Venting - borrowed baby clothes.

[Princess-in-Training]

Hi there! OP here. You know, its funny -- I think really what bothered me was her attitude about it.

And I know that some baby clothes make it, and some others don't. there are definately things that my DD had that, as an infant, she only wore once or twice, and they look brand new. even a couple of the pajamas that I had that have now been through 2 babies are in pristine condition. Other things, of course, have been completely thrown away.

I can't think specifically of the items that I would have liked back, but I know I would have liked the chance to see if anything had made it. And we did have the understanding that if I ever had another kid, she'd return the clothes to me.

Really - I'm not going to hold this against her, or cut her out of my life, or even harbour any bad feelings. However, to be extremely passive aggressive -- I may get L & J to go to her and tell her they're going into her attic to get the baby clothes (evil laugh) But probably not that either. I will most likely never mention it again.

I'm upset with her for a different, COMPLETELY valid reason (that I can't share) and it is tainting my interactions with her. And I needed to type this one out to get it out of my head.

But this has turned into an interesting discussion I'm enjoying reading your differing opinions on lending clothes.

Thanks everyone, for reading

 

[disneybridetobe]

I don't have a sister, so I guess I just don't get it.

 

[PrincessAbby'sMom]

I had a girl w/in a week that my sister had a boy. Then 3 years later my sister had a girl. She constantly calls asking for this size or that size, etc. I too (am a nice sister) pass down the clothes for my neice - with the understanding of getting them returned. When I give them to her, they are all in matched outfits by size, washed & neat. When I get them back they are wrinkled, stained mix matched & not even close to the same size. I then have to go through (hours at a time) and match up size & outfits to put in garage sale.
We have always had the understanding that they will be returned. I have mentioned to her about them being mix matched, & her response is she just doesn't have the time. So, I usually don't have the time now to go through my DD's clothes for her. And her 5 yr old is in the same size as my 8 yr old - so HA! no more clothes for her!
When you visit I would ask where they are, you want to go through them & get out a few special items for "keepsakes". Then take them all

 

[sk!mom]

What in the world kind of clothes did you buy? They've already been used for two babies and you seriously plan for them to be available for use by 3 more?

My sister gave me her DD's baby clothes for my DD. We loved them and used them but I have to say that by the time they'd been worn by 2 babies they were starting to show the wear despite careful laundering.

If it's important to you then insist on going through them but prepare yourself for them to already be gone or in sad shape.

 

[2manyprincesses]

I guess I may have a different perspective on this subject.

When I give things out, I make SURE the recipient knows if they don't want it or won't use it, don't give it back to me. Most of the people that pass to me are the same. However, there have been times where someone wants to lend me something and then says,"When you're done could you pass it back to me?" When this happens, I put it in a bag with their name on it and give it back to them when an appropriate amount of time has passed. This clothing, shoes, toy, etc. is obviously improtant to them and my kids are not the neatest, by a long shot and I would hate for something to happen to it. Also, I don't want to seem rude and say, "Oh well, nevermind!"

All this BEACUSE when my oldest was a baby she was the first grandchild on both sides and we were SO blessed with clothes, shoes, everything! A friend had a baby girl and I lent my things to her. Long story short, her DD had acid reflux and EVERYTHING was returned horribly stained. They were not even Goodwill worthy. I was upset but didn't say anything to her about it and eventually got over it. We are still friends, but now I don't lend ANYTHING, I give everything. That way I won't have to deal with that again.

Not sure how my ramble will help anyone, but it is what it is!

OP, hope it all works out. And baby shopping is sooo fun! Have a great time picking out some new stuff with your BFF!

 

[2manyprincesses]

I have mentioned to her about them being mix matched, & her response is she just doesn't have the time. So, I usually don't have the time now to go through my DD's clothes for her.

I thought this was really funny!

haha!!

 

[SCHBR'smom]

My sister sells every single gift we have ever given her children.
She specifically asks for things NOT personalized with their names so she can sell them on ebay.
I specifically buy them things that are personalized. How's that for passive aggressive?

 

[SCHBR'smom]

My DSiL and I have passed baby clothes back and forth. I gave her my oldest DD's clothes and she gave them back for DD#2. Our kids have so many clothes, they don't get worn out. And it will save me since I have more girls coming up. I may only use them as play clothes, but with 5 kids, the more I save the better. Now that DD#1 is older, more clothes get worn out, so not as much to pass on. But, DSiL and I have never had a problem sharing kids clothes. It was always implied that they were to be returned. No issues here.

 

[pyrxtc]

well, if I want them back, then I tell them. I lent my DD's clothes to my cousin. They were pretty pristine when I gave them but some were badly stained when I got them back. A lot of them have gone through multiple children and I ahve a bag of them upstair waiting for more.

I have boys clothes that have gone thru both of my boys and my Uncle's son and I have some back waiting to be passed on to yet another child.

I did keep a few pieces from each child that I lvoed and saved to pass on to the sibling that agve it to me when they ahve children. I don't think they are too worn or outdated. Some of them are really great and who cares if your babies clothes are "outdated". Don't they look the same every year anyways ?

 

[MrsPooh]

My opinion FWIW is that if you choose to give something to someone they are now the owner and may do whatever they want with it.

One of my sisters started to pass clothing along but always wanted to get it back afterward - I refused to take it because even though my dd could use them it wasn't worth the hassle of making sure things got back to her. She has since changed her mind and now just passes things along.

I can completely understand that she might not want to deal with sorting things right now. BTDT myself.

Also, with the exception of a few outfits, most are not in great shape after two children have worn them. I also found that things that were stored over five years didn't hold up very well.

I understand that you wanted to do something special for your BFF but let this go before it ruins a relationship with your ds. You've already pulled the other sisters into it and used clothing is not something worth ruining relationships over.

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

Unless you told her ahead of time, I think you are kindda out of luck. I think she probably got rid of them and doesn't want to tell you.

 

[peyjax]

I am with the other poster. What kind of clothes did you buy your kid that will go through 5 children??? My DSis use to give me hand me downs. I worked hard on keeping them nice. However by my second son there is very very little that has lasted. Maybe 2-3 items. Also you have to think about fashion. By the time they have reached the third kid it usually is very dated or at least worn.

I am not sure if this is your BFF's first, but usually people like to go all out for thier first kid. It is usually thier second that they become extremely grateful for the hand me downs. Just something I noticed with my friends.

 

[rparmfamily]

I'd let it go honestly. Those clothes you aren't getting back and your BFF will probably get tons of clothes anyway. That seems to be what everyone buys for a baby LOL. (gifts I mean)

But I'd probably not pass anything else to her, you're saving it for BFF or other sisters. I'd tell her you're too busy to go thru her stuff right now.

 

[disneymarie]

Better to hear that from your sister then the BFF two years from now when you would perhaps want them for ds's.
I know when I handed down to my sisters I had no way to track, they got stained, and washed hard.

It maybe that your sister is unable to keep them straight from yours and hers and it is a huge task to sort them.
di

 

[Mommy2JulietJocelyn]

ok - this has been an interesting read - OP did not pull her other sisters in to it - she was just venting and has already said she is letting it go.
ANyhoo
I have the only grandkids in our family so far - i have more clothes than China has people. I have many outfits that have never had the tags removed or that I find in my DD closet that never left the box. ( this just happen this week that I found more brand new clothes) plus I have a March baby, June baby and Dec baby so seasons are different for sizes for each of them plus one is very small for her age and one is a bit bigger than her age. I have so much that I tried to sell lots on ebay - nobody wanted them - not sure why. Now I will hold onto them because my DSIL & DB are starting invitro this yr (hoping for sticky ixie dust

 

[Mommy2JulietJocelyn]

don't know what is up with my computer, sorry

 

[Mommy2JulietJocelyn]

Sorry duplicate post

 

[*BTMRR*]

I am feeling embarrassed now because I've been the recipient of quite a few hand me downs from friends and neighbors, and never have I given back even one single item...things that my kids outgrow that are still nice I either pass on to someone else or donate to Goodwill, and whatever is worn out I throw away. I never even thought to ask if the giver wanted them back! (None of the givers has any younger kids--if they did then I would ask if they were going to want them for the younger child later). Next time someone brings over a bag of clothes/shoes I'll be sure to ask if they're going to want any of it back to give to someone else later, just in case!

OP my guess is that your sister was clueless about this like me, and hasn't kept most of the items and doesn't want to admit that to you. She should just own up though if that's the case.

 

[mjkacmom]

I am feeling embarrassed now because I've been the recipient of quite a few hand me downs from friends and neighbors, and never have I given back even one single item...things that my kids outgrow that are still nice I either pass on to someone else or donate to Goodwill, and whatever is worn out I throw away. I never even thought to ask if the giver wanted them back! (None of the givers has any younger kids--if they did then I would ask if they were going to want them for the younger child later). Next time someone brings over a bag of clothes/shoes I'll be sure to ask if they're going to want any of it back to give to someone else later, just in case!

OP my guess is that your sister was clueless about this like me, and hasn't kept most of the items and doesn't want to admit that to you. She should just own up though if that's the case.

Do not worry - it's not the norm to give them back, unless it was discussed. People gave me so much stuff when I had my twins, and no one wanted anything back, because they were done having children - they were grateful that they got the stuff out of the house, and it was going to be used.

 

[dogluva]

I want to know what type of clothes these are that people want them back. My kids just wore clothes, nothing expensive because why would I spend a lot of money on clothes they would outgrow or vomit on? And after six kids, styles change. I even found this with my boys who are fifteen months apart.

I guess I don't understand giving someone a bag of clothes and wanting them back. And I would never have the time or engergy to keep donated clothes in pristine condition so I could return them. Too me this is too much work, remembering who gave them to me, trying to keep them nice, etc. I would rather just buy my own clothes for my kids.

I find children' clothes to be disposable. I also never saved peieces of clothing with special meaning except for the ones they came home in (my youngest daughter's outfit is presently on a doll) and the baptism outfit all six wore. I have a camera so I can remember that way.

I say don't give it if you plan on wanting it back for future children.