer not to celebrate with a party.

 

[MSLRAC]

Whatever gave u the idea I would begrudge anyone a party?
I was asked do u believe in parties for 25th anniversaries
I said no
I just don't

40, yes
50, definitely

I even stated I've been to some
If it's family or close friends I'll go and have fun and even bring a gift

I would never have one
My mom wanted to give DH and I a party for our 25th
I told her no just like for my 50th birthday

We went out to a nice place with the family for dinner and DH and I went on vacation for both occasions
There are ways to celebrate without having a party

I don't see anything wrong with a 25th anniversary party simply because many people don't live long enough to see their 40th or 50th anniversary. Celebrate while you can!

DH and I are doing a vow renewal in January 2018 at WDW for our 15th anniversary. It's just us and our kids and a couple of close friends and family members. It's not for gifts or because we didn't take our original vows seriously. Our original wedding was what my mom and MIL wanted. It was a hot mess simply because DH and I didn't care and wanted it over with so we could go on our honeymoon to WDW. We wanted to to get married at WDW but since they were paying that wasn't an option. Now we are paying and we are doing it our way because we want to.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

As I said in my post, I don't like being the center of attention, so I do not throw parties to celebrate my birthday or anniversary (milestone or not) but I enjoy other's parties.

I'm sorry if I'm misinterpreting but I read,
"I was asked do u believe in parties for 25th anniversaries
I said no" as a judgement against parties and celebrating these occasions in general not as just you prefer not to celebrate with a party.

That's my family , none of us , DH myself and the kids do not like parties in our honor
We dislike being the center of attention.
I've thrown parties for my kids milestones: christening, 1st Communion , but that's the extent.

The kids would much rather go someplace special or on a trip to celebrate rather than a party.

DS is graduating high school this year.
I was planning a trip to Italy when DS announced he wanted a party
I thought he was kidding
Nope! Ugh
I'm stressed already

I'm sorry this has become completely off topic.
Let's get back to the previously scheduled post.