Was your DH ever "Ready" to have kids?

[serendipity]

We've been together seven years, lived together five, and have been married for three. We want to take a couple of more vacations, and then I'd like to try to have a baby (sometime in the next six - nine months). When I talk to DH about it he is not against it, but he doesn't seem to be for it either. When I ask him about it he says "I'll be excited when you get pregnant, but I don't get excited about it thinking about". Is this normal? I don't want to rush him, and he says that I'm not, but I'm wondering if men ever really get excited for a baby...

 

[ajk912]

Yes, he was, looking back it was a really dumb decision but he was the one who talked me into going off the pill 4 months before our wedding since he wanted kids. He was 30, didn't want to be the old dad, blah blah, I am sure some of you have heard the speech.

 

[rodeo65]

I'm sure there are men that do, but my DH was, I guess the word would be neutral. He knew we'd have kids at some point. He didn't have a time line himself. He knew I had stopped taking bc and while were not actively trying, we weren't not trying either. I kind of had it in my head that I wanted to be bcp free for a year before actively trying and that was the point that it just happened naturally.

He didn't jump for joy, but he was quietly pleased. He was great through my pregnancy as far as making me my favorite foods (he got home from work before me) and would certainly participate in discussions about the baby but was not thinking, talking about it non stop the way I was. For him it just was.

He's a great dad; loved to play guitar for the babies and wrestle with our little rough houser. He just isn't a gushy kind of guy and wasn't with the process of having kids either.

What kind of man is your DH? Is he laid back and quiet, not the type to get overexcited about things? If so, his temperment probably won't change. Doesn't mean he isn't happy and excited in his way.

 

[Kellydelly]

Well, I would think most men like the trying part, so if he's going to turn down that fun, there might be something wrong with him! I married my husband knowing that he liked and wanted kids, so it wasn't a question of whether he was excited to start a family, it was just a matter of when (we started trying 2 yrs into our marriage). If you think you two are not on the same page, I would get there before you try for a baby. Good luck !

 

[Ohiodislover]

Mine didn't get too excited until the ultrasound, and didn't get super excited till my first was born. I didn't consider those feelings as not being ready, I think some guys are just wired that way.

 

[mickeygirl14]

We've been together seven years, lived together five, and have been married for three. We want to take a couple of more vacations, and then I'd like to try to have a baby (sometime in the next six - nine months). When I talk to DH about it he is not against it, but he doesn't seem to be for it either. When I ask him about it he says "I'll be excited when you get pregnant, but I don't get excited about it thinking about". Is this normal? I don't want to rush him, and he says that I'm not, but I'm wondering if men ever really get excited for a baby...

Mine was the exact same way...I heard a lot of, "I want us to financially ready" and "I want to be able to travel". (We'd been married 3 years and both had good, stable jobs and were as ready financially as you can ever be.) Finally, one of his best friends who had a 2year old son told him, "man, if you wait til you're ready - emotionally or financially, you'll never have one!" When we did decide to try, he was on-board but not really excited, but that certainly changed when we got pregnant!

 

[bdoyledimou]

I AM a dad, and can tell you that his reaction is perfectly normal.
Unless you win a mega lottery, there is no good time financially to have a kid, and to be honest, it doesn't really affect us until the second the water breaks anyway.. so it's not weighing down on our mind

But once the baby arrives.. its all about the baby

 

[ilovejack02]

My hubby didn't seem to care one way or the other. We always knew eventually we would have kids, but when I woke up one day 6 years into our marriage and said its time, he looked a bit freaked out but agreed to try.

I can tell you he was a bit disappointed that it only took one try , as in the same day I woke up and said it is time LOL. Once I started showing and baby kicking he was pretty excited ,but it took a few months for him to catch the baby fever.

 

[Colleen27]

No, he was like your DH said - he was excited once I was well into the pregnancy, like around the ultrasound and the baby kicking, but not beforehand and not really while we were trying (well, other than being excited about the fun part of trying )

 

[disneyfans95]

You have to remember that it is a huge change also for the Dad.

As a father, right away, I was worried about everything under the sun. Would I be a good dad? Would my wife be healthy? Would my child be ok?

How would this impact our relationship, my job? Etc etc

You almost become distracted thinking about it all. Also (at least for me) you go into "caring for the wife" mode and you have that along with the worries and the fact that you are actually having a child is almost remote.

Not being snarky, but there is a ton going on for the guy during this also, and not all about the Mom (though full admit a big majority of it should be)

 

[mhsjax]

Mine never was, he really didn't want any. He did say that if something happened and we ended up pregnant then he would be ok with it, but to actively try...Not so much.

That was 15 years ago, we did goof up with the first. SURPRISE. Now we have 3 and he just said the other day that he couldn't imagine not having them

I think men work differently that women on this. Oh and like another pp said, once he saw the sonogram, it was all over.

 

[JessicaR]

6 months prior to our wedding I went off th pill due to endometriosis. My husband would have been thrilled if I got PG even if it was before the wedding! Me - not too much.

 

[december]

I was the one in full baby mode with the first. We had only been married a few months, but had been together for over 8 years, and all my friends were having babies......he agreed, I got pregnant easily, and at the first sonogram he fell in love! When ds13 was 18 mos old, he is the one who had the fever, and we had dd10 9 mos later. I was determined I was finished, but he begged (yes begged) for 9 years, and I'm snuggling with dd16 mos right now

 

[Happy Mom2]

I think that seems pretty normal. DH was ready for kids, but he wasn't excited until I got pregnant. Even then, I knew he was happy, but he was also stressing over my how we would pay for it all. I'm more of a "it will all work out" type.

Bottom line... as soon as he holds your baby in his arms, nothing else will matter.

 

[Tracy Savage]

We went thru 3 years of infertility treatments and when I finally told him I was pregnant, he about hit the floor. I think it's the realization for men that they to grow up and face the ultimate responsability.

 

[cm8]

I was the one in full baby mode with the first. We had only been married a few months, but had been together for over 8 years, and all my friends were having babies......he agreed, I got pregnant easily, and at the first sonogram he fell in love! When ds13 was 18 mos old, he is the one who had the fever, and we had dd10 9 mos later. I was determined I was finished, but he begged (yes begged) for 9 years, and I'm snuggling with dd16 mos right now

, that is soooooooo cute and so is she

 

[powellrj]

My Dh wasn't over the moon excited with the first one. I gave him a choice either a new sports car or a baby. Since we had been married for 5 years and most of our friends already had kids we had the baby.

We waited 8 years for the next one and I think he was even less excited about that one.

The last one came close to our 18th wedding anniversary and he was over the moon excited. He is still thrilled and it was almost 15 years ago! She is a great kid and DH just swells with pride when he talks about her!

 

[Fintastic]

DH and I had two different timelines. Mine was chronological; as in, "When we've been married a year, I want to TTC." His was financial; as in, "When we have X in the bank and Y paid off, then we can TTC."

Our daughter was a surprise (well, as much of a surprise as a baby can be when you don't use protection - the one time we didn't use it!). She was closer to my timeline than DH's. She was born when we'd been married 18 months.

DS was planned. We waited until DD was five before we started TTC our second baby. By that time I was more concerned about finances and DH was starting to get the baby bug, so things flip-flopped.

 

[southern_redhead]

Bottom line... as soon as he holds your baby in his arms, nothing else will matter.

Just a word of caution this doesn't always happen. Both my uncle and my husband are reluctant fathers. They work their butts off to provide for their kids and they would die for them BUT they will both tell you (not the kids, though) that they would never have had kids had their wives not pushed them into it. I thought my husband would fall in love when he saw them, that we would bond more, whatever.....he had a son already that he paid for but didn't exactly fall all over himself to be around. I, at 20 and as a newly wed, thought this was because he hadn't loved the boys mother, wasn't there for his birth, hadn't been with him as a newborn. Sometimes it works out as the above and sometimes it doesn't. This is something very serious that needs to be discussed between you two. If he really isn't ready then he REALLY isn't ready. I am now raising three kids alone for the most part as my husband works away. I can tell you, I love them but it is HARD!!

 

[jodifla]

My husband was very ready and thrilled. We also had our finances in order and had done the traveling and things we wanted to do, so we could focus on parenting. We had been married more than 10 years and had established a solid foundation.


Too many people, IMO, jump the gun about having children. Their partners really aren't ready and don't want to put forth the effort. They don't want to be second fiddle to a chld, they don't want their wife to stop working and give up that income, they don't want to give up the good times of doing what they want to do, whenever they want to do it.