Wedding Rehersal Dinner??

[Mickey02]

I need help. My son is getting married this summer and we will be paying for much of the wedding. Because I have floral experience I will be doing the flowers, decorations, DJ, Chocolate fountain, and Harpist. Here is my question.

There are about 25 people in the actual wedding party. My future daughter in law would like her extended family invited to the rehersal dinner because many of them are from out of town and she will not get much of a chance to see them. Which I do not have a problem with. However I don't feel I should have to pay for the Aunts, Uncles, cousins, grandparents, boyfriends of the bridesmaids since we are paying for so much of the wedding. My daughter in law is a sweetheart and I don't see her getting angry, I also fully understand why she wants to include everyone. Help

 

[ead79]

Traditionally, the wedding party, close family members, and all out of town guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner (assuming it’s in the home town of either the bride and/or groom and not a destination wedding). However, if you have cost concerns, I think you could certainly discuss that with the bride to see if she can narrow down the list a tiny bit.

 

[golfgal]

Most out of town weddings we have attended we were included in the rehearsal dinner, even weddings of friends. Since it is a summer wedding, how about having a barbeque in your backyard or someone's backyard? That would help keep costs down and probably be more fun. I would talk it over with the bride/groom and her family and see if others can help with the costs.

 

[floridafam]

I would talk about it with her.

Usually, the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal and all the wedding party is invited. We have been invited to every rehearsal dinner when we were the out of town guests.

Is the number of people rather high?

You might be stuck but it couldn't hurt to talk to her. Good luck.

 

[mtemm]

maybe instead of paying for the dinner outright, why not say you can have x amount of money for it. then let them plan it. if they have to add money to it, or have a less expensive dinner, that would be their call.

btw, I did the same thing as your future DIL. My family was coming from out of town (mostly FL and MO) so we invited them to the rehearsal dinner, too. we paid for the rehearsal dinner so it wasn't a big deal and we were able to budget based on that. for our wedding, my parents gave us $x, certainly not enough for a wedding but it definitely helped and was so appreciated.

 

[Disneyrsh]

Our compromise was that since our wedding was so formal, the rehearsal dinner was at a casual mexican restaurant.

It was less expensive, everybody got to meet everybody else and hang out (most came from out of town and hadn't seen other members of the family in a while), and the food and margaritas were great, and they had a live band!

It was a lot of fun!

 

[mickeyfan2]

It is customary to include guest of the wedding party and all out of town guests.

 

[mrsv98]

It sounds like you are taking a greater burden of the cost than the "traditional" amount given by the groom's family. This being the case, I don't see any problem with either asking the bride's family to contribute, after all it is her relatives, or saying "We can afford x amount" and then letting them decide.

Can you do an at home dinner? Pot luck? Buffet? All of those would be less expensive than a sit-down, restaurant meal. Good luck, this wedding stuff can be stressful!

 

[Mickey02]

Thanks for all the input. The guest list would go from 25 to about 40.
Our backyard is not real big (tract housing. same size lots even if you have
the biggest model) grrrrrrr plus with the weather being so unpreditable
I would be afraid to have it at our house. My younger daughter is graduating from high school the week before the wedding and we are also planning a big party for her. When does life stop costing so much??

 

[ILMOUSE]

I think what she is saying is that as the parents of the groom traditionally they would only be paying for rehearsel dinner. But with her experience she is doing/paying for a lot of the things the bride's family would normally pay for.
Is that what you meant?

I would suggest sitting down and talking with the bride and her family. Simply explain with the work/cost you are doing with the flowers, dj, etc that you really can't afford a big rehearsal dinner with so many of her family attending. See if they would be willing to cover some of the costs for out-of-town guests. If not then do an informal cookout to cut costs.

 

[Hannathy]

I like the idea of something less formal. Being the family that always has to travel to the weddings it can be pain to rush there in time for a sit down dinner and bring extra nice clothes. this way except for the wedding party the times could be more flexible and a lot more visiting time at a cook out than in a rest. with a set seating arrangement and a tight time frame. If you did the cook out it could be fancier than burgers how about a roast pig ? yum.
By the way except for when my DD was a flower girl we were never invited to the rehearsal dinners. Whatever you do don't spend yourself into debt They are lucky they are getting what they are and just explain it to them.

 

[Mickey02]

The place they are wanting to have the rehersal dinner will be really fun especially for her out of town guest. It is a Western show, town and chuckwagon dinner. I am very happy to include them in the dinner but with the added costs of the wedding it will double out cost. I have researched many other places and this is working out the best plus this is where they wanted to go.


Here is where we are going to have it.
http://www.flyingw.com/

 

[Mickey02]

I think what she is saying is that as the parents of the groom traditionally they would only be paying for rehearsel dinner. But with her experience she is doing/paying for a lot of the things the bride's family would normally pay for.
Is that what you meant?.

Yes ILmouse that is exactly what I meant. I love being able to help with doing all the flowers, decorations etc..... but our cost is equaling or more then that of the brides family.

 

[goodeats]

I agree that you should say we can afford "X" amount for the rehearsal dinner. You may have to point out how much you are already paying for the wedding already. Then they can decide if they want to have it somewhere cheaper or to scale down the guestlist. Or just write them a check for the "X" amount and have them plan it.

My in-laws paid for our rehearsal dinner, photography, and flowers. But my parents share was still greater. Our rehearsal dinner was catered BBQ in a local park. The entire wedding party and dates were invited to the RD plus our parent's immediate families that came in from out of town (i.e. Grandma's, aunt, uncle, cousins). More distant relatives that came from out of town were not invited to the RD.

 

[floridafam]

I forgot you mentioned you were paying for many wedding expenses. In that case, I would definately talk to her about it.

I also like the idea of something casual. Sometimes, we go to a wedding out of town and get there the same day as the rehearsal and feel rushed until we leave. Something relaxing and casual would be a welcome change. Of course, the bride may feel a different way.

I also like the idea of offering a set amount for the rehearsal since you are picking up the tab for other things.

Don't worry. I'm sure everything will work out and it will be a lovely time.

 

[minniecarousel]

Wow - that's a tough one. Yeah, it's traditional for the groom's family to pay for the rehearsal dinner. But since you're contributing more for the actual wedding than is tradition for the groom's parents, you probably should limit your costs. It's a shame that they're insisting on having it at a particular place. Can they spend the DAY before with her family? I won't be inviting my out-of-town guests to our son's RD, since it would seem wierd to have only one of my brothers (and his family) there. I have 4 more brothers and 2 sisters, plus their families - we're not having a huge RD! I'd try to steer them to another location, or ask them to pony up some more $$. (not sure I could follow my own advice!)

 

[rt2dz]

The people included in the wedding rehearsal dinner includes all the wedding party, the bride & grooms immediate family and any out of town guests, especially family.

If cost is the concern (& very understandably is since you are contributing to the wedding which traditionally is done by the brides family, which is why the grooms family pays for rehersal dinner), then sit the couple down and explain that you can only contribute x cost for x reasons. Then they could plan the whole rehearsal dinner and find the ways to fund the rest (themselves or the brides parents).

 

[jbdreamer]

Both of our parents just gave a certain sum of money that was to be used towards our wedding. It seemed fair, and no one was arguing who paid more or what they were paying for.

Why don't you just set a budget for the dinner, or say you'll pay up to a certain amount. If they want to invite 25+ people, they can pay the difference.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

It is customary to include guest of the wedding party and all out of town guests.

This is news to me. All we had was the wedding party and their spouses and children.

 

[Nancy]

I would do as the others have suggested, explain that you are paying more for the wedding than most grooms families and also the fact that you have a graduation party the week before. Offer them a set amount and I'm sure they can come up with the rest. They have plenty of time to save for it still.

We paid for a lot of our own stuff at our wedding, so the cost was not so bad for the parents. My MIL paid for flowers and rehearsal dinner. Rehearsal dinner was actually not what I wanted but since she was footing the bill I was not going to complain about where it was.