warning...rant inside

[cepmom]

My grandmother is taking some kind of medication that makes her dizzy. When she was coming in the front door, she tripped and fell, hitting her head and fracturing her elbow. When her husband got home from his errands, he found her on the floor and took her to the ER. They were there for approximately 6 hours and go thome around 9:00 PM. I just found out about this 30 minutes ago....in an email from him! I am so angry that he did not call when it happened or at the very least the very next morning since they got home from the ER sort of late. I could have been over there yesterday helping or taking her to the Dr's appt...something. Why on earth would he send this sort of thing in an email????? I just don't get it.

Of course my aunt was called in VA...she is on her way up to stay and help out as usual. I 'm glad she can help out, but I literally live 15 minutes from my grandmother and I get an email 2 days later. I just don't get it.

Rant over. Thanks for listening
I'm off to the grocery store to buy some food to bring over

 

[L107ANGEL]

I have no idea why he didn't call you. You must be very angry. I hope she has a speedy recovery

 

[cepmom]

thanks....I am upset about no phone call, but more concerned for my grandmother's health. (Even though my post doesn't really convey that). She has been having more and more problems the last couple of years. It stinks to get old

 

[Otimon]

I'm sure there was no mean intent meant by your grandmother's husband. As you get older you like to maintain as much independence as possible and he had the situation well in hand. Had the situation been serious for your grandmother to stay at the hospital he would have called you.

My advice (should you want it) would be to let it go, visit your grandmother and do whatever you can for her, and accept the differences between the different generations and yourselves.

Best wishes to your grandmother for a speedy recovery.

 

[agnes!]

Make sure that extended family knows that you are willing & able to help out *whenever* grandma needs it, specfically your aunt. Ask her to kind of do a phone tree & give you a heads-up ring in the future, perhaps mentioning that you want to help & will be glad to step aside if she wants you to when she gets there.
Who knows why your grandma's husband didn't call you first. Maybe he doesn't feel as comfortable with you, maybe he was worried sick & wasn't quite thinking straight...who knows. At least you were notified.

Btw, when did your aunt find out? From your post it looks like she found out before you did? I'm kind of wondering why she didn't call you to let you know she was coming. But when one's mom is in poor health, maybe one isn't quite thinking straight either.

P&PD,
agnes!

 

[FroggyinArk]

best wishes to your grandmother.

if its any condolence we live litterally across thestreet from my grandmother, 83, similar problems, she wont even call us to go doi her grocery shopping, instead she calls my mom and dad,, 73 miles away to come and shop for her.

 

[cepmom]

Btw, when did your aunt find out? From your post it looks like she found out before you did? I'm kind of wondering why she didn't call you to let you know she was coming. But when one's mom is in poor health, maybe one isn't quite thinking straight either.

P&PD,
agnes!

Hi
I believe my aunt was notified yesterday morning. She is on her way up today. My aunt does not speak to me or my mother (long, long story) so that's why she never called to let us know what was going on. My mother lives 1 mile from me, so she is as close to my grandmother as I am (Mom's mother) but she and I were notified in the same email at the same time. There is a lot of stress between my grandmother and my mother....somehow I end up getting lumped into that as well

Oh well....I am trying to cook up a few meals to bring over this afternoon and I will stay with my grandmother while her husband goes to the airport to pick up my aunt.

Thanks for all the replies

 

[ksjayhawks]

There is a lot of stress between my grandmother and my mother....somehow I end up getting lumped into that as well

Ahh, there is the answer. Unfortunately, as long as there is that stress between them, these type of things will happen. Even though you are not your mom, you are still "lumped" in with her. So very sorry that it is that way for you! Been there, done that--so know what you mean.

Do what you are doing--take some food and visit, let them know you are always there to help. Then let it go and know they will do what they want-- getting upset about it won't help anyone, especially you and your family!

Sending good wishes for your grandmother.

 

[budbeerlady]

That's family! I hope your grandma is getting better.

They dont want to worry/ inconvience thier grandkids. I visit my grandma every friday, I will call and ask if she needs anything picked up on my way over. I offer to do stuff all the time for her, yet she calls my aunt or my mom, sometimeseven while I am there!!!!! It drives me nuts but maybe they think it should be left to their kids, maybe some sort of weird payback for raising them!!!!!

 

[agnes!]

Hi
I believe my aunt was notified yesterday morning. She is on her way up today. My aunt does not speak to me or my mother (long, long story) so that's why she never called to let us know what was going on. My mother lives 1 mile from me, so she is as close to my grandmother as I am (Mom's mother) but she and I were notified in the same email at the same time. There is a lot of stress between my grandmother and my mother....somehow I end up getting lumped into that as well

Oh well....I am trying to cook up a few meals to bring over this afternoon and I will stay with my grandmother while her husband goes to the airport to pick up my aunt.

Thanks for all the replies

Ah, yes...family drama. It's a shame when all you want to do is show people how much you love them & it doesn't fit into a pre-existing situation. Maybe instead of focusing on the e-mail notice, you can (try to) be grateful you were notified at all. Think about telling grandma's husband "thanks", if you can do so *and* mean it. With all the nasty family dynamics going on, you never know...he could possibly have been "forbidden" to notify you and your mother!

I see you were going to take some food over yesterday. How did that go? Did you have a nice time visiting with your grandmother?

P&PD,
agnes!

 

[cepmom]

Hey agnes!

yes, it was nice to see my grandmother yesterday. I brought over two dinners for them so it will give her DH a little bit of a break from cooking. He was not there when I got there. I was under the impression that he was going to the airport, but he had an appt with his accountant instead My grandmother was not sure when my aunt was actually coming up.(she had previously told me on the phone that my aunt was arriving yesterday) I had to leave to pick my kids up at school before he got home, so no chance to thank him.

I am grateful that he is there to help her and take care of her....we have been through this before and have asked him to please call us when anything happens with her. I guess I just feel that email is too impersonal and would like to be able to help out if needed before 2 or 3 days pass.

My grandmother is always complaining that nobody comes to help her out, that we are always too busy, but when something happens, we aren't notified right away

I try to make it a point to visit whenever I can, but it's never often enough. That is the major source of stress between my mother and grandmother. My mother is very wrapped up in her own life and doesn't live up to my grandmother's expectations. That's where I get "lumped" in to the mix because I have even less time than my mother, but not due to my own personel activities or enjoyment. It's due to kids school, after school activities, my job etc. There is only so much time in the day!

Anyway ~ she seems to be doing okay. She has her arm in a cast and has a big bruise on her head. It's hard to watch her get old though