ChrizJen
<font color=green>I am not a Koala Bear at the zoo
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2004
- Messages
- 4,650
***UPDATE on post #10***
OK, I just HAD to share this! (WARNING: This is long, and hopefully it's not so much babble that it doesn't make sense...so I apologize in advance!)
Just a little background:
DPartner Jen and I are in the process of becoming adoptive/foster parents through the state of Missouri.
We have been guided all along by some friends of ours who went through the process a few years ago. (The state's not always on the ball with things, so they figured they could help us out by telling us what paperwork needed to go to whom, etc.) When they went through, the only really restrictive law that the state of Missouri had in place regarding same sex couples adopting was that it would have to be a single parent adoption, and the second parent adoption would come later. But it was more of a Dont ask, dont tell kind of thing when it came to caseworkers and their home studies. Well, our friends were fortunate enough that they had a 3 bedroom home, so they were able to "designate" one BR for each of them, and then another BR for future child/children. (so, in essence, creating what appeared to be a "roommate" situation on paper.) We, on the other hand, only have 2 BR in our apartment.
OK, so on to present day: Just this year, a new law was passed that mandates social workers to ask and disclose a candidate's sexual orientation when doing the home study.
Missouri law CURRENTLY prohibits discrimination in adoption based on sexual orientation. So no committee can deny Jen an adoptive placement based on the fact that she is a lesbian. But state law still stipulates that only one adult member of a non-married 2-adult household can adopt and/or become licensed to foster parent (both members must complete all of the classes, but only one becomes licensed.) Here's where the stickiness comes in. We had already decided that Jen would be the one to adopt, but due to the new "full disclosure" law, (and the fact that we do not have enough bedrooms to hide that we sleep in the same bed) our caseworker was told by her supervisor that she would have to write up our home study based on us as a couple, not as a single person with a roommate.
SO we asked, "How is it fair that we are presented in this home study as a "couple", but the state does not allow us to adopt as such?" She said, "Hmmmm...that's a really good question!".
And THEN, theres the issue of the questionnaire!! In Missouri, one of the many many forms that must be filled out is a questionnaire that, well, to put it lightly, REALLY pries into many aspects of your personal life! There are basically 2 forms of this questionnaire. There is one for a single person adopting/fostering, and then there is one for married couples. We (read: Jen) filled out the single questionnaire and turned it in. We were then told by our worker that we would have to complete the married questions, since our home study is being done the way that it is. But it STILL just does not seem fair that we should have to go through all of the motions that a married couple would have to go though, but in the end, one of us STILL gets excluded.
So the bottom line that I am FINALLY getting to, is that our caseworker is now going to present to her agency and to the state that she feels the questionnaire needs to be re-written to apply to same sex couples as well as single people/legally married people. She said that its relatively new, so we may be one of the first same sex couples to go through this whole process since the new law was put into place. I will still not be able to adopt with Jen at this time, but just the *tiny* issue of a form being changed so that it applies more directly to our situation is a good first step, I think!
Im excited, and Im hoping that if we press the issue enough, we may just make a small change in the way things are done!
Thanks for reading!
-Christal
OK, I just HAD to share this! (WARNING: This is long, and hopefully it's not so much babble that it doesn't make sense...so I apologize in advance!)
Just a little background:
DPartner Jen and I are in the process of becoming adoptive/foster parents through the state of Missouri.
We have been guided all along by some friends of ours who went through the process a few years ago. (The state's not always on the ball with things, so they figured they could help us out by telling us what paperwork needed to go to whom, etc.) When they went through, the only really restrictive law that the state of Missouri had in place regarding same sex couples adopting was that it would have to be a single parent adoption, and the second parent adoption would come later. But it was more of a Dont ask, dont tell kind of thing when it came to caseworkers and their home studies. Well, our friends were fortunate enough that they had a 3 bedroom home, so they were able to "designate" one BR for each of them, and then another BR for future child/children. (so, in essence, creating what appeared to be a "roommate" situation on paper.) We, on the other hand, only have 2 BR in our apartment.
OK, so on to present day: Just this year, a new law was passed that mandates social workers to ask and disclose a candidate's sexual orientation when doing the home study.
Missouri law CURRENTLY prohibits discrimination in adoption based on sexual orientation. So no committee can deny Jen an adoptive placement based on the fact that she is a lesbian. But state law still stipulates that only one adult member of a non-married 2-adult household can adopt and/or become licensed to foster parent (both members must complete all of the classes, but only one becomes licensed.) Here's where the stickiness comes in. We had already decided that Jen would be the one to adopt, but due to the new "full disclosure" law, (and the fact that we do not have enough bedrooms to hide that we sleep in the same bed) our caseworker was told by her supervisor that she would have to write up our home study based on us as a couple, not as a single person with a roommate.
SO we asked, "How is it fair that we are presented in this home study as a "couple", but the state does not allow us to adopt as such?" She said, "Hmmmm...that's a really good question!".
And THEN, theres the issue of the questionnaire!! In Missouri, one of the many many forms that must be filled out is a questionnaire that, well, to put it lightly, REALLY pries into many aspects of your personal life! There are basically 2 forms of this questionnaire. There is one for a single person adopting/fostering, and then there is one for married couples. We (read: Jen) filled out the single questionnaire and turned it in. We were then told by our worker that we would have to complete the married questions, since our home study is being done the way that it is. But it STILL just does not seem fair that we should have to go through all of the motions that a married couple would have to go though, but in the end, one of us STILL gets excluded.
So the bottom line that I am FINALLY getting to, is that our caseworker is now going to present to her agency and to the state that she feels the questionnaire needs to be re-written to apply to same sex couples as well as single people/legally married people. She said that its relatively new, so we may be one of the first same sex couples to go through this whole process since the new law was put into place. I will still not be able to adopt with Jen at this time, but just the *tiny* issue of a form being changed so that it applies more directly to our situation is a good first step, I think!
Im excited, and Im hoping that if we press the issue enough, we may just make a small change in the way things are done!
Thanks for reading!
-Christal
