Wedding shower etiquette

[leebee]

OK, I know all the basics: Only invite women invited to the wedding, don't invite people to more than one shower, no need to invite women who are invited solely as "+1s" who you don't actually know. Here's my question: If there are several showers, do you invite the bridesmaids to all of them? I know the bridesmaids are going to have a shower for DD, but should the bridesmaids be invited to showers given by, say, the groom's mom or the bride's aunt? Does the "only one shower invitation" extend to the bridesmaids, or do they get invited to all showers, as members of the wedding party?

 

[bethy]

I would say yes - invite them to all showers - except for maybe a work/office shower. But it is my understanding that etiquette states they only need to bring a gift to one shower.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

OK, I know all the basics: Only invite women invited to the wedding, don't invite people to more than one shower, no need to invite women who are invited solely as "+1s" who you don't actually know. Here's my question: If there are several showers, do you invite the bridesmaids to all of them? I know the bridesmaids are going to have a shower for DD, but should the bridesmaids be invited to showers given by, say, the groom's mom or the bride's aunt? Does the "only one shower invitation" extend to the bridesmaids, or do they get invited to all showers, as members of the wedding party?

1. Defer to whoever is hosting the shower to decide the invites.
2. The Bridesmaids would probably be invited to most, but not all. For example, the bridesmaids would not need to be invited to a shower at the bride's office thrown by her coworkers if they have no connection to the office.
Also, the bridesmaids would probably not be invited to a shower for family far away from where they live.
3. The wedding gift may be given at any shower someone attends. Though often people will give a smaller shower gift too it is not necessary. It is not necessary to give multiple shower gifts if someone attends more than one.
4. Don't invite those you won't invite to the wedding.

 

[kyton]

Why would there be more then one shower? Not being a nark, but genuinely asking. Here in Australia, 99% of people only have 1 (some like myself don’t even have that!) - so it seems nuts to say that there is one from the groom’s side, one from the bride’s side etc etc.

 

[CarolAnn856]

Why would there be more then one shower? Not being a nark, but genuinely asking. Here in Australia, 99% of people only have 1 (some like myself don’t even have that!) - so it seems nuts to say that there is one from the groom’s side, one from the bride’s side etc etc.

How is it not being a nark to say that anything different than your country's customs are "nuts?" In the US, multiple showers are pretty common, especially with larger weddings.

 

[Katie Dawn]

Why would there be more then one shower? Not being a nark, but genuinely asking. Here in Australia, 99% of people only have 1 (some like myself don’t even have that!) - so it seems nuts to say that there is one from the groom’s side, one from the bride’s side etc etc.

Sounds like a cultural difference. I would flip the question to you: why would you have just one? That sounds like one really really large, really long party. I had shower at work for only co-workers that happened during the work day at the officd, a shower at church for people we went to church with, and a family shower for our close friends and family. If allllllll of those people had come to one shower it would have lasted so much longer for thr attendees. And it would have been such a large group I wouldn't have had time to socialize with most of them.

 

[Disneylover99]

Why would there be more then one shower? Not being a nark, but genuinely asking. Here in Australia, 99% of people only have 1 (some like myself don’t even have that!) - so it seems nuts to say that there is one from the groom’s side, one from the bride’s side etc etc.

Because most of the showers I go to are in people’s homes. Showers get broken up into smaller groups, so as not to become too overwhelming to the host. Hence a shower from the grooms side, brides side, etc....

 

[mjkacmom]

1. Defer to whoever is hosting the shower to decide the invites.
2. The Bridesmaids would probably be invited to most, but not all. For example, the bridesmaids would not need to be invited to a shower at the bride's office thrown by her coworkers if they have no connection to the office.
Also, the bridesmaids would probably not be invited to a shower for family far away from where they live.
3. The wedding gift may be given at any shower someone attends. Though often people will give a smaller shower gift too it is not necessary. It is not necessary to give multiple shower gifts if someone attends more than one.
4. Don't invite those you won't invite to the wedding.

The wedding gift and shower gift are two different things. I’ve never heard of bringing the wedding gift to the shower in place of a shower gift.

 

[nkereina]

No judgment or snark, honest question - how would the guest list for a shower thrown by the bride's aunt differ from the guest list for a shower being thrown by the bridesmaids? I could see a separate shower for the groom's side of the family thrown by his family, but just thinking back to my shower thrown by my bridesmaids, all my aunts and cousins on my side were invited. If I had separate family showers and friends showers, they'd be pretty small gatherings!

In any event, I agree with deferring to the host to decide. If its something small for family at someone's house, I would say no to inviting the bridesmaids.

 

[msjprincess]

Why would there be more then one shower? Not being a nark, but genuinely asking. Here in Australia, 99% of people only have 1 (some like myself don’t even have that!) - so it seems nuts to say that there is one from the groom’s side, one from the bride’s side etc etc.

I've lived in the US my whole life and I've never heard of it either. The only time I've heard of more than one shower is a shower at work where it's only co-workers or if someone lives a long distance away from their family and their family throws them one when they come home to visit.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I've lived in the US my whole life and I've never heard of it either. The only time I've heard of more than one shower is a shower at work where it's only co-workers or if someone lives a long distance away from their family and their family throws them one when they come home to visit.

Same here. Sorry I can’t help you, OP. These wedding threads are interesting. Clearly, customs are regional. Everyone I know had one shower, with guests from both sides, hosted by the bridal party. I was a bridesmaid several times back in the day and never went to (or knew of) multiple showers for the same bride.

Yes, an exception is a work shower. When I got married, everyone at work, both men and women (was a small office, think like the tv show The Office), took me out to dinner at a nice restaurant. I was given a card, signed by everyone, with cash they had collected (or it may have been a gift card, I don’t remember). So I wouldn’t even call it a shower; there were no physical gifts for me to unwrap, it was just a pre-wedding celebration with my colleagues.

 

[aprilgail]

Why would there be more then one shower? Not being a nark, but genuinely asking. Here in Australia, 99% of people only have 1 (some like myself don’t even have that!) - so it seems nuts to say that there is one from the groom’s side, one from the bride’s side etc etc.

I live in the US and honestly it is NOT something that is common here either- it is 1 shower and that is it- I can't imagine being in a wedding party and getting stuck going to more than one shower! It is nuts and just overkill trying to get every single last gift out of people you can.

 

[easyas123]

Same here...I'm American. Had one shower, invited folks from BOTH sides of the family, as well as close female friends.
I think multiple showers are kinda odd, personally I'd have felt off/awkward (in a gift grabby kinda way) about multiple showers being held for me.

 

[mjkacmom]

I live in the US and honestly it is NOT something that is common here either- it is 1 shower and that is it- I can't imagine being in a wedding party and getting stuck going to more than one shower! It is nuts and just overkill trying to get every single last gift out of people you can.

Same here, and showers can have 100+ guests. Work showers are different, and I can see another shower if the groom’s family lives far away (and the bridesmaids would not be expected to travel to it).

 

[Disneylover99]

Same here, and showers can have 100+ guests. Work showers are different, and I can see another shower if the groom’s family lives far away (and the bridesmaids would not be expected to travel to it).

I can see having a shower with 100+ people at a hall, but do people typically have 100+ people in someone’s house?

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

No judgment or snark, honest question - how would the guest list for a shower thrown by the bride's aunt differ from the guest list for a shower being thrown by the bridesmaids? I could see a separate shower for the groom's side of the family thrown by his family, but just thinking back to my shower thrown by my bridesmaids, all my aunts and cousins on my side were invited. If I had separate family showers and friends showers, they'd be pretty small gatherings!

In any event, I agree with deferring to the host to decide. If its something small for family at someone's house, I would say no to inviting the bridesmaids.

In your example, the shower thrown by the bride's aunt would include the family members of the bride, the mother of the bride's friends who are invited to the wedding, etc. A shower thrown by the bridesmaids would include the bride's friends and probably not any older family members. It's certainly not required, but there are some people who have more than one and it makes sense. A friend of my mother's threw a bridal shower for me, and then my bridesmaids threw a small shower for just us to give me "intimate" stuff.

 

[mjkacmom]

I can see having a shower with 100+ people at a hall, but do people typically have 100+ people in someone’s house?

Usually a hall/restaurant. There are a lot of extended families here.

 

[mjkacmom]

In your example, the shower thrown by the bride's aunt would include the family members of the bride, the mother of the bride's friends who are invited to the wedding, etc. A shower thrown by the bridesmaids would include the bride's friends and probably not any older family members. It's certainly not required, but there are some people who have more than one and it makes sense. A friend of my mother's threw a bridal shower for me, and then my bridesmaids threw a small shower for just us to give me "intimate" stuff.

I have never heard of separate family and friends showers.

 

[aprilgail]

I can see having a shower with 100+ people at a hall, but do people typically have 100+ people in someone’s house?

Haven't been to a shower in a persons house in 30+ years- they are always out at a restaurant/hall/party room around here.

 

[RUDisney]

For my brother's wedding, we (the attendants) threw 2 showers. One was where my parents live and one was where the bride's mom lived so that the families wouldn't have to travel far distances.

The one near me was at a restaurant with a private room. The one near my SIL's family was in her sister's house. The one at the sister's house cost more money than the one at a venue. Thought that was interesting.

Bridesmaids only gave one large, group gift for both.

That is the only person I've ever known to have 2 showers unless it was from the folks at work.