We are having a joke contest at work

[Pig Pen]

They think it might raise morale. Unfortunately I am not very humorous.

So...I need some help from all you disers!

Please post your best "clean" jokes here, I will pick a few to enter, and I will let you know if we win!

Thanks.

 

[Coreen39]

Why does it take so many sperm to find that one egg?

Because they won't stop and ask for directions.

he he


did you hear about the gay midget?

he just came out of the cabinet

 

[BrerMom]

1. What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?

2. What do you say when you see an empty parrot cage?

3. What do you call a crushed angle?

4. What did the Italian say when the witch doctor removed the curse?

5. What did the acorn say when he grew up?

6. The paper boy delivered papers in a path: three blocks south, three blocks west, three blocks north, and three blocks east. What did he call his area?

7. What do you call an angle which is adorable?

8. What do you call more than one L?

9. What do you call an angle that's never wrong?

10. What do you call people who are in favor of tractors?

11. What do you call the people in charge?

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1. a tangent

2. polygon

3. a rectangle

4. hexagon

5. Geometry!

6. a square root

7. an acute angle

8. parallel

9. a right angle

10. protractors

11. Rulers!

 

[FINFAN]

Mommy, is God a man or a woman?
Both, dear.
Mommy, is God black or white?
Both, dear.
Mommy, is God...
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Michael Jackson?

I laughed when I heard it!

 

[Pig Pen]

 

[SusieJane]

Q. What happened when the Butcher backed into the meat grinder?




A. He got a little behind in his orders.

 

[bizybea]

What do you call two banana peels?

A pair of slippers!




Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling a little crummy.

 

[DukeStreetKing]

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where's my tractor?



That one is so stupid, I love it!!

 

[Micca]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender days "...why the long face?"

 

[my3kids]

Only funny if you are in North Carolina...But

What does a Duke grad do when a UNC grad is on his front porch?-------Pay him for the pizza.

What does a UNC graduate call a Duke graduate-------Boss

 

[momm2four]

A string walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve strings here. You need to leave."

The string walks outside, ties himself into a knot and tousles the top of his string head. He then walks back into the bar.

The bartender says "Aren't you the same string I just threw out of here." The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot" (afraid not, HAHAHAHA!)


Lori P.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Did you hear about that new pirate movie?


It's rated "arruughhh".

 

[chell]

Originally posted by momm2four
A string walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve strings here. You need to leave."

The string walks outside, ties himself into a knot and tousles the top of his string head. He then walks back into the bar.

The bartender says "Aren't you the same string I just threw out of here." The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot" (afraid not, HAHAHAHA!)


Lori P.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back? A stick!

 

[luvdisney81]

What do you call it when a home schooling mom is talking to herself?









Parent/teacher conference





This is only good for SC people.

How do you get to Clemson?






Go North till you smell ****, and West till you step in it.

 

[ILUVDXL]

Today is the day the first grade Sunday School children are to make their first confession. The priest, knowing how inventive little one's can be, seattles into his seat an waits. The first child enters the confessional, confesses his sins and ends with "and I threw peanuts into the water." Grinning to himself the priest gives the child absolution and tells him to say 3 Our Fathers and 2 Hail Marys. The second child enters, confesses his sins and ends with, "and I threw peanuts into the water." This goes on with the next 8 children all ending with they threw peanuts into the water. When the next child enters, he confesses his sins and kneels quietly waiting for his penence. The priest finally says to the child "Aren't you goug to tell me yo threw peanuts into the water?" "Gosh, no Father, " the child answeres. "I am Peanuts."

 

[cheeringmom]

A couple of blonde jokes-no bashing-I'm a blonde.....

1. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?


She kept throwing away the W's.


2. How do you drive a blonde crazy?



Give her a handful of M&M's and ask her to alphabatize them.


3. How do you kill a blonde?


Put spike in her shoulder pads.

Ok done!!

 

[ChefBilly]

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fish.


Sort of an art-school joke.