Wedding disaster

[dunbarfamily]

I agree, but it is not an easy task when you are far away. Face to face is always better but in this case is not always possible. That is why we made the plans to go back. Of course, the contract was not ready. At this moment the resort is CLOSED for the winter. Heck almost the whole island is closed. There is not even ferry service. Maybe I will wait till the lake freezes and cross over on the ice bridge on my snowmobile.

Sorry, I should have multi-quoted this.

Isnt' it funny how the WHOLE island pretty much shuts down? Its like a ghost town. Same thing in Mackinaw City. Hey, when you go up to drive the ice bridge, stay in Gaylord overnight! That's my hometown, though I don't live there now.
We still visit once a month or so.

 

[hinodis]

Sorry, I should have multi-quoted this.

Isnt' it funny how the WHOLE island pretty much shuts down? Its like a ghost town. Same thing in Mackinaw City. Hey, when you go up to drive the ice bridge, stay in Gaylord overnight! That's my hometown, though I don't live there now.
We still visit once a month or so.

Meet me in St. Ignace and I will take you over the ice bridge with me.

 

[Good Morning Dewdrop]

First of all I"m sorry you're going through all of this. I can see everyone else's points regarding fault, changing location ideas etc. Basically I hope it all works out in the end somehow.

My thinking is along the lines of what's important in a wedding. To the bride / groom it seems to be location. To me it's having the important people in your life around to share in this very special event. I do wonder if you're going to 'lose' some invited people due to the price. To many an extra $50/ night isn't 'much' to others it could be a deal breaker. I'm glad you're at least looking at other locations. Dh and I got married almost 20 years ago and the place didn't matter in comparison to being able to afford to have the people we wanted to have at the wedding / reception. If the event ends up in a different location that might work out really well sentimentally. It means they have a special engagement location and a (different) special wedding/ reception place.

Good luck!

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't think taking it to the press is much of a threat in this case, as Mackinaw City is a small town. It thrives in the summer on tourist money, but all but shuts down in the winter.

On the other hand, telling them that you are taking it to the message boards on weddingchannel.com, constantchatter.com, and theknot.com might very well be a good way to negotiate.

In my time planning our wedding, several people (from around the country) that I "knew" online married there (and on various other islands like Block Island). And they talked and talked about it. Talking about this bait and switch, talking about how the wedding planning manager cannot guarantee prices and has some shadowy manager in the back room (like a creepy car dealership) is NOT good publicity.

Open bar is $1800 for the first hour and $480 for the second.

Holymoly. I now realize how lucky we were in Oregon. We did have a reasonable minimum, but we paid the exact cost of what was consumed, not some estimate of what others usually drink. Yowza!

Everything is included except the centerpieces. It is a sit down dinner. The price is.......$130 per person including all taxes and 20% gratuity.

What is *everything*?

Her father has given her a large sum of money.

OK, so she has the money in hand, and she is the one making the arrangements (with your kind help). So she knows exactly what she has. That's good! Different than having to clear everything with him, or having a vague idea of what will be paid by her dad, etc etc.

 

[bucket o' butter]

Personally I would offer no bar as I think a cash bar is tacky, but everyone is different. Does it have to be on Macinaw (sp?) Island? I know it is the bride's dream wedding, but after 23 years I can say that being married to my husband is what is important. Not the where or the how.

I have been to several weddings (including mine) that had a cash bar. Beer and soda was free, but everything else was on a cash basis. I really don't think it is tacky at all, but I suppose to some people it might be. But honestly, I would have no problem attending a wedding that has a cash bar. At this point, this is the least of your worries. I think it is horrible what this hotel has done to you. I agree with another poster to try to talk to someone else at another hotel. Explain the situation to them and tell them you will book the wedding at their hotel if they can match the previously quoted prices, and maybe due to competition, they will lower their prices. In this economy, a lot of people cannot afford vacations, and the tourism on Mackinaw has got to be down. Competition gets people moving. Good luck!

 

[Leajess99]

Thank you for reacting so well to constructive criticism. Nobody blames you for what happened but you are fully responsible for what's happening now thanks to your and the wedding couple's inflexibility. So break out the charge cards, pay up and enjoy the reception. You really don't give yourselves any other choice.

I'm sorry but I fail to see the "constructive criticism" on this thread. I saw a lot of blaiming the OP by some. Do you know anything about mackinac Island and how many weddings are performed there?? The bride wants her dream wedding and they set the date and have talked to the planner at the resort only to have the prices changed. Not everyone has flexible schedules and the OP is looking at new options.

OP - Mackinac Island is beautiful and one of my favorite places from when I was a kid. I hope something works out for your family.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Wow, what an ordeal!

I have a few suggestions:

1) In any future negotiations, whether with the current resort or any new one, do as much discussing in e-mail as possible. If you do have to talk on the phone, follow up with an e-mail to them so you have a written log of what occurred. That will help if things 'change' before you get the contract signed. Also remember that contracts or estimates can be scanned and e-mailed or just faxed, there is no need to wait weeks or months for things to be signed.

2) 20% gratuity is not standard as far as I know. Negotiate for something more reasonable, say 15-18%, and then plan on the additional funds if the service is exceptional.

3) Around here, cash bars are tacky...I would definitely not encourage you to do that. Offering only beer/wine, with guests having the option to purchase something hard if they prefer...that's ok. If you do this, though, I'd encourage you to let people know somehow so they have money on them!

4) If you want to have more guests and need to bring down cost to do it, consider NOT having passed hors d'oeuvres. A nice cheese/crackers/fruit/veggie display for the cocktail hour is plenty if there will be a full multi-course meal served afterward. At many a wedding people don't eat or bring home their entree because they're full from the apps. So why pay for the apps?

I hope you get it worked out and that they have the wedding of their dreams!

 

[maxiesmom]

I agree, but it is not an easy task when you are far away. Face to face is always better but in this case is not always possible. That is why we made the plans to go back. Of course, the contract was not ready. At this moment the resort is CLOSED for the winter. Heck almost the whole island is closed. There is not even ferry service. Maybe I will wait till the lake freezes and cross over on the ice bridge on my snowmobile.[/QUOTE

I'm sure a copy of the contract could have been faxed to you, if you couldn't make the drive. The planner not having it ready is not a good sign.

Again, it sounds like your wedding planner promised you things she shouldn't have. However you should have known that no quote is guaranteed until the contract is signed. I am sorry you are having to deal with all of this stress.

 

[budbeerlady]

Good luck OP! It sounds so stressful and just plain nasty what is going on.

IF they really need to make some cuts I would suggest cutting out the drinks or do a cash bar. From the sounds of it the midwest is really the only place that a cash bar seems acceptable but being from Michigan you know its quite normal to have.

And I would cut out the hors d'oeuvres down to cold "cheaper" items or get rid of them. Can you make changes to the plated menu? That might bring the price down also. I dont remember what I ate at all the weddings we have attended, I just remember the fun we had with our friends!

 

[Lewisc]

My post read harsher then I intended. I'm from NY and am a little cynical. I never would have thought I had a deal until I signed something and gave a deposit. I also would have been suspicious if the deal looked exceptional (too good to be true).

This is going to read harsh. This is a resort that doesn't need your wedding. They will only go so far. My opinion not far enough unless you can bend.
Suggestions that were made:

1. Cash bar. Very tacky. Have a late morning ceremony followed by a brundyh you might be able to get away with champagne toast, Bloody Mary's and mimosas.
2. 20% gratuity--Probably not negotiable. It's a little high but the resort is considered to be a high end resort. Some of the money may go to people in the kitchen.
3. Decrease number of guests--You still have a minimum. You have threshold (minimum) for the room.
4. How many guests will be attending? Probably a two night minimum for the hotel. You might invite 70 guests but wind up with 30-40.
5. Negotiate a special package. You're already finding out removing the "wholesale" price of some items doesn't reduce your wedding price by as much as you think.

Suggestions that might make some sense.

You're getting combined price for the wedding and rehearsal dinner. Drop the rehearsal dinner from the package. Reduce the number of people invited to the rehearsal dinner to just the bridal party and close relatives. Is there another restaurant on the island? Maybe drop the rehearsal dinner altogether.

You really need to change the wedding date or time. Allow guests to attend the wedding without staying overnight. Otherwise divide up the extra expenses among those who are paying.

You understand any discounted hotel rooms, including one for the bride and group, may disappear if you cut much more.

At some point the place is going to want to book the date with another customer. You're going to have either accept the deal offered or not.

I'm sorry but I fail to see the "constructive criticism" on this thread. I saw a lot of blaiming the OP by some. Do you know anything about mackinac Island and how many weddings are performed there?? The bride wants her dream wedding and they set the date and have talked to the planner at the resort only to have the prices changed. Not everyone has flexible schedules and the OP is looking at new options.

OP - Mackinac Island is beautiful and one of my favorite places from when I was a kid. I hope something works out for your family.

They're unable/unwilling to change the date. Unable/unwilling to change the place. There isn't a lot they can do. Reducing the number of guests and the package isn't going save as much as you think.

One option is to see if they can have an earlier wedding that day. Perhaps one the people who already booked would have preferred the time the OPs wedding was going to use

I think the OP is venting. Probably coming up with $$$ is the only solution.

 

[LilSweetPeaPhoto]

I'm another Michigander and familiar with the island. My sister also just got married 3 weeks ago on the jersey shore at a beautiful venue on it's own private island. http://www.bonnetislandestate.com/ Her per plate for the venue was $150/ish. So I am a bit shocked Mission Pointe is $130.

Here's some ideas......
Go to the Buffet and ax cocktail hour. Cocktail hour still isn't a huge thing in MI, so most guests won't be expecting it. I know for most my family weddings in MI, if they have a gap between weddings, we hit a restaurant or bar or all head back to the lobby of the hotel and do something (sometime the bridal family will have something small catered in).

See if you could possibly BYO alcohol. My wedding venue allowed that. Or see if they could work a deal for Beer and a "signature cocktail".

Scrimp and save where you can on other aspects of the wedding. I'm not going to suggest you do that with photography but perhaps flowers, centerpieces, favors, etc.

I just got done as the coordinator for my sister. I was shocked to hear when they tallied everything up in the end it was $80K! That's NOT the norm for our family (My wedding was about $3k, 14 years ago). But they were able to pay for it, and wanted it. And I will say it was beautiful, but I would NEVER pay that!

 

[Scurvy]

OP, I'm sorry this isn't working out the way it seemed like it was going to. Personally, I would be angry enough that I would refuse to do business with the place even if it meant choosing a different destination entirely, but I understand the bride and groom aren't willing to do that.

Regarding the cash bar - Add me to the list that finds it very tacky. In my opinion, you don't throw a party unless you can afford it, and you don't ever charge your guests for the refreshments at your party. I think it's far preferable to offer the refreshments you can afford - even if that means not offering alcohol. It would be terribly tacky to not have any beverage available, but there's no reason the available beverages have to have alcohol. If including alcohol is very important to the bride and groom, there are other options besides having a full open bar. They could offer only wine, or only wine and beer. They could just two or three "signature drinks". They could only offer champagne for a toast.

As Lewisc mentioned, if the hotel will work with you, it's possible that a brunch reception could be significantly less expensive than a dinner one. Even with the typical brunch drinks like bloody marys and mimosas, the alcohol would probably cost much less than at dinner. And the foods are also typically less expensive.

Is there a reason the guests all have to stay at the same hotel? If you could find someplace less expensive, it would be nice to offer at least one alternative. Of course some guests might prefer to find their own less expensive lodging, so they might not all end up at the same hotel anyway.

I'm a little bit confused. From what I remember (and with all the different suggestions, I might be remembering wrong) the bride has money from her father to pay for the wedding. So she and the groom do know their budget, and I assume they also know what the total cost of the wedding they are planning will be after the hotel changed the prices. Can they still afford to pay? Is this a matter of them actually being unable to afford it at this point or are they just (rightfully) annoyed by the changes? If they can't afford it, and the hotel isn't willing to work with them to make it more affordable, what are they proposing to do? Have they said what their plan is if this wedding can't be made to fit their budget?

 

[Lewisc]

There is a website dedicated to weddings on Mackinac Island

http://www.mackinacislandweddings.org/index2.php

The OP might want to see what else is available.

I suspect the term "budget" and Mackinac island don't belong in the same sentence.

 

[Poohbear5]

I'm so surprised the amount of people who say a cash bar is tacky. I've attended probably 20 or so weddings in my adult life. Only TWO of those 20 or so were open bar. And those two weddings were overtaken by a handful overindulging, obnoxious people! (yes, they were relatives!)

When our daughter got married, she had her luncheon/reception at a small hall that only allowed in a champagne toast because they did not have a liquor license. The wedding was early in the day, did not hear any complaints about lack of liquor.

 

[maxiesmom]

There is a website dedicated to weddings on Mackinac Island

http://www.mackinacislandweddings.org/index2.php

The OP might want to see what else is available.

I suspect the term "budget" and Mackinac island don't belong in the same sentence.

You would suspect right. I have been to the Island probably 30 times in my life. We have stayed overnight on the Island exactly once. Wanted to do it when we were there at the beginning of the summer, but even the cheaper rooms were over $200 a piece. And we would have needed 2 rooms. The mainland is much much cheaper. And St Ignace, which would be a ferry ride the other way, is even cheaper still.

I have to say, I am suprised at all the horror at the suggestion of a cash bar. Around here they are the norm. Doing a cash bar or no bar would save a ton of money. There are bars on the island if a guest has to have a drink.

 

[Lewisc]

Cash bars are "tacky" in a part of the country, and venue, where an open bar is the norm.

I agree with the pp. There are parts of the country where open bars are not the norm.

I have no idea what the "norm" is at Mackinac Island. The resort doesn't sound like the kind of place where people on a budget book weddings.

Maybe cash bars (or no bars) are the norm for weddings in Mackinac Island.

 

[Scurvy]

Cash bars are "tacky" in a part of the country, and venue, where an open bar is the norm.

I agree with the pp. There are parts of the country where open bars are not the norm.

I have no idea what the "norm" is at Mackinac Island. The resort doesn't sound like the kind of place where people on a budget book weddings.

Maybe cash bars (or no bars) are the norm for weddings in Mackinac Island.

That may be the case. But the more important question is what the norm is for the guests. If the bride and groom's guests are all accustomed to cash bars then they likely will not find such a thing to be tacky. If they are not, then the fact that it's normal for the island won't make it seem any less tacky to them. It's definitely a matter of knowing your audience. If you don't know your audience and you are concerned about offending your guests or doing something they will find tacky, then it's safer to fall back on advice from etiquette experts. Etiquette dictates that you offer what you can afford and that you don't charge your guests for your hospitality.

 

[Lewisc]

That may be the case. But the more important question is what the norm is for the guests. If the bride and groom's guests are all accustomed to cash bars then they likely will not find such a thing to be tacky. If they are not, then the fact that it's normal for the island won't make it seem any less tacky to them. It's definitely a matter of knowing your audience. If you don't know your audience and you are concerned about offending your guests or doing something they will find tacky, then it's safer to fall back on advice from etiquette experts. Etiquette dictates that you offer what you can afford and that you don't charge your guests for your hospitality.

Looks like the resort has a 2 night minimum. Some of the guests were told the room will cost around $140. The cost will be around $190. An extra $100. Guests at the wedding, who want to save a few dollars, won't be able to stay for the entire wedding and catch the last ferry off the island.

What I'm saying is what is expected by the guests for a wedding being held at this venue is the real question.

A person who attends weddings at a local American Legion hall might just expect wine and beer for a wedding held in that venue. That same person attending a destination wedding at the Grand Floridean might expect an open bar.

 

[ccgirl]

Really??? A cash bar is tacky? I had a cash bar at my wedding and just about every wedding I have been to (some in Boston) have been cash bar. I would agree that you gotta do what you gotta do. If the bride wants it there regardless and doesn't really car who comes I don't see the stress? I would sign the contract and send out "save the date" cards with the room rate right on them so there is no confusion.
By the way...I would never assume there would be a cash bar or anything else for that matter. You know the old cliche about what happens when you assume.

 

[Lewisc]

Really??? A cash bar is tacky? I had a cash bar at my wedding and just about every wedding I have been to (some in Boston) have been cash bar. I would agree that you gotta do what you gotta do. If the bride wants it there regardless and doesn't really car who comes I don't see the stress? I would sign the contract and send out "save the date" cards with the room rate right on them so there is no confusion.
By the way...I would never assume there would be a cash bar or anything else for that matter. You know the old cliche about what happens when you assume.

The wedding is going to have to guarantee a minimum number of guests, probably 50. There is a minimum "threshold" of meal and drink expenses for the venue.

What happens if they send out 60 invitations and get 30 Nos? People who said they'd like to attend may reply NO. Particularly when they find out the cost for the room is $100 more then expected. What happens when you assume people who said yes will still say yes when it's time to respond. When it's time to give a credit card to reserve the room.

A wedding at this venue is going to be expensive.