Venting, advice, your thoughts.. anything.. (Slight religion)

[DMickey28]

I had to get ride of this post. IT's crazy how out of context people take things.

Never did my Dear Fiance have a problem with not having a beer. He hasn't had one in weeks, if not months. We hardly drink.

Have a "dog and beer" at a ball game is normal and doesn't indicate any sort of problems.


I understand the youth group factor and that is true.

I do have to say, I love to read this board and I have ventured out to posting "deeper" thoughts and such. I have been flamed and my words have been taken out of context. I suppose it the written word vs. being face to face explaining a story.

Thank you for the responses and don't worry, DFiance doesn't have control issues or a drinking problem.

Have a great day.

 

[bumcat]

I just don't get the no beer at a game and I'm baptist.
I wonder if she is more worried about herself. You know what will the group think of me kind of thing. My sunday school teacher (baptist) once admitted to having a beer or two with his neighbors and I couldn't believe the shock look on some of the faces.
Honestly I think they carry it a little too far. Getting drunk is one thing but a beer? Nothing wrong with that.
Maybe the beer can be drank away from the group? Though I don't believe a responsible adult should have to do that.

 

[DoeWDW]

I think you and DFiance should go. It's only for a few hours so even if he doesn't find anyone there he likes, he'll survive. Ask him to go for your sake, so you can get out of the house and have some fun. Promise him that he can plan the next outing.

Best wishes to you!

 

[meandtheguys2]

I have been a part of churches that had a zero tolerance for alcohol. Sorry you got caught in the middle. I hope it works out for you.

Michelle

 

[Aimeedyan]

*most* Baptist churches are very much against drinking, period. Its very taboo. Not just drunkenness, but drinking itself. I can completely understand why they would not be keen on a member of their group drinking at a church event... whether or not you consider yourself a part of their group, you are essentially since you are getting theri group rate ticket and sitting with them.

I don't see why anyone couldn't just wait a few hours to have a beer, I know that's not the point, but I can't imagine why you both wouldn't want to go and enjoy the game and meet some new people without a beer. THey're overpriced there anyways. Head out for drinks later.

Go, have a good time, and stop and have a beer on the way home if he needs one... I wouldn't give up a day at the ballpark over that.

 

[TigerBear]

I thought a lot of Baptists do not drink at all.

Sorry you are in the spot you are. Best wishes for having a fun day tomorrow!

 

[MHopkins2]

I vote that you should go, and your DFi should drink his beer. They'll either get over it or they won't, and either way, you'll know if these are people you need to have anything to do with.

 

[pat fan]

I understand how you feel!I was brought up in a church that had very strict rules on everything and really looked down on anyone who didn't comply with "their" rules.Funny thing about that was...they were were worse in every other area of their lives than anyone else except that they didn't drink

That said, if I was you I'd go to the game (it's not all day anyway) and meet some people, have a good time and then do something your DF wants to do after.Go to a Sports Bar,go for a hike,go to a movie or whatever he wants. Try not to make a big deal out of it if you can and just enjoy the day.

 

[MICKEY88]

religion aside..it's a youth group I personally would be upset if I sent my child on a youth group outing and the adults were drinking....

as someone else said...ballpark beer is way overpriced, he can dringk a six pack at home after the game for the same price..

I personally would be concerned if he's going to decide what you do or don't do as a couple based on whether he can drink or not..

 

[Tinkbell]

My best friend in college was Baptist and she wouldn't drink at all. They did not even serve alcohol at her wedding. I think if you are going as part of the church group, you should not drink with them. They probably would have to expalain to the youth group why someone in their party was drinking. If you are coming on your own and won't be introduced to the group, you can drink. I can understand your fiance not feeling comfortable though. If your new friend is really interested in friendship, she will understand whatever decision you make.

 

[bumcat]

I vote that you should go, and your DFi should drink his beer. They'll either get over it or they won't, and either way, you'll know if these are people you need to have anything to do with.

__________________________________________________

ITA.
I guess I'm hanging around with the "bad" Baptist because I know lots of them that do drink on occasion. I have read the Bible and still do not understand where the no drinking at all comes from?
If they are selling beer there then there will be lots of people drinking. I guess I just don't get it.
He has already had a bad experience with religion due to his father (I can also relate to that). Now he has an adult telling him it's wrong to have one drink?

 

[eeyore45]

Well my Texas relatives are Baptist, some of their churches are strict, and one isnt as strict... that being said, when my grandpa died I went into a depression until after the funeral, and all I really wanted was a beer (lol I forgot how much grandpa loved his beers!!) I thought my aunts were going to go into shock!!

I am also a Youth director for our Lutheran church, and a Boy Scout Leader... its not appropriate there... however, I do enjoy a beer, and wine with dinner... but I know when and where...

Maybe its not about the beer?? Maybe he's fearing being placed in an uncomfortable situation and is using the beer to get out of it... if he had a strict up bringing, some Baptist churches do work hard to convert people...

Communication is the key.. ask him to compromise for you, and see if that will help, have you talked openly about the lonliness?

Just remember most fights are about something deeper than what you are upset about (of course my dh still swears our biggest fight was about the gloves - I say IT WAS NOT!! *grin)

 

[peachgirl]

I can absolutely understand no alcohol when you are with a youth group from church. While a beer really isn't a big deal, it's just not appropriate to be drinking alcohol when you're on a church youth group outing. I imagine there'd be a lot of upset parents if they found out there were adults drinking.


I'm Baptist and there's no rule that says you can never drink, at least not in my church. However, when you're going with a youth group drinking beer is not appropriate.

 

[PamOKW]

I think it's probably more the youth group aspect than the religion aspect that made her ask you not to drink. Even though you aren't, you would appear to be chaperones for the group. Drinking would not be a good idea.

As to going with you or going with the group, it seems like the plans are so last minute that since you didn't state a preference right away, she went ahead and got the group tickets and let them know she's be there.

I think it would be great if you could go as a couple with an open mind. If it doesn't work out, at least maybe you'll still have a "girlfriend" to do things with.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Right after graduating college I got involved in a local Methodist church. I ended up voluntering with the youth group, what a great bunch of middle and high school kids. I would not want one of the adult volunteers drinking during a youth event, and even though you are going as a guest of another member of the church, I still don't think it is appropriate. Most of us who worked with the youth group were either still in college or right out of college. And yes, sometimes we would get together AFTER an event and have some drinks.

I think your DFiance may be apprehensive because it is a church group. I am so sorry that he had a bad experience. My family did, too. But we moved on, found a new religion, a new church and I am ever so thankful. I pray that his heart softens.

Please talk to him about really wanting to be friends with this woman and how it will ease your lonliness. He can do this one thing for you!

 

[Saffron]

I agree with some of the others when they say that it's probably not so much about the Baptist religion as much as it is about the group you'll be with ... a youth group. I imagine that's why your friend said something. That's different than being at a ball game with a group of friends. It's kind of like going on a class trip or something.

I would ask your DF to go and if he really doesn't like it, then he never has to do that again. But who knows, he may like it a lot. A ball game is always fun on the 4th! There will probably be fireworks after the game too.

 

[Lanshark]

I don't think it has anything to do with Baptists. I don't think it appropriate for adults, accompanying a church youth group, to be drinking. That, I believe, is the issue. Sounds like DF doesn't really want to go and is using the beer as an out.

 

[Pin Wizard]

If it were me, I'd be more concerned about DBF not being able to go a few hours without having a beer. Seems like the beer is more important than making some potentially nice friends.

 

[robinb]

Originally posted by DMickey28
DFiance had a very bad experience with religion when he was little, at the hands of his father. He is very closed to it and very scared. That's fine with me... he believes in God but doesn't feel the need or desier to practice.

This girl at work invited me and DFIance out tomorrow for fourth of July. Her Church youth group is going to a baseball game and while she said she is not "going" with them, she could get tickets through the group and would we like to go.

I don't think this is about the beer. I think it's about the back-door proselytizing that the "girl at work" is doing that is making your DFiance so uncomfortable.

 

[sk!mom]

I'm a lifelong Baptist and drinking a glass of wine as I type this.

As far as I know, drinking or not is not a part of Baptist doctrine- it's a personal choice.

I think that you should go and enjoy the game. You can have a good time and will either make some new friends or find out that these are not people that you want to spend time with away from work. I would not drink at the game if it is going to make those who invited you uncomfortable. I have friends who I drink with and others who I know will not serve alcohol and both are OK.