Very Disappointed w/family

[annaaidan99]

double post

 

[Gdad]

I know exactly how you feel. We have went to Disney a few times with my Wife's sister & her family. We love spending time with them but they drive us kind of crazy with planning. Not sure exactly when they are going or for how long. Then when we finally nail down some dates- they are noncommittal on what park for which day let alone where to eat. We have season passes and they don't- so we feel like we should be letting them set the agenda. So we end up with no ADR's at all and the kids eat junk food and snacks all day and we don't even get a real meal. Me I prefer to be on a bit of a schedule and have a little time to decompress over a nice relaxing meal.

 

[PlutoLuvr]

Am going to WDW with my DS and DDIL and her family in August. I have made all the ADRs for all of us, 7 total, at all the places that I thought they would like.
Now the problem. Two days ago, my DS and DDIL told me not to be upset if they didn't show up for the ADRs as they are "seat of the pants" type and go wherever they happen to feel like in the morning when they get up! They are also going to FT. Pierce one day! I have spent alot of time on this trip and thought that it would be something that they would enjoy and remember. I want them to have a great time at my "happy place" but it seems that they keep changing things each time I talk to them.
I am also taking my 2 DGDs and I know that we will have a great and so I should be pleased with that. Am I expecting too much?
Guess I just needed to vent!!

Nah, this isn't a problem; it's just a different way of vacationing. I've done both sides of this coin (planned and didn't plan ... more of the seat of the pants thing) and have enjoyed that "happy place" both ways. Yes, even if it meant eating a turkey leg or fighting my way through a condiment bar.

You will all have a lovely time. Keep the ADRs and let them know in the mornings what ressies you have. See what they're up for doing. Call WDW dining when applicable to modify any ADRs.

It's important to remember that an awful lot of folks don't plan vacations down to the minute of where and what they'll be eating. Sure, a special occasion or celebrity-type restaurant, everyone agrees ressies are needed, but I must say WDW is about the only vacation spot DH & I have ever been to where such intense planning is encouraged -- and almost becoming a necessity. Not everyone wants that on vacation. Evidently your son and DIL are more spontaneous folks instead of planning folks.

Maybe compromise a bit and try "going by the seat of the pants" a bit for a day or two? It's pretty fun

 

[scrapperjill]

I have to say ITA with MOST of what others have said. I've planned a trip to WDW and DCL a couple years ago for a large number...and I'm in the mist of doing it again for our upcomming trip the Sept. Anywho...I've learned (the hard way)...you can't please everyone and it's best to go into the venture knowing that your going to have fun and NOT to stress about what everyone else is up to or if they're getting the most out of their trip.


I also agree with the idea of shairing your wonderful dinning experiences with them later that night...and "compair" what they had to what you had...that may change their tune once they heard all the yummy stuff you were able to get at the ADR...where more than likely they'll experience some long waits, being denied a TS table and end up doing CS some place "on the fly"

Keep your ADR that you have, give them the list and let them know if they want to join you then great...if not then okay.

On a side note....I didn't see anywhere in your post where you said you wanted you DS and DDIL to be with you round the clock...With that being said I'm guessing there will be plenty of time during the days that they go off on their own...making those ADR a GREAT time for everyone to get back together and discuss what everyone was able to do during the day. That's sorta what were doing on the cruise...

Another thing I've done for our group planning...is made the arrangements according to what DH and I wanted to do with our family...and just let everyone know what "we'll" be doing and that if they are intrested they are more than welcome to join us in our plans....and if not I'd be more than happy to help them plan what they're wanting to do.

Best of luck...and HAPPY planning

 

[Amyg]

I am going to look at this situation as if it was my MIL planning the trip.

I can understand your love for this place but don't be upset because it would be my family's trip as well. I wouldn't want my MIL making all the plans for me BUT I would be willing to do a couple of ADR's. This would be especially true for "seat of the pants" type people!

That said, I am a planning fanatic and line up all my ADR's for the entire duration (even plan CS meals). BUT, I would not like my MIL planning stuff for my family and I would not dream of planning ADR's for anyone who did not whole heartedly agree.

You can still have a magical time, just go with the flow. You can cancel ADR's a few hours before hand since there are lots of people that just walk up with no ressie's that would then be able to take your place or the place of your DS & family.

 

[Maria311]

The fastest way to push away your DDIL and DS is to tell them what they should do. They are all grown up and should be allowed to make their own decisions. Even if you are paying for everything, gifts should not come with guilt and strings attached.

 

[gigireese]

I understand. I am having the same conflict with myself. Dh and I are fly by the seat of our pants type people. We are typically very spontaneous but I know if I don't plan out all our ADRs we are going to miss out on lots of great meals and experiences. It is insane having to plan meals 180 days in advance.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

Not to be crass, but my feelings about this would change based on whether or not I'd be losing money because of seat-of-the-pant-ers. Reading between the lines, it sounds as if you are paying for this trip.

If I were paying for family members on the DDP, and would be out big bucks if they didn't use their credits, I would sign up only those who were willing to commit to a specific schedule. It would really bother me if a lot of TS credits were wasted because of the need to stay spontaneous.

On the other hand, if everyone is paying for their own meals, I think they have every reason to keep control of their own wallets, eating when, where, and how they want. I'd make my own plans and assume everyone else would do the same.

If I were paying for everyone out-of-pocket I'd try to decide how irritating it would be to me to know I was going to have a lot of last minute calls to make to Disney Dining to keep changing dining plans around. If that didn't bother me, I'd leave the ADR's alone for the time being. If it would bother me, I'd make ADR's for my husband and me, ask if we could include the grandkids once or twice on a definite schedule, and then let everyone else try to figure out how to join us at the last minute, if that's what they decided to do.

I think people have every right to vacation differently - live and let live - but that includes you. Personally I'm a planner, and the payoff of advance planning for me is that I can relax and let the plan do the work once I'm at WDW. I definitely wouldn't enjoy waiting at a restaurant wondering if anyone else in my party was going to show up, or spending my time playing last-minute concierge.

 

[Nancyg56]

I have a perspective from a MIL. Let them go. If you try to keep them to your plans, no matter how well intentioned you have been, it may be the last trip that you have with them. It is not personal, it is the need for young families to make their own memories and to have some special time together.

Now that our family has grown, DH and I are blessed because our children and their spouses want to vacation with us. I am home so I have done the majority of the planning, and they are all pretty much in agreement, but we have no problem if they wander off on their own, even encourage them to do so. I ask ahead of time if there are any meals they want or if there are any times they want to split off from the group. And I offer to make the ADR's for them. After that I make our family ADR's and let them know that I have no problem changing them, also let them know what I need to pay up front for or have to make a CC deposit for. They can't change once they agree unless I have plenty of time to get my money back.

Anything else is fine by me. They tend to spend more time with us because I let them know there are no command performances and we all are not sick of each other when we get home. They start planning for the next time even before we get home .

Now, have a great time!

 

[PlutoLuvr]

Not to be crass, but my feelings about this would change based on whether or not I'd be losing money because of seat-of-the-pant-ers. Reading between the lines, it sounds as if you are paying for this trip.

If I were paying for family members on the DDP, and would be out big bucks if they didn't use their credits, I would sign up only those who were willing to commit to a specific schedule. It would really bother me if a lot of TS credits were wasted because of the need to stay spontaneous.

On the other hand, if everyone is paying for their own meals, I think they have every reason to keep control of their own wallets, eating when, where, and how they want. I'd make my own plans and assume everyone else would do the same.

If I were paying for everyone out-of-pocket I'd try to decide how irritating it would be to me to know I was going to have a lot of last minute calls to make to Disney Dining to keep changing dining plans around. If that didn't bother me, I'd leave the ADR's alone for the time being. If it would bother me, I'd make ADR's for my husband and me, ask if we could include the grandkids once or twice on a definite schedule, and then let everyone else try to figure out how to join us at the last minute, if that's what they decided to do.

I think people have every right to vacation differently - live and let live - but that includes you. Personally I'm a planner, and the payoff of advance planning for me is that I can relax and let the plan do the work once I'm at WDW. I definitely wouldn't enjoy waiting at a restaurant wondering if anyone else in my party was going to show up, or spending my time playing last-minute concierge.

Yeah, I totally agree. When I wrote my post, I was assuming they weren't on the DDP. If you're on the DDP -- no matter who's paying for it -- I think it's wise to have ADRs and a schedule so that money isn't wasted.

 

[mcr5298]

We've been through this situation several times. We actually just came back from a trip a few weeks ago during Easter week. My DH and I spent a lot of time planning and making ADR's for his family. We actually made sure that we made a couple each day so we had options incase the time and place changed. We wound up eating together most of the time. But they just didn't "get" Disney like we do. We would rather sit down to a nice meal in France or Canada. They are happy with any type of buffet.

You can hope for the best that you will get to sit down and enjoy several meals with your family. But if they aren't into it as much as you are, you really can't force them. It is upsetting to you, I totally understand. But don't give up what you want to make them happy if they are not going to appreciate it. I remember the first time we took my DH's family to California Grill. We were so excited to show them one of our favorites dining spots. They looked at us like we had 6 heads. The next trip we stuck to what they seemed to enjoy and we spent more time together.

This example is why we only do family trips every couple of years. We are now itching to do a trip with just the 4 of us (DH, me, DD, DS). This way we can do what we want, when we want!

I hope that it all works out for you. Just go with the flow and enjoy it!

 

[mrsltg]

To the OP - I understand your disappointment. We are bringing my parents to our happy place in September. DH and I love all things Disney as do our girls. My mother is just so happy to go with us because she is a planner like me, and knows everything will be taken care of. Notice I didn't mention Dad.... Dad is kind of a lazy "bring life to me" kind of guy. I love him dearly and would do anything for him. HOWEVER - he will not ruin this trip for my mother. I have informed him of our plans and told him flat out, "you are welcome to participate in as much or as little as you would like." My mom likes to get up and moving early and so do we. Dad does not. We will tell him where we are going and he can meet us. My point is, this is him, and I can't change it. Give your DB and SIL an itinerary. Tell them they are welcome to do as they please. HOWEVER, you will not be changing your plans to accommodate. Go about your vacation having a great time. Let them go about their vacation having a great time. When you meet up - great! When you don't - great! Just relax and have fun!

Good luck!

 

[xyzabc33]

THis is kinda OT but close enuf to make sense at least on the planning part.

We are going on a trip with family friends (6 1st timers...surprise for the 4 teens) I am doing all the planning for the trip since they are pretty clueless as to what to expect at WDW. They have gone to local amusement parks, nothing to the scope and scale of Disney. I keep apologizing to the mom on going overboard in the planning. She said it is fine since I know more about WDW then they do. Before I made the ADR's I sat down with the mom and gave her the list and description of places we wanted to go. I even showed her the menues on allearsnet.com so she knew what to expect. (her kids are a little picky) She loved all the choices except San Angel and chose Le Cellier. (for a down home redneck kinda family they have some good taste in restaurants--even inadvertadly...LOL) We lucked out and got ressies within a 1/2 hour of each other for the two places. Perfect timing.
They are fine with whatever park we go to that day and want to make the most out of EMH's anyway so that worked out. I showed her a sample itinerary that everyone will get. It looks daunting but has lots of time for them to do their own thing but has the times for the ADR's listed so they dont forget. She got a little skitish on it and said she wants the teens to have fun and I said NO PROB but there are also things like the fireworks,shows, parades, etc. that are so unique to Disney that you really dont want to miss them. She is cool with that. They will be scheduled on the itinerary but if you dont want to see them, your choice. As long as they show for ADR's I am good. Other then that you are on your own. I am going to try to bug some CM's when I am there for some special Disney Magic for them since this will probably be a once in a lifetime thing for them. They dont have much and it is a special vacation they have been saving for. HE HE HE..the kids sooooooo wanna go to WDW and the parents keep telling them maybe next year. evil ppl..LOL

OK...If OP is paying for the trip and will be losing money if they dont use up their DDP credits, then she has a right to be upset. If not paying, let them do their own thing as long as you get to spend some time with the grandkiddos. Why bother taking any sort of family trip if you are not going to see each other for days on end?

 

[want2bamommy]

If I were paying for family members on the DDP, and would be out big bucks if they didn't use their credits, I would sign up only those who were willing to commit to a specific schedule. It would really bother me if a lot of TS credits were wasted because of the need to stay spontaneous.

I am pretty sure that each person under the reservation needs to be on the DDP so it is either everyone or no one.

OP, please keep us posted as you get closer.

Missie

 

[Camicar]

My dh and I are a combo couple -- I like to plan, he'd rather be spontaneous. After going to WDW a couple of times, he realized that we needed ADRs. Period, no question. This time, we disagreed about the number of ADRs, so we had one night of the four without an ADR. We were at MGM and we ended up eating an ice cream cone for dinner because none of the restaurants had any openings whatsoever for dinner and after 7pm the only counter service open had such a deep line that it was unbelievable and we were too hungry to wait in line. My dh was really ticked; I found gratification in silently saying, "Told you so!" On the way out he sighed and said, "Lesson learned. Spontaneity loses its appeal when you're hungry."

So, I would probably tell my family that if they don't have ADRs, they may end up eating ice cream or the equivalent for dinner every night. If that's okay with them, then fine. If not, they need to make the ADRs.

I think one of the issues with family vacations is that some people feel that this is a vacation in order to spend time with family while others view it as a vacation that one happens to take with family. It's important to understand how each family member feels on that matter and if there is significant differences, to rethink the advisability of family vacations.

(We had that experience a few years ago with a family vacation, which was planned in large part by the benefactors as a way for our far-flung family to spend time together. However, the definition of 'time together' turned out vary widely. One unit in the larger group felt that if they saw the rest of us for 15 minutes per day, that was fine, while the rest of us had expected to spend some time together daily in smaller groups, coming together in a large group for dinner every night. So the majority of us ended up feeling hurt and disappointed in their attitude -- especially the parents who had paid for that family's entire vacation. The parents felt that they had been 'used' for a free vacation, while the family in question felt that a gift was to be used any way they wanted with no obligation. Lesson learned: differing expectations lead to disappointment.)