Was this odd? Would you do this?

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

DW Lauri was married once before we met. She and her ex separated and divorced in 1998, we met in January of 1999 and married in November. Lauri's first marriage ended badly with her ex cheating on her and abusing her. She has only seen him maybe 2-3 times in the past 7 yrs even though he lives just a few miles away. Most of the times were coincidence, once when he stopped by her work to see how she was doing one Christmas, which she considered odd since the marriage ended badly. He remarried about 5 yrs ago and had children with his new wife.

So fast forward to this weekend, Lauri's mom is here to visit from another city 70 miles away (she currently lives with Lauri's brother and family). She tells Lauri that they had a surprise visitor a few weeks earlier. Lauri's ex just showed up unannounced at her brother's house, out of the blue, after them not having word one contact with him since 1998.

I thought it was kind of odd. If you were divorced, especially for 8 yrs, would you just show up out of the blue at a former inlaws house that you hadn't talked to in that many years, travelling 70 miles to do so?

 

[The LK 4]

I agree with you on this one. Extremely odd. What reason did he give for "stopping by?"

 

[slk537]

I agree...very strange....????

Was he in the neighborhood? Did something dramatically change in his life lately? Is he just odd anyway?

 

[Tjaleks]

Completely odd. If my ex, (same reasons Lauri's, abusive and cheating) showed up at my families house he would be stupidier than I thought he was. I also want to know what reason he gave for showing up, Just in the neighborhood??

 

[LBelle]

That IS so weird!!! Was there any explanation as to why he was there?

 

[luvpoohbear]

Not to mention, if I was his current wife, I would be a little miffed!!

Sounds like his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top!!!

 

[barkley]

seems odd to me, but then i never drop by someone's house unannounced. i still have sporadic contact with an ex-boyfriend's parents (dated over 25 years ago)-but not where i'de drop in at their house-just send holiday cards and dh and i have had them over a few times over the years, dh and i were invited to their wedding anniversary celebration a few years back).

maybe he's the type that wants to compare his current situation to hers-see if he's 'doing better'. i had one jerk of an ex boyfriend that would call my mother out of the blue long after we broke up and i was engaged to dh trying to see what was going on with me (my mother detested him and cut the conversations off after a minute or two). i left him and i truly think he believed someday i'de 'come to my senses' and realize 'what a fool i was' (the guy was dense enough after a realy nasty breakup that came close to fileing charges for stalking to list me for years as a personal reference on credit apps. yeah, that's bright-list me, don't pay your bills and then be surprised when the collection guys call me and i give them your parent's address/phone along with the name of the last employer i've heard you worked for ).

sounds like a 'whack job'-if i had an ex husband and my brothers knew he'd been cheating on me or abusive-the last place he'd want to be is in their company-he'd likely 'accidently' fall face first onto a baseball bat repeated times!

i hope lauri is feeling better today and she's able to enjoy her mom's visit.

 

[Disney Doll]

Very odd. What were the details of the visit? What reason did he give for "stopping by" 70 miles out of his way unannounced?

 

[lovmy2girls]

Yes, very odd! You would think the inlaws would not be very nice to him since it was a bad marriage.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Yeah, really weird. Not having had children, I have no reason to see my ex and no particular desire to. If I run into him when I go to see my parents I am polite but I don't seek him out. I always had a cordial relationship with his mother and I'm curious how she's doing but make the effort to stop by her house? Especially when her son has been married to someone else for years since I last saw her? Uh, no. I agree, he wants to compare situations. Possibly wants to make Lauri jealous. Like she lost some real prize when she divorced him

 

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

There was no real reason for why he was in the neighborhood even given.

As far as comparing, he knows what is what between them. He purposely put himself in a bad situation when they separated so that he couldn't "afford" to pay his half of their joint bills. When he was with Lauri he was in a very well paying job, when they broke up, he quit and went to work for his dad being paid under the table. He still works for his dad, who when they were together was barely making ends meet himself so I'm sure her ex isn't doing much better.

One thing about him though, he is one of those "nice guys". The kind of guy that you had no idea was such an *** behind the scenes. To Lauri's family he was great. In fact, when Lauri called them the night they broke up, her brother yelled at her for upsetting his kids by taking their uncle away. (Lauri did fill them in later on what was going on behind the scenes and as far as I know there was no contact at all between the families after that except for him showing up for her nephew's BD party a couple of weeks after the initial separation.)

Last time Lauri saw him herself was about a year ago. He had his wife with him and Lauri said that she wouldn't let her ex stand anywhere near Lauri - she kept herself between them about an arm lengths apart when she saw who he was talking to. Not sure why. Lauri and he have remained civil after the breakup

 

[kellyg403]

My ex did something similar a few years after our divorce. We divorced because he didn't love me anymore and I divorced him because I didn't want to share him with his girlfriend. Guess there are two sides to every story! He and the girlfriend treated me and my children very badly during the divorce. We only speak now because of the children but they are older now and I go out of my way to not be there during pick up/drop off.

Long and short..he started to feel guilty. The truth hit him square in the eyes to many times that he was an a**. Guess his then wife decided she wanted a divorce because she didn't want a boyfriend and a husband. He got a taste of the pie he had been dishing out before.

IMHO there is a guilt thing going on! Or he could be one of those people who just wants to make sure everyone still likes him !

Kelly

 

[CEDmom]

Frankly, I wouldn't show-up at anyone's house out of the blue so this does seem very strange and rude to me. What did he want? Maybe he's trying to make ammends for how he treated Lauri. BTW, I hope she's feeling better.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

If my ex showed up at my family's house, he would most likely be met with a shotgun and a phone call to the police.

 

[SueM in MN]

I agree with the others - very strange to me.

 

[mrsv98]

My guess, his marriage is in trouble and he is feeling nostalgic. He has probably "adjusted" history in his mind and thinks what he had with Lauri was great and he longs for the "good old days". Selective memory....

Hope Lauri is felling better! :

 

[Cool-Beans]

Oh, my gosh. Just what she needs now, right? Psycho exes do seem to have the worst timing.

Maybe he's getting his life together and wants to apologize. Maybe he's not happy and thinks that if she's not happy, then...

Who flippin knows. Think whatever psycho reason is, cannot be good.

I'd have family ignore him. If they must speak to him, quickly turn conversation to Obi (driving home that "happily married to someone ELSE" thing.) Would have DH handle any phone calls or visits. Less contact he gets with her the better, if ya ask me (which kinda did by posting.)

But am not kick-boxing, Buffy the Evil-Ex Slayer, take THAT kinda chick. If were (and would be so cool), might open a can of whup-*** on him.

Good Luck.

 

[azgal81]

Very odd!

 

[Stitchfans]

I also agree with others. Very odd. But I have a similar situation so I know it can happen. My ex husand has been trying to horn in on family gatherings and events for years. As a matter of fact he asked if he could come with us this March to DW.

He each year asked to be invitied to DDs birthday party. Not his daughter's my DH and my DD. He also asked to be invited to my family reunion we had last weekend. He told DD he still has feelings for me, but we've been divorced for 13 years and I've been remarried for 12 years.

So I guess it isn't totally uncommon. Odd but not uncommon.

 

[kaylajr]

very odd and unusual

she really needs this now right??

hope she is feeling better