way OT - I think I have a drinking problem

[copwife92]

 

[minimandymouse]

I don't have any advice i'm afraid but i just wanted to say well done for wanting to do something about it
This board is great for advice and i'm sure many people will give you lots
But most importantly we all give support
So good luck and best wishes for the future

 

[jog58]

I know this probably isn't the place for this topic, but I went to an AA meeting and hated it. I am tired of lying to my husband about my drinking and I want to stop. Any advice that doesn't involve going to meetings would be appreciated.

I personally don't know any other resources aside from AA but I did want to share with you the fact that my mother in law just celebrated her 15th year of sobriety and she did it through AA. Maybe that particular meeting was just not the right one for you. I know they offer different times with different groups of people and different meeting styles. Whatever you decide to do I wish you the very best.

 

[brymolmom]

Good for you for admitting you have a problem and need help. You could be on the road to recovery....

Here's the thing - no one LIKES AA...it's what addicts do because they need it to survive (or, many do, not all). So I think the thing to do is to really sit down and think about it - what do you truly want? Are you willing to work the hardest you've ever worked to get to and stay in recovery? IMO, and with my family experience with addiction - AA isn't enough alone. It is your own attitude going in and strength of your desire to be sober that will be the deciding factor. So, if it is TRULY what you want and you are willing to make all the necessay sacrifices, then suck it up and keep going to AA. Only you can decide to make that change in your life. You could go to AA every day and listen but until you take the step to make YOURSELF better, it won't do a thing.

I think a great first step would be for you to keep going to AA despite not liking it - it shows your dedication to the task at hand.

Best of luck!

 

[dogodisney]

Talk to your doctor.

All my best.

 

[crisi]

AA can be really hit or miss (my sister is a recovering alcoholic) - some groups are better than others. And it can take a while of sticking to it to stick to it. So you may want to see if you can find another group until you find one you are comfortable with. If you can't if you can find yourself a sponsor - another recovering alcholic that you can just call who will understand - that can be the biggest help in the early days (and later, too). Its both the support of someone who understands, and being accountable to someone who is not invested the same way your family is.

In patient or outpatient treatment is often helpful - and usually covered by insurance.

I'd start by making an appointment with your family doctor and getting a therapist that specializes in chemical abuse - like AA groups, therapists have a lot of variaiton, try and find one that works for you. If you belong to a church, your minister might be a source of comfort - and may be able to help you with resources. Our church provides pastoral care, and we've done pastoral care for alcholics who don't want to do AA by setting them up with a sponsor outside of AA.

While the AA group you went to was not helpful, one of the things all the people in recovery I talked to - fans of AA or not - repeated was the "one day at a time" mantra from AA. For right now, I will not drink....for this minute. For this hour, I will not drink. For today I will not drink. As you string along the minutes into hours, the hours into days, you'll find you've been sober for years.

Good luck and may you find peace and strength.

 

[JimmyPicker]

You need a support system. Someone who's been there, done that.

Does your husband know you have a problem? Your OP said you were tired of lying to him about it. If he knows, his support might help push you in the right direction. If he doesn't, I'd encourage you to come clean.

It would be very difficult to go through this while trying to hide your problem.

 

[Joyful3Heart]

The whole idea of AA is to surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable. They are strangers at first, and have no stake in your recovery, unlike close friends and family, who often will enable your drinking (unknowingly). You can't do this by yourself, and any recovery effort will involve weekly or bi-weekly meetings with people you can be honest with. I'm not sure what you didn't like about the meetings, but as a previous poster said, maybe try a different one, they are everywhere. There also may be similar meetings at your local church such as "celebrate recovery". Good luck and best wishes in your recovery effort...

 

[copwife92]

You need a support system. Someone who's been there, done that.

Does your husband know you have a problem? Your OP said you were tired of lying to him about it. If he knows, his support might help push you in the right direction. If he doesn't, I'd encourage you to come clean.

It would be very difficult to go through this while trying to hide your problem.

He knows, he found my hidden alcohol...again. I'm afraid this might be his breaking point, he has threatened to take our daughter and leave me. He is very angry, and not supportive right now and I don't blame him. I want to change and am hoping that it starts today. I will not drink today.

 

[RMulieri]

Good for you for admitting you have a problem...You need to be absolutely HONEST with your spouse about your problem.You need to be held accountable and you need support.In short, all roads to recovery are going to lead you to AA or a support group very much like it. I wish you luck

 

[bytheblood]

I am proud of you for knowing there is an issue and wanting to do something about it. I know that you said you want to avoid a meeting, but how about counciling? Christian counciling would be great. The reason I say that is because the approach from their help is loving and not belittling.

Please talk to your husband. A loving spouse is always very supportive and can really help to give you that extra incentive to start the healing processing. He may be angry, but if you approach him letting him know he is correct and that you need support and assistance, he will not be angry. Loving your kids and wanting to make sure you are around for them can help the letting go process, too.

I am certainly not going to lecture you or preach to you, but I know that Jesus can turn your life around and He can heal you and remove your desire to drink.
I wish you all the best and will be holding you in prayer.

 

[JimmyPicker]

He knows, he found my hidden alcohol...again. I'm afraid this might be his breaking point, he has threatened to take our daughter and leave me. He is very angry, and not supportive right now and I don't blame him. I want to change and am hoping that it starts today. I will not drink today.

Say it over and over again. Promise yourself. Promise it for your daughter.


Tell your husband you want help. Tell him you NEED help. Tell him you need his help.

 

[copwife92]

I just called a friend and we are going jogging. This is a big deal.. I have NEVER jogged before.

 

[tinks_mom]

Good for you! And if jogging turns into walking (as it would for me ) that's OK too! Just be sure to tell your friend that you're going through a hard time - don't try to pretend that life is rosy. You need support from all directions. You've made it this far into the day - congratulations! Keep plugging away. My brother is 15 years sober and still counts the days... but it has totally changed his life. I know you can do it!

 

[tinkerlisa]

I know this probably isn't the place for this topic, but I went to an AA meeting and hated it. I am tired of lying to my husband about my drinking and I want to stop. Any advice that doesn't involve going to meetings would be appreciated.

My mother's boyfriend has been in recovery(drug and alcohol) for a few years now. He goes to AA once in a while now but carries his AA book everywhere. My best friend is an alcoholic and she was going to coping skills(to learn how to cope with her stress) but it isn't doing anything for her. She admitted to me finally that she definitly has a problem and is looking to start AA soon. She has finally what they call "hit rock bottom".

My mother's B/F said some of the meetings were a real drag, but he had a great sponser get him through a lot of the tough times. Now he "pays it forward" to the guys that work for him.

I don't know much as far as help outside AA, but talk to your doctor, or if you go to church, go to them for help.
For my mother's B/F, just talking to anyone about his addictions help him. He says it reminds him of why he chose sobriety.

Get your husband involved. Tell him you need his support while you go through this.

You also have the Disboards for support. Anytime you need a lift, we are here! Lots of luck!

 

[Sandy321]

How brave of you to post! You do have to find something that works for you -
I certainly dont have any answers, but I also think your husband and daughter may need support also...

Have you gone to the library? I know there are a lot of people that have been where you are... - so like the others said, post here - go to WISH page and post a journal, you need a place to get it out, and journaling will help.

http://browse.barnesandnoble.com/br...ction&N=424929&Ne=332847+333583+333656+424929

You are not alone.

You are worthy!

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice other than what has been posted, except to draw strength from your husband and daughter and your love for your family to quit drinking. Keep saying "I will not drink today". Get rid of any alcohol in your house.

Prayers for you on this journey. You're very brave to post your problem here - trust in your husband to help and support you, and find an outside suporter, whether it is AA or your church or your doctor (or preferably all of them).

 

[badblackpug]

May I ask a few questions? How often do you drink? How much do you drink? You may need medical intervention to get you over the hump. Alcohol withdrawal can lead to serious physical complications, such as seizures and cardiac arrhythmia, if not treated. Please see your doctor. You may need a medically supervised detox. On your husband's part it is natural for him to be angry. He has been lied to. It may take him time to get over that. Really research shows that the folks that do the best in maintaining long term sobriety are part of a support group such as AA. Just keep trying different meetings until you find one that fits. Keep going, keep pushing yourself. Part of recovery is learning to face things that are unpleasant and emotionally difficult, many addicts don't do this because hey "anesthetize" themselves against emotions by being under the influence. You have taken the 1st step. Good luck!

www.aa.org
www.al-anon.alateen.org

 

[crisi]

BTW, if you are not religious and its the religious aspects of AA that are turning you off, there is a group called secular sobriety that operates in some cities. They are web searchable.

 

[Nancyg56]

I know that you have said that the AA meeting did not work out. There are all sorts of AA meetings, perhaps look for a women's group. My DDIL and DS are in recovery, both 5 years sober. Erica attended the women's meetings and Dan the Men's meetings in order to talk about the concerns that they were not comfortable talking about in mised gender meetings. I must tell you that for a long time they went to a meeting every day unless they were sick, and it was not fun.

I have no advice for you other than to say that few people can do this alone, it is not a mind over matter issue. Having a strong support group among people who are experienceing the same feelings that you are can be a Godsend.

Whatever you decide, please take the next step, you have already taken one of the hardest.