Very Disappointed w/family

[disgram]

Am going to WDW with my DS and DDIL and her family in August. I have made all the ADRs for all of us, 7 total, at all the places that I thought they would like.
Now the problem. Two days ago, my DS and DDIL told me not to be upset if they didn't show up for the ADRs as they are "seat of the pants" type and go wherever they happen to feel like in the morning when they get up! They are also going to FT. Pierce one day! I have spent alot of time on this trip and thought that it would be something that they would enjoy and remember. I want them to have a great time at my "happy place" but it seems that they keep changing things each time I talk to them.
I am also taking my 2 DGDs and I know that we will have a great and so I should be pleased with that. Am I expecting too much?
Guess I just needed to vent!!

 

[KKB]

Am going to WDW with my DS and DDIL and her family in August. I have made all the ADRs for all of us, 7 total, at all the places that I thought they would like.
Now the problem. Two days ago, my DS and DDIL told me not to be upset if they didn't show up for the ADRs as they are "seat of the pants" type and go wherever they happen to feel like in the morning when they get up! They are also going to FT. Pierce one day! I have spent alot of time on this trip and thought that it would be something that they would enjoy and remember. I want them to have a great time at my "happy place" but it seems that they keep changing things each time I talk to them.
I am also taking my 2 DGDs and I know that we will have a great and so I should be pleased with that. Am I expecting too much?
Guess I just needed to vent!!

The first time was our wedding in Vegas...I worked hard to get everyone organized one day & it was NOT working well, and I kind of lost it! (HEY, it was MY wedding!---and I did have a migraine coming on, plus ended up i also had strep!)

Well, I learned that this is not a group vacation. We schedule things to do together, BUT not everyone will do it all together. ADRs are your thing...keep them. So they aren't everyones. No biggie. I found when I stopped trying to be tour guide (yes, miss research here tried to keep everyone as informed as me prior...don't think they really cared!), do what I want to do, suggest what I think others might like, AND LET IT GO----well, I was much happier!

The only one you are are responsible for is YOU (OK, and your kids...& likely DH, too...). Forget everyone else. OK, don't FORGET them, but provide them w/ information/suggestions and let them do with what they would like.
AND ENJOY YOURSELF!

 

[pyrxtc]

are you paying for the trip? Did you invite them? if the answer is Yes to either of these questions then i think you should talk to them about your expectations you wanted from this trip and that you wanted to spend time together and ahve each day set out. It's not like you want them to go comando but you ahve put a lot of time and thought into thinking which park is best for each day and where you can eat the best time and place for each day/park.

Are they taking your DGD's with them and expecting you to do for yourself for vacation? let thewm politely know that if they don't want to go WITH YOU, you can always go down by yourself. This is supposed to be a family moment, not an individual one.

 

[dis-happy]

I think you've been doing a lot of great planning which would be appreciated by those who really know WDW. But it sounds to me like some of the plans are starting to scare your DS and his wife, who probably are looking forward to a relaxed family trip. It also sounds like they are trying to warn you ahead of time to you aren't disappointed or upset when everyone is there.

My experience with large groups is that it's better just to go with the flow and not try to play tour guide. The nice things about ADR's is you can skip it if necessary (although I would call the dining number and free up the ressie if you know that day you won't make it). I'm sure you'll have fun with your granddaughters no matter what.

 

[Praying Colonel]

I don't mind taking the lead on the planning because I'm a planning geek, but I make sure that I've consulted everyone during the planning process and that we're all in agreement on it before the ADR's are made. I figure I don't have a right to expect them to accept my planning if I don't include them during the process.

 

[webray]

Am I expecting too much?
Guess I just needed to vent!!

Yes, you are expecting to much. Maybe a couple meals together, but not all of them. Everyone has different tastes, what they want to do and they should be allowed to do so.

It is very hard to travel with other people...you can't make everyone happy.
Hubby and I decided..we make ourselves happy, and anyone who wants to join can, those who don't don't and we are all good with that.

 

[twinkie]

Hubby and I decided..we make ourselves happy, and anyone who wants to join can, those who don't don't and we are all good with that.

We are doing Disney May 25 for 10 days with 15 other family members and this is our feelings EXACTLY . I think you will have a much more enjoyable time if you just live and let live. Everyone has their own idea of fun and you can't change that. Our experience has been that if you don't plan too much then the unexpected time you spend together is much better! Above all, relax and have a wonderful time!!!

 

[vancesmom]

I understand where you are coming from. You just want to spend time with them and show them things that they wouldn't neccesarily now if you didn't share with them - since it is your "happy" place. Try to communicate that with them. However, it is their vacation too so it needs to be worked out as a group. Above all - have a great time!!!!

 

[Leota]

We are doing Disney May 25 for 10 days with 15 other family members and this is our feelings EXACTLY . I think you will have a much more enjoyable time if you just live and let live. Everyone has their own idea of fun and you can't change that. Our experience has been that if you don't plan too much then the unexpected time you spend together is much better! Above all, relax and have a wonderful time!!!

ITA - We have traveled with family many times. Sometimes we paid, sometimes we all just met in WDW. Every trip is the same tho, lots of freedom with a couple choice meals together only. Even when we took DS, DDIL & DGSs we let them do whatever they wanted to do. Sometimes we all ate together, other times we took the kids & let DS & his wife have a night off, other times, DS & his family ate one place while DH, DS2 & I ate elsewhere. Everyone had a great time & it has engendered good feelings about traveling with family for all of us. If we were all together, all the time, not everyone would be so happy & we'd most likely not do it again.

In Oct., we are going with 3 generations, us, my parents and DS2 & his girlfriend. We will do the same thing we always do. Play it by ear, let people do whatever makes them happy & come together for some special times.

I think you are expecting too much & that you might want to consider loosening up a bit. Expectations almost always lead to disappointment.

 

[PiperPizzaz]

It wouldn't hurt the first time they miss an ADR and eat burger or something to tell them how fantastic, tasty, and wonderful your dinner was.

Seriously, though I would just have them tell you which ones they want to go to and tell them you will cancel them from the others. YOU will be much happier believe me. I have been there. I definitely wouldn't be waiting for them in the morning either.

 

[KevinYee]

In general, I agree you should let the other members of your party have flexibility if that's what they place a premium on.

One other thing: you may want to (gently) let them know that WDW has changed in the past two years when it comes to dining, and "on the fly" decision making about food *really* means going to counter service. Everything else is full of reservations. Given that constraint, though, if they're still for flexibility, I'd just shrug and keep the ADRs just in case

 

[idofabric]

We go down 2 to 4 times a year with a lot of friends and family...up to 15 people. We have a timeshare and just take everyone that wants to come down. Since it is usually mostly college kids, I do provide some food in the timeshare, like milk, bagles, chips, salsa, and fruit. And I try to cook a good meal once every 2 to 4 days...
We do have "planned" ADRs. They work, usually, like this: I tell everyone where I am going to try and get an ADR for that day, the next day and for the trip in general.. I take a head count, and make the ADR. IF and WHEN the count changes I call DisneyDining and either cancle/change the number down, or what ever. This has worked very well for us up to and including the last trip, a few weeks ago. I always try and cancel at least 6 hours early and usaully a day or 2 before the ADR date.
We have always had great luck getting into a place to eat. I don't make a lot of long term ADRs, never made one earlier then 1 month befor a trip... and usually only a day or 2 befor we want them, a week at the most. We are, however, very elastic in planning where we will eat. The only places we must eat at The Crystal Palace in MK, and Wilderness Lodge, at Wispering Canyon so we can have the newbie in the trip ask for Catshup! or an extra large drink.
I do agree that it has become a lot more difficult to walk up to any place and get in to eat. I haven't had problems.... yet! But we also tend to eat at times that at not as crowded. Like early, early breakfast, or very late breakfast/early lunch. Or my fav. late, late lunch(2:30ish or latter!), early dinner.
So no, don't count on everyone eating with you. Be glad and enjoy the time they do eat at the places you have ADRs and let them do what they want. You sound like you have put a ton of work into this, so don't let it get spoiled by some thing like this. It will be fine!
The other reason the kids like to eat with us is that we have the DD discount with our PAPs and it saves them $$$ and we do pick up the total tip for the meal.
Please have a ton of fun!

 

[ogreenlee]

I'm a DDIL, and while I get along with my MIL and FIL... I'd go nuts if I had to spend 7 straight days with them with no break.

However, I would appreciate the hard work put in by my MIL had she planned the trip. BUT, I think you're expecting too much for them to be at your ADRs, at your times, every single day.

Give them your ADRs and a link to the menus, and ask them to pick two or three. You don't have to change your reservations and can still show up as a smaller party. Then change some restaurants around to suit what you'd really like to have, or would like for your grandkids to have.

 

[chepic]

DisGram: good for you for venting.

Also, good for you for planning. After visiting WDW for many more times than I can count, I know that no matter how many times you visit, you need a plan, especially when it comes to eating.....now more than ever with the DDP. What will happen is that they will go off on their own and be sorry because they will get stuck in long lines, won't be able to eat at the time they want, and get stuck waiting for buses so they can get to the 3rd stop!!!

But seriously, I have learned that when travelling with others....esp. family it is best to say we are doing this, if you would like to do so also, just let me know. I also plan at least 2 days or nights that we know that our paths will cross for dinner or pool or something of family time. It makes for less tension and your feelings won't be hurt by their inability to see where it is you are coming from.

Have fun with the grandkids!!

che

 

[Phedre]

It sounds to me like you planned a terrific trip! If I was in your place, I'm sure I'd want my family to all eat together too. However, they were at least nice enough to tell you ahead of time that they might not enjoy this arrangement rather than just not show up at all at the ADR. I think it's a great idea to warn them that lately you really do need to do some planning to get good food locations for WDW, because they might not realize how hard it has become to get into restaurants at times. But then if they still aren't going to show up, just modify your ADR as needed and try not to stress too much about it and have fantastic time!!

 

[want2bamommy]

Am going to WDW with my DS and DDIL and her family in August. I have made all the ADRs for all of us, 7 total, at all the places that I thought they would like.
Now the problem. Two days ago, my DS and DDIL told me not to be upset if they didn't show up for the ADRs as they are "seat of the pants" type and go wherever they happen to feel like in the morning when they get up! They are also going to FT. Pierce one day! I have spent alot of time on this trip and thought that it would be something that they would enjoy and remember. I want them to have a great time at my "happy place" but it seems that they keep changing things each time I talk to them.
I am also taking my 2 DGDs and I know that we will have a great and so I should be pleased with that. Am I expecting too much?
Guess I just needed to vent!!

Hi, Disgram. My MIL/FIL took my BIL/SIL and their 3 kid's plus me (DH was and still is in Afghanistan) to DW in Aug/Sept. They paid for the trip and scheduled everything. We were together the entire vacation except for 2 hours on the last day and to sleep. Since they paid for the vacation I felt that was appropriate. They did plan it for us to be together 24/7 too.

Good luck!

Missie

 

[mickeyschickie]

did you ask them what they wanted to do before you did all of the planning? we are going in January with a large group (taking over 3 2-bedroom villas @ the VWL) and I have been designated as the primary planner of the trip... I am in the process of making sign-up sheets for different dinners and events so I will know just how many people to make ADRs for. But there is no way that I would try to make an agenda for anyone but my immediate family (DH and 2DD's) without asking their opinion first.
Yes, you can feel free to vent here anytime. But you do have to respect their wishes if you want them to respect yours. I am on both sides of the fence on this topic because my dear MIL (who is not even going on this trip with my family) has decided that she wants to give my DH and myself Segway tours for our birthday presents this year. Yes, this is very generous and kind of her (she and my FIL did the tour and loved it) but both my DH and I have told her before that we don't really want to do it. She is making us take the tour. We have told her that we would rather have a nice dinner alone together at Artist Point. Again, she is making us go on the tour. So, to make her happy (although at the time she will be 1000 miles away) we will be going on the Segway tour. I am sure that we will have a good time. But both of us would rather sleep in a little instead of hauling our tired butts out of bed early to head over to Epcot in time to take the tour.
I'm not trying to be mean about this, but it is their vacation too, so I would not throw a fit about it unless they absolutely refuse to spend any time with you on the entire trip.
Nicki

 

[yankeepenny]

Dear OP,
here is another view. (JMHO)
space/time alone on a vacation can be a good thing.
for everyone.

 

[Flagondry]

I think it is far too much to expect everyone to vacation like you do. If you want everyone to enjoy themselves then they need to be free to tell you what they want out of a trip. If that was my IL's with you they would express the same feelings. They don't see meals as an apsect to enjoy on a vacation. They eat on the run so as not to slow down sightseeing. They also don't like to be tied down.

My parents took dh and I to Las Vegas a few years ago. THey have been many times, so they had a few core things they wanted to show us. After that, they just wanted us to have a good time and they let us lead the way. They said they really liked seeing things through our eyes. If you invite someone, even if you are paying, and then lay a laundry list of expectations at their feet it sure isn't much of a gift.

They might not love WDW like you, they might be fine with CS's, they might want to leave the parks and see more of FL. None of those things are wrong. I think it's great that they are telling you now. This give you time to hash out a workable plan for all. Maybe ask if they want to do any TS's and then plan one or two at great places. The rest of the ts you can enjoy without them.

 

[annaaidan99]

I traveled with DMIL, DFIL, DSIL, and her kids last September for free dining. It was a fairly quick decision to go- i.e. we booked in June to go in September. I got put into hyper-plan mode- making ADR's, plans, etc. I knew DMIL and DFIL were going to want to be with us all the time- which was great with me- we get along really well, and we don't get to see each other very often. But DSIL was going to be a different story. I knew she was going to be a wild card every day, so when I made ADR's for each night, I made two. I made one for me, DS, DH, DMIL, and DFIL, and a second one for DSIL, and her two daughters for around the same time (+/- 15 minutes). I knew they would never make their own ADR's, and knew free dining would make it impossible to "wing it". I figured if they wanted to eat with us, they had an ADR, if not- it wouldn't affect us. While we were there, I was pleasantly surprised that they attended all the ADR's- we checked in together, and were seated together at every restaurant except Sci Fi. If I had to do it again, I'd do it exactly the same. It worked great- no stress for us!!