Wedding thread- Rehearsal dinner?

[leebee]

Life is returning more and more to normal every day, so here's a wedding thread/spin-off from CindysFriend's post. Who do you invite to the rehearsal dinner? When I was in my 20s/30s (so mid-70s to mid-80s) the rehearsal dinner was usually limited to the bridal party and their significant others (spouse, long-time BF/GF). For DD's first wedding, the groom's parents were very clear with us that SOs of the bridesmaids were NOT invited to the rehearsal lunch, and neither was my sister/BIL who flew from NOLA to Maine for the wedding. OK, fine... thought the bridal party not being 'allowed' to bring their SOs was weird, but, whatever. I was a little surprised to get to the rehearsal lunch to discover that the groomsmen all had SOs with them, and the groom's extended family (grandparents, aunts/uncles) were also there. Whatever. There are so many reasons that marriage didn't work.

ANYHOW... who is invited to the rehearsal dinner? What's your "cut-off" and rationale for this?

 

[slo]

When I got married 26 years ago we only had the bridal party (s/o not included), the parents, grandparents, and my aunt and uncle that lives in Seattle. We kept the dinner guest list small due to cost. I explained this to everyone in the bridal party and they all understood.

 

[Southernmiss]

We invited bridal party and a guest and grandparents to the rehearsal dinner of our son and dil. It was between 50 and 60 people.

It was all the room at the venue (that our son and dil chose with us) could accommodate.

The wedding was an hour and a half away, so our entire side of 100 people would have been out of town and most of those drove over just for the day of the wedding.

 

[Suger Mag]

Of course everyone in the wedding party (rehearsal dinner... so everyone who was 'rehearsing'... plus any spouses/SO... and perhaps special folk NOT in the wedding like grandparents

My understanding.... Groom's family: Rehearsal dinner and honeymoon costs.... Bride's family: wedding and reception costs

We kept it simple.... had a BBQ rehearsal dinner at my MIL's farm

 

[anniemae]

I think a lot of the old "rules" around weddings have been tossed out the window. It seems people just do what feels right and I think that's how it should be.

I know couples who paid for the wedding themselves, couples who had huge formal rehearsal dinners, couples who had rehearsal dinner at a house, couples who ran off to Vegas to get married and had a bbq when they got home, couples who didn't have a wedding shower because they had everything they needed since they lived together etc.

I feel many of the wedding rules are outdated and couples should just do what they want.

 

[maxaroni]

Recently went through this. When DH & i got married, 40 years ago, we had parents, grandparents, wedding party with spouse, as well as DH’s siblings and spouse. DS & DIL included out of town guests, until covid hit and wedding postponed. The restrictions at the time naturally decided who was going to be there. It wound up to be wedding party and spouse, parents & grandparents. No out of town people or extended family.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Life is returning more and more to normal every day, so here's a wedding thread/spin-off from CindysFriend's post. Who do you invite to the rehearsal dinner? When I was in my 20s/30s (so mid-70s to mid-80s) the rehearsal dinner was usually limited to the bridal party and their significant others (spouse, long-time BF/GF). For DD's first wedding, the groom's parents were very clear with us that SOs of the bridesmaids were NOT invited to the rehearsal lunch, and neither was my sister/BIL who flew from NOLA to Maine for the wedding. OK, fine... thought the bridal party not being 'allowed' to bring their SOs was weird, but, whatever. I was a little surprised to get to the rehearsal lunch to discover that the groomsmen all had SOs with them, and the groom's extended family (grandparents, aunts/uncles) were also there. Whatever. There are so many reasons that marriage didn't work.

ANYHOW... who is invited to the rehearsal dinner? What's your "cut-off" and rationale for this?

Wedding party (and their spouses if they are married), bride and groom's parents, and out of town guests who have to overnight in a hotel.

 

[Jennasis]

Historically in our family it is the bridal party, their spouse's and the bride/groom's parents and grandparents as well as the officiant and his/her spouse.

 

[Disneyfan754321]

We are currently having this conversation with our son. they decided just the parents and best man/ maid of honor. More intimate was the idea. My son still does not want to be around lots of people vaccine or not.

 

[AnnaS]

I agree with @anniemae.

I don't believe old rules apply/or set rules are set rules. Who decides?

I would think of the venue and finances first. Then think of the size of bridal party and immediate family (relationship, etc.) I would keep these thoughts in mind and consider/talk with the couple/share thoughts.

Bridal party and SO (companion, spouse, guest)
Parents of the couple
Can the flower and ring boy make it? (time/traveling/age) - if so, the kids and their parents.
Siblings of the couple who might not be in the bridal party (age, pregnant, etc.)

Want to go further (maybe the bridal party is small) maybe they have grandparents who might be able to come,

Invite the grandparents

Religious ceremony? Church? Someone reading?

Invite the person reading

You can go on and on - you can have it as intimate as you want or as elaborate as you want

 

[design_mom]

For ours, it was mostly the bridal party and their significant others, and family who had come in from out of town and were staying in a hotel. (This was mostly his family, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.)

I believe my aunt/uncle came, too. (I do not have any living grandparents and my aunt is very close to my mom and the closest "extended family" I have... and both her kids were in the wedding party.) They were the only non-bridal party guests from my side.

Edited to add: We invited significant others/spouses, but we didn't add a +1 for everyone. Our bridal party all knew each other, so it wouldn't be like they wouldn't know anyone. If the person was part of a couple, we invited both even if only one was in the actual wedding party, but if they were single, we just invited them alone. It was about half and half, I think.

 

[ronandannette]

In all my years and the many weddings I’ve been involved in, nobody had ever had a Rehearsal Dinner as a formal part of the agenda. It’s just not a thing here. If there is one at all, it’s for the practicality of feeding the people that are actually involved in the rehearsal itself, which is often held in the late afternoon the day before the wedding. It only includes the people that are present at the rehearsal and not any other invited guests. Very casual; sometimes as casual as pizza and beer right at the venue.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I've hosted two rehearsal dinners in the last 5 years (2 sons got married).

We invited the bridal party and significant others and any out of town guests and close family members such as
grandparents.

 

[Darcy03231]

So far we've only hosted one. DS & DDIL got married in Costa Rica. Everyone who had flown in for the wedding was invited to the rehearsal dinner, approx. 40 people.

When DD got married last fall (locally) it was the wedding party and their significant others, parents, siblings, and grandparents.

 

[easyas123]

Wedding party (and their spouses if they are married), bride and groom's parents, and out of town guests who have to overnight in a hotel.

I've hosted two rehearsal dinners in the last 5 years (2 sons got married).

We invited the bridal party and significant others and any out of town guests and close family members such as
grandparents.

This is how I always understood it should be -

 

[DisneyHardin]

When I got married 12 years ago, our rehearsal dinner was just our wedding party, their spouses, my Grandma and one out of town guest. My in-laws (who are very wealthy) were being super cheap about the rehearsal dinner and didn't want me to invite the one out of town guest, so I told them that I would pay for his meal.

When all my cousins have gotten married, the rehearsal dinner was much bigger - all the immediate family and out of town guests were invited - it was almost like another mini reception.

 

[sarahann77]

I had gotten married 3 years ago. We just had the bridal party, those helping with the rehearsal, and DH's immediate family that weren't part of the rehearsal but were hosting. No SOs were included as we were already a large group for table sizes. At a small party room.

Another I went to 10 years ago was just the bridal party and no SOs. At a restaurant's private room.

 

[HopperFan]

It is called a "Rehearsal" Dinner .... you feed those that attended the rehearsal. When we got married and last year when DD got married it was wedding party with SO, parents, siblings and grandparents.

For ours the out of town guests all booked at same hotel and had their own little family reunion/party and honestly I was jealous. They had great fun while I sat at a head table in a stuffy restaurant.

For DD it was smaller due to COVID so the our only out of town guests who came stayed with family to visit, and the groom's were all staying in a few places and future MIL had a party at her house they all attended and the parents arrived late after the dinner. IF COVID wouldn't have happened and all the guests who were invited came we would have had a minimum of 75 out of town guests in addition to the normal bridal party etc. That would have meant 95 people at the rehearsal dinner. With COVID it would have meant 65 people. That is half the people who came to the wedding. Makes no sense.

We have been invited to many rehearsal dinners from extended family and I have not attended any of them. I don't think there needs to be two receptions. Now if it is destination and a whole weekend of events being provided it's just another event, otherwise I see no need to invite anyone other than rehearsal participants except for SO. Some traveled to the wedding and some have given up their SO for lots of wedding events so of course I would include them for dinner.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Never heard of it being more than the wedding party but interesting reading how others interperate it.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Hmm. Our niece is getting married this summer. We're travelling 800 miles, combining it with a vacation. Our DD25 is in the wedding party. I hadn't thought that we might be invited to the rehearsal dinner. If we are, we'll go--give us a chance to catch up with people like the bride's grandparents (on the other side), who we haven't seen in years.

We'll just have to see what our niece decides. If she doesn't invite us (and it would be 5 additional people, in this case), I'm fine with that. If she does, that's okay, too.