Ways to cope with grief

[englishteacha]

My dad passed away in September, and I'm still having many, many sad days. At first, I drowned my sorrows in chocolate, which short term made me feel better, but long term made me feel worse, as I gained weight. What do you do to get through the bad days?

 

[safetymom]

When my husband died I had lots of tough days. I tried to remember that healing takes time. I tried to take life minutes at a time some days.

Try to be good to yourself. Don't always reach for the chocolate but some is ok. Try to talk about your feelings, either here or write them down in a journal.

It takes time but you will start to see in little ways that you are healing. You will always have "those" moments where you will remember your Dad. The holidays can be tough but sometimes it is the days after that are worse because you let your guard down.

Dads hold a special place in our hearts. I try to comfort in the memories I have of my Dad. My kids have all heard many stories about him. That helps keep him alive in my heart.

I am always here to listen if you wish to post your feelings.

 

[Teacher03]

I agree with Safetymom. My mom passed away a little over a year ago, and there were, are still are, some days that were unbearable. I felt like I couldn't get over it, I cried constantly. I had great friends, but I just couldn't bring the subject up with them all the time. But when I felt really bad, I would post here. I had people praying for me that didn't even know me. It was comforting to know that someone understood. So please know that I am praying for you, and although the pain will never go away, it does ease with time.

 

[zumbergc]

I'm one of those people who will hit the gym when I'm having a bad day. I'll drag my tired self there. The first 15 minutes are rough, but then the endorphins start kick in. I always feel better, and sleep better that night. Clears the head, get away from what your thinking because you have to concentrate on the task at hand.

The gym I belong to has aerobics, yoga and water classes. So if i feel i need to be around people chatting w/ the friendly people there gives me a little pick up.

Connie

 

[JandJ]

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom passed in 2005 and I still miss her terribly. My daddy has stage 4 terminal cancer, is bed-ridden, and I care for him in our home (with help from my wonderful DH, Hospice, and overnight nurses). Over the months and years since I lost my mom it has gotten easier but I still have really bad days where I think about mom all day and how much I need to talk to her. I could sit and cry but instead I push myself to think of something funny that we shared and then I smile about it. On really bad days I talk to DH or journal. Writing really helps me a lot. It will get better but it will take time. Be good to yourself and don't let anyone rush you or tell you to "get over it" - you will never fully get over it but it will get better.

I also found a fantastic grief counselor through my local Hospice. Their counseling is free (or really, really cheap) and they are great to talk to. They really understand.

Sometimes just a walk outside will clear my head and get me thinking of happier times rather than being sad.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Any time I struggle I pop in a book on tape, well CD really but you get the idea, the Harry Potter series happens to be my favorite. Listening to the book I drift away and my mind can wander safely. Music can work too but sometimes leads me down a path I don't want to go.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

The first thing I have to say is September was not that long ago and you have every right to have many bad, sad days.
Have you ever tried writing in a journal? Perhaps writing a letter to you Dad?
Just make sure you take care of yourself...think about taking a walk or a drive and be kind to yourself and allow for time to help you heal.

 

[onesadduck]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

The first thing I have to say is September was not that long ago and you have every right to have many bad, sad days.
Have you ever tried writing in a journal? Perhaps writing a letter to you Dad?
Just make sure you take care of yourself...think about taking a walk or a drive and be kind to yourself and allow for time to help you heal.

I definitely agree. My sister died in March, and I still have quite a few bad days. I know all about chocolate- a combination of it and a thyroid problem cuased me to gain 50 lbs after she died- don't go down that road.
Things that work for me:

• 
  Writing in a journal has definitely helped, a lot.

• So did On Grief and Grieving by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler. I was amazed at how much just reading what I was feeling helped.

• I also second going to the gym regularly (yay endorphins!).

• My therapist gave me some breathing exercises that helped me calm down when I became overwhelmed- just take a deep breath, hold for three seconds, then exhale as slowly as you can (10 seconds or so). Just two breaths like that really help.

• This online support group helped as well- dailystrength.org it's nice to know you're not alone. Also, they have journals and other support groups for other things you may be going through.

I hope some of that can help you.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Sorry for the losses...

In my case, it was time.....it took time for me to forget the illness and to remember them as they were. It was over a year before I could even talk about it, but in time, I think of my loved ones with smiles.

 

[dixipixi]

We lost our oldest son (18) in December. I have really been working on my scrapbooks and going through lots of old photos and getting them organized...something I have needed to do for years. I guess now I realize how precious those things are.

I know dealing with things like pictures is hard for some people, but it is one thing that has helped me. I have also written over 200 thank you notes for flowers, memorial donations, etc. That has probably been the greatest help because every time I write one, I think of his relationship with that person and realize how much love and joy he brought to others. It's sad, but very uplifting at the same time.

I wish you well.