VENT! Parents That Go Too Far...

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

One of my daughter's best friend can rarely get together with the group of girls. We'll call her friend "Lisa." Well, Lisa's parents apparently want their daughter to be an over-achiver. There's nothing wrong with that, but they take it a little too far.

Everything revolves around one thing: Basketball. She has practice a few times a week, with games often. She can never get together with the girls to catch a movie or go to a sleepover. Her parents make her practice IMO way too much a week.

I understand commitment to a sport, that's not a bad thing. But when your over-commited to the point where your kid is NOT having fun anymore and missing out of events- Wouldn't you get the hint?!

Lisa is supposed to be moving across the country in a few weeks. All the girls wanted to go on a beach trip. Her parent's said that she couldn't go (It would just be a DAY trip...) because her parents wanted to practice with her for an upcoming tournament or whatever it's called.

After all, Lisa is MOVING! The girls won't see her but about once a year or even less than that. I just don't understand why a parent would over push their child into a sport like this. Yes, Lisa does like it, but she was very upset when she had to miss out on the beach trip. Now the whole thing is called off. What's the point in going if Lisa couldn't go?

Is this rediculous? Is sure do think so.. All the girls are very upset. I feel really bad for all of them.

Okay, thanks for letting me vent!

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I agree with you.

 

[NMAmy]

If Lisa is on a league or on a school basketball team, she may not have a choice about when to practice. For dd's high school team, basketball practice in the summer is required 3 days a week every week (except 4th of July) from the first day school got out until school starts in the fall. And two week long required basketball camps.

My dd had a choice and decided she didn't want to participate--she'd miss too much with her friends. She'll play on an intermural league instead. However, if she did choose to participate, I'd have insisted she honor that committment.

Now, if Lisa's parents are just having her practice on her own, then it's too much and they should be more flexible.

 

[Southern4sure]

Could you call Lisa's mom and explain how the girls want to give a going away party? Maybe if you personally talk to the mom it might make a difference.

Good luck!

 

[Bbgrizzle]

That poor girl! I wonder why they are pushing her so hard. Are they hoping she'll get a scholarship because they can't afford college? Even if that is the case, she deserves to be happy. Quite possibly she'll grow to resent basketball if it is crammed down her throat.

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

That poor girl! I wonder why they are pushing her so hard. Are they hoping she'll get a scholarship because they can't afford college? Even if that is the case, she deserves to be happy. Quite possibly she'll grow to resent basketball if it is crammed down her throat.

I agree. It's really pretty sad, actually.

 

[Laurajean1014]

I don't know if Lisa is unhappy. Only Lisa can say for sure. Many children are in competitive sports and it's a great character builder. It also teaches the children commitment and disipline. However, anything can go too far.

If Lisa is as good as it seems by her commitment level, then she is probably going to go far (college scholarship) with it. She must be very good and if it doesn't affect her grades (usually these kids have a high grade average) then there is no problem.

This maybe a way the family is "cutting" off to get ready for the move. It maybe difficult for any child and they are protecting her??

Either way, if she or her parents don't want her to go, don't force the issue - just wish her the best.

 

[barkley]

did you watch bravo's 'sports kids mom and dads'? it was insane-the little kid whose dad schedualed his every waking hour (and there was not much time devoted to sleep) to football practice, 'networking' (being the water boy) at the adult low level paid games his dad coached, personal trainers. the girl whose mom had gone to college on a basketball scholarship but got pregnant with her and had to drop off-so now the daughter had to "make sure she did'nt make the same mistakes"-so it was purpetual basketball training, games-with mom as the highschool coach (and no dating or social events-it might distract her). the little girl (maybe first or second grade) who regularly missed school because she was too exhausted from cheerleading practice, dance classes, and competitions. it was sad and sick.

i had friends growing up whose parents did this but it was more oriented to dance, theatre and music. they truly loved it when they started doing it, but years of it being something they had to do at the cost of having any free time-for alot of them it totaly soured any interest they initialy had (and caused some major family issues when they chose to go on to career paths as far removed from that activity as possible, major resentment on both the parents and the kid's part).

 

[monarchsfan16]

Can I just ask, how old is this girl? Also, the practice that her parents are forcing on her, is it practice at home, or practices with the team?

 

[MELISAZACK]

I am not sure if I agree or disagree and here is why - we don't know 100% of the facts - my DS8 plays teir 1 AAA ice hockey - guess what -we do the same thing with him - at almost 3k a year plus travel you chose this we didn't force it you want to be at this level and do this then you sometimes miss on other things...We get them in when we can - BUT he has had experiences that other boys/girls his age will never or may never have....CAN/AM games
Nationals -ect....we mainly make it his choice to tryout every year but, once the commitment is made that is it....Honestly - him and a few other boys
will choose extra tourneys with other teams when invitied instead of going on vacation sometimes....So it might not necessarly be totally the parents!
and My family feels the way you do sometimes but we say ask DS he says hockey and we just smile!!! I also grew up in a similar situation and didn't get to do all the stuff others did but looking back now would I change how it happened?? NO WAY i have things most kids could only dream of accomplishing or going to...

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

She's 14. Her parents, this time, want her to practice at home. I just think a kid should be a kid. Not trying to start a conflict, just needed to vent that out.

 

[VSL]

I am not sure if I agree or disagree and here is why - we don't know 100% of the facts

Same here.

 

[vsimeone]

I have to play devil's advocate also. Certainly, I don't know the situation and if Lisa truly is not enjoying basketball, that is a whole nother issue but... my DD18 lived, ate, breathed soccer (and still does to some extent) for about 6 years. It was by her choice - not ours. Although we enabled it by paying for club teams and training and travel etc.. as she asked for it. I can't tell you how many school dances she missed out on to practice with the ODP team (Olympic Development Program) and again, by HER choice. I suppose perhaps, an outsider may have thought that we were "pushy" parents but I said from day one and stuck to it that she could quit at ANY time and the first time it wasn't fun anymore - we were done enabling. She is going on to play on a college team next month and still LOVES the game. I think she just went through high school a little differently than others but I think she would tell you that she loved those years just the same.

As I said, certainly, we have seen our share of parents who have "forced" their kids into sports and activities and if this is the case with Lisa, that is very unfortunate. I am hoping that she is deciding to put the emphasis on basketball on her own.

Good luck!

 

[Daxx]

Well, Lisa's parents apparently want their daughter to be an over-achiver. There's nothing wrong with that, but they take it a little too far.

According to who - you? Might Lisa's parents be hopeful for a scholarship so Lisa can go to a good school? Have you asked Lisa what she's thought about this b/c all I see is what you think of it.

Her parents make her practice IMO way too much a week.

Again, according to who? Maybe this is what Lisa wants to do. If you want to be good at a sport, good enough to get a college scholarship or turn pro, you have to make it your life. You can't just sit on the sofa and hope to be good!

I understand commitment to a sport, that's not a bad thing. But when your over-commited to the point where your kid is NOT having fun anymore and missing out of events- Wouldn't you get the hint?!

Now this strikes a chord w/me. DS is on the Jr. Ski Team. He competes at levels that could, if he kept it up and continued to do as well as he is, get him on the US Ski Team which could take him to the Olympics. It was his choice to do this last year and took out a massive chunk of his time. Every single weekend was dedicated to practice or races. Every Mon., Weds. and Fri. he had practice from 4 until 7 pm. On Tues. and Thurs., he asked to go to the ski resort to practice on his own. Christmas vacation was spent entirely on the ski slopes. It was a lot of time and dedication on his part but it was HE who chose to do this ... not me!!!!! I did not push him whatsoever ... but, I'm sure that to many parents, I was the one who pushed him and made him practice and not attend friends bday parties and other outings. It wasn't me ... it was his love of the sport and his choice!!!!! How do you know Lisa isn't having fun? Has Lisa complained to you about it? How do you know that Lisa isn't trying to get a college scholarship and that, perhaps, B-ball might be her only way to get into a good college?! Maybe Lisa doesn't mind missing the events? Again, all you're talking about is how YOU feel, not how Lisa feels!

Lisa is supposed to be moving across the country in a few weeks. All the girls wanted to go on a beach trip. Her parent's said that she couldn't go (It would just be a DAY trip...) because her parents wanted to practice with her for an upcoming tournament or whatever it's called.

There has to be a reason why Lisa practices so much -- what's the reason?

After all, Lisa is MOVING! The girls won't see her but about once a year or even less than that. I just don't understand why a parent would over push their child into a sport like this. Yes, Lisa does like it, but she was very upset when she had to miss out on the beach trip. Now the whole thing is called off. What's the point in going if Lisa couldn't go? [/b]

What makes you think that the parents are pushing Lisa? Again, it may have appeared that I was pushing DS into skiing, but it was his choice and he made the team. Maybe Lisa enjoys the sport so much and she's to embarrased to say "it's what I want to do" so blames her parents. Why didn't you check w/her parents before planning this trip to find a good date? There has to be one date that's good for Lisa.

Is this rediculous? Is sure do think so.. All the girls are very upset. I feel really bad for all of them.

You might feel it's ridiculous, but for someone who hopes to turn pro or get a scholarship to college, it isn't. I think that whomever planned this little trip should've consulted w/Lisa's parents before planning it.

I'm sorry ... but you've said very little about how Lisa feels about all of her training and practice. You've just said how unfair it is and how you don't agree w/it. I'd love more info. on how Lisa feels b/c you've barely mentioned her feelings except to say that she's sad to miss this beach party which went planned w/o notifying her parents in advance!

Talk to the kids who are so "Olympic bound" and how they train. Usually, it's not the parents who are pushing them ... they do it b/c they want to do it and want to "go for the gold".

I wish you would've written about how Lisa felt over how you felt.

 

[monarchsfan16]

She's 14. Her parents, this time, want her to practice at home. I just think a kid should be a kid. Not trying to start a conflict, just needed to vent that out.

Not a parent, but in that case, I agree with you. If I were in her shoes, I'd be unbelievably ticked that my parents wouldn't let me take one last day to spend with my friends. One additional day of practice at home isn't going to do anything except wear her out. But that's a moot point, because while my parents want us committed to whatever we choose to do, they insist that we have a life

 

[Laurajean1014]

She's 14. Her parents, this time, want her to practice at home. I just think a kid should be a kid. Not trying to start a conflict, just needed to vent that out.

But she is not your child and the actions give no indication that she is being mis-treated. Some kids live for sports, some do not. Each kid is different and that's the beauty of it all.

Has your daughter and her friends gone to her basketball games? Is she an ace? Are the games exciting?

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

Sorry, everyone. Didn't mean to make an issue out of it. I just needed to vent it out. It was bothering me. That's all.

 

[pozey]

One of my daughter's best friend can rarely get together with the group of girls. We'll call her friend "Lisa." Well, Lisa's parents apparently want their daughter to be an over-achiver. There's nothing wrong with that, but they take it a little too far.

Everything revolves around one thing: Basketball. She has practice a few times a week, with games often. She can never get together with the girls to catch a movie or go to a sleepover. Her parents make her practice IMO way too much a week.

I understand commitment to a sport, that's not a bad thing. But when your over-commited to the point where your kid is NOT having fun anymore and missing out of events- Wouldn't you get the hint?!

Lisa is supposed to be moving across the country in a few weeks. All the girls wanted to go on a beach trip. Her parent's said that she couldn't go (It would just be a DAY trip...) because her parents wanted to practice with her for an upcoming tournament or whatever it's called.

After all, Lisa is MOVING! The girls won't see her but about once a year or even less than that. I just don't understand why a parent would over push their child into a sport like this. Yes, Lisa does like it, but she was very upset when she had to miss out on the beach trip. Now the whole thing is called off. What's the point in going if Lisa couldn't go?

Is this rediculous? Is sure do think so.. All the girls are very upset. I feel really bad for all of them.

Okay, thanks for letting me vent!

A few things....

How old is "Lisa"? If she is less than 10 years old, then I might agree with the possibility of burnout if she practices as mucha as you say. If she is older than 10, then I would not have a problem with playing basketball that much.

You say that "Lisa" is not having fun. Did "Lisa" say she wasn't having fun playing basketball, or are you just assuming that because you would not have fun playing basketball a lot that she isn't having fun either.

If you truly want to have a little going away party for "Lisa", why not just invite her and her friends over to your house for an hour or so for cake and ice cream instead of an all-day beach trip event?

Like NMAmy said, maybe she cannot miss practice.

I have two boys that are very involved in sports. They LOVE practicing and playing. My 10 year old DS wants desparately to make the Olympic swim team someday. He is only required to go to swim practice twice a week, but ASKS me to take him more often. My 7 year old DS plays baseball and just recently joined his older brother on the swim team.

 

[Hannathy]

I agree that is too much pratice.
Also so few collages are giving out sport schollarships any more that unless you are the 6 foot tall basket ball star in high school you dont get one. This is why so many kids are doing things like blowing out their knees at the age of 16 beause they do the same sport that uses the same muscles. and if you get injured bye bye scholarship.

 

[Daxx]

Didn't mean to make an issue out of it.

Yeah, but everything seems to get turned into an issue here!