Venting, advice, your thoughts.. anything.. (Slight religion)

[epcotfan]

Originally posted by MHopkins2
I vote that you should go, and your DFi should drink his beer. They'll either get over it or they won't, and either way, you'll know if these are people you need to have anything to do with.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have to agree with Pin Wizard. But then again I have been married for 14yrs. It is not about the beer.
You have made a friend and your dear fiance should give you respect. He should go to the game, meet new people and not worry about beer or religion.

If the "shoe" was on the other foot what would he expect from you?
Let's say he (along with you) had to go out with a "group" which did not drink and he told you that out of respect he was asking you not to have a drink. You then tell your fiance, "well, I don't believe that, so I am going to drink anyway."

Think about it.

 

[snoopy]

I guess maybe because I am Catholic (and Italian where wine is served w/all meals) I cannot fathom why one adult would ask another to refrain from having a beer. If it were me, I would have never even thought to ask this other person if it were o.k. if my husband had a beer or not. And I'm quite sure his reaction would be the same as your fiance's -- it would be a matter of principle moreso than actually having the beer. I personally could not be friends with people who required me to be a certain way in order to be their friend, but that is just me. If you really want to be a part of their church, I guess you should go and ask your fiance not to drink, otherwise I would just go and drink the beer without offering any explanation. IMO, you do not owe this woman a reason why you and your fiance, grown adults, enjoy a beer before the game. Most people do, its not a big deal to most people, and if its a problem for her then she doesn't have to drink one.

 

[treesinger]

I agree that it is the "youth group" factor that is causing the drinking rift. Perhaps you should ask your friend if she is 100% completely against drinking and that is why she said it. We're making some assumptions here and assumptions can cause trouble.

Also, make sure, in gentler language of course, that you let her know that you and DFi are not going to compromise who you are just to satisfy any of your friends. Friends accept you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.

Now DFi also should be a little more forgiving about the "no beer" rule here, especially since he's hardly a drinker. It seems that he found all the rationalization he needed NOT to attend this event. And if he can't forgo ONE BEER for HIS DFi? Well, that lowers my esteem for him for certain. If I did that to my DW, she'd hang me out to dry by my ears.

 

[frustrated]

Jason, you stated that very nicely. May I add the friend thing goes both ways, however. If her friend is uncomfortable about the beer, then her beliefs should be respected also. That doesn't make her less of a friend.

As for the DFi, he needs to allow the OP to make some friends. Otherwise, there could be some control issues going on that she should be concerned with.

OP, I hope that your day does turn out well! Good luck!

Tessa

 

[Serena]

Originally posted by Pin Wizard
If it were me, I'd be more concerned about DBF not being able to go a few hours without having a beer. Seems like the beer is more important than making some potentially nice friends.

Yep, I agree. I think it's an excuse and he needs to shape up and do this for you.

 

[DMickey28]

I just wanted to post really quick. I haven't read all the threads yet..

However, I totally understand the no beer and the youth group. Completely. I was essentially writing out my feelings and thoughts so that an arguement wouldn't start with DFiance. We hardly have a drink and never enough to be buzzed. It's been probally at least two or three months since we had wine out with dinner.

I just wanted to get it off my chest. Never did we even consider not going over one beer. Trust me it's not a big deal...

If it were me, I'd be more concerned about DBF not being able to go a few hours without having a beer. Seems like the beer is more important than making some potentially nice friends.

Unbelievable.... it's important to have friends that feel the same way about life as you do. I do have to stick up for DFiance for this one. Never did he say anything negative about not being able to have a beer. Did you miss the point where I said it's been weeks if not months since we even had one drink. Did you miss the point about how we hardly drink ever? Forgive me, but please do not jump to conclusions about anything I did not write and please read my words clearly.

 

[Pam]

I don't think this is about the beer. I think it's about the back-door proselytizing that the "girl at work" is doing that is making your DFiance so uncomfortable.

I picked up on this, too. I think it wasn't very nice of your friend to first say that you four could go by yourselves - and now, suddenly, it's a group thing. This would be a real turn-off to me.

Now about the beer - since you are going with the Group - and as the Mom of two teens - I have to agree that there should be NO drinking around them. This is a Church function and the youth need to see good examples.

A couple of years ago some college kids went along on a Youth all-night bowling excursion, one of the girls had a flat tire and my son still talks about getting the spare tire out of the trunk and finding a case of beer back there! She said it wasn't hers, it was a friend's but it made an impact on my son......

 

[snoopy]

I guess for me is that I think its o.k.for kids to be around responsible drinking. I think is important for kids to see adults who have one or two beers and leave it at that. I grew up watching my parents drink and I'm not the slightest bit affected by it. My kids as well have been at many family and group functions where alcohol is served -- I've always stressed to them the importance of adults drinking in moderation. And I think its also important to take away the forbidden factor -- I want them to know that if they decide to drink when they are of age, that it should be done in moderation -- what better way to teach them then lead by example.

JMO, of course.

 

[Mouse Man]

I can see why DF is not comfortable with the situation. I would never go to a game as a member of a church group that I don't belong to. He doesn't know anyone there and he probably feels like he will be judged or that your friend will try to convert him. My wife has a friend that I choose not to socialize with. She is a non drinker, which is fine. However, we went to dinner one night and she lectured my wife and I on the evils of alcohol after we ordered 2 glasses of wine. That was it for me! My wife doesn't seem to mind that about her and still chooses to do things with her. I just let my wife know to count me out of any activities that woman is planning on doing! It's fine to not be friends with your spouse's friends sometimes.

 

[DMickey28]

I guess for me is that I think its o.k.for kids to be around responsible drinking. I think is important for kids to see adults who have one or two beers and leave it at that. I grew up watching my parents drink and I'm not the slightest bit affected by it. My kids as well have been at many family and group functions where alcohol is served -- I've always stressed to them the importance of adults drinking in moderation. And I think its also important to take away the forbidden factor -- I want them to know that if they decide to drink when they are of age, that it should be done in moderation -- what better way to teach them then lead by example.

This is how DFiance feels. He has/had no problems with going and meeting my friends. He just feels that it's important to have and develop friends that have the same thoughts on life as you do. Especially at this age where we are starting our own family and making friends with people at similar stages. I don't feel there is anything wrong with wanting friends of similar values, thoughts and ideas.

I understand and repect, as does DFiance, the Church youth group aspect of it. It's the future of developing a friendship that he feels this way about it.

 

[gina2000]

I came here to say exactly what Snoopy already said. Don't need to repeat it.

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by snoopy
I guess for me is that I think its o.k.for kids to be around responsible drinking. I think is important for kids to see adults who have one or two beers and leave it at that. I grew up watching my parents drink and I'm not the slightest bit affected by it. My kids as well have been at many family and group functions where alcohol is served -- I've always stressed to them the importance of adults drinking in moderation. And I think its also important to take away the forbidden factor -- I want them to know that if they decide to drink when they are of age, that it should be done in moderation -- what better way to teach them then lead by example.

JMO, of course.

MTE(!) The concept that you can't be a "good example" if you're a legal adult enjoying a beer at a baseball game is absurd. TEN beers, then I'll agree, but one or two? Whatever.

 

[bumcat]

Snoopy:
I cannot fathom why one adult would ask another to refrain from having a beer. If it were me, I would have never even thought to ask this other person if it were o.k. if my husband had a beer or not. And I'm quite sure his reaction would be the same as your fiance's -- it would be a matter of principle moreso than actually having the beer. I personally could not be friends with people who required me to be a certain way in order to be their friend, but that is just me.

_________________________________________________

Exactly! If it's wrong to drink one beer around a youth group, how about refraining from fat foods (hot dogs, nachos) cokes, etc. All that is not good for the body, right? If you really want to set an example for the youth eat veggies and drink water at the game. Are all the adults that are going slim and trim and eating right for the youth?
I mean if it's really about the youth let's really set a good example. I'm Baptist and boy do we love to eat all the wrong foods, LOL!

 

[WilmaBud]

I completely agree with Snoopy, too. I also think that it's absurd for one adult to ask or expect another not to have a drink because of his/her own personal beliefs. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who judged me for having a drink at a ball game. My DH, kids and I recently went to a minor league baseball game with a group from my son's and daughter's elementary school (their band played the National Anthem). There were lots of people who enjoyed a beer at the game (myself included). No one got drunk or obnoxious, and it was a great family outing. It's not like drinking responsibly is a sin or a bad example for our children.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by DMickey28
Unbelievable.... it's important to have friends that feel the same way about life as you do. I do have to stick up for DFiance for this one. Never did he say anything negative about not being able to have a beer. Did you miss the point where I said it's been weeks if not months since we even had one drink. Did you miss the point about how we hardly drink ever? Forgive me, but please do not jump to conclusions about anything I did not write and please read my words clearly.

Not at all. If it's been so long, why is it soooooo important to him to have a beer now? He seems to be saying he's having his beer no matter what. Maybe enjoy one together before going. The point is he wants his beer at this time even though someone suggested not to do it. If someone did that to me, as they have in the past, I go along with it or I don't go. Simple.

 

[tinatark]

If you're there as part of a church group, you shouldn't drink, if that's the belief of the church you attend. So many anti-church people everywhere pounce upon the actions (or non actions) of anyone who is "with the church" - using what they've seen as an excuse not to attend /believe. It WILL get blown out of proportion, by next week, it will be " That youth counselor was at the ball game on Sunday, falling down drunk" . It's just better not to have the appearance of incorrectness, IMO.

That said, it sounds like it's not a big deal to him, anyway.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Whatever decision you make - have a nice day.


I happen to agree with Snoops on this one, too. If this were a private function, then I could see asking to abstain from any alcoholic beverage. However, I think it's a public ballgame that everyone is going to, and beer will be served. There's nothing wrong with saying "We prefer not to partake in alcohol," but I have to disagree with "You shall not partake in having a beer or two because we disapprove."

My own opinion would be that if you want to go, then go, and if your DF decides he wants a beer when there, then he'll probably make that decision. The info you two got were kind of last minute, and you'll know better next time if you want to continue a friendship with these people, or if you'd rather make other friends.

... and this is coming from a pretty strict Catholic girl, and I'm not a drinker, either.

In any case - Happy 4th.

 

[DMickey28]

Not at all. If it's been so long, why is it soooooo important to him to have a beer now?

Granted I deleted the OP however never in that did I state it was SOOOOOOOO important to him.

You know, I wrote this whole long paragraph out but decided it worthless to defend DFiance or myself when people are so bent up on reading into things, even when the plain truth is written out there. Oh well, the life of internet chat sites I guess....

 

[Talking Hands]

Originally posted by MHopkins2
I vote that you should go, and your DFi should drink his beer. They'll either get over it or they won't, and either way, you'll know if these are people you need to have anything to do with.

I would agree with you on this except the OP indicated it is a church youth group that is going. Because it is a youth group I would say no one in the group including the adults should be drinking.

As to Baptists drinking, some do and some don't. but almost all I know will not drink if they are out with a church youth group. In fact, last night I was at a BBQ hosted by a friend who is from my old church (SBC) and beer was flowing. Some had it, others did not. This was an adult party. None of his middle school SS class were invited.