Was I Terribly Wrong?

[luvsJack]

DD has a best friend that she is very close to. They are usually together every weekend and do little without each other. She is always at our house, rides home with dd on Friday and her mom picks her up Sunday afternoon.

DD and her bff have been having some drama lately. Just the normal jr. high girl stuff. For the most part I stay out of it. My only advice to dd is to stay off of facebook so that she doesn't get pulled into it there.

Ok, so yesterday was the softball league draft day. The kids went out to let the coaches see them on the field for the teams to be picked. This is the first time I have seen the bf's mom since the trouble started. I don't talk to her a lot anyway, just a wave when dropping off or picking up. Anyway, she asked me if the kids are going to youth camp with the church this year. I told her yes and that we had given the info to her dd a few weeks ago when she was at the house. I went on to tell her that the deadline for paying the deposit has passed, but she could call the youth director and see if her dd can still go.

She was furious!! She seems to think that I don't want her dd to go to camp and I was just making the drama worse, blah blah blah. We ALWAYS make sure her dd has the info about anything the church plans with the kids. I was speechless!

She is a single mom and doesn't make a lot of money so I know that sometimes they don't take part in things because of hte money. The youth camp is $300. The girls will already be attending a show choir camp the following month and it is about $400. Plus there will be other expenses for show choir coming up.

I don't know the details of this woman's finances nor do I want to. I give the info to her child and let her take it to her mom. I don't want to put either of them in a position of having to say they cannot afford it. DD will usually ask her, in private, if she thinks she will be able to go; but other than that we don't press it or even question it. But because of the other drama, they haven't been talking.

She got mad last year when her dd didn't make it to kids camp (they just moved up into the youth) but they went on another trip with the church for the kids moving into youth so she was happy with that. ( we later found out that her dd didn't want to go on that trip because they were the oldest two going)

I really thought that either she went by the church and paid the deposit or that possibly she decided they couldn't swing it.

Knowing that the issues were going on between the girls, should I have made more of an effort to make sure the mom knew about the camp? I did write everything down and give it to the girl. I did the same thing about softball and she gave that info to her mom.

I can't honestly say that I would not be a tad bit glad she is not going if the drama continues. Dd can get along with everyone that will be going but her bf has a talent for splitting any group into "us vs. them".

Would you have done more to make sure she knew about the camp?

 

[Nancyg56]

I don't think that you needed to call the Mom. I think that it is unfortunate when parents feel that others are responsible for providing info that they want or need. Thre are opportunities to gather that info rather than look for it they place that burden on others.

I think that if you want to pass on information that is fine. If your DD passes information that is fine but it is not up to you or your DD to ensure that friends parents meet deadlines.

You passed the information to the DD and that is what I would have said to the mother. I then would have told her that I have no problem sharing information but that I did nto feel I should need to follow up on how that information was recieved.

 

[happygirl]

DD has a best friend that she is very close to. They are usually together every weekend and do little without each other. She is always at our house, rides home with dd on Friday and her mom picks her up Sunday afternoon.

DD and her bff have been having some drama lately. Just the normal jr. high girl stuff. For the most part I stay out of it. My only advice to dd is to stay off of facebook so that she doesn't get pulled into it there.

Ok, so yesterday was the softball league draft day. The kids went out to let the coaches see them on the field for the teams to be picked. This is the first time I have seen the bf's mom since the trouble started. I don't talk to her a lot anyway, just a wave when dropping off or picking up. Anyway, she asked me if the kids are going to youth camp with the church this year. I told her yes and that we had given the info to her dd a few weeks ago when she was at the house. I went on to tell her that the deadline for paying the deposit has passed, but she could call the youth director and see if her dd can still go.

She was furious!! She seems to think that I don't want her dd to go to camp and I was just making the drama worse, blah blah blah. We ALWAYS make sure her dd has the info about anything the church plans with the kids. I was speechless!

She is a single mom and doesn't make a lot of money so I know that sometimes they don't take part in things because of hte money. The youth camp is $300. The girls will already be attending a show choir camp the following month and it is about $400. Plus there will be other expenses for show choir coming up.

I don't know the details of this woman's finances nor do I want to. I give the info to her child and let her take it to her mom. I don't want to put either of them in a position of having to say they cannot afford it. DD will usually ask her, in private, if she thinks she will be able to go; but other than that we don't press it or even question it. But because of the other drama, they haven't been talking.

She got mad last year when her dd didn't make it to kids camp (they just moved up into the youth) but they went on another trip with the church for the kids moving into youth so she was happy with that. ( we later found out that her dd didn't want to go on that trip because they were the oldest two going)

I really thought that either she went by the church and paid the deposit or that possibly she decided they couldn't swing it.

Knowing that the issues were going on between the girls, should I have made more of an effort to make sure the mom knew about the camp? I did write everything down and give it to the girl. I did the same thing about softball and she gave that info to her mom.

I can't honestly say that I would not be a tad bit glad she is not going if the drama continues. Dd can get along with everyone that will be going but her bf has a talent for splitting any group into "us vs. them".

Would you have done more to make sure she knew about the camp?

No, I think you did the right thing. There is only so much you can do,

 

[Goofyluver]

I think you're fine.

It baffles me that she finds it to be your responsibility to inform her of her own daughter's activities.

I suppose I'm a selfish mother, as I only worry about my own kid.

 

[lucyanna girl]

DD has a best friend that she is very close to. They are usually together every weekend and do little without each other. She is always at our house, rides home with dd on Friday and her mom picks her up Sunday afternoon.

DD and her bff have been having some drama lately. Just the normal jr. high girl stuff. For the most part I stay out of it. My only advice to dd is to stay off of facebook so that she doesn't get pulled into it there.

Ok, so yesterday was the softball league draft day. The kids went out to let the coaches see them on the field for the teams to be picked. This is the first time I have seen the bf's mom since the trouble started. I don't talk to her a lot anyway, just a wave when dropping off or picking up. Anyway, she asked me if the kids are going to youth camp with the church this year. I told her yes and that we had given the info to her dd a few weeks ago when she was at the house. I went on to tell her that the deadline for paying the deposit has passed, but she could call the youth director and see if her dd can still go.

She was furious!! She seems to think that I don't want her dd to go to camp and I was just making the drama worse, blah blah blah. We ALWAYS make sure her dd has the info about anything the church plans with the kids. I was speechless!

She is a single mom and doesn't make a lot of money so I know that sometimes they don't take part in things because of hte money. The youth camp is $300. The girls will already be attending a show choir camp the following month and it is about $400. Plus there will be other expenses for show choir coming up.

I don't know the details of this woman's finances nor do I want to. I give the info to her child and let her take it to her mom. I don't want to put either of them in a position of having to say they cannot afford it. DD will usually ask her, in private, if she thinks she will be able to go; but other than that we don't press it or even question it. But because of the other drama, they haven't been talking.

She got mad last year when her dd didn't make it to kids camp (they just moved up into the youth) but they went on another trip with the church for the kids moving into youth so she was happy with that. ( we later found out that her dd didn't want to go on that trip because they were the oldest two going)

I really thought that either she went by the church and paid the deposit or that possibly she decided they couldn't swing it.

Knowing that the issues were going on between the girls, should I have made more of an effort to make sure the mom knew about the camp? I did write everything down and give it to the girl. I did the same thing about softball and she gave that info to her mom.

I can't honestly say that I would not be a tad bit glad she is not going if the drama continues. Dd can get along with everyone that will be going but her bf has a talent for splitting any group into "us vs. them".

Would you have done more to make sure she knew about the camp?

It sounds to me as if you did everything that should be expected of you. Since you gave the info to the daughter yourself I really don't know what else the mother thought you should have done. - you don't usually call her and give it to her directly.

Maybe the daughter doesn't want to go.

Girl drama is so not fun.

Penny

 

[luvsJack]

Ok, thanks. Thought I was missing something there. I was totally amazed at her being angry!

 

[brockash]

DD has a best friend that she is very close to. They are usually together every weekend and do little without each other. She is always at our house, rides home with dd on Friday and her mom picks her up Sunday afternoon.

DD and her bff have been having some drama lately. Just the normal jr. high girl stuff. For the most part I stay out of it. My only advice to dd is to stay off of facebook so that she doesn't get pulled into it there.

Ok, so yesterday was the softball league draft day. The kids went out to let the coaches see them on the field for the teams to be picked. This is the first time I have seen the bf's mom since the trouble started. I don't talk to her a lot anyway, just a wave when dropping off or picking up. Anyway, she asked me if the kids are going to youth camp with the church this year. I told her yes and that we had given the info to her dd a few weeks ago when she was at the house. I went on to tell her that the deadline for paying the deposit has passed, but she could call the youth director and see if her dd can still go.

She was furious!! She seems to think that I don't want her dd to go to camp and I was just making the drama worse, blah blah blah. We ALWAYS make sure her dd has the info about anything the church plans with the kids. I was speechless!

She is a single mom and doesn't make a lot of money so I know that sometimes they don't take part in things because of hte money. The youth camp is $300. The girls will already be attending a show choir camp the following month and it is about $400. Plus there will be other expenses for show choir coming up.

I don't know the details of this woman's finances nor do I want to. I give the info to her child and let her take it to her mom. I don't want to put either of them in a position of having to say they cannot afford it. DD will usually ask her, in private, if she thinks she will be able to go; but other than that we don't press it or even question it. But because of the other drama, they haven't been talking.

She got mad last year when her dd didn't make it to kids camp (they just moved up into the youth) but they went on another trip with the church for the kids moving into youth so she was happy with that. ( we later found out that her dd didn't want to go on that trip because they were the oldest two going)

I really thought that either she went by the church and paid the deposit or that possibly she decided they couldn't swing it.

Knowing that the issues were going on between the girls, should I have made more of an effort to make sure the mom knew about the camp? I did write everything down and give it to the girl. I did the same thing about softball and she gave that info to her mom.

I can't honestly say that I would not be a tad bit glad she is not going if the drama continues. Dd can get along with everyone that will be going but her bf has a talent for splitting any group into "us vs. them".

Would you have done more to make sure she knew about the camp?

Are you in charge of the camp or something? If not, then I think, just by getting info. and sending it home with the daughter, that you've gone above and beyond already. -I mean who's daughter is she really??? -why would the mom think it was your responsibility to basically manage this part of her dd's life. If you are in charge of the camp, then I guess it was nice of you to send info. home, and I suppose you could have called, but still it should be the mom's responsibility to get that kind of info. or call the person running it ect.

 

[marmalade]

You gave the info to the DD what more were you supposed to do? From the post I gather this isn't the first time they went to the camp so the other mother should have been aware and could have obtained the info on her own.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Gee, I wonder where your daughter's friend learns the girl drama from...

No, you didn't do anything wrong.

 

[cluvsdisney]

You're good. You gave the information to her daughter. The woman knew about the camp and could have called the church to get the information herself.

 

[mrsg00fy]

Agree with all of the above.

It really is the mother's responsibility to be up to speed on her daughter's activities.

You provided the information in an unobtrusive way that spared any potential embarassment or discussion over finances. Really, you were thoughtful in how it was handled!

Finally, the daughter did not relay the information to her mother. Maybe she didn't want to go after all?

 

[The_Alice]

There's a certain part of parenthood where you have to take responsibility for your children and their activities and signing them up on time, researching, etc. I can't imagine blaming someone I rarely speak to for missing a date for registration when that is really my responsibility.

No, I don't think you are in the wrong here. It's unfortunate that you were blamed for it.

 

[ilovemk76]

I would have said something to the mom when she picked her DD up at your house. Don't the two of you talk when she picks up her DD?

"I just wanted to let you know that I gave your DD the info on summer camp." would have been a normal conversation between you two.

 

[hereyago]

She is a whackadoo. There was nothing more you should have done. And honestly, after that, I wouldn't be giving her DD any information about anything, let her DM find out on her own.

 

[marcemc]

Considering the fact that you take good care of her DD from friday afternoon till Sunday, I think she should be a little bit more thankful & nice first of all

She had no reason to get upset, it's her daughter responsibility to bring home the info & hand it to her, specially since the girl is the one interested in attending these events.

 

[trip]

DD has a best friend that she is very close to. They are usually together every weekend and do little without each other. She is always at our house, rides home with dd on Friday and her mom picks her up Sunday afternoon.

I raised 3 DDs and unless there is a special reason that she is spending everyweek end with your family I would really slow that down. Sometimes too much time together breeds drama with jr high girls.

 

[FredinFL]

The child is NOT your responsibility. Mom needs to get stuff in order and pay attention. It's nice that you make sure the daughter had the info, it wasn't your job to make sure the mom looked at it.

 

[snowy76]

I raised 3 DDs and unless there is a special reason that she is spending everyweek end with your family I would really slow that down. Sometimes too much time together breeds drama with jr high girls.

Actually, I was thinking that the fact the girl pretty much lives with OP on the weekends says a lot about the dynamic between the friend and the friend's mom. Seems like the other mom is relying a bit too much on OP in more than one way!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Why are you in charge of getting stuff to this mother? Are you in charge of camp sign ups or something?

You are being played and it also explains the "drama" with the girls. The mom is off her rocker at the moment and taking advantage of you as a babysitter.

If your dd has "drama" with this girl it is time to break away a bit and expand your dd's circle of friends.

 

[luvsJack]

Are you in charge of the camp or something? If not, then I think, just by getting info. and sending it home with the daughter, that you've gone above and beyond already. -I mean who's daughter is she really??? -why would the mom think it was your responsibility to basically manage this part of her dd's life. If you are in charge of the camp, then I guess it was nice of you to send info. home, and I suppose you could have called, but still it should be the mom's responsibility to get that kind of info. or call the person running it ect.

No, I'm not in charge or anything. DD and I are both members of the church and her dd visits with us quite regularly. We were told by a letter in the mail from the church. And the question about whose daughter she is--I have wondered that too sometimes! I love the child, but sometimes it gets to be a bit much, you know?

Agree with all of the above.

It really is the mother's responsibility to be up to speed on her daughter's activities.

You provided the information in an unobtrusive way that spared any potential embarassment or discussion over finances. Really, you were thoughtful in how it was handled!

Finally, the daughter did not relay the information to her mother. Maybe she didn't want to go after all?

That is what we are thinking, she doesn't really want to go.

I would have said something to the mom when she picked her DD up at your house. Don't the two of you talk when she picks up her DD?

"I just wanted to let you know that I gave your DD the info on summer camp." would have been a normal conversation between you two.

Actually we don't talk much. She calls her dd's cell when she is on her way and the girl runs out when her mom pulls up. She used to come to the door and we would chat but she only does that rarely now.

I raised 3 DDs and unless there is a special reason that she is spending everyweek end with your family I would really slow that down. Sometimes too much time together breeds drama with jr high girls.

Yeah, I am really seeing that. dd has two grown brothers and when they were her age, I always had a house full of boys. But NO drama . Girls are definitly a different breed!

Why are you in charge of getting stuff to this mother? Are you in charge of camp sign ups or something?

You are being played and it also explains the "drama" with the girls. The mom is off her rocker at the moment and taking advantage of you as a babysitter.

If your dd has "drama" with this girl it is time to break away a bit and expand your dd's circle of friends.

I am really starting to agree about them needing a break. DD is at another girl's house right now (which is a really nice change). I think dd is getting a bit tired of it all too.