Was I wrong?

[alexandria674]

So, this morning I went to my family's house to collect some books. While I was there, so were my kid cousins, both boys. I cannot help but notice that they are treated differently. These cousins are also cousins to each other, not brothers, but sometimes you wouldn't know that because they are good friends! I know that one of my cousins is a little bit more favored because he only comes around once a year, (cousin A) but lately the treatment of my other cousin (Cousin B) has been bothering me.
This cousin's mother has started a lot of drama in the family, but some of the drama I think is my uncle's fault too (I am related to my uncle) so I am almost ambvilant (sp) to some of the situations as I don't take anyone's side. However, because of the drama caused by my cousin's mother, I think he gets treated with little regard to his feelings. Whenever he is really scolded, his mother gets dragged in. It bothers me and finally I spoke up because I remember when I was a kid and my mother and father were getting divorced. My family (who are related to me paternally) would sometime say disrespectful things about my mother and when I defended her, I was more in trouble. It sometimes hurt because I saw how differently my sister and I were treated compared to the other kids.

I see this same pattern with my boy cousin B and it really got to me. So, anyways today I was collecting some books at the family house when my two cousins were rough-housing as kids do and my aunt came to scold them. This aunt is not the cousins' mother. I am ok with them getting scolded but I noticed that while my cousin A was given a slight warning the other cousin was given a harsher punishment which was not being able to go outside while cousin A was just told to knock it off. I didn't think that was fair, but I kept quiet. I had been around them and the boys had caused the same amount of trouble.
When cousin B asked why was he being punished worse the cousin A, my aunt said to not disrespect her. My cousin B gave a retort and my aunt said "That may be the way you talk to your mother but here we don't talk that way." My cousin B said " I am just asking why am I more in trouble then him" My aunt went on to say " I am not telling you again, shut it." My cousin B gave her an angry look and finally my aunt then said something else disrespectful about his mom. I finally confronted my aunt about why she brings up other people's moms and of course I questioned her maturity. Of course, she turned it around to it being my fault.

I am sorry, but she is an adult and I don't think it is very nice to bring up a child's mom in such a way. I don't care if the mom is Bloody Mary, you don't say anything bad about her in front her child. Of course, my aunt keeps her mouth clean when the cousins' parents are around. I refused to apologize and left in a huff.

Was I wrong? Should I have just kept quiet? I know she will bring this up to other relatives, making herself a complete victim, and although I didn't want any drama with this situation, I feel that this situation was unfair and I am willing to tell cousin B's father (who is related to me) what is really going on.

 

[JessicaR]

You did the right thing. Bottom line is the boys behavior was exactly the same so their punishments should be exactly the same. Your Aunt was out of line and showed favoritism as well as making a boy feel bad. On top of that, as if it wasn't bad enough, she bad mouthed his mother, shame on her!

Thanks for sticking up for him.

 

[Arielle22]

Unless you were there the entire time the boys were; you don't know what else might have occurred. Maybe cousin B had done something earlier that put him on thin ice while for cousin A it was his first problem that day.

I also don't see anything particularly bad with saying "that may be how you talk to your mom but not to me". There isn't a slur to the mom but a way of saying "my rules are different from your mom's".

Now if the aunt was trashing talking the mom it would be wrong but the above comment would be fine to me.

 

[goin2disneyagain]

You did the right thing. She should have known better considering she is supposed to be an adult. You don't ever talk bad to a child about their parent. That was disrespectful on HER part and immature.

 

[goin2disneyagain]

Unless you were there the entire time the boys were; you don't know what else might have occurred. Maybe cousin B had done something earlier that put him on thin ice while for cousin A it was his first problem that day.

I also don't see anything particularly bad with saying "that may be how you talk to your mom but not to me". There isn't a slur to the mom but a way of saying "my rules are different from your mom's".

Now if the aunt was trashing talking the mom it would be wrong but the above comment would be fine to me.

Okay so even if he did something earlier in the day that led up to the harsher punishment, he asked why he was being treated harsher and was basically told to shut up. Couldn't she have answered him and told him he acted up earlier and now this too?? That would have been the adult thing to do. He has a right to know why he is being punished.

Also, the OP said the aunt said something else disrespectful about the mother after saying that about how he talks to his mom. You don't talk bad to a kid about their parents.

 

[luvsJack]

You may get much different answers than mine, but this is JMHO. You were NOT wrong.

There is nothing worse to me than seeing children treated unfairly. Many times a grandparent or other family member is closer to a child because of the bonding that goes on when they are infants; but that doesnt' mean another child should be treated badly. Sounds to me like you have family members that treat the children by the way they feel about the parents.

I would certainly tell the boy's parent how he is being treated. That way they are aware of what is going on and can decide whether to confront the other family members or just keep him away from him. And if she starts the drama, confront her. Tell the other family members that you were defending that little boy. She should not have treated him that way and if they can't understand your side of it, I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

Based on what you wrote I think you were right...but I wouldn't plan on winning many arguments with that side of the family. Sounds like their mind is made up before anyone has a chance to say anything.

 

[JessicaR]

Unless you were there the entire time the boys were; you don't know what else might have occurred. Maybe cousin B had done something earlier that put him on thin ice while for cousin A it was his first problem that day.

I also don't see anything particularly bad with saying "that may be how you talk to your mom but not to me". There isn't a slur to the mom but a way of saying "my rules are different from your mom's".
Now if the aunt was trashing talking the mom it would be wrong but the above comment would be fine to me.

I am not telling you again, shut it." My cousin B gave her an angry look and finally my aunt then said something else disrespectful about his mom.

Also the OPer says:
"I had been around them and the boys had caused the same amount of trouble."

 

[Arielle22]

I am not telling you again, shut it." My cousin B gave her an angry look and finally my aunt then said something else disrespectful about his mom.

Also the OPer says:
"I had been around them and the boys had caused the same amount of trouble."

Does the OP mean that on other occasions the boys cause the same amt of trouble or on this occasion?

Since Op didn't post the other disrespectful remark we can't give our opinion on whether it was disrespectful to the mom.

 

[ma2jr]

I agree I think you did the right thing

 

[sbell111]

Internet forums are funny places. I have found that very typically, when someone asks 'was I wrong', the answer is 'yes'.

However, I don't think that the OP was wrong. The child did appear to have been treated unfairly. Certainly, the adult should have been able to answer his question, rather than telling him to 'shut it'.

I think that the adult was extremely disrespectful and it was certainly appropriate to call her on it.

 

[JessicaR]

Does the OP mean that on other occasions the boys cause the same amt of trouble or on this occasion?

Since Op didn't post the other disrespectful remark we can't give our opinion on whether it was disrespectful to the mom.

In the OP you can read, "I think he gets treated with little regard to his feelings. Whenever he is really scolded, his mother gets dragged in. It bothers me and finally I spoke up"

His mother being disrespected seems to be an on-going issue.

I'll take the OPer's opinion that the statement made was disrespectful to the mom. She was there.