Vent Thread: My Son's School's *Agenda*

[Christine]

I just thought I'd throw this out there. You can agree/disagree, whatever. And, really, it's not a huge deal to me, just a peeve.

First off, my son goes to a Catholic school but we are not Catholic. We aren't very religious at all, but we are all baptized Episcoplians. I send my son to this school, because the public school we are zoned for is horrendous. When he is high-school aged, he will go back into the public school systems again as the high school is "okay."

Now, there have been a few things that I disagree with the Catholic churce about but I respect their stance and I know that if my son is in their environment, he is going to be taught their way. I have learned to "swallow" a lot of stuff and try to be as neutral as possible with my son because all of his friends are Catholic as well as his beloved teachers. I don't dare vehemently disagree with anything he says at home that he learned there. I just tell him what *my* views are and why I might disagree. But I always tell him that it is his choice to believe what he wants to believe.

Admittedly, this can be pretty confusing for an 11 year old.

So, yesterday my son comes home and tells me that, for some reason, their regular lessons veered off into two big discussions. The first was "The Davinci Code" movie and book. The teacher apparantly got very "aggressive" during this discussion, went on and on about the HUGE lie of this book and movie and that none of this children should EVER, EVER, EVER read the book or see the movie. HELLO??? They are in 5th grade, first off. So, I had this discussion with my son that "The Davinci Code" is a FICTION and should be treated as such so I don't know why is teacher needed to get so "agro" with them. Secondly, I told my son, don't ever let anyone tell you that you should NEVER read or see something for the reasons the teacher was pointing out. To me, that is some form of suppression.

Then he goes on to say that they got into a discussion of "gays" and the teacher said that homosexuality is "totally" wrong (her words) and that it is a major sin and that, basically, you would go to hell if you were gay. Every kid in the classroom was sort of going along with this and it sounded like it turned into a gay-bashing festival, especially with the boys. My son was very disturbed by this and was wondering why the teacher had such animosity and vengeance on these issues. Really bothered him.

I calmly tried to explain that this was the Catholic belief (homosexuality is wrong). He knows that we don't believe this at home and he is having such a time with this.

I guess this is what I get and, because he is so young, it is hard for him to reconcile it.

I guess what I'm asking is, is this par for the course in the Catholic School? My DD also spent 3 years there and didn't have these things come up. Either that, or she was better equipped than my son to let them roll off her back.

I find the whole thing unsettling.

 

[bananiem]

Lutheran schools teach their philosophies. Montessori schools teach their philosphy. Charter schools teach their philosophy. The Davinci Code is a current event. The teacher, to keep her job, probably has to back up the Church's philosophies.
FWIW, many Catholics do not view homosexuality a mortal sin, and realize "The Code" is fiction.

 

[Christine]

Lutheran schools teach their philosophies. Montessori schools teach their philosphy. Charter schools teach their philosophy. The Davinci Code is a current event. The teacher, to keep her job, probably has to back up the Church's philosophies.
FWIW, many Catholics do not view homosexuality a mortal sin, and realize "The Code" is fiction.

Yes, I've always realized that they will teach their philosphy. I knew that going in and knew there would be things that I would disagree with. I guess what bothered my son was her "fervor" if that makes sense? He felt really uncomfortable with both topics, although why he cares about "The Davinci Code" is a mystery to me.

 

[Cindyluwho]

What a coincidence!! My DD12 came home from her Lutheran School with the story about how a child in class asked the teacher about he painting of the Last Supper. The teacher made it very clear that the painting, The DaVinci Code, etc were NOT to be discussed during class. She did mention that it was a work of fiction but they were not going to discuss it. She didn't make a big deal of it at all, just made herself clear. I thought she handled it very well considering that the ad for the movie is on TV every 5 minutes. It's definately going to come up in every "christian" school in the next few weeks.

 

[Jennasis]

Keep on keeping on. The Catholic church schools HAVE to push their agenda...it's simply what they do. By sending you son there, you are taking that chance that instance like this will crop up. You are doing the best you can by calmly discussing your opposing views with him at home and allowing him to make up his own mind. Tell him that, in the future if he feels uncomfortable with what's being discussed, to bring it up for discussion at dinner with you and the family, and that the Catholic school is very specific in what they believe and WILL get very vehement about their opinions.

Both subjects you mention don't surprise me. The Davinci Code is a very hot topic in the church right now, and the subject of homosexuality has ALWAYS been a touchy one as well. Just wait till they start harping on pre-marital sex, abortion and a few other things!

 

[wvrevy]

I'm afraid I don't have any advice to offer (as my views on religion in general are pretty well known around here ), but I want to offer you a HUGE for the way you handled the situation! I particular agree with your comment of ignoring people who tell you you "shouldn't" read or see that, based on their beliefs. It's exactly what I plan to tell my DD if she is ever in a similar situation.

 

[AllyandJack]

Some wonderful things said to me in my Catholic school:

1. If your mother had you before she was married to your father, she's a (word that begins with w and ends in e). This was because we recently got a new student whose parents weren't married.

2. If your parents' bedroom door is closed, don't bother them. They're probably having sex - even during the day. No idea what prompted this lovely tidbit.

3. My 8th grade teacher stood certain kids in the class up and told us all off. So-and-so was boring. So-and-so was boy crazy. So-and-so couldn't be trusted. So-and-so needed to lose weight before high school because she'll be made of.


So, yeah, inappropriate subjects have been touched on in Catholic schools for many years - I graduated from mine in 1990. That was 8th grade. I was going to a public high school because it was my choice and I had enough. They told me I'd be a drug addict and pregnant in a year. As you can see by my signature - they were wrong.

Anyway....knowing that I don't agree with their teachings, I wouldn't send my kids there. I got a fantastic education and was lightyears ahead of my classmates in high school who went to public school, but I'll send my kids to a regular private school and not a Catholic school. Besides, they probably wouldn't be welcome since they'll probably be the result of IVF and we all know how they feel about that. Knowing what I know, I won't be sending my kids to Catholic school even though it is a family tradition.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think you handled it just fine. I would just use the topic's of the day for discussion at home, like any other thing.

I believe the "fervor" is due to the movie being such a hot button topic.

We are lapsed Catholic's and my girl's go to public school. Trust me, there are no shortage of topic's to discuss in ANY school!

 

[DisneyDotty]

I'm Catholic.
I'm wondering if it isn't worth pursuing what the teacher said, particularly about homosexuals, as I don't think the teacher was following Church doctrine here. You might want to discuss this issue with the principal. Personally, I find it to be unacceptable that a teacher ANYWHERE would say that a person will go to hell if he/she is gay. Does the princpal know the teacher is spouting this nonsense?
If my kid came home telling me this is what he was learning in school, I'd seriously consider homeschooling.
My heart goes out to you.

 

[Cool-Beans]

In all my years of Catholic school, sex wasn't discussed. **** or Hetero. The closes we got was studies of the reproductive systems.

The church does not view homosexuality as a mortal sin. The sin is sex before marriage, just like for heterosexuals. You might want to refer the teacher to her catechism.

There are people who think the Davinci Code thing is real. For a teacher to point out that it is a book - Fiction! - is appropriate. The Vatican has called for a boycott, but there is no longer a "Legion of Decency" and even when there was the C movies were almost exclusively porn. I'm a Catholic, and I'm seeing it tonight...it is getting TERRIBLE reviews, so my hopes aren't up high.

 

[Laura]

Well, I remember being in Catholic school and we never discussed homosexuality, especially not in the 5th grade. Gay bashing isn't part of the Catholic belief system, however. "Love the sinner, hate the sin" is. I don't think anything along the lines of The DaVinci Code would have even been mentioned at the school I attended.

Sounds like one of the teachers is a little "off", and I doubt this sort of thing is going on in every classroom. But since you choose to send your son there, you'll probably just have to suck it up.

 

[georgina]

Personally, I would take it up with the principal. It sounds like the teacher overstepped her bounds. The Catholic church does not teach that gays are going to hell. Only God can judge. It teaches that homosexual acts are sinful, but we are to treat all human beings as children of God.

 

[Christine]

Anyway....knowing that I don't agree with their teachings, I wouldn't send my kids there. I got a fantastic education and was lightyears ahead of my classmates in high school who went to public school, but I'll send my kids to a regular private school and not a Catholic school. Besides, they probably wouldn't be welcome since they'll probably be the result of IVF and we all know how they feel about that. Knowing what I know, I won't be sending my kids to Catholic school even though it is a family tradition.

I certainly understand why you would choose that but, what would you do if the only school you could send your child to had gangs, "daily" incidents? It's a pretty bad place. My DD was in a fine public elementary school and, in 6th grade, she started at this school. We kept her there for a total of 45 days. It was terrible. Just can't do it.

But, I do agree that if a good public school was an option, we would be there.

 

[Christine]

Sounds like one of the teachers is a little "off", and I doubt this sort of thing is going on in every classroom. But since you choose to send your son there, you'll probably just have to suck it up.

Yes, my DD never had any problems that I heard of. I *thought* the teacher was fairly normal. Hmmm. As far as the gay bashing--I think that the other boys in the class started in on that. I just think she opened up a can of worms that did not have to be opened in a 5th grade classroom.

 

[Christine]

Personally, I would take it up with the principal. It sounds like the teacher overstepped her bounds. The Catholic church does not teach that gays are going to hell. Only God can judge. It teaches that homosexual acts are sinful, but we are to treat all human beings as children of God.

The principal is a nun and she scares me.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I can sympathize because my kids also attend a parochial school of which we are not members. We are Methodist and they attend an Evangelical Lutheran School.

One big one a couple of years ago was when a 5th Grade Teacher was discussing suicide. My son had recently lost a cousin to suicide and it hit him hard. He came home in tears. I called her that afternoon and we worked it out .... according to her, what she said was "Suicide is a Sin because God gave you your life."

What my son heard was:
"If you commit suicide, you will go to Hell."

I suspect the truth of what actually was said in class is somewhere between the two versions. She also said to me "If I had been aware that your son had been personally affected by suicide, I would have been much more careful in class." To which I replied, "in matters like that, you need to be much more careful in class REGARDLESS of whether or not you are aware of any personal stories."

 

[JudicialTyranny]

I guess what I'm asking is, is this par for the course in the Catholic School?

Uhh, so you are asking if it is par for the course for Catholic schools to teach Catholicism?

The Catholic Church does teach that homosexuality is wrong, and the Church does "condemn" movies (for a variety of reasons). Everyone has the free will to ignore those teachings, with the appropriate consequences.

As for Da Vinci Code, it is fiction, but its author claims it is based on "facts" (which he often gets wrong or have poor foundations, such as relying on a painting that was painted 1500 years after the event).

IMHO, the Catholic Church has every right, even a duty, to refute things in the movie or book that are being puported to be "facts".

Matt Lauer:

How much of this is based on reality in terms of things that actually occurred? I know you did a lot of research for the book.

Dan Brown:

Absolutely all of it. Obviously, there are--Robert Langdon is fictional, but all of the art, architecture, secret rituals, secret societies, all of that is historical fact.

http://www.booksattransworld.co.uk/danbrown/interview.htm

 

[AllyandJack]

I certainly understand why you would choose that but, what would you do if the only school you could send your child to had gangs, "daily" incidents? It's a pretty bad place. My DD was in a fine public elementary school and, in 6th grade, she started at this school. We kept her there for a total of 45 days. It was terrible. Just can't do it.

But, I do agree that if a good public school was an option, we would be there.

That was my parents' choice. I grew up in the inner city - a really bad part of Boston. The high school wasn't too bad, but the elementary schools were a nightmare. The high school was starting to go wrong while I was there (fights in the hallway, students setting teacher's desks on fire, students punching teachers) and I think I escaped before it became the place it is today....not a place I'd send my kids. Thankfully, I live in an area where there are a lot of good, private, non-religious schools. We didn't have any of those in the area where I grew up, so Catholic school was the only option. It was a brutal, abusive place (that's just MY school, I can't speak for all Catholic schools), but I got a great education. If the biggest problem is the Da Vinci Code and homosexuality, you can compensate for that stuff at home.

Our principal scared the crap out of us, too. Then, one day we were going to recess and she came out to yell at us for being loud. As she was going back into her office, she wiped out on the little rug in front of her office. It really put her into perspective! Just imagine the nun spread out on the floor - worked for us.

 

[Christine]

Uhh, so you are asking if it is par for the course for Catholic schools to teach Catholicism?

Yes, I guess so!!

I think I did not believe that they would push those agendas in a 5th grade classroom. My previous experience with them (with my DD) was predominantly biblical history, the meanings of each sin, etc. They had addressed homosexuality in her "life" class, as well as abortion, and their stance on it. It was all pretty neutral, even though they were clear where they stood.

Whatever happened yesterday was a notch or two above what I was used to hearing.

 

[Disney Doll]

I have to admit that I have a bit of a problem with someone who sends their child to a religious school that is not their own religion and then accuses the school of "pushing their agenda".

If what your son heard is what his teacher said, then I would agree with you that her vehemence about the gay community and the DaVinci code are over the top. If you're that concerned about it, muster up the courage to discuss it with the "scary nun" principal. You are the parent, the adult, and the one paying the tuition, are you not? And if you get no satisfaction from her, perhaps speak to the pastor or the bishop of the diocese. Maybe they won't be so "scary"...or...uh oh...maybe they'll be scarier. Or, maybe they'll lock you in their office and do one of those really scary Catholic rituals that everyone knows takes place, because Dan Brown says they do in his fictional book, even though no one has ever seen one.

The tone of your posting..."pushing their agenda", "scary nun"...leads me to believe that you do not present yourself as "neutrally" as you think you do. Your son is probably picking up on that, and, since he sounds like he has a teacher who is over-the-top, it is a bad combination.

If I had concerns about one of my child's teachers, I'd probably speak to the teacher and go up the school administration chain of command from there if I felt it was necessary, rather than just posting it on a DISboard.

But then again, I'm one of those kooky Catholics, so go figure!!!