Vent....MIL

[bookgirl]

Sorry but I don't buy that this is a "grandparents" rights. Yes they should have a few lax rules with grandparents. Ice Cream for breakfast, a mcdonalds run, late bedtimes and movies till dawn go for it, grandparents deserve a certain amount of leeway for spoiling.

However, if there are rules that involve big things then a any grandparent who respects their children should be following that guideline.

My mom (okay and me) spoil my nephews to a certain extent with an extra coke or a $20 dollar shopping spree every so often, but when my brother or my exSIL says he doesn't want them eating all junk food or that they don't need any new toys we respect that and find other ways to spoil.

 

[aprilgail2]

I think I would turn it into a lesson on how to be grateful and write thank-you notes. Their grandparents won't always be there, why not let the kids enjoy the gifts they receive instead of turning it into an issue?

.

I agree-why not just take the money they saved when its enough to pay for a DS and put it in the bank for them-

 

[arielmomma]

I think the big issue here is the kids were saving up for the game and grandma gave it to them

So instead of the kids learning how to save for things they want, it is handed to them

I get it, this is a hard one. Your DH needs to address this with his mother. Other than frisking her on her way in, hard to make her stop

I feel your pain

I agree with this. We have the same problem with my in-laws. But my mil doesn't respect our wishes on any front, so I have no great advice or viable solution. I do agree that the first step is to have DH speak with her. Maybe ask her to "give" to the children in other ways. I just wanted to say good luck and I feel your pain.

 

[Piper]

I am a grandma and I do not think grandparents should go against parent's wishes. A grandparent doesn't have to "buy" a child's love. The gift of time is more important. I believe children value "things" too much and when they have so much "stuff" it is difficult to appreciate it.

Some of my favorite memories of my grandparents involve taking a walk on a Sunday afternoon. Sitting by a ditch catching crawfish. Sitting in their laps while they read to me. Kneading bread, making blackberry jelly after a morning spent picking the blackberries (and consequently their putting Calamine lotion on the chigger bites!!!)

It sounds like the grandma equates things with love and that is just not a good equation!

 

[srferson]

I am a grandma and I do not think grandparents should go against parent's wishes.

Yay! A grandmother that actually respects that her children are the parents!

I'm sad to see how many people say 'Let it be. Grandparents have a right to spoil kids any way they want.'

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I am a grandma and I do not think grandparents should go against parent's wishes. A grandparent doesn't have to "buy" a child's love. The gift of time is more important. I believe children value "things" too much and when they have so much "stuff" it is difficult to appreciate it.

Some of my favorite memories of my grandparents involve taking a walk on a Sunday afternoon. Sitting by a ditch catching crawfish. Sitting in their laps while they read to me. Kneading bread, making blackberry jelly after a morning spent picking the blackberries (and consequently their putting Calamine lotion on the chigger bites!!!)

It sounds like the grandma equates things with love and that is just not a good equation!

It would be wonderful if all grandparents enjoyed spending time with children. My MIL enjoys telling everyone she works with how much time she spends with them, time that's actually spent snapping a picture of them playing while she's on the computer (yes, at my house) playing pogo or whatever so when she goes to work she can show off her grandchildren and talk about all of the cute stuff they do. The last time she was here my 5yo said "Grandma, wanna come see the new trick I can do on my bike?" And she said "Can't I just rest?" in an exasperated tone. She had just stopped at our house to visit on her way home from eating dinner at a restaurant. Unfortunately for her he'll probably never ask again, the older kids don't.

So if the OP's MIL shows affection by buying gifts I still think she shoud let her. She bought them a DS, not a gun or something. That's what she knows, or equates with being a Grandmother, maybe it was how she was shown love by her grandparents.

 

[disneyjunkie]

There are plenty of grandparents that enjoy spending both time and money on/with the grandchildren. My parents did both.

Anyone else notice most of the moms complaining on this thread are complaining about MILs?

 

[aprilgail2]

Anyone else notice most of the moms complaining on this thread are complaining about MILs?

Yup---I am glad I don't have a son so I won't have to deal with a witch of a daughter in law.

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

There are plenty of grandparents that enjoy spending both time and money on/with the grandchildren. My parents did both.

I agree. It doesn't sound like MIL is buying the kids something and that's it, she's buying something while and in addition to spending time with them. Just because a grandparent enjoys spoiling their grandkids doesn't mean they equate things with love.

 

[ShannonMB]

There are plenty of grandparents that enjoy spending both time and money on/with the grandchildren. My parents did both.

Anyone else notice most of the moms complaining on this thread are complaining about MILs?

I think all issues dealing with DH's mother need to be addressed and handled by DH. If DH doesn't deal with his mom on your behalf, then your problem is with DH. JMHO!

 

[jmpurdy]

I think all issues dealing with DH's mother need to be addressed and handled by DH. If DH doesn't deal with his mom on your behalf, then your problem is with DH. JMHO!

Most MIL/daughter in-law issues escalate because the SON won't stand up to his mommy. Agree totally that he needs to do this and mean it. If he just does it because his wife (DIL) wants him too, the mother will see right through it. Time to be his own person and be united with his wife (his family now) and do it now or there will be control issues for the rest of his mother's life. Sad, but true.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Most MIL/daughter in-law issues escalate because the SON won't stand up to his mommy. Agree totally that he needs to do this and mean it. If he just does it because his wife (DIL) wants him too, the mother will see right through it. Time to be his own person and be united with his wife (his family now) and do it now or there will be control issues for the rest of his mother's life. Sad, but true.

The husband also needs to stand up his wife when she is out of line. I know there are some monster mother in laws out, but there are many daughter in laws that are just as bad.

 

[Deb & Bill]

Most MIL/daughter in-law issues escalate because the SON won't stand up to his mommy. Agree totally that he needs to do this and mean it. If he just does it because his wife (DIL) wants him too, the mother will see right through it. Time to be his own person and be united with his wife (his family now) and do it now or there will be control issues for the rest of his mother's life. Sad, but true.

It might be because the son married a woman just like dear old mom. Two strong women fighting against each other is not good.