Are we getting close enuff for Xmas shopping.... Are you thinking about small kitchen appliances for gifts..?
If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide
market for five, maybe six toasters.
If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a
toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still
have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds
(hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough
electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in
your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that let's you
control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would
secretly interrogate your
other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate
Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most
of the good bread only works with their toasters.
If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years
earlier.
If Fisher Price made toasters...
"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to
toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.
If The Rand Corporation made toasters...
It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube.
Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their
service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the
blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents.
The X-Files would have an episode about it.
If the NSA made toasters...
Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA
could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of
national security.
Does DEC still make toasters?...
They made good toasters in the '70s, didn't they?
If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in
toast and gives you regular bread.
If Sony made toasters...
Their Personal Toasting Device, which would be barely larger
than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be
conveniently attached to your belt.
If the Franklin Mint made toasters...
Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted
piece of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.
If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other
single-slice toaster in the world.
If Thinking Machines made toasters...
You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at
the same time.
If Timex made toasters...
They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters
that take a licking and keep on toasting.
If Radio Shack made toasters...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about
it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
If K-Tel sold toasters...
They would not be available in stores, and you would get a free
set of Ginsu knives.
If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide
market for five, maybe six toasters.
If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a
toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still
have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds
(hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough
electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in
your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that let's you
control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would
secretly interrogate your
other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate
Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most
of the good bread only works with their toasters.
If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years
earlier.
If Fisher Price made toasters...
"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to
toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.
If The Rand Corporation made toasters...
It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube.
Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their
service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the
blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents.
The X-Files would have an episode about it.
If the NSA made toasters...
Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA
could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of
national security.
Does DEC still make toasters?...
They made good toasters in the '70s, didn't they?
If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in
toast and gives you regular bread.
If Sony made toasters...
Their Personal Toasting Device, which would be barely larger
than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be
conveniently attached to your belt.
If the Franklin Mint made toasters...
Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted
piece of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.
If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other
single-slice toaster in the world.
If Thinking Machines made toasters...
You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at
the same time.
If Timex made toasters...
They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters
that take a licking and keep on toasting.
If Radio Shack made toasters...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about
it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
If K-Tel sold toasters...
They would not be available in stores, and you would get a free
set of Ginsu knives.
