Vent thread etiquette

[C.Ann]

If someone labels a thread "Vent" then I try to respect them and their desire to vent rather than butting in with a bunch of advice that wasn't asked for. It's downright rude.

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I hadn't even thought about the "vent" threads when I responded earlier.. If people specifically state it's nothing more than a "vent" and they are not asking for opinions - then that should be honored..

I don't buy this - "Well you posted on a public message board so I get to say anything I want - regardless of whether you're asking for opinions or not.." That's a load of - well - you know the rest.. I've been down that road and now when I start a thread, I specifically state whether or not I'm looking for thoughts, opinions, or suggestions.. If I'm not, anyone responding with unsolicited comments will be wasting their time and energy because I'm simply not interested in those responses..

 

[Angelhalo]

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I hadn't even thought about the "vent" threads when I responded earlier.. If people specifically state it's nothing more than a "vent" and they are not asking for opinions - then that should be honored..

I don't buy this - "Well you posted on a public message board so I get to say anything I want - regardless of whether you're asking for opinions or not.." That's a load of - well - you know the rest.. I've been down that road and now when I start a thread, I specifically state whether or not I'm looking for thoughts, opinions, or suggestions.. If I'm not, anyone responding with unsolicited comments will be wasting their time and energy because I'm simply not interested in those responses..

 

[disykat]

I'm also of the opinion that it's okay to give your opinion on any thread whether it's asked for or not, so I answered yes.

You can't truthfully say "you asked for my opinion" unless they actually did though. I don't see that as splitting hairs. Venting is not the same as asking for opinions.

Your poll doesn't answer whether venting equals asking for opinions. I would answer no to that question.

 

[robinb]

Yes, it's OK. I try not to bash the OP over the head with my opinion though. I take into account that it's a vent and the OP doesn't give a rat's butt what I think.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I can see both sides honestly. Sometimes you see a vent where the person is beingdownright offensive to a group of people or is completely failiing to take responsibility for their own mistake. I am thinking of one thread specifically. It's hard to keep your mouth shut when you see that, but hopefullly you can try to at least disagree in a respectful manner.

One thing I have noticed is that people tend to read a lot of things into threads. Things that the poster never said and may not even be true. I had that happen on a thread I posted and it seemed like no matter how many times I tried to clarify, people were going to believe what they thought was the truth.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm also of the opinion that it's okay to give your opinion on any thread whether it's asked for or not.

You can't truthfully say "you asked for my opinion" can't be said unless they actually did though. I don't see that as splitting hairs.

I don't know if you're addressing this to me.

I never said it can't be said. People can say whatever they want on their threads as far as I'm concerned. And I'll certainly respect their wishes.

What I'm asking in this thread is that in Vent threads, whether simply saying it's a vent is enough to assume that opinions are or aren't invited.

In splitting hairs, I mean that, are people really saying that each vent thread has to come with instructions? "It's a vent, but opinions and advice not welcome" or "Venting, but would also like your opinions".

 

[jemgumby]

If they are just "venting" and needing to let off steam I don't see the need to be rude and put in my two cents. However, if they are presenting their opinions on a situation I feel like it is ok for somebody to present a different viewpoint. I have seen some people get "attacked" on these boards over some really stupid stuff......

 

[bicker]

You don't need to be rude when you are putting your two cents in, jemgumby. Rudeness and comment are independent from each other.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You don't need to be rude when you are putting your two cents in, jemgumby. Rudeness and comment are independent from each other.

I was just going to say the same thing. (Owe me a beer, bicker!)

 

[disykat]

I don't know if you're addressing this to me.

I never said it can't be said. People can say whatever they want on their threads as far as I'm concerned. And I'll certainly respect their wishes.

What I'm asking in this thread is that in Vent threads, whether simply saying it's a vent is enough to assume that opinions are or aren't invited.
In splitting hairs, I mean that, are people really saying that each vent thread has to come with instructions? "It's a vent, but opinions and advice not welcome" or "Venting, but would also like your opinions".

I assumed you started this thread because on the other thread you said "you asked for my opinion" and the OP said she didn't. I agree with her - she didn't ask for your opinion. The fact that many people (including the OP of that thread) agree that it's okay to give opinions still doesn't make the statement "you asked for my opinion" true.

So, to answer your new question (I bolded above), no I don't think venting is inviting opinions. The new phrasing of the question would change my yes vote on the poll to a no.

I do not think venting is the same as asking an opinion. Sure, people are going to give them, but they weren't "asked for."

 

[MissyDVC]

Of course, you don't have to hang out here for long to learn that some people take any difference of opinion as a grave personal attack.

But there are also some people that seem to be waiting to pounce at the chance to state their opinion in a rude and unnecessary manner. PS Not meant AT above poster just in response to what they said.

 

[bicker]

I think we're getting into semantics now. Technically, posting anything in a public forum is "asking" for people to Post Reply. It says it right there under the message you post, after you post it, in white letter on a blue background:

I'm not being facetious, at least not very much so. vBulletin software has a feature whereby the OP can post a message and close the thread immediately. (You can see it in action on this vBulletin forum: LINK.) If that was the intention, here on the DIS, then the webmasters would make that feature available. They haven't, so every posting made in these forums explicitly invites a reply from every reader. And the only applicable restrictions on the replies are found HERE.

I have a Facebook page. I cannot tell you how many times I've used it to vent. I post my venting; people see it; some even reply. And if I don't like their reply, guess what? I can delete it, because it is on my wall. I highly recommend Facebook for venting.

 

[C.Ann]

And if I don't like their reply, guess what? I can delete it, because it is on my wall. I highly recommend Facebook for venting.

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Why? People can just ignore unsolicited responses here when they are simply venting and not requesting opinions.. I do it all the time..

And if someone is simply "venting", the response button could be used for this or this or this .. Doesn't have to be unsolicited opinions, snide remarks, etc., etc..

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I assumed you started this thread because on the other thread you said "you asked for my opinion" and the OP said she didn't. I agree with her - she didn't ask for your opinion. The fact that many people (including the OP of that thread) agree that it's okay to give opinions still doesn't make the statement "you asked for my opinion" true.

Appreciate your opinion. (And all opinions here, actually.) It's an interesting subject.

Have to agree with bicker once again, we are getting into semantics (or splitting hairs, as I mentioned earlier).

But since I typed the rest of my response out, I'll post it anyway.

You are correct. She did not specifically ask for my opinion. As I said, My Bad (I guess).

What surprised me was the response:

No, actually I didn't. I said in both the title, and the last sentence of my OP, that it was a vent.

Not sure how I got to 11K posts without "getting" that vent threads in and of themselves should be "hands off" unless there are specific instructions that opinions are welcome.

Always learning something new here on the Dis.

It does seem that there are plenty here who think that the mere act of posting a vent thread on a public message board invites opinions, and that that's ok.

I try not to be rude in my posts (FWIW).

So I guess it remains to be seen how one should proceed where vent threads are concerned. We may have to agree to disagree.

I do believe that many here hesitate to post when their opinions go against the majority. Which is a shame because it's always good to hear varying opinions.

 

[MissyDVC]

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And if someone is simply "venting", the response button could be used for this or this or this .. Doesn't have to be unsolicited opinions, snide remarks, etc., etc..

Agreed!

 

[disykat]

Appreciate your opinion. (And all opinions here, actually.) It's an interesting subject.

Have to agree with bicker once again, we are getting into semantics (or splitting hairs, as I mentioned earlier).

But since I typed the rest of my response out, I'll post it anyway.

You are correct. She did not specifically ask for my opinion. As I said, My Bad (I guess).

What surprised me was the response:

Not sure how I got to 11K posts without "getting" that vent threads in and of themselves should be "hands off" unless there are specific instructions that opinions are welcome.
Always learning something new here on the Dis.

It does seem that there are plenty here who think that the mere act of posting a vent thread on a public message board invites opinions, and that that's ok.

I try not to be rude in my posts (FWIW).

So I guess it remains to be seen how one should proceed where vent threads are concerned. We may have to agree to disagree.

I do believe that many here hesitate to post when their opinions go against the majority. Which is a shame because it's always good to hear varying opinions.

You quoted that she said it was a vent. She did not specifically say vents meant hands off. You inferred that. Nor did she say you had to have permission. She didn't even say your opinion was unwelcome. She simply pointed out she did not "ask for an opinion" as you claimed she had. Thank you for finally listening to that point.

It is quite clear from your poll that most people feel free to offer their opinions on vent threads - including the OP of the thread that caused you to start this thread. That doesn't mean people agree with your premise that venting implies you are asking for opinions.

You clearly are not hearing what I am saying if you think we disagree that people are allowed to voice thier opinions.

I don't get why the "semantics" argument every time someone doesn't want to argue a point. To me, it's obvious that "is it okay to offer an opinion if someone vents?" is a different question than "does venting mean you are requesting opinions?" and would get different responses in a poll.

To me, this entire argument is ABOUT the semantics of trying to determine the question being asked. IMO your poll didn't address the crux of your disagreement with the other poster.

Maybe I should start another poll asking your "does posting a vent mean you are requesting opinions" question. I'm guessing it would have a different outcome.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You quoted that she said it was a vent. She did not specifically say vents meant hands off. You inferred that. Nor did she say you had to have permission. She didn't even say your opinion was unwelcome. She simply pointed out she did not "ask for an opinion" as you claimed she had. Thank you for finally listening to that point.

It is quite clear from your poll that most people feel free to offer their opinions on vent threads - including the OP of the thread that caused you to start this thread. That doesn't mean people agree with your premise that venting implies you are asking for opinions.

You clearly are not hearing what I am saying if you think we disagree that people are allowed to voice thier opinions.

I don't get why the "semantics" argument every time someone doesn't want to argue a point. To me, it's obvious that "is it okay to offer an opinion if someone vents?" is a different question than "does venting mean you are requesting opinions?" and would get different responses in a poll.

To me, this entire argument is ABOUT the semantics of trying to determine the question being asked. IMO your poll didn't address the crux of your disagreement with the other poster.

Maybe I should start another poll asking your "does posting a vent mean you are requesting opinions" question. I'm guessing it would have a different outcome.

diseykat, I honestly don't even know where to start to address your post.

If you think I deliberately skewed anything, or simply want people to agree with me, than I think it's not even worth "arguing" with you about it anymore.

I think you should post your poll (though I don't think your wording as written is accurate). I was going to do it myself, but I think people are probably getting sick of this entire subject by now. We're beating a dead horse.

 

[bicker]

People can just ignore unsolicited responses here when they are simply venting and not requesting opinions.. I do it all the time..

There's a big difference between ignoring and deleting.

And if someone is simply "venting", the response button could be used for this or this or this ..

Facebook works for that just as well, if not better... oh, and did I mention the ability to delete replies you don't like?

 

[C.Ann]

There's a big difference between ignoring and deleting.

Facebook works for that just as well, if not better... oh, and did I mention the ability to delete replies you don't like?

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I won't go near Facebook.. LOL

I'm confused though.. What difference does it make whether you choose to "ignore" or "delete" replies you haven't solicited? Is it too tempting to go back and find yourself (general "yourself") getting upset about replies that are unsolicited?

I guess I'm having trouble because I have gotten very, very good at ignoring people/posts in the past few months if I deem it not worthy of my attention; ignoring opinions I haven't asked for; and not being drawn into all of the "fish and bait" games that go on here..

If someone specifically says that they are simply "venting" and not looking for opinions, I don't see why it's so difficult for people to honor that request.. Let's say someone starts a thread with "vent" in the title; types out their "vent"; indicates that they have already dealt with the situation the way they feel is best; and closes with, "I just needed to get that off of my chest.." What is the point of people jumping in and saying you "should" have done this - or why didn't you do "that" - or boy, that was "stupid" on your part -??

 

[bicker]

C.Ann: I think the best approach is for you to engage discussion boards the way you choose to, and let others engage discussion boards the way they choose to, and each side not second-guess each other. The folks who are posting ventings, I suppose that they can ignore replies they prefer not to see, as you suggested.