"Visiting" in the hospital...

[PixiPwr]

Do you visit folks in the hospital? DSIL had a baby girl ( ) yesterday at 11:15 am. She lives 2 hours from her family and 3.5 hours from her husband's family. I had driven her mother to the hospital (she doesn't drive anywhere other than around our small town) to await the arrival of her grand daughter. The father's parents and 2 grown sisters arrived shortly after we did to wait with us.

Fast forward to last night around 7:15. I went back to the hospital after having gone back to DSIL's house for a shower, nap, & food to drop off her house keys and head back to my house (DMIL would be staying with her for a week). I walked into her room to find - DSIL, her husband, the baby, both grandmas, a cousin to the husband and her 8 yo son (whom BTW I observed picking his nose and wiping his "treasure" on the window seal) and her husband. Not 3 minutes after I got there, in came the great-grandmother and her husband, 2 of her sons with their wives and children (4 children total with them) an aunt of DBIL, and a neighbor to the great-grandmother - All to "visit" after this girl had given birth only 7 hours ago!

DSIL looked like a sheep caught up in a pack of wolves. And of course, everyone wanted to hold the baby. I made my exit, but not before, rather loudly, reminding her to try to take advantage of any opportunity to get as much rest as possible in the 24 hours she was allowed in the hospital.

I just could not believe all of these people would drive 3.5 hours to smother them like that. Family is a wonderful thing, but come on, give them a chance to breathe! After having 4 dd's myself, I wanted (and needed) those first 24 hours to handle all that I had just been given.

So, do you "visit" new moms in the hospital? Just curious.

 

[jennyl772003]

No. They are there for so short a time anyway. I have visited my sis for one of her children, but usually I wait until they get home to visit.

When I had my son, I had pretty many visitors, but they were all concientious and did not stay too long. I felt fine, too.

 

[CharityLynn]

I wanted people to visit me when I had my children. It gets so lonely and if its a first child even more so. I loved having my family there, heck I wished they'd stayed longer lol

 

[lulugirl]

I always ask permission before visiting. I would never be offended if someone did not want visitors in the hospital.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Sounds like my family. We had our first son on Labor Day weekend, so we had a pretty big crowd the day after DS was born (he was the first grandchild and nephew on both sides of the families). My side of the family all drove around 2 hours to the hospital, many of them to visit for a couple hours and turn around and go home.

I did that same drive on two occasions -- the night my nephew was born and the day after my niece was born.

 

[can'twait]

We had one friend ask us NOT to visit before we had our own kids, and we thought it was rude. But, after my kids were born I understood. I didn't want anyone around either. It seemed like there were an endless stream of people and I desperately just wanted to take a shower and rest.

I did go visit one friend in the hospital. I work with her, her brother and sister. I drove them to visit her at lunch one day. We only stayed for a few minutes. She had waited a LONG time for this baby, and I wanted to bring her a gift.

 

[jbdreamer]

Only if they ask. Our friends just had a baby and called us up right away telling us to come visit. We were there for 4 hours!

 

[Shugardrawers]

I always like having visitors in the hospital but that's just too many in that tiny room at once. Someone should have graciously announced they were going to the cafeteria for a snack and they'd come back in 30 min or so. For the birth of a baby, parents, grandparents, possibly siblings are fine. All the other BIL's, SIL's, cousins, neighbors etc. should stay home. There will be plenty of time to coo over the baby when Mom has a little more rest. Any woman who's given birth ought to know better.

 

[mickeyboat]

MIL and MIL were the only people who visited when we were in the hospital for Emily - and they brought Hannah with them, so I really enjoyed having them there, especially since they waited until the next day to show up.

Hannah was a premie and was rushed to the ICN after birth. We had some visitors the next day, and in the days after that, but not right after she was born, and never being intrusive.

Maybe it helped that both of my kids were born later at night (9:40PM and 11:18PM), so most people were already in bed by the time they got our call.


Now, I did have to send a visitor home while I was in labor. My father! I know he really wanted to be there, but I was having really uncomfortable contractions and I really didn't want him there to witness it. I finally asked him to leave. He came back later that night and waited in the waiting room until DH came to tell him "it's a girl!" Then he went home and visited again the next day.

Denae

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

When I had my first, I was in the hospital for 7 days, and DD was in for 8, both of us being treated for a staph infection. DD was in Special Care Nursery, and only parents and grandparents could visit her. I also had a C-Section. I could always tell when my fever was up, because I felt knocked out and exhausted. Still, my MIL, FIL, and SIL came and sat and sat and sat in my room, chatting away amongst themselves. I did ask them to leave the room when I had to get up to go to the bathroom (anyone who's had a C-Section probably knows the project of getting out of bed, to the bathroom, and back), which I hoped would be a hint to just LEAVE, but...nope.

With my 2nd DD, I don't recall any big visits, and I really wasn't there long at all.

With DS, I was exhausted my whole pregnancy, and I asked friends not to come; one was EXTREMELY offended. He was also in Special Care, but only 24 hours. Still, the ILs came, and sat and sat and sat in my room for two hours. DS weighed over 11 lbs...trust me, I needed my rest, esp when less than 48 hours after birth, I was going to be heading home to a 4 and 2 yr old.

So, if someone were to be having a baby within driving distance (my relatives all live far away), I would ask if they want visitors, and emphasize that I'm perfectly fine with a "no".

My niece in Florida is expecting her 5th any day now. I think she's going to use a birthing center, and head home as soon as she can. God bless her.

Just wanted to add...I didn't think they allowed non-relatives in the room if the baby was in the room.

 

[mickeyboat]

Just wanted to add...I didn't think they allowed non-relatives in the room if the baby was in the room.

I am guessing each hospital has its own policy on this issue. I don't remember there being any limitations on who could be in the room, not even in the Intensive Care Nursery.

Denae

 

[kpm76]

I only visit immediate family members in the hospital, unless specifically asked by others. If a delivery is normal, they are not there long enough anyway so I would rather wait until they are settled into their own home and comfortable. The visit will be more meaningful and relaxing. We have a big family that is tight knit and always around, but nobody is offended if the new mom needs her space....

 

[mommytotwo]

If it is a relative or close friend that had a baby near us yes, but only for a short time. I enjoy having people visit me at the hospital once I had my baby instead of visiting me at home. When I get home, I want to relax and get into the routine of how it will be like with the baby around.
So, that being said, during the time my daughter came home my husband's friends came over just to hang out, and of course my husband had to be outside with them entertaining and wasn't able to help me, so that made me upset. I just wanted some peace and quiet at home. After a week or so, I would be fine if people started to visit.

 

[Disney Doll]

The hospital I work and the ones I have visited are all much too lenient with visitor policies anyway IMHO.

As a nurse, I can tell you that #1 problem is visitors. They come in, they camp out. They come in sick...I love the ones who say "I have a little cold so I won't kiss you, but when I heard you were in, I just had to come and see you"...then they proceed to sneeze 55 million times and spew their germs all over everything and everybody, and of course, the already immuno-compromised patient certainly needs to get sprayed with their germs. The there are the lovely visitors who come in an lay all over the other bed in the room which is empty, but made up in preparation for the next patient to be admitted. Of course, once they do that, we have to change the entire bed again. But, hey, I have nothing else better to do right? And I love the visitor who plays with the machinery...you know, the IV pumps or the heart monitor because they "were on one once too so they know how to use it". And I love the parents who come to visit with their children and proceed to let the children crawl all over the floor...do they have any idea what is on a hospital floor? And another favorite...let's bring the kids to visit and then let them run up and down the hallway screaming and screeching and then get mad at the nurse when the nurse asks the child to quiet down, stop running, and go back into the room where they are visiting. I adore the visitor who comes to visit and goes in and out of the kitchen, taking things like it's a mini-mart...you know, ice cream for the kids who are visiting, a juice for themselves because they are thirsty...the food and drink in there is for the patients, not the visitors. Another favorite are the ones who go through the supply cabinet that we have in each room so they can restock their medicine cabinets at home.

Can you tell I don't like hospital visitors?

 

[laurie31]

Our hospital has "birthing suites" for labor, delivery, recovery, and post-partum. There is no nursery, except the intensive care one. Babies and moms stay together. Anyone the mother wishes can visit and even be present for the birth. (NO, we didn't want anyone else there for the birth - everyone but DH waited in the waiting room!) However, we were happy to have people visit when we were ready afterwards. We had an hour or so alone with each of our dd's, then we invited friends and family in. We even had a birthday party with cake and everything No one really overstayed themselves, though. They came, ooh and ahhed, and left The room was huge, and there was room for probably 20 people in there. We had a TV, VCR, two closets, and even a fridge!

I haven't visited anyone myself unless I've been specifically invited. DD1's best friend just had a new baby sister and her mom asked us to come. (she sent an email from the hospital - lol!) DD had never seen a newborn (other than DD2, and she was only 2 and doesn't really remember), so she was excited to go. We only stayed a few minutes. I've been to visit close freinds also, but again, didn't stay long. You can tell if the mom is tired and wants to sleep vs. being bored and wants to talk. I've seen both In the first case, you get out fast! Sheesh!

Laurie

 

[malibuconlee]

We went twice when DH's sister had his niece last summer. The evening she was born. But she was C-Section. BIL's family was there as well.

They were in the hospital from Wednesday until Saturday and we went back on Friday evening and took BIL out to eat. He'd been at the hospital with mom and baby since Wednesday morning. We staye for about an hour or so each time. Leaving the room when she was trying to breastfeed.

 

[EthansMom]

I only visit new moms in the hospital when I've been invited to visit.

I do like to take my friends/relatives a home-cooked meal in the days just after they've come home from the hospital. I call up to see if it's okay if I bring dinner the next day, make up a nice dinner and take it over. I get a brief visit with Mom and Baby and Mom and Dad don't have to worry about dinner that night.

 

[Annie68]

I agree DisneyDoll, visitors can be quite a challenge. Some are wonderful, but others can be..... um.....quite interesting. I had a pt. take a sharp turn for the worst in ICU last week & we ended up asking all visitors to step out of the unit for a short time. We allowed them back in 30 minutes later, but I had the door to my pt.'s room closed (the Dr. was inserting a line). I had stepped out to grab some necessary supplies & imagine my surprise to see the wife from the next pt.'s room open my pt.'s door & peek in. She jumped when I walked up behind her & asked her if she needed something. She said very matter of factly, and with quite an attitude, "I just wondered if he had died." I asked her to please not open a pt.'s door without knocking, that she needed to respect other's privacy. She had never spoken with my pt. or his family before. This same lady went into our private breakroom later in the shift, and proceeded to grab 3 slices of the Pizza we all went in on...2 for her & 1 for her DH who had just had a massive MI the day before. Needless to say the charge nurse had to have a talk with her & she told the Dr. the next day that we were "snippy".

 

[disykat]

I've haven't visited anyone in a hospital in years. When I had my kids, only immediate family (parents, inlaws, sibling) came and were careful to be brief. My family even switched off and came one at a time at times when dh was going to take a break. They brought books to read with the intention that they would sit quietly while I rested, but be there if I needed them.

IMO most hospital stays are so short now that the patients usually aren't up for visitors - most of their recovery time is spent at home. If someone was there for an extended stay, I might call a close family member and see if they wanted/needed visitors.

 

[Beth76]

I don't like visiting in the hospital and I don't like people visiting with me. When my first son was born I just had my parents, my sister, her DH and new baby, two co-workers and MIL and her husband. I think maybe my parents came twice. With my second son, I had no visitors. Everyone was out of town for the 4th of July. We actually waited to check out until my parents came by with my older son (they were out of town too).