Venting about a store's return policy...

[Bonniec]

I don't drink coffee beyond a shot of espresso in the morning, before I leave for work, which would be ridiculous in a mug that big.

So put some ice water or a soda in it.




Seriously........6 pages and a very long rant over a COFFEE MUG?
*there's no smiley for scratching your head*

 

[NYCDiane]

I haven't read this entire thread so forgive me if someone already made this suggestion:


Go to the store with the receipt and mug. Get a store credit and exchange it for the exact same mug with your relative's initial on it. Give it to her for her birthday or for Christmas next year (or give it to whoever gets her list next year to give to her).

I HATE when people can't abide by a list ---If I say I'd like a purple cotton top or sweater, long sleeves, NOT 3/4 sleeves, please don't get me a green top in that icky fake silk material with 3/4 sleeves. (Happened this year. The top is in a bag, waiting to go to the Salvation Army)

 

[Leajess99]

Not exactly true - you spent money on someone else in the gift exchange, so you are, in effect, out whatever the agreed-upon amount is because you gave with the expectation of receiving, according to the way the exchange is set up.

Look at it this way... if you went to a Blockbuster, and gave them $5 with the expectation of renting a movie for a night worth $5, and instead they gave you a $5 value meal from McDonalds, wouldn't you be irritated? I don't really see that this situation is so different. If someone gave me that gift apropos of nothing, sure... I wouldn't have had the same reaction. It is a kindness that is nothing reciprocal - just a gift. But a gift exchange is different, in my opinion. People participate and agree to abide by the rules of the exchange.

In ref the bolded, I don't give with the expectation of receiving. Even in a gift exchange I am always prepared to get nothing. I guess maybe I was brought up differently and my kids are raised differently. We were and are raised with the "It's better to give than to receive" attitude.

A gift is much different than purchasing something from a store or restaurant.

 

[Marionnette]

So put some ice water or a soda in it.




Seriously........6 pages and a very long rant over a COFFEE MUG?
*there's no smiley for scratching your head*

Here ya go!

 

[Leajess99]

Okay, Mari... let us know how you feel the next time you go to a restaurant, EXCHANGE your money for an equal value of food that you chose from the menu, and they bring you something that you not only did not order, but will not, cannot, eat. I fully expect you to honestly say, "Oh, no, I cheerfully gave my meal to a starving person on the street corner and went without dinner that night, having no ill feelings at all toward the restaurant. Oh, no! I'd never send it back!"

This is a whole different scenario. Did you buy the gift that went to the person who gave you the coffee cup?? Probably not so why are you trying to compare apples to oranges. It is sad that you appear so ungrateful about a gift that this person thought you may like regardless of the list. After all you don't know this person's reasoning or situation.

 

[pacrosby]

I HATE when people can't abide by a list ---If I say I'd like a purple cotton top or sweater, long sleeves, NOT 3/4 sleeves, please don't get me a green top in that icky fake silk material with 3/4 sleeves. (Happened this year. The top is in a bag, waiting to go to the Salvation Army)

I know I'm late to the party but this stuff just boggles the mind.

Why bother?????

Just buy yourself what you want and forget the whole thing. What a bunch of crap this is. Definately NOT what Christmas and 'gift giving' is supposed to be about

 

[undertheradar]

Does anyone believe that we would be reading about this if the "offending" boutique had just caved and given the OP whatever she wanted?

OP, perhaps notarized contracts for your gift exchange next year?

 

[DrPierreMcDuck]

I guess I'm weird because I like to be surprised by a gift. If gift giving for adults is all about getting a specific item or two off a detailed list, then why not just save the money on wrapping paper, bows, etc. and hand the person the items unwrapped?

 

[sasywtch]

To the OP, I completely agree with everything you said. I'm actually surprised at the number of people who responded about the store. I'm thinking that I'm an oldie (meaning 50+) and had lived where there were neighborhood stores that made it a point to know your name, welcome you when you came in and knew that customer service was a top priority for returning customers.

I actually switched gas stations (as dumb as that is) because the Shell down the street, the guy was on the phone and left me and another customer standing there. He didn't say "one minute, it's an emergency, nothing". His son told me later that in their country, the customers are the ones that thank the shop owners and the business' are doing them a favor. Bothers me greatly when I'm handed my change, without it being counted back (dollar bills) and no mention of thank you. So, after he left us standing there for 5 minutes, I left. I now drive another 2 miles to the Chevron where the owner must make the staff welcome each customer as they say "good morning/afternoon/evening" when you walk in the door even if they are waiting on another customer. They are friendly and and even though they are 5 cents more a gallon, I go there now. The refund policy? I see no reason why a store credit couldn't be given. As a store owner, that would show that even though you aren't giving them their money back, you are still trying to make a customer happy.

Gift? I completely understand and I know others do not but it reminds me of the Frazier episode where his son asks for the newest cool toy but Frazier believes he really would rather have this science stuff. Then Frazier sees all the gifts he has given his dad over the years stuffed away and his father explains to him that instead buying what the person wants, Frazier buys what Frazier believes they should want. My BF and I had this discussion a few weeks ago. He asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told him. Then he decides I'd rather like some new knives. No, I'm fine with my knives and don't want more. He's putting what he wants on my list. To me, it does smack of not thinking about the person you are giving the gift to. If they ask or you write a list and they decide you'd really rather have something else, smacks of not considering the person's wants but rather, what the gift giver wants or finds at a cheap price. Either way, you aren't thinking about the person you are giving the gift to but thinking about yourself.

We do a gift exchange for $50 in my family. I watched 3 of the 6 hunt for the items on their person's list. I ran to Target when I saw what I needed to buy was on sale so I was able to get them a second item on their list instead of just one item. I put windshield wipers, that foot scrubber thing, money, on my list as they are aware of somewhere I'm going and the cash would go well. I did not get the windshield wipers which now I'm going to go buy and I did not get the cash. I got chocolate covered strawberries which are not going to be here until next week Ok, normally I do like these strawberries but really, at Christmas time when there is tons of fudge, cookies, pies etc all sitting on my table? I do have to say, it was a little letdown after running around trying to find the things on my person's list and the other two people looking for the things on their list. And nope, cash isn't anything they have a problem with because the spouse of my gifter gave their person the $50 cash they asked for. I did thank my gifter nicely, smiled and will eat some of the strawberries and wouldn't have said anything but since we are being truthful here, I stated my true thoughts. I'm not ungrateful but perhaps a little disapointed. I think writing out lists for a gift exchange is a great idea. I learned long ago during my 20 year marriage not to hint around but to tell straight out what I wanted otherwise I was setting myself up for disappointment.

 

[momto2inKC]

Not exactly true - you spent money on someone else in the gift exchange, so you are, in effect, out whatever the agreed-upon amount is because you gave with the expectation of receiving, according to the way the exchange is set up.

Look at it this way... if you went to a Blockbuster, and gave them $5 with the expectation of renting a movie for a night worth $5, and instead they gave you a $5 value meal from McDonalds, wouldn't you be irritated? I don't really see that this situation is so different. If someone gave me that gift apropos of nothing, sure... I wouldn't have had the same reaction. It is a kindness that is nothing reciprocal - just a gift. But a gift exchange is different, in my opinion. People participate and agree to abide by the rules of the exchange.

Oh geez it's a GIFT for goodness sakes! At least you got something. If you don't like it and can't return it, give it away, send it to Goodwill or simply throw it away

 

[momto2inKC]

Even by that definition, the other person fulfilled their "duties". The monetary value of the mug was the same/similar to the monetary value of the gift you contributed (I assume we would have heard your whinging about it if it wasn't).

Nothing in that description says that you have to like the gift you got as much as the person liked the gift you gave.

This

 

[Planogirl]

A gift shouldn't be given in the expectation of receiving something. You only set yourself up for disappointment with that mindset.

I would donate the mug and forget about it.

 

[AlwaysMoving]

Thank you for reminding me of the reason why I stopped giving gifts. Seriously, someone could request diamond earrings and find a way to complain.....they aren't big enough, clear enough, wrong style, wrong cut, wrong color, ugly wrapping paper, ugly box, no bow, wrong color bow, wrong style bow. The possible complaints are endless when someone really wants to complain to have something to say. You just can't win.

 

[Lauraubie]

OP, I can totally relate. My 6 year old bought me a fake diamond ring for Christmas. I mean really, what was she thinking!?!?!?!?! I bought her what she put on her list! I'm going to ask her for the receipt in the morning.

I wouldn't share this story with too many people. You come off sounding very ungrateful. Have you ever heard the expression, it's the thought that counts?

I'm glad I will never be in a gift exchange with you.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I don't consider it a business transaction. However, I do consider it a transaction that is consentually entered into under a proscribed set of guidelines that people should be expected to follow. You don't enter into a $20 gift exchange, for example, and spend $5, or $500. You don't enter into a gift exchange where names are drawn and buy a gift for someone other than the name you drew. You shouldn't enter into a gift exchange based on lists and then not use those lists, unless you have no other recourse. It's pretty simple to me.

I seriously don't think this statement belongs anywhere in a discussion about a Christmas gift.

 

[Mickeyflower]

Wow. Maybe the giver has a bad sense of smell???? Can we think up anymore completely ridiculous what if's and maybes???? Gift lists are NORMAL PEOPLE!!!! Let me see, uhm, WEDDING REGISTRIES, BABY REGISTRIES, HOUSE REMODELING REGISTRIES, AMAZON WISH LISTS, Toys R US has a list registry.

A PERFECT example of STICK TO THE LIST happened to my best friend at her baby shower. She created a registry at Target, DID NOT register for a crib, because she already had one. Her Aunt, bought her a crib-from Target who's return policy was at the time no receipt, no return-no store credit-NADA! She lived 400 miles away from where the baby shower took place and was not about to drag an unnecessary, unwanted,unregistered for crib. Donate it away-as many many many of you told the OP to do-NO, it was a gift to her why should she give that away? She ended up asking her Aunt for the receipt so she could return it. Her Aunt said "Oh I didn't know you had a registry at Target, I just ran in and grabbed the crib cause it was the first thing I saw" (It was on the Shower invitation that she was registered at Target)

Gift lists are made for ease of shopping. To take guess work and leg work out of the equation. IF you are given a list for an exchange-STICK TO IT-don't be lazy and run out and grab something mindlessly and thoughtlessly, and throw a gift card in. Gift Exchanges are voluntary, if you don't like it, don't do it. I was once given a mini pencil with a little puffy dangle thing hanging off the end at a family Christmas gift exchange. I was a kid so I thought I was bad and I cried. The following year, my parents were given 1 little chocolate truffle to share between both of them. The following Christmas, we banned extended family gift exchanges.

In closing, OP, I agree with ALL of your posts-welcome to the flamed family

 

[cornflake]

Gift lists are made for ease of shopping. To take guess work and leg work out of the equation. IF you are given a list for an exchange-STICK TO IT-don't be lazy and run out and grab something mindlessly and thoughtlessly, and throw a gift card in.

If you want the stuff you want, go buy it your dang self.

You've got two different thoughts up there. If it's for the ease of the giver, that's an option - oh, if you're not sure, here are suggestions. But 'STICK TO IT' is not for the ease of the giver, that's a demand from the givee. If I feel like I want to give you a gift, I will give you a gift. It'll be a gift of my choosing.

I work hard on gifts, I try to pick out something the person will like, would want but wouldn't buy for themselves, would love if they only knew it existed, or the like. If I know they wanted something specific, I might buy that. I might think of something else that I thought was more special or meaningful.

If it's just 'I want X, Y, Z, exactly. Buy those or don't bother.' Guess what? I'm not going to bother, because that goes from 'gift' to somewhat extorty exchanging of money.

If I ask what you'd like, feel free to say so. If I don't ask, then you don't get to say so.

Yes, just buying a random large item that is commonly bought by the person themselves, with no receipt, is odd. However, when that turns into 'Donate it away-as many many many of you told the OP to do-NO, it was a gift to her why should she give that away?' it sounds even more about money, which is not what gifts are about.

 

[Mickeyflower]

A gift is supposed to be something you think the recipient would LIKE, WANT, or NEED. You wouldn't give wine to a beer drinker, an ash tray to a non-smoker.

 

[bumbershoot]

There are good reasons that companies with good, helpful return policies do so well.

And there are good reasons why so many small stores fail, and it has to do with their service! Return policies are part of service. Small stores feel like they have no leeway (which to me means they opened it too early, before saving enough money, as one should always do for YEARS before opening one's own business...so they are starting off, before opening their doors, on the wrong business foot with no one to blame but themselves), and they have these policies which just turn people off...

Reminds me of a store around here called Burlington Coat Factory. Their policy was SO ridiculous, I just never returned to their store. I shopped for me, dH, and my 4 kids, so they DID lose out over the years. (it may be different now)

If I remember they would NOT allow any refunds even WITH a receipt.

That's odd. Either they were using a name they shouldn't have been, or their return policies have changed.

Also - I wasn't aware that writing a post on the internet is "all worked up". I was killing time before my DH got home, and figured, what the heck, why not see if anyone else has had similar experiences. I type 100 WPM, so it's not like I'm penning a magnum opus, here.

It's funny when people see "getting all your thoughts out" as being highly emotional. And then when you only include *part* of the story and then come back in with extra info, you're seen as a liar trying to make yourself look better.

I type fast, too, and write a lot because I think a lot!

... but it's understood that, if you do, you follow those two rules, you spend the agreed-upon amount, and you shop off the list, unless the person doesn't make a list or says they just don't care.


...And then you read about business owners in the local paper who bemoan that no one patronizes the business! Yeah, we tried, but every time we showed up during your posted hours, you weren't there...

I think it sounds proper; if you're taking part, you follow the rules!

I haven't had that exact experience (a business being closed when it shouldn't have been) but other ones with smaller stores. Very frustrating. Happened with a festival here, too. I could have told them 10 things they were doing wrong, even before the festival started, and even more once we went, and then they whined and complained about how the festival went and how they got so overbudget and still own 150K to vendors...it all could have been solved ahead of time, but whoever was in charge was just not thinking.

Oh wait, I HAVE had the experience of places not being open, and it was at that festival! It was a "tall ships" festival, and in all the advertising it listed all the super-cool ships that would be here, and how xyz were free to get on, and then all these other ships were available to get on for a fee. Including the ship, Lady of Washington, that was used in POTC as the Intrepid. Cool, right? Every time we tried to get down to *pay money* to get on that ship, and we live in walking distance (but not sight distance from *that* particular ship) from the waterway, it was GONE. Off on a $100 per person cruise *that wasn't mentioned* in the info about all the ships you could walk onto. We TRIED to spend money, and could not, because the ships were always gone!

Based upon the OP's signature, she is young.

Because she talks about her first grownup trip to WDW? I took my first grownup trip to Disneyland when I was 36. First grownup trip (first trip!) to WDW at 42. Calling something a first grownup trip doesn't make one 18.

...and included a note that 'any scent but fruity is great'.

You said earlier that you said that ANY scent was fine.

But if you wrote it like that, with no comma or semicolon, you're saying that you do not want fruity scents.

What a sad way to look at a gift. But according to you, you will come out "whole" if you donate the gift for a tax writeoff.

It's a family gift exchange. Not quite the same thing, and they do have rules that have been followed until now.

And, frankly, that's how it goes when you're an adult giving a gift to another adult. Everyone tries to buy the same amount, so no one feels sad that they got something that was less than what they gave, and no one feels embarrassed at their riches.

We have never sent gifts to parents (might if my mom were still around, but dad's not worth it and stepdad's destroying any caring I might have had for him in a variety of ways), but the stepdad, at least, continued to send giftcards to me and my brother and our spouses until this year. Frustrated my brother, since they have absolutely NO need for a giftcard to *anywhere*, they have no need for *gifts*; if they want something, they WILL buy it, and they are doing better than ANYONE else in the family so it's just silly. They described it as sending money back and forth, when they still participated. This year, stepdad finally got a clue and did the Heifer International thing. Hopefully no one's eating the animals that were partially bought for people in our name, as my family is vegetarian, but at least *someone* is actually being helped with this gift.

It seems to me that where this tradition went horribly awry was when the recipients of gifts were allowed to start dictating what forms of holiday good wishes were acceptable and which were not.

EVERYONE in the group is going to be a recipient. So everyone has had a say here. It's not like one group will buy and the other will receive, and there's no exchange here. If you want to get what you want to get, you should give what the other person wants to get.

To me the gift giver basically threw her $$ away by giving a gift that won't be used/ appreciated.

Exactly. I know I don't want my money thrown away, or not appreciated!

Nope. I'd consider it an unexpected surprise. I surely didn't plan to leave Blockbuster with a Value Meal, but great! Now I have dinner, and I can watch whatever's on TV while I eat!

OK, now what if you're vegetarian, and given a value meal to McD's. You can't even eat the FRIES. It's a totally useless gift, and was a waste of money on the giver's part. Why would a gift giver want that?????

Seriously........6 pages and a very long rant over a COFFEE MUG?
*there's no smiley for scratching your head*

The amount of pages a thread gets isn't solely due to the starter of the thread.

And it's NOT about the mug, it's about the business decisions of a company and their awful customer service skills.


Someone said that a kindly worded email would give more room to negotiate...nope. A kindly worded email that doesn't give someone what they want might not satisfy someone, but at least it doesn't inspire ANGER, doesn't feel like a slap in the face.

I mean...I can say something plainly and simply, while another person here can say the same basic thing, but in flowerly, sweet, words, and guess who will be vilified? Same basic message, but it's all in the way it's put.

Some companies have "blurbs" that can be put into emails with all sorts of "we apologize, but" phrases in them, and they are doing just fine....

 

[Jey12]

OP, I can totally relate. My 6 year old bought me a fake diamond ring for Christmas. I mean really, what was she thinking!?!?!?!?! I bought her what she put on her list! I'm going to ask her for the receipt in the morning.

I wouldn't share this story with too many people. You come off sounding very ungrateful. Have you ever heard the expression, it's the thought that counts?

I'm glad I will never be in a gift exchange with you.

I'm just not sold on a travel coffee mug with an initial on it as being a thoughtful gift, so I'm not so sure it's the thought that counts applies here. Now if the travel mug had something on it that the OP really loved then that would be different, because at least there would have been that thought. Maybe it's just me but a coffee cup is something you buy when you don't have the time or don't want to mess with trying to come up with a gift. You figure everyone drinks coffee and so it's a generic gift that works.

As for a 6 year old buying a fake ring I don't see the connection? Most 6 year olds don't know how to give any gift that doesn't have thought behind it. My 5 year old wanted and did get me yarn to finish making a blanket i've been working on for her. If I applied adult thinking to that gift I could say it was kind of selfish to give me stuff so I could make something for her. From a 5 year old's standpoint she's proud of the blanket and wants to hurry up and be able to use it. I treasured the gift bag full of yarn and in return she'll treasure the blanket. There's always a lot of thought behind a gift from a child. I have framed pictures she's drawn for me on my walls, but if DH took a crayon and would draw a big blue circle and tell me it's a picture of the dog I'm not so sure I wouldn't just laugh at him.

While I do understand where the OP is coming from in regards to being thrown off that the gift giver went against the so called rules of the exchange and bought off list I wouldn't make an issue out of it. I'd worry that by asking for a receipt and then asking if next year we could either restate the list rules or just do a white or yankee gift exchange I would be hurting the feelings of the person who gave me the gift. Even if I thought the gift didn't have much thought behind it I wouldn't want to hurt any feelings. The nicest person in the world might take offense to being asked for the receipt for a gift under $20 and then hearing that the person also wanted to make sure everyone knew to buy off the list or just change the exchange all together for the next year.

A gift is supposed to be something you think the recipient would LIKE, WANT, or NEED. You wouldn't give wine to a beer drinker, an ash tray to a non-smoker.

This. To me giving a coffee mug to someone who isn't known for being an avid hot beverage drinker equates to giving floral scented soap or a CVS candle pack as a gift. To me if you agree to taking part in a gift exchange that requires you make a list, you are agreeing to put a little bit of thought into what gift you pick out.