Vent....MIL

[Harlie]

How many times or ways can I tell the woman to stop buying my kids toysAnd games unless its their bday or xmas!!! She complains to us how she is always broke and the goes out and buys the kids a nintento ds and 3 games!!!

We were trying to teach our kids some money managment skills by encouraging them to save up for the ds they have been "dying" for. They were soo close and MIL decides to go out and buy it for them!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!! She ruined it for them! Now we had to play big bad evil parents and send it back to her house! We told the kids it is not theirs and it is staying at grandmas!

We told MIL what we were trying to do with getting them to save and learn some money managment skills the last time she pulled this crap she said she understood and goes behind our backs and does it anyway!

Its like she is purposly trying to irriate us!!!

Grrrr! How can I get the message through to this woman who whines to us about money issues and then goes and buys our kids crap they don't need!

Thanks for the vent

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Not sure how her decision to buy them a gift hurt your spending lessons with your children. I mean, you aren't pulling her finances into their "lessons" are you?

Sounds like you and the MiL are in the middle of a power struggle, and you are both using the kids as your battle ground...

 

[Deb & Bill]

I bet she wants to do something for your children. Maybe you and she can talk about non-monetary things she can do for/with the kids. Like bake cookies with them, go to the park together. I'm sure she is just dying to spend some time with them.

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

Honestly? You can't. Well, I mean you can, but it won't do any good. That's what grandparents do. I think it's hardwired once your kids have kids.

One set of DS's grandparents send him ridiculous stuff he'd never use or stuff that has a million tiny pieces or whatever. If he decides he wants to keep something, he has to get rid of something else to make room for it. If he doesn't want it, it goes into the the donations, JBF or re-gift tote. They'd be heartbroken if we declined a gift or asked them to stop, so we graciously accept and choose one of the above options.

 

[Pumbaa_]

I think the big issue here is the kids were saving up for the game and grandma gave it to them

So instead of the kids learning how to save for things they want, it is handed to them

I get it, this is a hard one. Your DH needs to address this with his mother. Other than frisking her on her way in, hard to make her stop

I feel your pain

 

[disneyjunkie]

You can't stop her.

she didn't hurt your money lesson. The kids can always use the saved to make another purchase or bank it.

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

Why not have the kids pay her for the DS? She may not take it, but you can and bank it for a rainy day.

 

[daisyduck123]

Start donating the gifts to charity. That'll get her to stop.

 

[think-like-tink]

I say enjoy it. For b-day and Christmas I have to buy gifts for my kids and put from Gramma and Grampa. We too get the we are broke woe is me....and they are not. We just live to far away for her to buy things and send them. I get it, I do know how expensive it CAN be to spend on shipping. I also know how little it can be too. Anyway, I say enjoy it. Maybe throw in a comment about just watching a movie together or come over for dinner and play a family board game.

 

[luvsJack]

Couldn't you have just put the ds away and told them when they saved up the money equal to the ds, they could have it? Then when they got the money saved they could have used it to buy games and accessories--or even better, a really nice gift for grandma?

Maybe she buys them things because she wants them to have them but she really cannot afford the things? Maybe you could have a heart to heart that the kids would rather make cookies with her than have her buy them things (because that is probably true) and that you hate to see her buying such big ticket items when you know her finances are tight.

But, like a pp said--enjoy it. DD has missed a lot by losing her grandfather when she was a baby.

 

[crysplefty]

I can feel your pain. My MIL thinks she is in control of our kids too. She has no respect for our parenting and rules. She puts coke in our toddler's sippy cup, knowing we only allow her to have soft drinks on rare occasions such as eating out or parties. She'll ask if she can watch the kids for the day when we are at work, but yet when I drop them off and give her instructions she takes the kid and walks off while I'm talking, so if our kids need medicine they don't get it since MIL is not concerned about listening to instructions. I could go on and on about the stunts she pulls, but I don't have time. Have DH talk to her now and put a stop to it before it gets way out of hand. She is obviously not respecting your authority over your kids, especially since you told her beforehand you were having the kids save money for the DS so that they can learn the value of money.

 

[Reagan&Co.]

I would have the $$ the kids saved and have them open a 529 for education. Trust me, you will appreciate it later...and so will they. Financial lesson still intact!

 

[beaniebeepooh]

I have a similar problem. My daughter is only turning 3 in March and my inlaws fill up their car with presents every time they come to see her! She's their only grandchild, so I understand they want to get her presents, but we are running out of room in our house. My husband fights with them all the time about it, but they just don't listen. If you come up with a solution, please let me know!!!

 

[disykat]

I agree with you OP. I've always been very thankful my kid's grandparents didn't try to spoil them with monetary things - specifically because that goes against our parenting goals.

I just had to click on to see how many people told you it shouldn't bother you. The DIS didn't let me down!

Personally, I think a smart gift giver sticks with giving gifts that don't intentionally sabotage the parent's plans. Since it was apparent they knew the parents already had a plan in place for those items they should have stayed out of it. They could have easily taken them to the movies or some other "spoiling" thing that wasn't specifically sabatoging the parents.

 

[maggieusa]

I am sorry but you should let them have the game grandmas and grandpas were made to spoil their grandkids. It was a gift so take it that way. You really need to fix this problem you have with your MIL .

 

[princessmom29]

What about suggeting that rather than a toy, she bring them a book? We did this with my MIL and now every time she comes in (they live out of state) she brings a couple of books rather than all the toys.

 

[GoofyFairie]

How many times or ways can I tell the woman to stop buying my kids toysAnd games unless its their bday or xmas!!! She complains to us how she is always broke and the goes out and buys the kids a nintento ds and 3 games!!!

We were trying to teach our kids some money managment skills by encouraging them to save up for the ds they have been "dying" for. They were soo close and MIL decides to go out and buy it for them!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!! She ruined it for them! Now we had to play big bad evil parents and send it back to her house! We told the kids it is not theirs and it is staying at grandmas!

We told MIL what we were trying to do with getting them to save and learn some money managment skills the last time she pulled this crap she said she understood and goes behind our backs and does it anyway!

Its like she is purposly trying to irriate us!!!

Grrrr! How can I get the message through to this woman who whines to us about money issues and then goes and buys our kids crap they don't need!

Thanks for the vent

OP, I am with you on this one. Grandparents don't need to shower the kids with gifts and I would have sent the ds back to grandmas too. You are doing a great thing teaching your kids the value of money and how to manage it properly. I think if you refuse enough times she'll stop. Just keep telling her to spend time with them. That is most important.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I think I would turn it into a lesson on how to be grateful and write thank-you notes. Their grandparents won't always be there, why not let the kids enjoy the gifts they receive instead of turning it into an issue?

To be honest, I would really appreciate it if my MIL would buy my kids ANYTHING or pay some attention to what they would like to have. But she gives them each $5 and a card for their birthdays and a specific $15-$20 gift for Christmas after she asks them what they want and they tell her exactly what to buy. There's no thought involved at all and while the kids do appreciate that she gives them anything, they get a little sad when they hear that other kids are spoiled by their grandparents when they are not (and MIL can afford to do so). Not to mention how much it would help my budget.

I don't know if this would work for you, but one thing MIL has done that has been great is given the kids jobs to earn money when she knows they're saving for something. My oldest two help mow her yard, the younger ones sweep her sidewalks/driveway, they wash her car and other odd jobs. Maybe you could suggest something like that.

 

[Nancyg56]

Couldn't you have just put the ds away and told them when they saved up the money equal to the ds, they could have it? Then when they got the money saved they could have used it to buy games and accessories--or even better, a really nice gift for grandma?

.

I would do this. Thank MIL but put the game away until teh kids have the money saved, They can then put the money in the bank or use it in a way you feel is appropriate. MIL will get the message, the kids will still need to save. I know it is not the way you wanted your lesson to play bu tit can work.

 

[pilotwife_02]

I understand your frustration.

If you decided that your kids will keep the gift perhaps they could use some of the money they saved up to buy gifts for a needy family or donate it to a charity