Wanna hear me Whine a Little?

[LSchrow]

okay now, step back and think:
what if your in-laws were the ones posting?
would they be posting about their excitement over spending time with you and the kids?

plan what you want, make deadlines, and if you don't receive answers, just do as you planned.
this might be an excellent opportunity for everyone to bond, just make sure you enough "down time" built into every day (roasting marshmallows & watching movies at the resort, maybe having "the guys" watch the kids while you, grandma, and SIL go for a drink, encourage the GPs to bring the kids to the pool (while you visit the spa).

without DH there, this might be the perfect time for you and your ILs to enjoy one another as individuals, not just "the wife" and "the in-laws".

hope you have a fantastic time

 

[crisi]

I would not be happy...would rather take the kids alone without the in-laws.

My in laws were noticeably not helpful when my kids were little. Having them around made more work for me, not less. Not that my mother in law wasn't well intentioned, but she wasn't someone who was going to be chasing a toddler and when she tried to change diapers, velcro disposables confused her and I would get lectures on the ecological impact. And even now in my house - after seventeen years of being married to her son - she can't figure out how to get herself a cup of coffee. At Disney - yeah, she would have been up for watching toddlers

She is a wonderful, generous woman - but she doesn't move quickly and doesn't adapt easily. Toddlers at Disney pretty much require both.

(ETA: I should put something in here about my father in law - a wonderful man who is my kids grandfather, but my husband's stepfather - he never had kids of his own and his stepkids were adults when he met my mother in law and children confuse him. He is the absent minded professor. He lives in his head and doesn't really notice the world around him - he'd starve if my mother in law didn't put food in front of him three times a day - yea, not helping)

 

[jillmc40]

This is assuming the adults are responsible, and willing to take one of the OP's children!!!

We brought my MIL one year, she is a nice woman, we get along ok, I was happy to bring her. I think she felt like it was something she was supposed to do, and it would look good to her friends. She was fine on the trip, but helpful, she is not. She is not really "Interested" in being a GP, she likes having pictures to show her friends. There would be no babysitting, no taking the kids for an hour while dh and I did something alone. In truth, I had three kids on that trip (4 if you include dh which I sometimes do ). That is just how it is, and I know this, and I prepared for it. My guess is that if OP had the type of inlaws that would take her kids while she went to the spa, she wouldn't be posting this in the first place I feel your pain OP, as I said before...DH owes you BIG TIME

If they are not the type to help out you should bring your bff for "help" and have a great time

 

[jillmc40]

He is the absent minded professor. He lives in his head and doesn't really notice the world around him

Sounds like my dh

 

[Disney Princess]

I just want to say good luck! I laughed when you said "bet you didn't see that coming". I was preparing in my mind for the "family canceled at the last minute" thread.

Only you know your family, and I admire your attitude of wanting to better these relationships for your kids' sake. 3 days at Disney will go fast.

My only advice is to take it a day at a time. Maybe work out a plan the night before each day. "Tomorrow, we plan to go to X. Our lunch is scheduled at Y at 12:00. Let's all plan to meet there at 11:45. Anyone can join us if you want, but you could also do A, B, or C."

If they follow you, it's on them. If they go their own way, great. If their first day is what they hoped, they can adapt on day 2 and day 3.

I agree with Bobbi that grandparents typically enjoy some one-on-one time with grandkids, but with the additional family along, it may not work out that way.

We'll be there in September with my in-laws; if I see a woman hiding behind racks in a gift shop, trying to silence two kids, I'll say hi!

 

[twinsouvenirs]

I SO RELATE TO SO MUCH OF THIS!!!

I am working on no ill will (a bit of anger still) but I know there are no actual bad intentions. But after several recent scenarios the 'girls trip' I had been considering is basically off the table. The in laws don't listen to (probably read: respect) me at all so I'm not getting outnumbered alone in WDW

That said your comments are inspirational about personal growth and opportunity. My husband and I are trying to view all these challenges as learning opportunies and preparation for when our kids pull the same stunts on us (divide and conquer, blatant disregard for instructions, etc).

My mom listens to me if I complain and always maintains that it is vital to make sure your kids have a great relationship with their relatives if you can (obviously not if they are at risk or something). Thus I practice as much patience as I can).

 

[Maddysdaddy]

How about inviting a sibling or a friend to join you in your husband's place. Another adult buffer couldn't hurt, right???

 

[LPnerd]

Okay, really, a lllloooooottttt!

With trepidation and caution we invited DH's family to join us for a 3 day weekend at Disney in September. Got everyone their own studio so if people backed out it wouldn't be an issue and so everyone could go to their seperate corners.

DH was denied the time off at work.

Betcha didn't see that coming.

So now, I will be traveling solo with 2 under 3 for a weekend at Disney with my in-laws. A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

I asked DH if we want to reschedule for January or sometime next year. He points out that there is never a guarantee he will be allowed time off so likely things wouldn't be any different. Sigh.

This stinks.

SotS

holy moleie, ok, so first I would call his work and make SURE he even put on for the time! rofl.
def take someone with you, a cousin, any one that you KNOW will help you with the kids, your babysitter is a good choice, a trip to Disney, they will be devoted to you for life, right?
a sister best friend, best friends kid??? My daughter babysat for two family's during HS and traveled with them all the time. she had some time off, mostly had the kids on her own in the evenings when the parents went to dinner. She got all her travel expenses , her meals and a bit of prearranged sending money plus a flat rate when they got home, or whatever they agree on... she settled on 25-50 bucks a day depending on how many kids, 25 bucks a day plus all you can eat and play at Disney, plus a little spending money while there, more than fair! just a thought???

 

[Novakm]

All of the planning has been left to you......use that to your advantage. This gives you the authority to play activities director and plan their time as well as yours. use some of the ideas the other posters gave and build them into the plan! I'm sure you could come up with many special things for people to do in small groups. You can plan it out so most of the time people are doing what they like the best. girls go see princesses or to the boutique. boys go to see pirates. GPs get special time with 1 kid at a time. Plan in some together time to share the experiences of the day. ADRs are a great way to set a specific time and place to meet, and sharing over lunch or dinner could be fun. If you share the plan ahead of time there won't be any surprises, and you may be surprised how well it goes. The in laws may be as relieved as you that you won't be superglued together.

 

[d3boyz]

You might find that being with the out-laws is easier (I know, makes no sense) when DH is not there. I cannot explain the science behind it, but it's been known to happen.

My father-in-law is phenomenal, and there are obvious reasons why he divorced my mother-in-law YEARS ago. We have taken our in-laws, one at a time, on the Disney Cruise. My father-in-law's trip was, naturally, fantastic. My mother-in-law, however, was in danger of learning to swim the hard way on her trip. She was atrocious to be around, but I did learn that her demeanor was not reserved for me alone; much to my surprise. Apparently my sister-in-law (yes, her own daughter) cannot do too much right in her eyes, either! As for her son, I am the only mistake he's ever made! I think it galls her that the mistake has continued these 25 years ...

Anyway, circling back, when once I had the most DISTURBING realization that I had to go take care of a family health matter for her mother, with her in tow, ... only the two of us ... she was {gulp} nice to me! I could NOT believe it. It was the only time I ever saw this, and she quickly reverted back to her typical behavior after the one-on-one time was in the past. In fact, now she doesn't even recall the events! Oh well.

My point is, you might actually experience a pleasant side of your in-laws that you've never before seen. Journal it ... it probably won't last (at least once you're all back with DH again ... brings out the worst in some, for unknown reasons), but enjoy the curiously odd behavior (Alice!)!

Deb

 

[PoohsFan1]

Look at it as an adventure. Oh. and it isn't hard to get "accidentally" separated from the group in a theme park, just lag behind a little and pop into a store when they aren't looking.

Also, "accidentally" leave the cell phone on the room, or "forget" to charge it. Be sure before you are "accidentally" separated that you mention your lack of cell phone so they don't come to the conclusion you are ignoring them. If they thought that, that would lead to even more problems.

Or, just come right out and tell them that you want some private time to explore the parks on your own, and agree to meet somewhere for lunch or dinner.

That's great, I will have to remember these the next time my In Laws come to Disney with us .

 

[bumbershoot]

I am trying to be hopeful that my pretrip dread will be the worst part and that I will be pleasantly surprised by how not terrible/awful/will Southwest let me come home early the trip actually is.

I hope so, too!

My only advice is to take it a day at a time. Maybe work out a plan the night before each day. "Tomorrow, we plan to go to X. Our lunch is scheduled at Y at 12:00. Let's all plan to meet there at 11:45. Anyone can join us if you want, but you could also do A, B, or C."

And maybe write it out for each adult (or maybe just each individual family unit if there's no chance of them splitting up) on index cards in Sharpie.

Anyway, circling back, when once I had the most DISTURBING realization that I had to go take care of a family health matter for her mother, with her in tow, ... only the two of us ... she was {gulp} nice to me! I could NOT believe it. It was the only time I ever saw this, and she quickly reverted back to her typical behavior after the one-on-one time was in the past. In fact, now she doesn't even recall the events! Oh well.

My MIL is only kind to me when she's in the hospital. The hospital for a poorly controlled diabetic means insulin, and insulin for her means CONTROLLED blood sugar, and that means a totally different attitude and whole being from her. (nasty evil woman when up in the 150s and higher...perfectly sweet and kind once her blood sugar drops below 120)

But since the last stroke she had (a series of 6 of them, timed perfectly so she had to bow out of the Disney Cruise and WDW trip we were taking her on...I doubt she made them happen on purpose, but then again, I've seen her fake attacks of other kinds to get/get-out-of things so there's .0000001% of me that does wonder, especially since they never found a reason for them) she has forgotten that she likes me every so often or how LONG it took me to get her to that place.




OP I wish you luck!

 

[luckyman_apd]

First....sorry to hear your husband won't be with you. We leave Sunday with my inlaws for our 3rd trip with them so I understand the trepidation. My inlaws are wonderful people really, but man they can be irritating. But you have to take the good with the bad. First its Disney.....Good. but you can separate, and the kids (at least mine) LOVE grandparent time. My wife and I split up sometimes ourselves each with a kid, so let them take one at a time, and you can enjoy special moments with each one giving them full attention.

Unfortunately your husband won't be with you, but us having the inlaws is allowing me to take my wife to V&A for dinner for our 10 year anniversary. That sure wouldn't happen without the inlaws.

 

[Mickbee]

Also, "accidentally" leave the cell phone on the room, or "forget" to charge it. Be sure before you are "accidentally" separated that you mention your lack of cell phone so they don't come to the conclusion you are ignoring them. If they thought that, that would lead to even more problems.

Evil, evil evil... though very funny worth retaining for my future reference!

In all seriousness...

Best of luck on your trip. I bet everyone will have a terrific 3-day vacation and you will look back on the trip fondly!!

Report back after and let us know how it went.