Was I selfish?

[LeesyUD]

About six weeks ago I admitted myself to the hospital because I was feeling very depressed for a long time and it progressively got worse and practically had a nervous breakdown. I was in the hospital for about five days which was really really hard for me. I have been living with my boyfriend for about a year and it was the first time I had been away from him more than 1 night since we had moved in together. They released me on a Saturday when my bf was supposed to work...he works in radio and was supposed to do a high school football play by play. I did not want to ask my mother to pick me up bc she was going to vist my Aunt who has been sick with colon cancer and I did not want to be alone that day. I just wanted to be at my apartment with my boyfriend so I could feel comfortable, and safe. So I asked my boyfriend if he could get off work to be there for me...and he said he would take care of it. Well I found out a week or two later that they permantly removed him from doing any weekend sports gigs becuase of that day. He called 2 days ahead of time and spoke to a few people about it and was told by the main person he needed to talk to that he would call my bf back. My bf called several times over the next few days and left messages with other people and a voicemail. My bf felt he did his duty by letting the guy know that he needed to pick me up from the hospital, but apparently the guy lied and told everyone that my bf never called! Everyone in the radio station knew I was in the hospital! But they took him off sports anyway! Now I feel totally guilty about it. Also his main boss said some really nasty things like women just use depression to get things from men and its not like we are married(which we are planning to once we can afford it) and he understands how my bf is feeling, that he must be wondering how soon can he drop me! I felt so hurt hearing that, but can't help but feel like it's all my fault. I know if the situation was reversed I would have been there for him in a heartbeat no matter what, but still I feel guilty. Was I selfish in asking him to be there to take me home from the hospital?

 

[Twinkles6892]

No, you weren't. Your boyfriend was there when you needed him, it's not your fault at all sweetie

 

[L107ANGEL]

OMG! I am so sorry you are going through all of this IMHO, you were not being selfish at all!

 

[barkley]

i've been there. and i am lucky enough to have a husband like your boyfriend who stood/stands by me. don't feel guilty for the ignorance of others.

 

[noseybuddy]

NO, YOU WERE NOT SELFISH AT ALL. Your BF's boss is a moran. Maybe he should look for employment elsewhere, I wouldn't want to work with people like that.

 

[llij]

No, you werent' selfish at all. It sounds like you have a wonderful boyfriend who has a terrible employer. Best wishes for you!

 

[kdibattista]

Sounds like you have a very good guy!!! Hope you are feeling better

 

[MoniqueU]

No you weren't selfish. But who told you all these hurtful things the boss said. If that was your boyfriend I think he might of wanted to spare your feelings at a time like this and keep those hurtful things to himself.

 

[ericamanda01]

You are at no fault! Your DBF's boss sounds like a complete jerk. And you DBF sounds wonderful for being there for you. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[LeesyUD]

No you weren't selfish. But who told you all these hurtful things the boss said. If that was your boyfriend I think he might of wanted to spare your feelings at a time like this and keep those hurtful things to himself.

It was my boyfriend that told me but it was after I pushed him on it several times. I could tell he was upset about something, and he was trying to spare my feelings...but I really had to drag it out of him. I'm glad he finally told me though...I hated the fact that he had to hold all that in. He's been really supportive of everything. I felt I needed to support him too

Thank you to everyone for your kind words!!! They are very comforting! ​

 

[L107ANGEL]

If you ever need to talk, vent, whatever, Please feel free to PM me.

 

[Pooh67_68]

No you weren't selfish.

And like my husband told his boss one day when the boss was complaining that he was taking a day off because I was having surgery, My wife comes before anything.

 

[Stacerita]

You definately were not being selfish.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Sounds like your boyfriend is a KEEPER!

 

[LeesyUD]

He's definitely a keeper! Actually last nigt he was asking what kind of "rings" I like when we were watching Daisy Does America. For those who don't watch it Daisy is from England and is trying to live out the American Dream and every week takes on something different. This week she was a wedding planner. I thought it was so cute that he asked that. I think one of the biggest problems is that some people, like my bf's boss, will not take us seriously because I do not have a ring on my finger. Me and my bf joke around sometimes and say "if you ever get married...." where would your honeymoon be? or who would you invite? We also refer to an engagemant ring as a pretty ring or I'll refer to a honeymoon as celebrating a special occasion. But we both know we are talking about when we eventually do get married. We just try not to talk about it in the first person bc we still want it to be meaningful and special when he asks and I do have a ring on my finger. It doesn't make our relationship any less important. In fact out of alot of people I've know in relationships, I find that me and my bf's relationship is alot stronger. We have our stupid fights, but we can only stay mad at each other for a few minutes! We have so much in common, yet differences that we both respect and enjoy with one another. He loves poker so I go to poker games and play with him. I love scrapbooking...he will go to AC Moore for an hour or two with me while I shop for supplies!!! And best of all we tell it like it is and still support each other no matter what. I am really babbling now so I am going to stop.

 

[ericamanda01]

My DH and I got so much grief for not getting engaged but told everyone that we were getting married. Others acted like we were just playing house. It was very annoying. So I know just where your coming from.

 

[KarenAylwood]

He's definitely a keeper! Actually last nigt he was asking what kind of "rings" I like when we were watching Daisy Does America. For those who don't watch it Daisy is from England and is trying to live out the American Dream and every week takes on something different. This week she was a wedding planner. I thought it was so cute that he asked that. I think one of the biggest problems is that some people, like my bf's boss, will not take us seriously because I do not have a ring on my finger. Me and my bf joke around sometimes and say "if you ever get married...." where would your honeymoon be? or who would you invite? We also refer to an engagemant ring as a pretty ring or I'll refer to a honeymoon as celebrating a special occasion. But we both know we are talking about when we eventually do get married. We just try not to talk about it in the first person bc we still want it to be meaningful and special when he asks and I do have a ring on my finger. It doesn't make our relationship any less important. In fact out of alot of people I've know in relationships, I find that me and my bf's relationship is alot stronger. We have our stupid fights, but we can only stay mad at each other for a few minutes! We have so much in common, yet differences that we both respect and enjoy with one another. He loves poker so I go to poker games and play with him. I love scrapbooking...he will go to AC Moore for an hour or two with me while I shop for supplies!!! And best of all we tell it like it is and still support each other no matter what. I am really babbling now so I am going to stop.

You've definitely got a keeper

I'm in the same situation, living with my DBF of a little over 2 and a half years. We have a better relationship than any I've seen my friends in- yes I'll toot my own horn. I just had THREE good friends in serious relationships break up within the last few weeks (two lived together ). Hold on to this guy Leesy!!

I also hate the "unmarried" comments. Just because there isn't a ring on my finger doesn't mean that we don't plan on it and it doesn't make my relationship any less meaninful. When my grandmother and father were admitted to the hospital in October, DBF offered to pay for my gas to drive 500 miles home (he's got less money than I do!), and offered to take a week off of med school to come with me! Obviously I turned him down, but I know he meant it.

I hope you are feeling better after your hospital stay. Depression is a very real thing and I've dealt with two family members who struggle with it. The best thing anyone can do is be there for you- and your BF did just that. You are NOT selfish and this isn't your fault. Goodluck with everything!

 

[laura001]

You weren't being selfish at all. Kudo's to your BF for being there for you just as he should be. Don't let the ignorance of other people affect what you are feeling. Perhaps your BF should look elsewhere for employment?
Have a good day!

 

[disneylizzy]

I wasn't going to post on this thread because usually I feel "if you can't say something nice, etc....), but here it is the next day and I am still thinking about it and you did ask, so here goes.

No, I don't think you were selfish per se, but you do sound very, very needy and dependent. The key words were that you wanted to feel "safe" and "comfortable".

One of my best friend's sons just graduated from college with a degree in communications. He desperately wants to work in sports broadcasting. He has been working in our local bank for two years, taking whatever broadcasting jobs come his way and hoping for a break. The broadcasting field, especially sports, is incredibly competitive and no, your BF's boss is not being a jerk, this is the real world.

Your boyfriend sounds like he cares a lot about you and that's great, but it can also be an ego boost in the short run for a man to "come to the rescue of a damsel in distress". It gets old pretty fast. Be a strong woman. Be independent. Learn to take care of yourself. Don't force your boyfriend to choose between his career and holding your hand.

 

[LeesyUD]

I wasn't going to post on this thread because usually I feel "if you can't say something nice, etc....), but here it is the next day and I am still thinking about it and you did ask, so here goes.

No, I don't think you were selfish per se, but you do sound very, very needy and dependent. The key words were that you wanted to feel "safe" and "comfortable".

One of my best friend's sons just graduated from college with a degree in communications. He desperately wants to work in sports broadcasting. He has been working in our local bank for two years, taking whatever broadcasting jobs come his way and hoping for a break. The broadcasting field, especially sports, is incredibly competitive and no, your BF's boss is not being a jerk, this is the real world.

Your boyfriend sounds like he cares a lot about you and that's great, but it can also be an ego boost in the short run for a man to "come to the rescue of a damsel in distress". It gets old pretty fast. Be a strong woman. Be independent. Learn to take care of yourself. Don't force your boyfriend to choose between his career and holding your hand.

I respect you difference of opinion, though I think you took it a little too far in some of your comments about "damsel in distress" and indicating that I am not a strong woman. I know I was very strong in taking the steps to take care of myself....I could have just given up....but I did not. I don not think all of those comments were neccessary, but now that you have made them I would like to respond a bit. I see that you are a breast cancer survivor. My mom is also. She has also suffered from depression. My mom has told me before that when she had cancer she thought she was going to die and she could have not gotten thru it with me and the rest of our family. She has also said the same thing in regards to depression. Does that make her weak? I do not think it does. My dad lost his job recently because he had problems with depression as well and we all support him...should we not hold his hand? I am sure that you also had people there for you during your difficult time. I am sure you know how nice it is to have someone "hold your hand" when things are rough. If you do not I am very sorry because I don't think there is anything wrong with having or wanting that. You may not understand this, and I am going to put it simply, bc I do not want to say anything disturbing in regards to my case of depression, but depression is something that can be life threatening. I am better now because I am on medication and becuse I took the steps to do therapy and make difficult choices to change my life. But several weeks ago...I did breakdown...and I made choices on my own...but I also did want someone who could be there for me when I could not stand on my own two feet at first. I do not want you to think that I am trying to be rude in any way because I definitely am not. I just wanted you take a look at some comments you made, and try to relate it to a time in your life. Maybe you will see that we are all "damsels in distress" at some point in our lives...and sometimes we need to be rescued, sometimes we need to rescue ourselves, and in my case I chose both. I only commented bc I hope that if anyone you are close ever experiences what I have and several of my family matters have, you will support them, and understand how hard it is. Again I do appreciate your comments, but I think some of them were not very nicely put.