Wedding guests

[scrapquitler]

I wouldn't go to a wedding without DH. Maybe just invite them to the shower or bachelorette party.

But then if you post that you are going to invite people to the shower and/or bachelorette party and NOT the wedding, the strict etiquette followers are going to remind you that it is improper to invite people to those events and not the wedding.... poor brides can't win, it seems.

 

[Pooh2]

I would invite the husbands.
My adult kids were invited to their cousin's wedding but their boyfriend/girlfriends were not invited. All the other young couples were having a great time dancing, my kids felt weird sitting at the table not having their partners to dance with.. In hindsight, they would have rather not gone.

 

[TravelMommy]

How about having a "celebrating your upcoming wedding" and bring a cake to one of your book club's?

 

[3dog2kidmom]

I feel like it's inappropriate to exclude a spouse from an evening event such as a wedding where there is alcohol, music & dancing, and members of the opposite sex without their spouses in attendance. If someone wants to attend without his or her spouse that's an entirely different story, but to exclude them is in bad taste.

 

[leelee9878]

I am a current bride and our rule of thumb was you get a +1 if you are married, living together, or been together 6+ months when invites go out. This way it's the same for all and reasonable.

 

[crisi]

By the way, is this your wedding, or your daughters/sons? Whichever, congrats. But the idea of my girlfriends and I at the oldest daughters (she is just 20 now) bachelorette is hilarious.

 

[mrsklamc]

but this is what I don't understand. Even if you don't drink or dance, would you not want to see your friend get married? People would prefer to skip the wedding of a friend because they wouldn't have fun without their spouse? Isn't this the time to put your wishes aside and support your friend in this important time of their lives?

Normally I'm the first one to say "It's the bride and groom's day and they should do whatever they want." I've never, ever heard of anyone not inviting spouses to a wedding though and it just seems...inhospitable? inconsiderate? I'd vote for inviting the spouses but proposing a girls' night out. But, I'm also not from CYP territory and am a firm believer in only having weddings you can afford, so I may just be completely out of my element.

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

We broke a good number of traditions for our wedding, but not inviting spouses was not one of them. As others have said, its just not as much fun without your spouse there to spend time with and use the opportunity to introduce him to everyone. A lot of people don't like doing things 'alone'. When we were figuring out the guest list we cut based on couples (whole families if they had kids) not individuals, with that in mind.

We also were trying to cut our guess list down(over 10 years ago!) but included all spouses, and even those in long term relationships. It just wouldn't be as fun for the guest if their partner wasn't there with them. What we did to cut the list is our friends who we hadn't spoken with in years didn't get invited. Anyone not in our lives at that time we were married didn't get an invite. We don't regret that decision in the least! Those friends come and go but the real friends that were at my wedding are always in our lives!

I think you should run it by the ladies. See if their husbands would want to go or if the ladies preferred going just the ladies. I would say you were going over table arrangements and if you invite spouses you might have to break up tables but if its just the ladies they can all sit together. Talk to them all at your next book club meeting and see what they say. If hubbies are preferred they should be invited then.

 

[Skywalker]

I don't think you should invite one part of a couple to a social event but exclude the spouse, ever. Would you do it for even say, a backyard bbq? Sally you can come but don't bring John, we won't have enough hot dogs lol? I think that is ridiculous, and even moreso for an affair that is usually a dress up, dinner and dancing, date type of affair.

Spouses are a social "unit" and should always be invited together! Now, they always have the option of accepting for just one and the other decline, but that should be at their option.

 

[luvmy3]

I would never not invite a spouse. They are free to decline the invite and the wife can come by herself, but I would definitely give them the choice of coming or not.

 

[nsmith]

Thanx for the feed back. To clear up this was a hypothetical question. I have been married for 25 years. I do have a 20 year old daughter and 17 year old son, so that has me thinking about hosting a wedding some day.

After reading all of your kind responses I think I would talk to my bookclub girls and share with them my vision of a fancy girls night out, all dressed up and dancing together. But would go ahead and invite spouses. That way everyone could enjoy a wedding the way they prefer.

 

[secretpantssam]

I think if your inviting all the gals it should be fine. I wouldn't be offended if I was the only one invited to one of my girlfriend's wedding ...especially if the whole gang was sitting at the table together. And I can't imagine my husband would be offended. We got married recently and he knows how expensive a seat is. I say invite the girls and maybe say something to them in person about how you wanted them all to be there for your special day. I think they'll understand.

 

[bethy]

I don't think you should invite one part of a couple to a social event but exclude the spouse, ever. Would you do it for even say, a backyard bbq? Sally you can come but don't bring John, we won't have enough hot dogs lol? I think that is ridiculous, and even moreso for an affair that is usually a dress up, dinner and dancing, date type of affair.

Spouses are a social "unit" and should always be invited together! Now, they always have the option of accepting for just one and the other decline, but that should be at their option.

These are my feelings as well. Not inviting people's spouses to a wedding would be in poor taste, IMO. I feel that way for any social event where both men and women attend. A girls' night out is a totally different story, but there will definitely be men at most weddings (including the groom in most cases!)

If the women choose to leave their spouses at home it should be their decision and not yours. I have actually seen this happen plenty of times.