Vent! Husband is driving me crazy!

[jazzielady]

I left my job on sick leave last Sept. and officially retired due to disability on Jan. 1 of this year. So basically, all this past school year I have become accustomed to peace and quiet time during the day while the kiddos were at school and hubby at work.

He worked as a school teacher and retired at the end of this year.

Now summer is here and hubby expects my full-time attention. The kids pretty much entertain themselves. Normally he would be out doing yard work and tending to the garden, but it's been to hot to be outside for long. I realize that even without us retiring we'd be home anyway, but it just seems like he's more "needy" than ever before.

It's making me nuts! I like my alone time. Gives me an opportunity to do things on my own without him watching over me or just do nothing.

I hate to think of what will come once the kids go back to school in the fall and it's just me and him day after day, month after month. We've had a lot of problems recently, and I can just feel them bubbling to the surface again. I'm afraid we may not even make it through the summer at this rate.

OK rant over, if you've read this, thanks. Any suggestions or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

 

[MIGrandma]

I've heard of women wishing their husbands would go back to work, after they retired, because they were underfoot all the time. I think your DH needs a hobby. I hope you can work it out. I'm like you and enjoy my alone time and if DH were bugging me all day it would get to me quick.

 

[agnes!]

I think your DH needs to take over walking your three dogs. Don't they each need a separate (walking devil dog same time as the others...not a good idea) 15 minute walk *at least* twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening?...maybe that will tire him out.

Your DH, not the dogs.

agnes!

 

[AlleyKat]

Suggest he get a part time job.

 

[foolishmortal]

i love the dis sometimes, the only place where the wife is annoyed but the husband needs to leave for a hobby or pt job.

why cant the wife get a hobby that occupies a little time away from him?


sorry you are going through this and hope it all works out. I do like the dog walking solution a PP suggested

 

[HM]

Have you said anything to him, or are you letting these feelings fester?

I think you need to say something next time he's causing you to feel mad. You can word it nicely if you try. He may have no idea that he's bugging you, unless you tell him. Maybe he thinks you like having him around.

 

[Sparx]

Why don't you try volunteering somewhere once or twice a week?

 

[sbell111]

i love the dis sometimes, the only place where the wife is annoyed but the husband needs to leave for a hobby or pt job.

why cant the wife get a hobby that occupies a little time away from him?

It won't be long before someone insists that the only resolution is divorce.

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

This seems like it could be the opportunity you and your DH need to work on your marriage and the problems you feel bubbling back up. You'll both have time to work with a minister/counselor and the time to put it into action. I would want to work at that before I or DH started working at a part time job.

 

[ICF]

Perhaps part of him is wishing you were able to go back to work and then he could have his summer to himself w/o you around (which I think would have been the case before had you been working and he had been a teacher)???

 

[jazzielady]

We were both teachers, so the time off together during the summer was no problem before.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I left my job on sick leave last Sept. and officially retired due to disability on Jan. 1 of this year. So basically, all this past school year I have become accustomed to peace and quiet time during the day while the kiddos were at school and hubby at work.

He worked as a school teacher and retired at the end of this year.

Now summer is here and hubby expects my full-time attention. The kids pretty much entertain themselves. Normally he would be out doing yard work and tending to the garden, but it's been to hot to be outside for long. I realize that even without us retiring we'd be home anyway, but it just seems like he's more "needy" than ever before.

It's making me nuts! I like my alone time. Gives me an opportunity to do things on my own without him watching over me or just do nothing.

I hate to think of what will come once the kids go back to school in the fall and it's just me and him day after day, month after month. We've had a lot of problems recently, and I can just feel them bubbling to the surface again. I'm afraid we may not even make it through the summer at this rate.

OK rant over, if you've read this, thanks. Any suggestions or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

I find that I can eliminate a lot of frustration on problems like this just by talking to DH. I'd recommend sitting down with him and talking it out.

It may be he's feeling needy because it's the first time in, what, 20 years or more, that he hasn't had a course set before him. I would think that it's a kind of scary change of life for him, and would offer a suggestion to try to look at things from his point of view.

 

[blanq]

It sounds like both of you need a diversion from home: p.t. job, volunteer work, a class of some kind, etc. You say he is driving you nuts, but you may be driving him nuts too. It seems as both of you may be spending lots of time at home. You are young, per your ticker data. Not sure about your DH, but it seems like you two have a very long haul if you don't get this figured out.

I took a class, through work, on preparing for retirement (I am no where near retirement age) and learned about the importance of emotionally preparing for it, and for planning how you will spend your days. This included spouses talking about their expectations and reconciling them. Now would be a good time for the two of you to take a step back and figure all this out before you drive each other mental.

 

[ckay87]

OP, I can't see you getting a lot of sympathy on these boards for some reason. But I can relate to you. DH went from 15 years of jobs working late hours or traveling a lot to working at HOME. I spent 15 years pretty much running the show with respect to the house and kids. It may be right, it may be wrong, but it's what I've been used to for a very long time. Now he is *following up* on EVERY single issue that comes my way. Excuse blanks, errands, phone calls...asking did I do this, did I remember that? I am going insane! I leave the house a lot. Lots of time in at the gym. I've lost 20 lbs since January.

So I just wanted to relate to you and suggest also that maybe you do need to find places to go, things to do, wherever possible. Hang in there.

 

[scrapquitler]

I would venture to say that you BOTH need hobbies or something to do that occupies each of you out of the house at some point on a regular basis.

Maybe your husband needs to start golfing in the morning, and you need to go to a scrapbooking group in the afternoon or something? A little diversion and change of scenery for both of you would keep you from irritating each other.

 

[bookgirl]

i love the dis sometimes, the only place where the wife is annoyed but the husband needs to leave for a hobby or pt job.

why cant the wife get a hobby that occupies a little time away from him?
sorry you are going through this and hope it all works out. I do like the dog walking solution a PP suggested

I think it's because she was deemed unable to work due to disability. The gov seems to frown on people drawing disability AND a paycheck.

However if I was her, I'd join a book club or mom's group or something that got me out of the house.

 

[foolishmortal]

I think it's because she was deemed unable to work due to disability. The gov seems to frown on people drawing disability AND a paycheck.

However if I was her, I'd join a book club or mom's group or something that got me out of the house.

hence the word hobby not job...thanks for trying to put me in my place though.