Wedding disaster

[okeydokey]

If I were invited to a destination wedding and expected to pay for a hotel room and wedding expenses and then saw a cash bar, I would think it was tacky. People are already spending hundreds to attend this wedding.

 

[Irin997]

If I were invited to a destination wedding and expected to pay for a hotel room and wedding expenses and then saw a cash bar, I would think it was tacky. People are already spending hundreds to attend this wedding.

I agree. If anything, provide free beer and wine.

 

[dvcgirl]

I think people lose site of who the wedding is for. The wedding is for the couple that is getting married not the guests. I think people are so preoccupied with keeping up with the joneses that they lose site of this. OP - not saying that is the case at all so please don't take it that way. Since the hotel is less than I paid 11 years ago, I would be thrilled! If people can afford to go, they are going to go. If they can't afford it, they won't go. Don't get preoccupied with pleasing the guest. Listen to the bride and your son and what they want. Afterall, it is their wedding. I thought destination weddings were supposed to be less stressful??

Good luck.

I agree with you to a point. The wedding day absolutely should be about the couple. But when they decided to have a destination wedding requiring their guests to travel and stay overnight at a resort hotel with no other options.....it also becomes very much about the guests....

You can say..."well, if the guests love the couple, they won't mind"....and that's also true, but it doesn't mean that they won't feel a bit put out.

And like others have said, and I said too....cash bars are tacky in their own right. Asking your guests to pay $189 for a room and not offering a full bar at the wedding would be really, really tacky....

 

[loganpaulsmom]

Is there any way that you could eliminate the 2 hour rehearsal dinner? I know you said that everyone would have to take a Ferry back but maybe ask the Reception place how much it would cost for just the rehearsal without the dinner, and the wedding day Festivities. Maybe they are charging $30 a person or more for that and I will venture to say that for that cost you could transport everyone off the island and have a nice dinner somewhere..

Also, as someone who has been a part of lots of weddings and planned her own this is one thing that I know.. Budgets go right out the window. As much you have a certain amount in mind, it never works out that way..
As for the bar. I had a beautiful wedding and had a cash bar and it was NOT tacky. My package included, a 1 hour open bar , a champagne toast and wine service at dinner and my wedding was on a Sunday (which I find BTW people don't drink the way they would if it was a Friday or a Saturday Night). People that came to my wedding didn't even really utilize the cash bar because they had gotten so much booze prior to that..
My mom paid for my wedding and as much as it was me getting married, in the end lots of decisions were hers and lots of guests were hers. As some pp have said, it ends up being a wedding for everyone else and not so much for the bride and groom..

 

[lts862]

Cut the open bar and serve choice of red or white wine with dinner. Aside from that, the couple needs to be a little more flexible. They know the prices and know how much $$ they have. Their fantasy wedding comes with a pricetag. If they can't afford it, something has to give.

It is frustrating when you were told something and then given another. Everything should have been documented and signed in a contract, and without that, you are stuck with what is currently being offered. If you still have not signed a contract at this time, you may not have the venue at all!

Destination weddings are costly for guests and the hosts need to take their guests' needs and comfort into consideration. I would seriously be sending a card and gift if I had to shell out $$$ for hotel, travel, give gift, etc. especially if I was originally told xx for rooms. Have alternate lodging available.

Good Luck!

 

[dunbarfamily]

It wasn't fancy but the cops leading people around in handcuffs added a certain romance you can only get on a Thursday afternoon at the Hennepin County Courthouse.

That is really funny!! I guess I never thought about how one might see the bad guys before/after the ceremony!

 

[Belle5]

Then they aren't your guests, they are your audience.

I like this article on destination weddings http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/01/AR2008080100138.html

Great common sense article!

 

[Lewisc]

A number of posters suggested offering wine and beer. This venue only offers a $2/head discount vs offering wine, beer and mixed drinks.

The OP was offered a package. The OP got a price on a package with limited offerings. The price reduction was less then he expected.

Island House looks like a reasonable deal but there is room rental fee that will average $7-$10/ head. Depends on the room or number of guests.

I maybe too cynical. Paying on consumptions sounds reasonable but I wouldn't do it. You don't know if busboys/waiters will be clearing half empty glasses off the table while the guests are dancing. Guests who don't realize you're paying based on consumption may be ordering an extra drink. Maybe get bottled soda and juice, not realizing you're paying for each bottle of soda they get from the bartender.

A couple has their heart set on a GF wedding. The wedding turned out to be more expensive then they thought. Maybe they didn't book in time and Disney upped the prices. There may may not be much they can do.

....


The Dinner
Your Choice of One Salad
Intermezzo CUT
Artisan Bread with Sweet Butter
Your Choice of Entrée

Chocolate Dipped Strawberries served with your Wedding Cake Selection
CUT the strawberries...cake is the dessert!

I know some of these changes may not make a difference, but seriously, this hotel should WANT your business and they should want to negotiate with you. I'm very glad you are looking at other venues on the island because now they may realize that they could easily lose your business and you have a good negotiating point.

Wow I just checked the Island House you were talking about, what's wrong with this menu? $60 PP and it includes an open bar! As long as the food is good, you can't go wrong!

ISLAND HOUSE RECEPTION

....-----$60.00 - Adults
-----$18.00 - Children Under 13

 

[sharbear]

Honestly, I am with the crowd who would be so angry with Mission Point that I would move it to the Island House just because.
But that is the bride and grooms decision and only theirs.

I think the OP feels terrible about this situation. If I remember, the OP and her family spend at least a week and maybe two at this resort every summer. The entire staff knows them and has known the family for a really long time. It sounds like the OP was trying negotiate based on her long time association with the resort an off season rate for high season. Am I right about this?

It sounds like the wedding planner promised things that she could not deliver. Maybe the general manager is new and does not know the relationship the OP has with the resort. Maybe they have another wedding that they can hold that weekend at a much higher rate and are trying to push this couple out of the date that they have selected (which is what I suspect may be happening).

Any way things are playing out, you the OP feels responsible and wonder how your kids can have the wedding of their dreams and what you can cut out and what you can't. It really, really stinks.

It sounds like beer and wine over cash bar is not any savings. I don't know if you can cut out the reception but it is on the island and what do people do between the wedding and dinner.

I don't really like the cocktail hour myself. The last wedding we went to (in Traverse City) we went wine tasting on Mission Point and had a great time. I don't like to drink and I don't want food to spoil dinner but sometimes you are really hungry at these events. The last two weddings we went to, one had a cocktail hour and one didn't. They were both great, it was about the couple and the people there. One had an open bar and one had cans of pop and beer.

Also no one wants to go over the bridge today. It is so windy, I would be so scared!

 

[bumbershoot]

I really like the ideas of seeing if you can cut the rehearsal dinner.

My brother's rehearsal dinner was at a local Mexican restaurant, and while it wasn't what his wife's mom wanted (they married at 22 and it was all VERY much under the mom's thumb while she gave her daughter the wedding she, the mom, had always wanted), it was fun for the couple and the guests.

My rehearsal dinner was at Old Spaghetti Factory, organized at the LAST minute...we were lucky to get the private back room! Again, fun.

Another friend had a HUGE cookout at the groom's family's house. FUN! (except for me, the lone vegetarian, with people thinking that salmon was acceptable...even if it were, I despise salmon with a burning passion)

There are SO many ways to have a rehearsal dinner at a less fancy place and still have huge amounts of fun.

And frankly, at a quick glance, the rehearsal dinner sounds better than the wedding dinner, and that just doesn't make sense to me. I'd dump that dinner, have it somewhere else, off island perhaps, and see what that does to the budget.

And since it's generally accepted that the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner....