Wedding gift advice

[lyeag]

My brother is getting married for the 3rd time. I love him very much, and I really hope this one works out. It has been almost 10 years since his last marriage ended. I gave a gift for each of his other weddings as my means allowed. They did not register for many things, just a few thing that are nice to have, not expensive, at Target, as they have pretty much everything they need.

I really was just planning on giving cash, but things are tight with unexpected expenses. I have 3 kids, one in college that we are paying most of what scholarship does not cover. The other two are school aged. I am thinking $200.00 as a gift. They are taking a honeymoon, and I thought the extra cash would be nice. Any thoughts?

 

[VAfamily1998]

I think that sounds like a very generous gift.

 

[englishteacha]

When I was married 9 years ago, we didn't get a single monetary gift of more than $100. And, only 2 people gave us $100. Other gifts were $50 or less. So I think a $200 gift is very, very generous. I couldn't afford it. I am unable to attend my nephew's fiancee's bridal shower, and it was a stretch financially to send a check for $25. If I'd gone, I would have purchased a very nice gift, but it would have been VERY much on sale. That's why I hate cash/gift cards as a gift. You can't give someone something amazing that you got on sale!

 

[mommasita]

I think it is great! You are doing what you an afford, and your heart is in the right place.
I would not second guess myself.

 

[C.Ann]

Very generous - and very nice of you.. However, if it's really going to make things tight for you, I'll bet they would be happy with less.. Just something to think about..

 

[ems_mom]

You are an awesome sister! I'm sure he and his wife will be very grateful.

 

[aprilgail2]

Heck I am from Long Island and I have to say for a THIRD wedding I would not be giving that much-- my gifts go down with each wedding LOL--by the third one they would be getting 50.00 LOL..I am actually amazed that someone even registers for gifts when they are up to their third wedding!

 

[MIGrandma]

I'm in a similar boat, only it's our DS getting married for the 3rd time. It's the 2nd marriage for his fiance. They don't really "need" anything for the house, so we will probably give cash as well. We haven't decided how much yet, they're getting married July 23rd. I think you should give your brother what you feel you can afford. I hope the "3rd time's the charm" for your brother, and I am hoping the same for our DS.

 

[Carly_Roach]

By the third marriage all anyone gets from me is a card. You're much more generous than I would be.

 

[Nancyg56]

very generous - and very nice of you.. However, if it's really going to make things tight for you, i'll bet they would be happy with less.. Just something to think about..

mte

 

[Rora]

It sounds perfect! But, give what you can afford. I'm sure they would be happy with anything.

Best of luck to them!

 

[bgirldeb]

I am actually amazed that someone even registers for gifts when they are up to their third wedding!

Me too!

I agree, OP that you are being more than generous, and less would be fine if it puts a strain on your family.

 

[mjkacmom]

Me too!

I agree, OP that you are being more than generous, and less would be fine if it puts a strain on your family.

Another one here who lives in the NYC area, and wouldn't give that much for a third wedding. And I'd give more than that for the first.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think that's very generous for a 3rd wedding.

Frankly, I'd probably do less....either a gift certificate to a nice restaurant in their area or a basket with some cute wedding reltaed stuff in it.

When my DB & DSisIL married, bith for the 2nd time, they requested no gifts. They just wanted people to come and celebrate. They had lived together for anumber of years, owned a house together, cars, etc. I made a wedding basket which included a bottle of champagne, 2 toasting glasses, a nice cat candle (they are cat lovers), a nice picture frame for their wedding photo, and a GC to their favorite nicer restaurant. I did it in a white basket covered in tulle netting, with a white ruffly bow...it looked nice and they really did appreciate it.

 

[WDWDancer]

OP I think that your an amazing sister and they will love and appreciate whatever you give them.

I have a question for everybody who says for a 2nd/3rd wedding you wouldn't give the same gift.....why? What about if it's the Brides first? Does it make a difference to you if say the grooms first wife had passed away instead of a divorce?

 

[Carly_Roach]

OP I think that your an amazing sister and they will love and appreciate whatever you give them.

I have a question for everybody who says for a 2nd/3rd wedding you wouldn't give the same gift.....why? What about if it's the Brides first? Does it make a difference to you if say the grooms first wife had passed away instead of a divorce?

2nd marriages and gifts all depends on the circumstances surrounding the failure of the first marriage. Since this varies from couple to couple, I can't give any kind of blanket statement about that. Third marriage for either of them, even if it's the bride's first marriage, gets a card. With the groom's track record I'm betting there will probably be another divorce in the future.

Having said that, if a third marriage keeps it together for a few decades or so, then I'll be happy to spring for a very expensive gift if I'm invited to their anniversary party. Invite us to your 5th anniversary? Sorry. Card.

Widow/widower situations are obviously different and, IMO, even more worthy of celebrating. That couple didn't break up because of irreconcilable differences or some similar reason; one of them died. No control over that.

 

[aprilgail2]

Third marriage for either of them, even if it's the bride's first marriage, gets a card. With the groom's track record I'm betting there will probably be another divorce in the future.

.

 

[golfgal]

OP I think that your an amazing sister and they will love and appreciate whatever you give them.

I have a question for everybody who says for a 2nd/3rd wedding you wouldn't give the same gift.....why? What about if it's the Brides first? Does it make a difference to you if say the grooms first wife had passed away instead of a divorce?

The purpose of wedding gifts, really, is to set the new couple up in their new home together. For a 3rd wedding, they already have what they need to do that, then the gift becomes and acknowledgement of the event. I am actually surprised that they didn't just request no gifts and they went out and registered.

I would give them a gift certificate for a meal while on their honeymoon. No one here gives $200 for a first wedding gift, let alone a 3rd.

 

[powellrj]

OP I think that your an amazing sister and they will love and appreciate whatever you give them.

I have a question for everybody who says for a 2nd/3rd wedding you wouldn't give the same gift.....why? What about if it's the Brides first? Does it make a difference to you if say the grooms first wife had passed away instead of a divorce?

If its the brides first, I would give more than if it were the 3rd for both.

To be honest, I wouldn't have the nerve to invite people to my 3rd wedding. It would be a small private affair. I was once invited to my bosses wedding at a church, it was his 5th and her 4th. Lets just say bets were being placed as to how long this one would last.

Yes it does make a difference if the first wife/husband has passed. I know of several 3rd wedding where wife/husband has passed, but these are usually elderly people who just want good wishes.

 

[Swan4Me]

By the third marriage all anyone gets from me is a card. You're much more generous than I would be.

I'd give a picture frame